Wedding Etiquette Forum

Money dance thoughts?

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Re: Money dance thoughts?

  • I think it's so funny that one big impression people seem to have of me on here is that I'm some kind of selfish, gift grabbing, money coveting person when that's so far from the truth.  I am not looking at my wedding as a source of gifts or money or anything like that.  I'm looking at it as an awesome party we're throwing for our family and friends to come celebrate our marriage.  If we end up getting not one thing from one person aside from the pleasure of their company for the day then that's a-okay with me.

    As for the point of this thread, the dollar dance?  I didn't want one, FH did.  We compromised.  Some people may love it and some may hate it.  Just like with anything else in life it' subject to opinion.
  • It's interesting that the money dance is supposedly a "cultural tradition", yet the last wedding I went to that had one, the bride was from Minnesota, the groom from Wyoming, and both were All American Mutts.  My MOH is married to a guy who is 100% Filipino, born there, etc.  They did not have a money dance at their wedding. 
    Married 9.12.15
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
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    It's interesting that the money dance is supposedly a "cultural tradition", yet the last wedding I went to that had one, the bride was from Minnesota, the groom from Wyoming, and both were All American Mutts.  My MOH is married to a guy who is 100% Filipino, born there, etc.  They did not have a money dance at their wedding. 
    It seems to be quite common in MN, most weddings I've been to have done it. But I figure it's a regional thing or a my-hometown thing.
    image
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I've been to several MN weddings now and none had a money dance, though some had a host of other etiquette issues. One had a cash bar and huge gap and separated wedding party couples, but no money dance. 
    image
  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
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    FiancB said:
    I've been to several MN weddings now and none had a money dance, though some had a host of other etiquette issues. One had a cash bar and huge gap and separated wedding party couples, but no money dance. 
    It's really fascinating how these things happen. Not all the weddings I've been to that have a money dance have been my family or even from my hometown. And it's not people who are more etiquette concioius because otherwise they would have avoided the other issues.
    image
  • I've seen this at about 80% of weddings I've gone to and people get a kick out of it. It's one or two songs not the whole night. Sheesh people need to chill.
    BrinkyDink16
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I've seen this at about 80% of weddings I've gone to and people get a kick out of it. It's one or two songs not the whole night. Sheesh people need to chill.

    No one needs to chill. You need to stop expecting everyone to condone this. Many, many people do *not* "get a kick out of" being expected to pay for *anything* as guests at a wedding because it's rude and greedy of the hosts to expect it.
  • We went to my FH's cousins wedding over the weekend and they did a money dance.  It was a blast!  We knew they'd have one since it's traditional in his family so we had our dollars ready.  I didn't know that part of the tradition, at least the way they do it, is to tie the dollar into a knot!  We all formed a lined and the MOH had an apron where she was collecting the dollars.  I did notice though that many people didn't throw a dollar in and just danced with the bride which of course is fine too.  I really enjoyed it because it was the first time I'd gotten to actually speak with the bride all day (as I happened to be in the bathroom when they visited our table).  We danced for probably 30 seconds and it was honestly really nice to have that one on one moment and made me glad that with our wedding both my FH and I will get that with whoever chooses to dance.  It was just a really fun part of the night and the dollar part of it wasn't really an issue at some.  Some people paid, some people didn't, no one cared and everyone had a good time.
  • We went to my FH's cousins wedding over the weekend and they did a money dance.  It was a blast!  We knew they'd have one since it's traditional in his family so we had our dollars ready.  I didn't know that part of the tradition, at least the way they do it, is to tie the dollar into a knot!  We all formed a lined and the MOH had an apron where she was collecting the dollars.  I did notice though that many people didn't throw a dollar in and just danced with the bride which of course is fine too.  I really enjoyed it because it was the first time I'd gotten to actually speak with the bride all day (as I happened to be in the bathroom when they visited our table).  We danced for probably 30 seconds and it was honestly really nice to have that one on one moment and made me glad that with our wedding both my FH and I will get that with whoever chooses to dance.  It was just a really fun part of the night and the dollar part of it wasn't really an issue at some.  Some people paid, some people didn't, no one cared and everyone had a good time.
    Still rude to ask for money at your wedding. I'm sure there are people who went who will talk about how tacky this is.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2015
    We went to my FH's cousins wedding over the weekend and they did a money dance.  It was a blast!  We knew they'd have one since it's traditional in his family so we had our dollars ready.  I didn't know that part of the tradition, at least the way they do it, is to tie the dollar into a knot!  We all formed a lined and the MOH had an apron where she was collecting the dollars.  I did notice though that many people didn't throw a dollar in and just danced with the bride which of course is fine too.  I really enjoyed it because it was the first time I'd gotten to actually speak with the bride all day (as I happened to be in the bathroom when they visited our table).  We danced for probably 30 seconds and it was honestly really nice to have that one on one moment and made me glad that with our wedding both my FH and I will get that with whoever chooses to dance.  It was just a really fun part of the night and the dollar part of it wasn't really an issue at some.  Some people paid, some people didn't, no one cared and everyone had a good time.

