Wedding Etiquette Forum

Money dance thoughts?

24

Re: Money dance thoughts?

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    CMGragain said:
    Since you and your FI are not familiar with the old tradition, you should definitely NOT do this!  It is acceptable ONLY in circles where this is an established custom.  (Polish and Mexican families do sometimes observe this custom, and I have no problem with it within the cultural context.)  It's purpose in not to raise money for the couple.  It is supposed to bring good luck to the couple and to the dancers.


    BOXES-----------------------------------------------------------

    True story: I asked my Polish colleague (from Warsaw) about this and she was disgusted. Her response: "They dance and people throw money at them???!!! Like a stripper?????!!! No, no, no, no! You would never see that in Warsaw". I think this may be a Polish-American tradition but it certainly isn't still practiced in Poland. 
    southernbelle0915PrettyGirlLostVulgarGirl[Deleted User]
  • I've been to 3 weddings with dollar dances. One was in Virginia and it was super lucrative to the bride and groom--when she was encouraging me to do one, she told be they got around $450 out of it.

    The other two were here in Northeastern Ohio, and they were an agonizing 5+ (it went across multiple songs!!!) minutes of the bride dancing with way too drunk male family members and the groom awkwardly doing the running man/Carlton by himself. 

    I would say the party/dancing atmosphere at all of them was pretty low, anyways, but those definitely took any energy they had going for them and sucked them dry.

    By contrast, the several weddings I've been to without them had the crowd up and dancing all night. 

    Needless to say, we are for sure not doing one of those, because ick.
    [Deleted User]
  • CMGragain said:
    Since you and your FI are not familiar with the old tradition, you should definitely NOT do this!  It is acceptable ONLY in circles where this is an established custom.  (Polish and Mexican families do sometimes observe this custom, and I have no problem with it within the cultural context.)  It's purpose in not to raise money for the couple.  It is supposed to bring good luck to the couple and to the dancers.


    BOXES-----------------------------------------------------------

    True story: I asked my Polish colleague (from Warsaw) about this and she was disgusted. Her response: "They dance and people throw money at them???!!! Like a stripper?????!!! No, no, no, no! You would never see that in Warsaw". I think this may be a Polish-American tradition but it certainly isn't still practiced in Poland. 

    It's probably as Polish as corned beef and cabbage is Irish. 
    ohannabelleCMGragain[Deleted User]
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    I'm pretty sure it's mostly just a cheapass tradition. 

    My husband's family is very Polish, many of them kinda trashy and no one suggested it. My sister married into a Filipino family and they did do it, but I don't think it was suggested by his family either. I don't think it has nearly as much to do with culture as it has to do with being like oooh, money! And lacking forethought. 
    image
    charcoalandblush
  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I've been to 3 weddings with dollar dances. One was in Virginia and it was super lucrative to the bride and groom--when she was encouraging me to do one, she told be they got around $450 out of it.

    The other two were here in Northeastern Ohio, and they were an agonizing 5+ (it went across multiple songs!!!) minutes of the bride dancing with way too drunk male family members and the groom awkwardly doing the running man/Carlton by himself. 

    I would say the party/dancing atmosphere at all of them was pretty low, anyways, but those definitely took any energy they had going for them and sucked them dry.

    By contrast, the several weddings I've been to without them had the crowd up and dancing all night. 

    Needless to say, we are for sure not doing one of those, because ick.
    Ugh, as someone also in NE Ohio this makes me ragey. My cousin and his wife had one and I did not approve. 
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  • Hey Other Canadian People: Are Money Dances a thing where you are from? I'm in SW Ontario and have been to lots of weddings (some with other etiquette breaches) but have never heard about Money Dances until I came on the Forums. 

    I've been to Polish weddings, I've never seen this. Just lots of food and doing shots with the bride and groom.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    CMGragain said:
    Since you and your FI are not familiar with the old tradition, you should definitely NOT do this!  It is acceptable ONLY in circles where this is an established custom.  (Polish and Mexican families do sometimes observe this custom, and I have no problem with it within the cultural context.)  It's purpose in not to raise money for the couple.  It is supposed to bring good luck to the couple and to the dancers.


    BOXES-----------------------------------------------------------

    True story: I asked my Polish colleague (from Warsaw) about this and she was disgusted. Her response: "They dance and people throw money at them???!!! Like a stripper?????!!! No, no, no, no! You would never see that in Warsaw". I think this may be a Polish-American tradition but it certainly isn't still practiced in Poland. 
    Yeah I think we need to stop saying that this is a certain cultures tradition.  Instead we should just say it is a tradition held by rude and greedy ass people.  Period.
    This, please.

