Wedding Etiquette Forum

Money dance thoughts?

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Re: Money dance thoughts?

  • Hey Other Canadian People: Are Money Dances a thing where you are from? I'm in SW Ontario and have been to lots of weddings (some with other etiquette breaches) but have never heard about Money Dances until I came on the Forums. 

    I've been to Polish weddings, I've never seen this. Just lots of food and doing shots with the bride and groom.

    Ditto. I've never saw/heard of a dollar dance until I came to TK either. That being said, I had heard of Stag and Does before coming here, but I always thought they were super abysmal and never understood how/why people think it is okay to have a wedding fundraiser.

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  • So they are traditional in some cultures, but practiced more commonly by some than others. If anyone was actually curious.
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  • CMGragain said:
    I am noticing that everyone who has not been raised with this tradition is certain that it is greedy and tacky.  Do we have the right to judge other cultures customs by our standards? 
    Would I have done a dollar dance at my wedding?  No, of course not.  It isn't a tradition in my family!
    Does that give me the right to condemn someone whose family has been observing this custom for centuries?  I don't think so.
    The OP stated that this was a new idea for her.  That tells me that it is not appropriate because it is not in her cultural tradition.  If a bride said that in her culture this was always done, then I would not criticize her for doing it at her wedding.  It might just make Uncle Dimitri's day.
    I am also very much against pot luck wedding receptions, but for many Native Americans, it is expected because of their traditions.  Native Hawaiians have this tradition, too.
    I have often been criticized for being old fashioned and rigid.  I do think that wedding etiquette must be appropriate to the context.  For most weddings, dollar dances are not appropriate, but not for ALL weddings.
    But it has been said to be a Polish or Italian or Greek (etc) tradition.  Then you get posters who are from those cultural backgrounds who say they would never in a million years have a dollar dance because it is tacky and rude.  So to me, saying that a money dance is cultural is bull crap.  Maybe hundreds of years ago it was seen as okay, but times change and just because something was a cultural tradition back in the 1800s (or whenever) doesn't mean that that tradition isn't seen as rude and greedy in today's world.  Following traditions isn't always the best thing to do.  At one time it was tradition to have the bedsheet from when the couple consummated their marriage hung out the window for every to see and confirm that the bride in fact was a virgin.  Are you telling me that you wouldn't judge someone hard if they did that today even though it was part of their cultural traditions?
    It may not even necessarily be a "cultural" tradition, in my family it's just a family tradition that i would have never thought twice about because we always did it. I will state AGAIN that we are NOT doing one at ours before anyone wants to tell me why I shouldn't. I would never have thought to side eye it before coming to these boards because every wedding I have been to has had one and nobody close to me has brought up anything negative about it. Each family is different, FIs family closes the bar down on Christmas Eve, some may think this is terrible but we always have fun, it's not a cultural thing, it's just a family thing they do.

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  • Every wedding I have ever been to has had a Dollar Dance. So much so, my fiance and I always bring cash to weddings, even if we are broke and it's a dollar or two, so we can dance with the bride and groom. I do not view it as greedy in places where it is common practice. I always thought of it as a fun/good luck type of tradition. Sure, some wealthier Auntys and Uncles might give you quite a bit of money, but it is only for the fun of it and because they want to give you happiness, and certainly not an obligation. In no way is it a tradition of trying to get extra money, I thought it was kind of festive. A lot of money goes right back to the single lady who gets the bouquet toss anyways, doesn't it? 

    If someone comes from a culture or area where this is NOT common and they just try to add it in to get extra money, this is extremely rude I would think! The purpose is not greed! Ugh. It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think that people would try to add a tradition to get more from people...

    Just my two cents. :)
  •  In no way is it a tradition of trying to get extra money...
    Wut? That's exactly what it is.

