needing to get married soon. wwyd

[Deleted User]

larrygaga

pinkrevenge said:

So the kid reached for the pot and dumped hot soup all over his arm, burning himself. It's pretty bad, but the saved up money I have right now is from a birthday card from my mom that said "Buy yourself something nice".

Do I douse my kid's arm in vinegar and wait it out until his Monday Ped appointment or just ignore the burn and hope it goes away on it's own?

Really? Money for a birthday gift from your mom? Like she couldn't be bothered to pick you out something thoughtful?

KatieinBkln

larrygaga said:

redheadbride15 said:

Okay, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and belittle this OP. Instead I offer this small piece of advice: You really need a family court lawyer and/or a social worker. If you don't know how to find one then try calling your son's pediatrician. They usually have resources available that will help you advocate for his safety and wellbeing.

You just belittled all of us trying to be the better person and not belittle OP

Anyone who doesn't take their child's safety seriously deserves worst than a little condescending chat on the internet.

Yup. It has long been my policy that I will try not to immediately judge someone harshly for writing a silly OP, or saying something thoughtless and hurtful about check-cashing neighborhoods. But what I will judge harshly is a person's response to being called out--well intentioned people often make mistakes, but well intentioned people don't double-down when someone rightly calls them out. They stop, think, and (after enough time has passed that they have stopped being angry and embarrassed and get all the indignant "how DARE theys" out of their system privately) apologize.

Nobody popped in after the initial OP to say "You're the worst at parenting!" A few people expressed confusion about why a wedding was even remotely important in the face of OP's much more serious issues surrounding her child's safety, but even those responses were respectful and were asking an honest question. People only got "belittling" (ed. note: JFC) after the OP decided to double-down and insist that we're all a bunch of shrews and she's gonna do both because SHE CAN, OKAY. 

Cause and effect. 

VulgarGirl

pinkrevenge said:

So the kid reached for the pot and dumped hot soup all over his arm, burning himself. It's pretty bad, but the saved up money I have right now is from a birthday card from my mom that said "Buy yourself something nice".

Do I douse my kid's arm in vinegar and wait it out until his Monday Ped appointment or just ignore the burn and hope it goes away on it's own?

This kid seems to be a lot of work. Try leaving him at the local fire station or perhaps on the steps of a church.

AlexisA01

So I read this thread with some confusion and went into a staff meeting. Why am I even more confused before the staff meeting. I did some research and either the OP has a lawyer from a lifetime movie or I'm just not connecting the dots. I am glad y'all did quotes since she is deleting the messages. 

[Deleted User]

lacqueredlover

How do you have a little over a year until your wedding if it's a Fall wedding?  To me, that would mean Fall 2016 which is at least a year and a half until your wedding.

Just saying.  Math.

redheadbride15

larrygaga said:

redheadbride15 said:

Okay, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and belittle this OP. Instead I offer this small piece of advice: You really need a family court lawyer and/or a social worker. If you don't know how to find one then try calling your son's pediatrician. They usually have resources available that will help you advocate for his safety and wellbeing.

You just belittled all of us trying to be the better person and not belittle OP

Anyone who doesn't take their child's safety seriously deserves worst than a little condescending chat on the internet.

I never said I didn't agree with you all I'm sure the OP stopped following this thread a long time ago anyway...

novella1186

lacqueredlover said:

How do you have a little over a year until your wedding if it's a Fall wedding?  To me, that would mean Fall 2016 which is at least a year and a half until your wedding.

Just saying.  Math.

No you don't get it. Fall will happen when she tells it to happen, because it's her special day. 

lacqueredlover

redheadbride15 said:

larrygaga said:

redheadbride15 said:

Okay, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and belittle this OP. Instead I offer this small piece of advice: You really need a family court lawyer and/or a social worker. If you don't know how to find one then try calling your son's pediatrician. They usually have resources available that will help you advocate for his safety and wellbeing.

You just belittled all of us trying to be the better person and not belittle OP

Anyone who doesn't take their child's safety seriously deserves worst than a little condescending chat on the internet.

I never said I didn't agree with you all I'm sure the OP stopped following this thread a long time ago anyway...