    It's also supposedly an Italian tradition. . . but not really.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    VulgarGirlohannabelle
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    redoryx said:
    I've been to 3 weddings with dollar dances. One was in Virginia and it was super lucrative to the bride and groom--when she was encouraging me to do one, she told be they got around $450 out of it.

    The other two were here in Northeastern Ohio, and they were an agonizing 5+ (it went across multiple songs!!!) minutes of the bride dancing with way too drunk male family members and the groom awkwardly doing the running man/Carlton by himself. 

    I would say the party/dancing atmosphere at all of them was pretty low, anyways, but those definitely took any energy they had going for them and sucked them dry.

    By contrast, the several weddings I've been to without them had the crowd up and dancing all night. 

    Needless to say, we are for sure not doing one of those, because ick.
    Ugh, as someone also in NE Ohio this makes me ragey. My cousin and his wife had one and I did not approve. 
    My mom is from NW Ohio, and it's prevalent there too.

    We went to the wedding of her youngest sister (who's like 11 years older than me - my mom is 3rd of 9 kids). I was not that old, obviously. They started doing the money dance and I was basically WTF is this shit, this makes no sense, why do you have to pay money to hang out with people you know. As a kid.

    The last wedding I went to that had this, I not only excused myself from the dance floor, but from the ballroom. Because when you don't have any intention of participating, the reception is awkward as hell.
  • ashtsbashtsb member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    It is very very common here in NW/WC Ohio. I'm being begged by FIL to have a money dance/run. I always found it super awkward, because why would I spend money to dance with you when I didn't even want to do it for free??

    My fiance's excuse is all the weddings he's been to he always danced with the groom and thinks he needs to give them the chance to do so to. Nope, don't care sorry!
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    ashncoal said:
    It is very very common here in NW/WC Ohio. I'm being begged by FIL to have a money dance/run. I always found it super awkward, because why would I spend money to dance with you when I didn't even want to do it for free??

    My fiance's excuse is all the weddings he's been to he always danced with the groom and thinks he needs to give them the chance to do so to. Nope, don't care sorry!
    See I also don't get why family members/friends beg to have this kind of dance.  It isn't like they are the one's getting the money.  And sorry but they are not fun.  It is not fun to have to pay to dance with someone.

  • justsiejustsie member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    ashncoal said:
    It is very very common here in NW/WC Ohio. I'm being begged by FIL to have a money dance/run. I always found it super awkward, because why would I spend money to dance with you when I didn't even want to do it for free??

    My fiance's excuse is all the weddings he's been to he always danced with the groom and thinks he needs to give them the chance to do so to. Nope, don't care sorry!
    See I also don't get why family members/friends beg to have this kind of dance.  It isn't like they are the one's getting the money.  And sorry but they are not fun.  It is not fun to have to pay to dance with someone.
    The first post I had on here (I believe) was about how to make sure my mom doesn't sneak around and ask the DJ to have a DD. My mom had one at her wedding, and I'm guessing that when she found out I was getting married she started to put in all the little things that she did into my wedding. Thankfully, shes gotten loads better (plus, thanks to TK I have *nice* ways of letting her down that no, that isn't going to happen here). 
    image
  • ashtsbashtsb member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    justsie said:
    ashncoal said:
    It is very very common here in NW/WC Ohio. I'm being begged by FIL to have a money dance/run. I always found it super awkward, because why would I spend money to dance with you when I didn't even want to do it for free??

    My fiance's excuse is all the weddings he's been to he always danced with the groom and thinks he needs to give them the chance to do so to. Nope, don't care sorry!
    See I also don't get why family members/friends beg to have this kind of dance.  It isn't like they are the one's getting the money.  And sorry but they are not fun.  It is not fun to have to pay to dance with someone.
    The first post I had on here (I believe) was about how to make sure my mom doesn't sneak around and ask the DJ to have a DD. My mom had one at her wedding, and I'm guessing that when she found out I was getting married she started to put in all the little things that she did into my wedding. Thankfully, shes gotten loads better (plus, thanks to TK I have *nice* ways of letting her down that no, that isn't going to happen here). 