    It is 100% about money no matter who does it and whether it's common or not. If it wasn't about money, the B&G would just have a song or two where guests took turns dancing with them (for free). Notice how that tradition exists exactly no where? The dollar dance is absolutely about money.
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    redoryxMaggie0829PrettyGirlLostcharcoalandblush
  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Every wedding I have ever been to has had a Dollar Dance. So much so, my fiance and I always bring cash to weddings, even if we are broke and it's a dollar or two, so we can dance with the bride and groom. I do not view it as greedy in places where it is common practice. I always thought of it as a fun/good luck type of tradition. Sure, some wealthier Auntys and Uncles might give you quite a bit of money, but it is only for the fun of it and because they want to give you happiness, and certainly not an obligation. In no way is it a tradition of trying to get extra money, I thought it was kind of festive. A lot of money goes right back to the single lady who gets the bouquet toss anyways, doesn't it? 

    If someone comes from a culture or area where this is NOT common and they just try to add it in to get extra money, this is extremely rude I would think! The purpose is not greed! Ugh. It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think that people would try to add a tradition to get more from people...

    Just my two cents. :)
    If it's not about getting extra money.....then why is money involved? 

    Your statement that it's not about getting extra money literally makes no sense.
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    PrettyGirlLostcharcoalandblush
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Every wedding I have ever been to has had a Dollar Dance. So much so, my fiance and I always bring cash to weddings, even if we are broke and it's a dollar or two, so we can dance with the bride and groom. I do not view it as greedy in places where it is common practice. I always thought of it as a fun/good luck type of tradition. Sure, some wealthier Auntys and Uncles might give you quite a bit of money, but it is only for the fun of it and because they want to give you happiness, and certainly not an obligation. In no way is it a tradition of trying to get extra money, I thought it was kind of festive. A lot of money goes right back to the single lady who gets the bouquet toss anyways, doesn't it? 

    If someone comes from a culture or area where this is NOT common and they just try to add it in to get extra money, this is extremely rude I would think! The purpose is not greed! Ugh. It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think that people would try to add a tradition to get more from people...

    Just my two cents. :)
    But the thing is, you shouldn't have to PAY to be able to dance with the bride/groom.  You should just be able to walk up to them and ask for a dance.

    PrettyGirlLostcharcoalandblush
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
     In no way is it a tradition of trying to get extra money...
    Wut? That's exactly what it is.

    It is 100% about money no matter who does it and whether it's common or not. If it wasn't about money, the B&G would just have a song or two where guests took turns dancing with them (for free). Notice how that tradition exists exactly no where? The dollar dance is absolutely about money.
    Actually, that is a tradition in Peru. We did it with my H's family when we had a party in Lima. 

    I danced with my H's cousins and uncles. No money involved. 

    ETA: Money dances are still rude as hell, no matter who you are. 
     
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Every wedding I have ever been to has had a Dollar Dance. So much so, my fiance and I always bring cash to weddings, even if we are broke and it's a dollar or two, so we can dance with the bride and groom. I do not view it as greedy in places where it is common practice. I always thought of it as a fun/good luck type of tradition. Sure, some wealthier Auntys and Uncles might give you quite a bit of money, but it is only for the fun of it and because they want to give you happiness, and certainly not an obligation. In no way is it a tradition of trying to get extra money, I thought it was kind of festive. A lot of money goes right back to the single lady who gets the bouquet toss anyways, doesn't it? 

    If someone comes from a culture or area where this is NOT common and they just try to add it in to get extra money, this is extremely rude I would think! The purpose is not greed! Ugh. It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think that people would try to add a tradition to get more from people...

    Just my two cents. :)
    What?  Please explain.



    Heffalump
  • Wow... my point was that it is more about good luck and tradition, there really wouldn't be any "extra" because if money dance wasn't tradition, that might go into another tradition like.. more for a gift or something, but instead some is set aside to participate in the dance. You can dance with the bride and groom later, too. The emphasis is placed on luck and well wishes in this case though. I think it's a little ethnocentric to assume that the intention is a certain way just because that is how your culture does things.