I would bet money she's still following it. You dont' start this kind of stuff and disappear

lovegood90

lacqueredlover said:

redheadbride15 said:

larrygaga said:

redheadbride15 said:

Okay, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and belittle this OP. Instead I offer this small piece of advice: You really need a family court lawyer and/or a social worker. If you don't know how to find one then try calling your son's pediatrician. They usually have resources available that will help you advocate for his safety and wellbeing.

You just belittled all of us trying to be the better person and not belittle OP

Anyone who doesn't take their child's safety seriously deserves worst than a little condescending chat on the internet.

I never said I didn't agree with you all I'm sure the OP stopped following this thread a long time ago anyway...

I would bet money she's still following it. You dont' start this kind of stuff and disappear

You would if it's MUD. Or maybe she's still following it and cackling at us.

LakeR2014

MagicInk said:

My wife is currently pregnant. I have no genetic ties to this child and legally, it's not mine. But once the kid gets born I will adopt him/her. The bio-dad (our sperm donor) has already agreed to terminate his rights and let me adopt him/her.

Our lawyer still says it's not going to be easy because adoption is never easy. Even when everyone is on the same page.

You didn't see a lawyer, not one with a law degree anyways, if they said it would be easy.

Totally hijacking this thread for a second because (I call MUD or some serious case of selfish issues, and) - I've been under a rock and didn't know the bolded yet @MagicInk and i'm so freaking excited for you and your wife!!!! That's awesome and amazing and will be totally worth it (adoption process and all).  Congratulations to you, your wife, and your growing family!

Hijack of thread over.

theartistformerlyknownas

lacqueredlover said:

How do you have a little over a year until your wedding if it's a Fall wedding?  To me, that would mean Fall 2016 which is at least a year and a half until your wedding.

Just saying.  Math.

She meant Pennsylvania, Australia. It's fall there right now. And a year from now.

loveislouder

needsadvice22 said:

sarawifenow said:

Maybe I am dense, but what is a PFA?

 

And I'm sorry, but I am calling bullshit that the police won't do anything is someone tries to kill someone else.

It's a protection from abuse. We got it because he broke my jaw and tried to take my car with our son in it while he was drunk. He made threats to kidnap him, to kill me, and if he ever got our son back that'd I'd never see him again. And I can't move across the country because then he can get me for kidnapping for not notifying domestic relations and having a court hearing.

...Then you leave your kids with FI across the country, come back and remind them that he broke your jaw and tried to kill your kids. I don't see the problem here...

larrygaga

redheadbride15 said:

larrygaga said:

redheadbride15 said:

Okay, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and belittle this OP. Instead I offer this small piece of advice: You really need a family court lawyer and/or a social worker. If you don't know how to find one then try calling your son's pediatrician. They usually have resources available that will help you advocate for his safety and wellbeing.

You just belittled all of us trying to be the better person and not belittle OP

Anyone who doesn't take their child's safety seriously deserves worst than a little condescending chat on the internet.

I never said I didn't agree with you all I'm sure the OP stopped following this thread a long time ago anyway...

Even your smiley face is condescending. 

Blergbot

I would be using that money toward legal fees, personally, but IF you HAVE TO use that money (I assume there's more than just the deposit?) for some sort of "wedding," I would put it in a savings account and have a beautiful vow renewal after 5 years. Think of all you'd have to celebrate after everything you'll have been through together. Wouldn't it be so much more meaningful to go to the JOP and then reaffirm your love for one another at a later date instead of having a redo sham-wedding? I'm not usually big on vow renewals unless you have been through some major shit together or been married for 25+ years. If any of what you say is true, then that qualifies as major shit. I'm sure you could save up another $1,000 in five years. And to echo everyone else: priorities.

maeday2

redheadbride15 said:

larrygaga said:

redheadbride15 said:

Okay, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and belittle this OP. Instead I offer this small piece of advice: You really need a family court lawyer and/or a social worker. If you don't know how to find one then try calling your son's pediatrician. They usually have resources available that will help you advocate for his safety and wellbeing.

You just belittled all of us trying to be the better person and not belittle OP

Anyone who doesn't take their child's safety seriously deserves worst than a little condescending chat on the internet.