    My FIL are pushy about it, but thankfully I don't have to worry about them sneaking around to the DJ. I'm sort of glad my FMIL had an awful mom experience at her wedding so she's taking a few steps back from what I think she would like to have more of a hand in. She just sighs and says "It's your wedding" whenever one of us jokingly suggests something!
  • Please don't.  Beyond being gift grabby and tacky it makes guests uncomfortable.  1) I don't bring cash to a wedding, I shouldn't have to so I will be irritated being put in that situation - I feel the same way about cash bars.  I'm your guest not your personal ATM.  If you are inviting me for a gift do us both a favor and save your invite.  2) There is always one line longer than the other and it makes a public show that either the bride or groom don't have as many guests or people don't like them (don't make me feel sorry for you or you FI on your wedding day) 3) It takes forever and kills any fun we were having before - you paid for that DJ get your $$s worth of entertainment rather than trying to recoup the costs.

    If ppl ask you about a DD be a gracious host and decline politely.  If people are being persistent (my mom asked us multiple times) hold your ground.  Just because a few people ask you doesn't mean its a good idea.  
    image
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    CMGragain said:
    Since you and your FI are not familiar with the old tradition, you should definitely NOT do this!  It is acceptable ONLY in circles where this is an established custom.  (Polish and Mexican families do sometimes observe this custom, and I have no problem with it within the cultural context.)  It's purpose in not to raise money for the couple.  It is supposed to bring good luck to the couple and to the dancers.


    BOXES-----------------------------------------------------------

    True story: I asked my Polish colleague (from Warsaw) about this and she was disgusted. Her response: "They dance and people throw money at them???!!! Like a stripper?????!!! No, no, no, no! You would never see that in Warsaw". I think this may be a Polish-American tradition but it certainly isn't still practiced in Poland. 
    Yeah I think we need to stop saying that this is a certain cultures tradition.  Instead we should just say it is a tradition held by rude and greedy ass people.  Period.
    This, please.

    It's also supposedly an Italian tradition. . . but not really.

    I can't speak for every Greek person/ the country of Greece but my best friend is from there and when I asked her about it she said not doing it would be like not doing the crossing of the crowns. It's that important to them/ her extended family. Like @cmgragain said- it isn't about the money to her, it's about the good luck tradition and that makes all the family members excited about it and wanting to participate. She has done it at all her cousins weddings and not once did it cross her mind that it was greedy or that she already got them a gift. But she also has been the koumbara (person of honor chosen to cross the crowns) and she herself had to spend $600 on the crowns and the pillow for it!

                                                                     

    image

    CMGragain
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    jenna8984 said:
    CMGragain said:
    Since you and your FI are not familiar with the old tradition, you should definitely NOT do this!  It is acceptable ONLY in circles where this is an established custom.  (Polish and Mexican families do sometimes observe this custom, and I have no problem with it within the cultural context.)  It's purpose in not to raise money for the couple.  It is supposed to bring good luck to the couple and to the dancers.


    BOXES-----------------------------------------------------------

    True story: I asked my Polish colleague (from Warsaw) about this and she was disgusted. Her response: "They dance and people throw money at them???!!! Like a stripper?????!!! No, no, no, no! You would never see that in Warsaw". I think this may be a Polish-American tradition but it certainly isn't still practiced in Poland. 
    Yeah I think we need to stop saying that this is a certain cultures tradition.  Instead we should just say it is a tradition held by rude and greedy ass people.  Period.
    This, please.

    It's also supposedly an Italian tradition. . . but not really.

    I can't speak for every Greek person/ the country of Greece but my best friend is from there and when I asked her about it she said not doing it would be like not doing the crossing of the crowns. It's that important to them/ her extended family. Like @cmgragain said- it isn't about the money to her, it's about the good luck tradition and that makes all the family members excited about it and wanting to participate. She has done it at all her cousins weddings and not once did it cross her mind that it was greedy or that she already got them a gift. But she also has been the koumbara (person of honor chosen to cross the crowns) and she herself had to spend $600 on the crowns and the pillow for it!

    WTF?  Hell to the no!