    I think bridal showers seem like an American tradition for extra gifts, I did not grow up doing these, although I have been to a few friend's ones. I am not sitting here judging your showers though ,if that is commonplace. Can you imagine coming from a culture that doesn't do bridal showers and then being expected to go to another party before the wedding and give an additional gift if that is not what your culture does?
  • Viczaesar said:
    Every wedding I have ever been to has had a Dollar Dance. So much so, my fiance and I always bring cash to weddings, even if we are broke and it's a dollar or two, so we can dance with the bride and groom. I do not view it as greedy in places where it is common practice. I always thought of it as a fun/good luck type of tradition. Sure, some wealthier Auntys and Uncles might give you quite a bit of money, but it is only for the fun of it and because they want to give you happiness, and certainly not an obligation. In no way is it a tradition of trying to get extra money, I thought it was kind of festive. A lot of money goes right back to the single lady who gets the bouquet toss anyways, doesn't it? 

    If someone comes from a culture or area where this is NOT common and they just try to add it in to get extra money, this is extremely rude I would think! The purpose is not greed! Ugh. It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think that people would try to add a tradition to get more from people...

    Just my two cents. :)
    What?  Please explain.
    The bouquet that is thrown to a single lady has hidden cash in it!
  • The emphasis is placed on luck and well wishes in this case though. I think it's a little ethnocentric to assume that the intention is a certain way just because that is how your culture does things.
    But if the emphasis were actually on good luck then people would just say "good luck!" and give their well wishes without opening their wallet. 

    It's not ethnocentric to question why money is involved if it's not supposed to be about money.
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    redoryxMaggie0829PrettyGirlLost
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Viczaesar said:
    Every wedding I have ever been to has had a Dollar Dance. So much so, my fiance and I always bring cash to weddings, even if we are broke and it's a dollar or two, so we can dance with the bride and groom. I do not view it as greedy in places where it is common practice. I always thought of it as a fun/good luck type of tradition. Sure, some wealthier Auntys and Uncles might give you quite a bit of money, but it is only for the fun of it and because they want to give you happiness, and certainly not an obligation. In no way is it a tradition of trying to get extra money, I thought it was kind of festive. A lot of money goes right back to the single lady who gets the bouquet toss anyways, doesn't it? 

    If someone comes from a culture or area where this is NOT common and they just try to add it in to get extra money, this is extremely rude I would think! The purpose is not greed! Ugh. It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think that people would try to add a tradition to get more from people...

    Just my two cents. :)
    What?  Please explain.
    The bouquet that is thrown to a single lady has hidden cash in it!
    Not any time I've seen a bouquet toss.



    charcoalandblush
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    Viczaesar said:
    Every wedding I have ever been to has had a Dollar Dance. So much so, my fiance and I always bring cash to weddings, even if we are broke and it's a dollar or two, so we can dance with the bride and groom. I do not view it as greedy in places where it is common practice. I always thought of it as a fun/good luck type of tradition. Sure, some wealthier Auntys and Uncles might give you quite a bit of money, but it is only for the fun of it and because they want to give you happiness, and certainly not an obligation. In no way is it a tradition of trying to get extra money, I thought it was kind of festive. A lot of money goes right back to the single lady who gets the bouquet toss anyways, doesn't it? 

    If someone comes from a culture or area where this is NOT common and they just try to add it in to get extra money, this is extremely rude I would think! The purpose is not greed! Ugh. It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think that people would try to add a tradition to get more from people...

    Just my two cents. :)
    What?  Please explain.
    The bouquet that is thrown to a single lady has hidden cash in it!
    Say what? 

    I caught 4 bouquets in my single days. Not a single one of them had cash. Why do people have to make everything about money?
    charcoalandblush
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I am from southern Ontario and now live in AB, I've only seen a dollar dance once.

    On that point, I do agree with CMGragain's sentiments; while I would never recommend someone have one "because they'll make money!", I wouldn't judge someone else's cultural beliefs.

    The one dollar dance was at a friends' wedding- both are Filipino- in their culture giving of the money is to wish the B&G prosperity in their life together. I wouldn't judge them for this, because it's a cultural tradition, but to be honest it made me uncomfortable. 

    I don't bring cash with me to weddings, so in this circumstance, I was left standing there watching, feeling bad that I wasn't giving the B&G money when others were! I don't think a guest should ever feel this way. Also, the majority of people participating were those from the Filipino culture, most of the other "Canadians" stood and watched. These Filipino guests were pinning on $20 bills to the B&G; DH had a $10 bill in his wallet, so he gave that and danced with the groom. Sure, it was funny for a minute, but even the fact that we (or he!) gave $10 while everyone else is throwing $20s is also uncomfortable. 