    Lurkers, take note: The bolded is a blatant endorsement of rudeness.

    Having a "good time" doesn't excuse rudeness; nor does it prove that "no one cared."  Everyone involved in the bolded may have cared (other than @BrinkyDink16) but said nothing because that would have been rude.  Silence on a matter doesn't equal agreement with it.

    [Deleted User]SP29
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    We went to my FH's cousins wedding over the weekend and they did a money dance.  It was a blast!  We knew they'd have one since it's traditional in his family so we had our dollars ready.  I didn't know that part of the tradition, at least the way they do it, is to tie the dollar into a knot!  We all formed a lined and the MOH had an apron where she was collecting the dollars.  I did notice though that many people didn't throw a dollar in and just danced with the bride which of course is fine too.  I really enjoyed it because it was the first time I'd gotten to actually speak with the bride all day (as I happened to be in the bathroom when they visited our table).  We danced for probably 30 seconds and it was honestly really nice to have that one on one moment and made me glad that with our wedding both my FH and I will get that with whoever chooses to dance.  It was just a really fun part of the night and the dollar part of it wasn't really an issue at some.  Some people paid, some people didn't, no one cared and everyone had a good time.
    Um...I danced with a ton of people at my wedding. I did need any special time to do so. I just went up to people and said "Hey wanna dance?"...it was really easy. Even as one of the brides. No big deal. No one gave me money. 
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostYogaSandy
  • We went to my FH's cousins wedding over the weekend and they did a money dance.  It was a blast!  We knew they'd have one since it's traditional in his family so we had our dollars ready.  I didn't know that part of the tradition, at least the way they do it, is to tie the dollar into a knot!  We all formed a lined and the MOH had an apron where she was collecting the dollars.  I did notice though that many people didn't throw a dollar in and just danced with the bride which of course is fine too.  I really enjoyed it because it was the first time I'd gotten to actually speak with the bride all day (as I happened to be in the bathroom when they visited our table).  We danced for probably 30 seconds and it was honestly really nice to have that one on one moment and made me glad that with our wedding both my FH and I will get that with whoever chooses to dance.  It was just a really fun part of the night and the dollar part of it wasn't really an issue at some.  Some people paid, some people didn't, no one cared and everyone had a good time.
    Alternatively, everyone offended put on a brave face and pretended to have a good time, because it is rude to wear a sour-puss and complain about a poorly hosted party in the middle of it.
    image
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostKahlyla
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    We went to my FH's cousins wedding over the weekend and they did a money dance.  It was a blast!  We knew they'd have one since it's traditional in his family so we had our dollars ready.  I didn't know that part of the tradition, at least the way they do it, is to tie the dollar into a knot!  We all formed a lined and the MOH had an apron where she was collecting the dollars.  I did notice though that many people didn't throw a dollar in and just danced with the bride which of course is fine too.  I really enjoyed it because it was the first time I'd gotten to actually speak with the bride all day (as I happened to be in the bathroom when they visited our table).  We danced for probably 30 seconds and it was honestly really nice to have that one on one moment and made me glad that with our wedding both my FH and I will get that with whoever chooses to dance.  It was just a really fun part of the night and the dollar part of it wasn't really an issue at some.  Some people paid, some people didn't, no one cared and everyone had a good time.
    Right. . . you couldn't possibly get meaningful, one on one time with guests without making them feel like they have to pay for the privilege, right?  You couldn't possibly do a receiving line, table visits, or just dance with and talk to your guest without having a money dance, right?


    Well not when you're a bride. On your wedding day. You are far too important to entertain the peasants...er...friends and family who came to see you get married. It's like..your day to be a star! You wouldn't expect Kim Kardashian to waste her precious time on you for free would you? A bride is like being Kim K for a day!
    PrettyGirlLostsparklepants41
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited June 2015
    anjemon said:
    It's interesting that the money dance is supposedly a "cultural tradition", yet the last wedding I went to that had one, the bride was from Minnesota, the groom from Wyoming, and both were All American Mutts.  My MOH is married to a guy who is 100% Filipino, born there, etc.  They did not have a money dance at their wedding. 
    It seems to be quite common in MN, most weddings I've been to have done it. But I figure it's a regional thing or a my-hometown thing.
    Do not malign the state of MN with this rude nonsense.  I have never witnessed a money dance in any wedding I've attended in MN.

    I have, however, seen the cash bar or bait-and-switch bar far more times than I care to remember though.  Luckily no gaps though.

