Wedding Impossible!

Knottie91379610

Just a little encouragement for ladies with a tight budget, lots of DIY projects involved in the future, and feel pressured for time:

YOU CAN DO THIS!

I am a college student. I am NOT rich by ANY means. I got engaged on Feb 14, 2015, and our date is June 27, 2015 (Just 4 months, say what?!) Our budget is $2500 for THE ENTIRE WEDDING.

The wedding is less than three weeks away and guess what? We're done planning! Everything is coming together, and we did not go over budget. It takes lots of resources, lots of research, and lots of patience, but believe me, IT IS POSSIBLE. 

So don't feel pressured! Don't feel discouraged! YOU GOT THIS! 

lnixon8

Awesome! What did you do to save$?  What will your wedding look like?

Knottie91379610

For starters, we're doing a backyard reception at my future in-laws' house, which automatically saves a butt load of money for venues.

We made our own bouquets purchasing flowers on sale at Michael's and Hobby lobby. I found some old wood laying around the yard and painted my own wedding signs.

Both my church and my FI's church are filled with sweet people who wanted to helped us out, so that was a blessing! A couple of my crafty church ladies made the pillow and cardbox, along with a cute shadow box for guests to write their names on wooden hearts and drop them inside the box.

Honestly, Pinterest was a big help! :P I got a lot of $ saving ideas there. I would love to post a few pics to see how our DIY projects turned out. So, coupons, clearance items, the dollarstore, and even asking people around to help create some of the things was a big help, and many were enthusiastic to pitch in! 

I know a lot of our decisions are base on personal preferences, so what worked with me may not work with anyone, but my biggest advice is definately, ASK around. If you have a close friend who loves crafts, ask to see if they would love to paint a sign for you! I've done it for a few my friends and my aunt, because I love painting and crafting. That's all it takes  

justsie

Saving money but forcing your guests to stay outside in 90 degree weather is not good hosting. 

Knottie91379610

Here are some of my DIY things we worked on.

the pillow: $5 pillow from hobby lobby; we bought the satin material (don't remember the cost) the lace, ribbon, and jewel flowers were all on sale at the same store.

The bouquet: most flowers came from amazon. they were much cheaper than the ones from the stores, but the same quality. We could also buy them in bunches rather than stems. 

The sign: just some board I found and acrylic paint/modge podge as a sealer

the candles: we found a pretty candelabra at Walmart and intertwined some left over flowers through it. We wanted them to be removable so  I could use the candelabra for decor in our future house. 

Knottie91379610

justsie said:

Saving money but forcing your guests to stay outside in 90 degree weather is not good hosting. 

Please, this is not the appropriate board to discuss that. I've already said I am not forcing guests to stay in 90 weather. It's been made very clear in my other discussion that if it too hot, guests will be hosted in the fellowship hall, where it is air conditioned. If you want to post in this board, please post encouraging and helpful posts in this topic about saving money to help other brides. 

TrixieJess

Knottie91379610 said:

show previous quotes

justsie said:

Saving money but forcing your guests to stay outside in 90 degree weather is not good hosting. 

Please, this is not the appropriate board to discuss that. I've already said I am not forcing guests to stay in 90 weather. It's been made very clear in my other discussion that if it too hot, guests will be hosted in the fellowship hall, where it is air conditioned. If you want to post in this board, please post encouraging and helpful posts in this topic about saving money to help other brides. 

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

lachattefatale

Those DIYs look great! I might borrow your candelabra idea for our altar decor.

jacques27

TrixieJess said:

show previous quotes

Knottie91379610 said:

justsie said:

Saving money but forcing your guests to stay outside in 90 degree weather is not good hosting. 

Please, this is not the appropriate board to discuss that. I've already said I am not forcing guests to stay in 90 weather. It's been made very clear in my other discussion that if it too hot, guests will be hosted in the fellowship hall, where it is air conditioned. If you want to post in this board, please post encouraging and helpful posts in this topic about saving money to help other brides. 

