Wedding Etiquette Forum

Money dance thoughts?

Thoughts on money dances? Tacky? Gift grabby? We are both very recent college grads and definitely not mind extra cash but don't want to be offensive. Mom and planner brought up and support the idea. We are hosting the bar.
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Re: Money dance thoughts?

  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I find them tacky. Your guests have probably already spent money on gas or airline tickets to get your wedding, some may be staying in a hotel, most will probably also give you a gift at the wedding, many probably gave you one at the shower (if you're having one). Asking for more money from them is very gift grabby. 
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    themuffinman16[Deleted User]
  • Not a fan.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Thoughts on money dances? Tacky? Gift grabby? We are both very recent college grads and definitely not mind extra cash but don't want to be offensive. Mom and planner brought up and support the idea. We are hosting the bar.

    Firstly, of course you should be hosting the bar. This does not change your situation. It is your party so you (or the designated host) needs to host everyone's food and drinks. 

    But mainly, yes, money dances are both tacky and gift grabby. People have gone to a lot of effort to go to your wedding and buy you a gift. Why would you think it is ok to ask them for MORE??? If people wanted to give you more cash they would.

    "I would have given them money, but since they didn't charge people to dance with them (or insert other vulgar begging method- honeyfund/cash registry/poem on the invite)  I didn't know how, so I guess I will keep it." -No guest ever.
    Liatris2010PrettyGirlLostKahlyla[Deleted User]
  • MizLiz3MizLiz3 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Besides the tacky factor, they clear the dance floor of anyone who just wants to dance and doesn't want to pay to dance with the bride/groom.
    redoryxhashtag43016[Deleted User]
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Tacky and rude. Your guests should never open their wallets at an event you are hosting. In this case, your wedding.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Tacky. Nobody wants to stand around watching people give you money to dance with them. 

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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Tacky, rude, AW, gift grabby. Basically everything you thought it was, it is.
    themuffinman16
  • Thoughts on money dances? Tacky? Gift grabby? We are both very recent college grads and definitely not mind extra cash but don't want to be offensive. Mom and planner brought up and support the idea. We are hosting the bar.

    Well, no one really minds extra cash, but this is not a good way to get some.  And ditto @LondonLisa, the fact that you are hosting the bar, as you should, doesn't affect the answer. 
    OliveOilsMomMadHops21PrettyGirlLost
  • Tacky; agree with all comments others have already said. It's also super awkward to feel obligated to dance with the groom/bride when they are clearly doing the money day for their own benefit...I just don't like them in general. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    [Deleted User]
  • I agree they are tacky. Even if you still decide to do one I think you'll find that a lot of guests just won't have cash. I was at a wedding where there was one and it was really awkward because most people just didn't have cash so we just sat there watching the few people who did feeling bad that we didn't know it was happening.

    I don't know what you usually take but all I can fit in my clutch is my phone, my ID and a credit card for emergencies and maybe a chapstick or lip gloss... so that's what I usually take to weddings.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Of course you'd like the extra cash. Who doesn't like cash? 

    But money/dollar dances are against etiquette. Reason? It's rude to ask people for money. Especially at a party (the reception) that's supposed to be a "thank you" to guests for attending your wedding ceremony.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Tacky.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2015
    Thoughts on money dances? Tacky? Gift grabby? We are both very recent college grads and definitely not mind extra cash but don't want to be offensive. Mom and planner brought up and support the idea. We are hosting the bar.
    There are some cultures where money dances are done at weddings, but unless everyone at yours comes from such a culture (which it doesn't sound like), it would be tacky and offensive no matter who is hosting what.  It's never appropriate to "expect" gifts from guests or that they should ever open their wallets at your wedding-not for drinks, not for dancing, not for parking, not for any other reason.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Tacky. 

  • justsiejustsie member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Jen4948 said:
    Thoughts on money dances? Tacky? Gift grabby? We are both very recent college grads and definitely not mind extra cash but don't want to be offensive. Mom and planner brought up and support the idea. We are hosting the bar.
    There are some cultures where money dances are done at weddings, but unless everyone at yours comes from such a culture (which it doesn't sound like), it would be tacky and offensive no matter who is hosting what.  It's never appropriate to "expect" gifts from guests or that they should ever open their wallets at your wedding-not for drinks, not for dancing, not for parking, not for any other reason.
    ***BOX FIX***
    I come from the culture where everyone does a money dance at weddings. I still think they are tacky and offensive. it also flat lines whatever party atmosphere you had going. 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Just say no.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Agree with PP's, tacky. If a guest wants to give you cash, they will put it in a card. They don't need a special dance to do so.