    I do also agree that it kind of breaks the party, as most of the time you're standing around watching. After 2mins it gets repetitive and boring. 

    Interesting topic about culture.... I was speaking to my friend (the one above) and she was talking about a recent trip back to the Phillipines. She mentioned how different their social etiquette is from here (people show up LATE to everything, parents choose MULTIPLE pairs of godparents for their children and these godparents are expected to monetarily support the child at various points in its life- such as weddings!). She also mentioned how she did all these things herself before and never thought of it, but since living in Canada now for close to 10 years and then going back to that, she felt a lot of it was quite rude and she felt disrespected (for example, when she invited her friends out for dinner and 2 hours after the invitation time, most still weren't there). 

    While I think etiquette in its basic form means to treat people fairly and with respect, there is something to say about social norms and customs. 
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • Same deal in my family. It's a family tradition more than a cultural thing (though my family is Italian). I went to my cousin's wedding with a fat stack of bills for the dollar dance, and relatives came to my wedding with cash because they expected it/ were eager to participate. Ours only lasted one song, so it was minimally awkward for those not participating. At my sister, cousin, and my wedding, my grandpa also makes it a point to give the bride and groom each an extra $100. Also, the women in my family fashion their bills into bow ties, pocket squares, etc, and pin them to the groom. I think it's fun, and it's something I never considered offensive or rude until I saw it on these boards.
  • Hey Other Canadian People: Are Money Dances a thing where you are from? I'm in SW Ontario and have been to lots of weddings (some with other etiquette breaches) but have never heard about Money Dances until I came on the Forums. 


    I've been to Polish weddings, I've never seen this. Just lots of food and doing shots with the bride and groom.
    I'm from NW Ontario, and have never heard of this until the knot. I just told DH about it as I'm reading and he said, "wtf?" But then (sarcastically I hope) "a dollar, yeah right. Maybe $100."
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2015
    CMGragain said:
    I am noticing that everyone who has not been raised with this tradition is certain that it is greedy and tacky.  Do we have the right to judge other cultures customs by our standards? 
    Would I have done a dollar dance at my wedding?  No, of course not.  It isn't a tradition in my family!
    Does that give me the right to condemn someone whose family has been observing this custom for centuries?  I don't think so.
    The OP stated that this was a new idea for her.  That tells me that it is not appropriate because it is not in her cultural tradition.  If a bride said that in her culture this was always done, then I would not criticize her for doing it at her wedding.  It might just make Uncle Dimitri's day.
    I am also very much against pot luck wedding receptions, but for many Native Americans, it is expected because of their traditions.  Native Hawaiians have this tradition, too.
    I have often been criticized for being old fashioned and rigid.  I do think that wedding etiquette must be appropriate to the context.  For most weddings, dollar dances are not appropriate, but not for ALL weddings.
    Then you missed the part where I said that I'm ITALIAN and my entire FAMILY 3 generations back to the boot thinks money dances are tacky and come off as begging for money.

    I'm also Croatian and guess what. . . still considered tacky and rude.

    Just because something is a family or a cultural tradition doesn't mean it can't be rude.


    So they are traditional in some cultures, but practiced more commonly by some than others. If anyone was actually curious.
    Yes, we know.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • To OP:  This issue has cause some strife for us.  In FH's family it's a normal part of a wedding reception.  In mine, it isn't.  We've been to weddings that have them and we've been to weddings that don't.

    I personally don't find it to be gift grabby or tacky or anything like that because it's rooted in a cultural tradition.  Plus, guests can choose to participate or not.  In FH's family it's a way to give the bride and groom a little extra spending money for their honeymoon.

    In our own situation I'm uncomfortable with it for a couple reasons.  First, I really don't like to dance.  Second, I'm not a super touchy person and will probably have had enough hugs / kisses / handshakes to last me a good while by that point in the day.  Third, there are a lot of his relatives that I've never actually met because they live out of state and it's like, what do I say to these people?  What if I have no clue who they are?