    And I've danced with the bride and the groom plenty of times at weddings without any exchange of anything resembling currency. Turns out when you have good food, drink, and music, no one needs to be coerced into dancing and having a good time.  And if someone paying you (general) to dance is the only way you (general) get a 30 second "special moment" with them, then you're (general) being a pretty crappy host because it's not that hard to mingle and spend time with your guests if you actually give a damn about them.  It really, truly isn't that hard to socialize with people, dance, and have a good time without panhandling.
    [Deleted User]
  • A little off topic. DH and I did table visits because obviously we wanted to spend time with each of our guests and thank them. MIL told us that someone commented that it was so nice / special that we did that. Really? Do people not generally do this (I'm not sure how often I've seen it) that when someone is being polite, it surprises?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    YogaSandy said:

    A little off topic. DH and I did table visits because obviously we wanted to spend time with each of our guests and thank them. MIL told us that someone commented that it was so nice / special that we did that. Really? Do people not generally do this (I'm not sure how often I've seen it) that when someone is being polite, it surprises?

    Sometimes receiving lines are done in lieu of table visits, which is a perfectly acceptable alternative. The point is that the couple need to greet their guests and thank them for coming, whether that's in a receiving line or through table visits. Not to do it at all is extremely rude.
    SP29
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2015
    YogaSandy said:
    A little off topic. DH and I did table visits because obviously we wanted to spend time with each of our guests and thank them. MIL told us that someone commented that it was so nice / special that we did that. Really? Do people not generally do this (I'm not sure how often I've seen it) that when someone is being polite, it surprises?
    Ditto what Jen said above.  But in regards to the bolded, unfortunately it seems that the norm has become people, in general, being more rude and self absorb.  Sadly the wedding industry has made many believe that a wedding is a day where people should be worshiping the married couple rather then the married couple being gracious to their nearest and dearest.

    SP29
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I was just at a wedding with a dollar dance on Saturday. About 1/2 of the crowd left and went to the bar during it to avoid the awkwardness of watching people dance for money.

    It's tacky and fucking awful and love your guests more than you love your greedy self.

    image
  • We're doing table visits as well and haven't completely ruled out a receiving line after the ceremony.  We're also planning to actually participate in the mingling at our cocktail hour instead of missing it for photos like many couples do.  We'll get to spend plenty of time with our guests.  Point is, this is a cultural and family tradition of my FH that he wants included in our reception.  People can choose whether or not to participate.  People can choose whether or not to throw a dollar in the apron.  People can choose to make snide comments about it behind our back.  It's our choice to have it and people will react how they will.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We're doing table visits as well and haven't completely ruled out a receiving line after the ceremony.  We're also planning to actually participate in the mingling at our cocktail hour instead of missing it for photos like many couples do.  We'll get to spend plenty of time with our guests.  Point is, this is a cultural and family tradition of my FH that he wants included in our reception.  People can choose whether or not to participate.  People can choose whether or not to throw a dollar in the apron.  People can choose to make snide comments about it behind our back.  It's our choice to have it and people will react how they will.
    Yep. But it's still rude as hell. 

    PrettyGirlLostlnixon8southernbelle0915
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2015
    We're doing table visits as well and haven't completely ruled out a receiving line after the ceremony.  We're also planning to actually participate in the mingling at our cocktail hour instead of missing it for photos like many couples do.  We'll get to spend plenty of time with our guests.  Point is, this is a cultural and family tradition of my FH that he wants included in our reception.  People can choose whether or not to participate.  People can choose whether or not to throw a dollar in the apron.  People can choose to make snide comments about it behind our back.  It's our choice to have it and people will react how they will.

    Be prepared for lots of people to choose not to do it-because it is rude.  That it's your FI's family tradition does not make it acceptable.  That people can choose not to do it does not make it acceptable.  That they can react how they will does not make your choice acceptable.  That you are choosing to do it anyway, despite being told repeatedly how rude it is, does not justify it or remove from you that you are being rude to your guests and to readers of this forum for endorsing something that is rude.

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    We're doing table visits as well and haven't completely ruled out a receiving line after the ceremony.  We're also planning to actually participate in the mingling at our cocktail hour instead of missing it for photos like many couples do.  We'll get to spend plenty of time with our guests.  Point is, this is a cultural and family tradition of my FH that he wants included in our reception.  People can choose whether or not to participate.  People can choose whether or not to throw a dollar in the apron.  People can choose to make snide comments about it behind our back.  It's our choice to have it and people will react how they will.
    Cultural and family traditions can still be rude.  They aren't mutually exclusive concepts.



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    We're doing table visits as well and haven't completely ruled out a receiving line after the ceremony.  We're also planning to actually participate in the mingling at our cocktail hour instead of missing it for photos like many couples do.  We'll get to spend plenty of time with our guests.  Point is, this is a cultural and family tradition of my FH that he wants included in our reception.  People can choose whether or not to participate.  People can choose whether or not to throw a dollar in the apron.  People can choose to make snide comments about it behind our back.  It's our choice to have it and people will react how they will.
    Well, at this point adding yet another rude element to your wedding is bringing coals to Newcastle, so have at it.



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