I never said I didn't agree with you all I'm sure the OP stopped following this thread a long time ago anyway...

relliotts

needsadvice22 said:

sarawifenow said:

Maybe I am dense, but what is a PFA?

 

And I'm sorry, but I am calling bullshit that the police won't do anything is someone tries to kill someone else.

It's a protection from abuse. We got it because he broke my jaw and tried to take my car with our son in it while he was drunk. He made threats to kidnap him, to kill me, and if he ever got our son back that'd I'd never see him again. And I can't move across the country because then he can get me for kidnapping for not notifying domestic relations and having a court hearing.

****** STUCK IN THE DAMN BOX ****

I was in a similar position. I felt my children and I were in danger. I did not have a protection order. For multiple reasons, I felt that I need to leave the state to protect my children.

Within 30 days I:

Found a job
Filed a notice with the court that I intended to move
Dealt with tons of threats and harassment from my ex
Had a hearing
Was granted rights to leave the state, based on the history between us and the documented issues.
Left the state

My ex threatened me. My children hated me. I left all of my family and friends behind. I left a job behind and went blindly somewhere where I had no ties.  I did all of this because I was truly scared for my children's (and my own) safety.

Things I did not think about:

Losing a deposit (in my case, on the home I rented - more than $1000)
Losing money spent on the move
My relationship with my S/O - or anyone but my children, for that matter
Upcoming travel/social/party plans that had to be canceled
Losing the home I owned with my ex
Losing tens of thousands of dollars by giving up everything to my ex in order to get away


Priorities.

redheadbride15

KatieinBkln said:

larrygaga said:

redheadbride15 said:

Okay, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and belittle this OP. Instead I offer this small piece of advice: You really need a family court lawyer and/or a social worker. If you don't know how to find one then try calling your son's pediatrician. They usually have resources available that will help you advocate for his safety and wellbeing.

You just belittled all of us trying to be the better person and not belittle OP

Anyone who doesn't take their child's safety seriously deserves worst than a little condescending chat on the internet.

Yup. It has long been my policy that I will try not to immediately judge someone harshly for writing a silly OP, or saying something thoughtless and hurtful about check-cashing neighborhoods. But what I will judge harshly is a person's response to being called out--well intentioned people often make mistakes, but well intentioned people don't double-down when someone rightly calls them out. They stop, think, and (after enough time has passed that they have stopped being angry and embarrassed and get all the indignant "how DARE theys" out of their system privately) apologize.

Nobody popped in after the initial OP to say "You're the worst at parenting!" A few people expressed confusion about why a wedding was even remotely important in the face of OP's much more serious issues surrounding her child's safety, but even those responses were respectful and were asking an honest question. People only got "belittling" (ed. note: JFC) after the OP decided to double-down and insist that we're all a bunch of shrews and she's gonna do both because SHE CAN, OKAY. 

Cause and effect. 

This makes a lot of sense to me. I'll admit I didn't read through the whole thread to see the OPs other posts (which I now see). I was just getting down to what seemed to be the real issue - that if she wants to protect her son she didn't seem to have her facts straight or know where to turn for information and resources.

This would be oh so much more fun if it were a MUD!

photokitty

I got 2 1/2 pages in before I couldn't read anymore...did anyone ask who long OP has been with the FI? Are you sure you're not rushing into a situation that might not be any better in the end? It would seem to me that this plan has not been a well thought out one.

If the following 3 1/2 pages address this forgive me.

FiancB

"And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated."

Then how the hell does CPS work? Surely being a documented homicidal maniac is grounds for losing parental rights? 

I call bullshit and in that case, shame on you. There are so many women that deal with similar situations with little help from law enforcement and live in very real terror of their exes and fear for their and their children's lives. I really doubt fretting over wearing a poofy fucking dress is a big priority for them. 

If by some huge leap in imagination this is real, go to JOP, make it official, move the fuck away, fuck the party and FFS remember that it's a piece of paper, not a silver bullet or a cross with some holy water that can magically protect you and your son. 

levioosa

I just got to this thread, and holy shit, I hope it's MUD.  Because absolutely no one can be so selfish as to prioritize a party over their child's (or ANY child's) safety.  How disillusioned and selfish can you be?

madamerwin

photokitty said:

I got 2 1/2 pages in before I couldn't read anymore...did anyone ask who long OP has been with the FI? Are you sure you're not rushing into a situation that might not be any better in the end? It would seem to me that this plan has not been a well thought out one.