    PrettyGirlLost
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Only if you are also working a pole at you wedding.

    image
    KatWAGsophhabobopha[Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • One side of my family is Polish and I've never seen this at any family weddings.  I think it's something that's popped up in various pockets of immigrant communities from a few different backgrounds.  But regardless, I'm not a fan.  It's tacky, it's awkward, it looks greedy, it kills the party vibe of the reception, and IMO it's not even going to net the bride and groom any more money--as noted above, people will just take money they were already going to give you in a card and make you dance for it instead.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I have no idea where this comes from but it has always been a thing in my family. I am the second to last cousin to get married and every single family wedding has had one so cash is the one thing everyone makes sure to bring. I had never thought of it as a bad thing, I just thought it was normal because it's what we always did. My dad always brought a couple extra dollars for me and as a kid it was fun to get an excuse to dance with my cousin for a bit. We will not be having one, and we will not be doing a lot of things you see at a wedding due to personal preference. FIs family also does them and his relatives always come with cash expecting them. I think it depends on the family/circle of people you are with, but I have also NEVER seen someone pressured into going up, everyone in my family had cash in hand and would fight over who got to go next. 

    In conclusion: I have never looked at them as tacky or gift grabby until I came to this site but that is because nobody close to me has ever said anything like that about them and it was always a fun thing in my family.

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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    I have no idea where this comes from but it has always been a thing in my family. I am the second to last cousin to get married and every single family wedding has had one so cash is the one thing everyone makes sure to bring. I had never thought of it as a bad thing, I just thought it was normal because it's what we always did. My dad always brought a couple extra dollars for me and as a kid it was fun to get an excuse to dance with my cousin for a bit. We will not be having one, and we will not be doing a lot of things you see at a wedding due to personal preference. FIs family also does them and his relatives always come with cash expecting them. I think it depends on the family/circle of people you are with, but I have also NEVER seen someone pressured into going up, everyone in my family had cash in hand and would fight over who got to go next. 

    In conclusion: I have never looked at them as tacky or gift grabby until I came to this site but that is because nobody close to me has ever said anything like that about them and it was always a fun thing in my family.

    Hopefully that really is the case and no one at your family's wedding's got offended. But it's not the norm.
    Even if no one actively pressures people to go up there and dance, a lot of people sitting down at the tables might feel self-conscious for not going up there. That in itself is "pressure," and could be a reason that everyone lines up... people don't want to be the "scrooges" that sit out.
    Another reason people could seem amiable to it is... it's not like there's much else to do during it. Dinner is over. The dance floor is essentially closed. Heck; at the last wedding I went to with a DD, the line for the photobooth was by the dance floor so people even stayed away from that during it. So... have a buck or two you can spare? At least you get to do something during the 5-30 minutes of torture.

    And in families where it's custom, as PPs have said, when they know there are DDs they shave some money off the gift. Maybe lots of people in your family already do that, so at least the DD isn't a big out-of-the-blue expense. So they can do the dance without being as resentful.


    Or maybe everyone in your family truly loves it and it's all good... I just hope that only family members are ever invited. Cuz to many people outside the circle it's icky.
  • aurianna said:
    I have no idea where this comes from but it has always been a thing in my family. I am the second to last cousin to get married and every single family wedding has had one so cash is the one thing everyone makes sure to bring. I had never thought of it as a bad thing, I just thought it was normal because it's what we always did. My dad always brought a couple extra dollars for me and as a kid it was fun to get an excuse to dance with my cousin for a bit. We will not be having one, and we will not be doing a lot of things you see at a wedding due to personal preference. FIs family also does them and his relatives always come with cash expecting them. I think it depends on the family/circle of people you are with, but I have also NEVER seen someone pressured into going up, everyone in my family had cash in hand and would fight over who got to go next. 

    In conclusion: I have never looked at them as tacky or gift grabby until I came to this site but that is because nobody close to me has ever said anything like that about them and it was always a fun thing in my family.

    Hopefully that really is the case and no one at your family's wedding's got offended. But it's not the norm.
    Even if no one actively pressures people to go up there and dance, a lot of people sitting down at the tables might feel self-conscious for not going up there. That in itself is "pressure," and could be a reason that everyone lines up... people don't want to be the "scrooges" that sit out.
    Another reason people could seem amiable to it is... it's not like there's much else to do during it. Dinner is over. The dance floor is essentially closed. Heck; at the last wedding I went to with a DD, the line for the photobooth was by the dance floor so people even stayed away from that during it. So... have a buck or two you can spare? At least you get to do something during the 5-30 minutes of torture.

    And in families where it's custom, as PPs have said, when they know there are DDs they shave some money off the gift. Maybe lots of people in your family already do that, so at least the DD isn't a big out-of-the-blue expense. So they can do the dance without being as resentful.