    FH really wants to keep the tradition so he suggested that either we both do it or just he does it.  Naturally, I prefer option two but if he's willing to compromise I feel like I should meet him halfway.  So it looks like we'll both be doing it with the guests dancing with him first and then being passed off to me.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    To OP:  This issue has cause some strife for us.  In FH's family it's a normal part of a wedding reception.  In mine, it isn't.  We've been to weddings that have them and we've been to weddings that don't.

    I personally don't find it to be gift grabby or tacky or anything like that because it's rooted in a cultural tradition.  Plus, guests can choose to participate or not.  In FH's family it's a way to give the bride and groom a little extra spending money for their honeymoon.

    In our own situation I'm uncomfortable with it for a couple reasons.  First, I really don't like to dance.  Second, I'm not a super touchy person and will probably have had enough hugs / kisses / handshakes to last me a good while by that point in the day.  Third, there are a lot of his relatives that I've never actually met because they live out of state and it's like, what do I say to these people?  What if I have no clue who they are?

    FH really wants to keep the tradition so he suggested that either we both do it or just he does it.  Naturally, I prefer option two but if he's willing to compromise I feel like I should meet him halfway.  So it looks like we'll both be doing it with the guests dancing with him first and then being passed off to me.

    Why can't you just dance with your guests without money changing hands?
    InLoveInQueens
  • @Jen4948 Because the Dollar Dance is a tradition for FHs family that he wants to uphold at our wedding.  We were actually talking about it more last night and he was saying how another reason his family enjoys it is because it gives guests an opportunity for more one on one time with the bride, or in our case with both of us, which was a point I'd never considered about it before. 
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    @Jen4948 Because the Dollar Dance is a tradition for FHs family that he wants to uphold at our wedding.  We were actually talking about it more last night and he was saying how another reason his family enjoys it is because it gives guests an opportunity for more one on one time with the bride, or in our case with both of us, which was a point I'd never considered about it before. 

    So you'll risk offending your family (where this isn't "tradition") to appease his family?  Sorry, that wouldn't fly in my book.  What about a compromise.....have a song or two dedicated to the guests dancing with you and your DH....for free!  What a novel idea, right?!
    PrettyGirlLostMaggie0829InLoveInQueens
  • My family only consists of 20 people total so I know them all well and no one will be offended.  FHs family is much bigger, about 40-50 people, so I think it's nice that he wants to include a tradition that they all like.  I don't think it much matters if anyone actually pays or not.  It's not like they'll be kicked out the line if they don't!  I told FH I think it's unrealistic to think that anyone nowadays carries cash on them anyway and he agreed.  So we'll have a little collection bag in keeping with the tradition but it all comes down to guest choice.  If they want to give money and dance, great!  If they want to dance and not give money, great!  If they want no part of it at all, great!  This is FHs thing so he can organize it however he wants.  I just need to be told when it's happening and where to stand!
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My family only consists of 20 people total so I know them all well and no one will be offended.  FHs family is much bigger, about 40-50 people, so I think it's nice that he wants to include a tradition that they all like.  I don't think it much matters if anyone actually pays or not.  It's not like they'll be kicked out the line if they don't!  I told FH I think it's unrealistic to think that anyone nowadays carries cash on them anyway and he agreed.  So we'll have a little collection bag in keeping with the tradition but it all comes down to guest choice.  If they want to give money and dance, great!  If they want to dance and not give money, great!  If they want no part of it at all, great!  This is FHs thing so he can organize it however he wants.  I just need to be told when it's happening and where to stand!
    You can't know that. Unless you have mind reading powers, you don't know how they will feel.

    This is obviously about the money for you. If it was really about spending a few minutes with people, you'd be jumping all over the idea of doing it without the money. 
    levioosathespeshulestsnowflakeHeffalump
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    My family only consists of 20 people total so I know them all well and no one will be offended.  



    SITB.

    I know my sister pretty well. She had one. Even as a 12 year old, I thought it was pretty fricken weird. Especially when her H went up to dance with her (apparently not enough other people stepping up?), stuck in a dollar in her dress by her boob and said he'd find it later. Ew. 

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    PrettyGirlLost
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