If the following 3 1/2 pages address this forgive me.

She has a kid with FI, who will be 2 yo at their wedding in a year (or a year and a half? Is Fall 2016 a year away? Her stated timeline is a little wonky)... So, I'm guessing they have been together for a year and nine months at the least? But no, no one specifically asked how long (I've been following this thread all morning, it's hard to peel myself away from this one).

holyguacamole79

holyguacamole79

Oh, and @Jcbride2015, after reading your replies, I was all

beethery

what in THE FUCK did I just walk in on?

KatWAG

relliotts said:

needsadvice22 said:

sarawifenow said:

Maybe I am dense, but what is a PFA?

 

And I'm sorry, but I am calling bullshit that the police won't do anything is someone tries to kill someone else.

It's a protection from abuse. We got it because he broke my jaw and tried to take my car with our son in it while he was drunk. He made threats to kidnap him, to kill me, and if he ever got our son back that'd I'd never see him again. And I can't move across the country because then he can get me for kidnapping for not notifying domestic relations and having a court hearing.

****** STUCK IN THE DAMN BOX ****

I was in a similar position. I felt my children and I were in danger. I did not have a protection order. For multiple reasons, I felt that I need to leave the state to protect my children.

Within 30 days I:

Found a job
Filed a notice with the court that I intended to move
Dealt with tons of threats and harassment from my ex
Had a hearing
Was granted rights to leave the state, based on the history between us and the documented issues.
Left the state

My ex threatened me. My children hated me. I left all of my family and friends behind. I left a job behind and went blindly somewhere where I had no ties.  I did all of this because I was truly scared for my children's (and my own) safety.

Things I did not think about:

Losing a deposit (in my case, on the home I rented - more than $1000)
Losing money spent on the move
My relationship with my S/O - or anyone but my children, for that matter
Upcoming travel/social/party plans that had to be canceled
Losing the home I owned with my ex
Losing tens of thousands of dollars by giving up everything to my ex in order to get away


Priorities.

@relliotts good for you!!!! Way to be a good mom! Your children might be mad now, but one day they will thank you for keeping them safe.

levioosa

@beethery, my first thought was, "Where is beeth's spinning NO?" 

relliotts

KatWAG said:

relliotts said:

needsadvice22 said:

sarawifenow said:

It's a protection from abuse. We got it because he broke my jaw and tried to take my car with our son in it while he was drunk. He made threats to kidnap him, to kill me, and if he ever got our son back that'd I'd never see him again. And I can't move across the country because then he can get me for kidnapping for not notifying domestic relations and having a court hearing.

****** STUCK IN THE DAMN BOX ****

I was in a similar position. I felt my children and I were in danger. I did not have a protection order. For multiple reasons, I felt that I need to leave the state to protect my children.

Within 30 days I:

Found a job
Filed a notice with the court that I intended to move
Dealt with tons of threats and harassment from my ex
Had a hearing
Was granted rights to leave the state, based on the history between us and the documented issues.
Left the state

My ex threatened me. My children hated me. I left all of my family and friends behind. I left a job behind and went blindly somewhere where I had no ties.  I did all of this because I was truly scared for my children's (and my own) safety.

Things I did not think about:

Losing a deposit (in my case, on the home I rented - more than $1000)
Losing money spent on the move
My relationship with my S/O - or anyone but my children, for that matter
Upcoming travel/social/party plans that had to be canceled
Losing the home I owned with my ex
Losing tens of thousands of dollars by giving up everything to my ex in order to get away


Priorities.

@relliotts good for you!!!! Way to be a good mom! Your children might be mad now, but one day they will thank you for keeping them safe.

D'awwwwwwwwww, shucks!


Thank you!

It's been a few years now.  It took time, but at this point they are happy we left. They agree it was the best decision for all of us.  But man, it was the hardest thing ever when I was going through it. Still did it, because it was what needed to be done. There wasn't even a question.

JCbride2015

By the way, no PM with docket information.  Shocker.