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    If you could use cash, don't create a registry.  If someone asks your mom or whoever else, they can just say, "Bride & Groom aren't registered anywhere, but they are hoping to start saving for a [Insert what you need here: house down payment, honeymoon, etc.]"

    PrettyGirlLostthemuffinman16SP29
  • SUPER Tacky.... and to me, icky.  The idea of dancing with men I don't know, for money, very much weirds me out.  FI assumed we'd have one since they're pretty normal in his circle.  I told him absolutely not.

    Married 9.12.15
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  • The regs have heard this story but I love sharing it:

    I was at a wedding last year of DH's cousin.

    While I did have cash, because they made sure to write in the invitation that it was a cash-only bar, I did not want to participate in the dollar dance.

    The dance was going on... SIL and I were sitting out, both saying to ourselves we don't like the dollar dances.

    FiL comes to our table and asks us why we aren't in line for the DD. So. So. Awkward! I say "Oh, that's ok. We already gave them a nice gift." so he says "I will give you cash."

    That is when I excuse myself to go to the bathroom... when really I'm just wandering around the lobby trying to wait the thing out.

    FiL comes out and finds me in the lobby. And I lamely say "I was signing the guest book..."



    Aside from how tacky it is, asking your guests for even more money, it can cause super uncomfortable situations for your guests like the one I just described.


    Don't beg for money.
    Don't make your guests feel like jerks for not wanting to give you more money.
    PrettyGirlLostthemuffinman16SP29[Deleted User]
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Tack and grift grabby. 

    OP you should change your username. Internet safety is cool B)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    sparklepants41
  • justsie said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Thoughts on money dances? Tacky? Gift grabby? We are both very recent college grads and definitely not mind extra cash but don't want to be offensive. Mom and planner brought up and support the idea. We are hosting the bar.
    There are some cultures where money dances are done at weddings, but unless everyone at yours comes from such a culture (which it doesn't sound like), it would be tacky and offensive no matter who is hosting what.  It's never appropriate to "expect" gifts from guests or that they should ever open their wallets at your wedding-not for drinks, not for dancing, not for parking, not for any other reason.
    ***BOX FIX***
    I come from the culture where everyone does a money dance at weddings. I still think they are tacky and offensive. it also flat lines whatever party atmosphere you had going. 


    Same here. I''ve had to endure too many and they're just so awkward. There's always some family member running arounf trying to convince people to participate, giving you money if you use the "I don't have cash" excuse to avoid it. I have gotten really good at needing to go to the bathroom during these things.

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    At the last wedding I attended that had a money dance, every person at my table mentioned how tacky it was. Plus I felt like it really threw off the fun, party vibe the party had going.


    PrettyGirlLost
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've never actually seen one of these things going on, but my instinct says to shy away from anything that sounds that uncomfortable to your guests. 

    "Hey come dance with me NOW to THIS SONG that I picked and shower me with CASH MONEY because I just got married squee!!!!"

    Seems like a pretty self-centered thing to even think about doing really. 

    [Deleted User]
  • bb2016bb2016 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    These are super common in my circle. FI is insisting on us having one. He said it's one of the three things he wants out of the wedding. Luckily I have over a year to convince him that we don't need to do this. It doesn't help that everyone in his family has had one, at least in recent years. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm just going to join in the great big chorus of "no" here. You shouldn't be asking your guests for money and you shouldn't be making them take their wallets out at the reception. You're doing what you should be doing by hosting the bar; don't negate it with something like this. And don't take advantage of the generosity your guests have already shown by spending the time and money to be at your wedding.
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  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    Nobody really likes to sit hostage to watch the couple dance, anyway. They'll like it even less if they feel obligated to a) join in and b) get out money to do so. 

    You will be surprised how many people will give you money for gifts. It's easy and it's sure to please. The money dance wouldn't garner a whole lot more. Plus as said many times, the reception is a time to thank your guests, not squeeze more money out of them. Going to weddings is pretty expensive, and not many people carry cash these days, so that makes things awkward. 

    My sister was in a similar position and had one and encouraged me to do the same. I said no thanks. Easy peasy. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2015
    Since you and your FI are not familiar with the old tradition, you should definitely NOT do this!  It is acceptable ONLY in circles where this is an established custom.  (Polish and Mexican families do sometimes observe this custom, and I have no problem with it within the cultural context.)  It's purpose in not to raise money for the couple.  It is supposed to bring good luck to the couple and to the dancers.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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