    Or maybe everyone in your family truly loves it and it's all good... I just hope that only family members are ever invited. Cuz to many people outside the circle it's icky.
    I'm not doing it at mine just because we don't want to and you are right, I can't speak for everyone, but I have never heard any of the hushed conversations about people disliking it at all. I was just sharing another experience with them, as I stated I had never batted an eye at them until I came to these boards. 

    I also come from a VERY loud and opinionated family so if they honestly felt like they were tacky we would have heard about it. To this day they are still snarking about a "cheap" gift my aunt brought to thieves gifts at the family Christmas party 6 years ago.

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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    I've told this story before, but it applies here so I'll mention it again.

    I was a BM in a friend's wedding last summer.  She had a "honeymoon dance." I wasn't going to pay, but my dad walked over to me and gave me and my BFF a $20 so we could dance with the groom.  Not only was that awkward, but BFF and I danced over to our friend after spending about 15 seconds dancing with the groom.  The bride looked at us and said, "UM, you have to PAY for this."  I was so aghast I didn't even know what to say.  

    Just one reason out of many from that wedding of why our friendship will never recover.  
    ETA: Yes, money dances are tacky.  


    image
    SP29
  • I'm so glad our venue probably won't have room for a dance floor. One branch of fiance's family is strongly in favor of all kinds of traditions I'm not a fan of, and at the last wedding we attended in that branch, they chant-shamed him into attempting to catch the garter, and tried to do the same to me for the bouquet but I am more stubborn. We will not be throwing anything at our reception, and no dance floor means they can't surprise-announce a dollar dance we do not want. (Probably. And if they do, they will get Bridal Death Glares of Doom.)

    And yeah, same thing at that wedding, with a few relatives passing out cash to make sure everyone went and danced. I escaped into the bathroom.
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  • Hey Other Canadian People: Are Money Dances a thing where you are from? I'm in SW Ontario and have been to lots of weddings (some with other etiquette breaches) but have never heard about Money Dances until I came on the Forums. 

    I've been to Polish weddings, I've never seen this. Just lots of food and doing shots with the bride and groom.
    Preemptive box-----------------------------

    I'm Canadian and have never seen a money dance, but from what I've read they're tacky as hell.
  • I've never even heard of a money dance before coming to this forum....sounds tacky as hell. 
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    levioosa said:
    I've told this story before, but it applies here so I'll mention it again.

    I was a BM in a friend's wedding last summer.  She had a "honeymoon dance." I wasn't going to pay, but my dad walked over to me and gave me and my BFF a $20 so we could dance with the groom.  Not only was that awkward, but BFF and I danced over to our friend after spending about 15 seconds dancing with the groom.  The bride looked at us and said, "UM, you have to PAY for this."  Well, she was a bitch!  I was so aghast I didn't even know what to say.  

    Just one reason out of many from that wedding of why our friendship will never recover.  I have a morbid curiosity to hear the rest of the gorey details. . .
    ETA: Yes, money dances are tacky.  


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    SP29charcoalandblush
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hey Other Canadian People: Are Money Dances a thing where you are from? I'm in SW Ontario and have been to lots of weddings (some with other etiquette breaches) but have never heard about Money Dances until I came on the Forums. 

    I've been to Polish weddings, I've never seen this. Just lots of food and doing shots with the bride and groom.


    Oh wouldn't boxes be nice??


    None out west at any wedding I've attended.  But it surprises me a little, cos we do pretty much every other tacky/rude thing there is

  • I am noticing that everyone who has not been raised with this tradition is certain that it is greedy and tacky.  Do we have the right to judge other cultures customs by our standards? 
    Would I have done a dollar dance at my wedding?  No, of course not.  It isn't a tradition in my family!
    Does that give me the right to condemn someone whose family has been observing this custom for centuries?  I don't think so.
    The OP stated that this was a new idea for her.  That tells me that it is not appropriate because it is not in her cultural tradition.  If a bride said that in her culture this was always done, then I would not criticize her for doing it at her wedding.  It might just make Uncle Dimitri's day.
    I am also very much against pot luck wedding receptions, but for many Native Americans, it is expected because of their traditions.  Native Hawaiians have this tradition, too.
    I have often been criticized for being old fashioned and rigid.  I do think that wedding etiquette must be appropriate to the context.  For most weddings, dollar dances are not appropriate, but not for ALL weddings.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    [Deleted User]SP29
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