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

Plus, I'm not really sure how effective it is to go around telling brides "See?!?  You, too, can throw a wedding on $2500!  But, you know, only if you have fairly well off in-laws with a big house and backyard you can use and you have people making you stuff for free."

Because lots of people don't have in-laws with big houses that can accommodate over 100 people for free and who will be absorbing the clean-up costs after this shindig that you would normally also be paying for or a large pool of people they are willing to make do stuff for them.  You also don't mention who is paying for both dinners that are being thrown and any workers that are being hired (DJ, photographer, caterers, waitstaff, set-up/tear-down, etc.).  Are those being covered under the $2500, too?  Is someone else paying for them?  Are you abusing relationships to make friends and family work your wedding for free for you and take care of those roles?

So in reality, you're not throwing a $2500 wedding.  You're throwing a "$2500 + the cost of whatever they decided to do for you for free + the cost of time and work they are putting in at your behest that normally someone would be hired to take care of + the cost of whatever anyone else is in actuality outright paying for not coming from that $2500 budget + the fair market value of what an equivalent venue would cost you if your in-laws weren't being so kind" wedding.  Which is a little misleading.  Sure a "Look, these are some of the items I managed to save money on" post would be appropriate, but "I threw a $2500 wedding and YOU CAN, TOO!" post is a bit misleading for those brides who literally must limit themselves to $2500 for everything and were looking for actual budget wedding tips.

justsie

jacques27 said:

show previous quotes

TrixieJess said:

Knottie91379610 said:

justsie said:

Saving money but forcing your guests to stay outside in 90 degree weather is not good hosting. 

Please, this is not the appropriate board to discuss that. I've already said I am not forcing guests to stay in 90 weather. It's been made very clear in my other discussion that if it too hot, guests will be hosted in the fellowship hall, where it is air conditioned. If you want to post in this board, please post encouraging and helpful posts in this topic about saving money to help other brides. 

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

Plus, I'm not really sure how effective it is to go around telling brides "See?!?  You, too, can throw a wedding on $2500!  But, you know, only if you have fairly well off in-laws with a big house and backyard you can use and you have people making you stuff for free."

Because lots of people don't have in-laws with big houses that can accommodate over 100 people for free and who will be absorbing the clean-up costs after this shindig that you would normally also be paying for or a large pool of people they are willing to make do stuff for them.  You also don't mention who is paying for both dinners that are being thrown and any workers that are being hired (DJ, photographer, caterers, waitstaff, set-up/tear-down, etc.).  Are those being covered under the $2500, too?  Is someone else paying for them?  Are you abusing relationships to make friends and family work your wedding for free for you and take care of those roles?

So in reality, you're not throwing a $2500 wedding.  You're throwing a "$2500 + the cost of whatever they decided to do for you for free + the cost of time and work they are putting in at your behest that normally someone would be hired to take care of + the cost of whatever anyone else is in actuality outright paying for not coming from that $2500 budget + the fair market value of what an equivalent venue would cost you if your in-laws weren't being so kind" wedding.  Which is a little misleading.  Sure a "Look, these are some of the items I managed to save money on" post would be appropriate, but "I threw a $2500 wedding and YOU CAN, TOO!" post is a bit misleading for those brides who literally must limit themselves to $2500 for everything and were looking for actual budget wedding tips.

I fully agree with all of this. I remember when I first started wedding planning I got one of those books that talk about weddings under 10k with some examples. Literally every single example got a big ticket item for free because of luck. 9/10 it was their location because of some connection they had to the venue. I remember thinking how tricked I felt, because there was no way I was going to get my venue/photography/food etc. for free and properly host my guests- which also means not asking them to "work" for my wedding. 

artbyallie

Knottie91379610 said:

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justsie said:

Saving money but forcing your guests to stay outside in 90 degree weather is not good hosting. 

Please, this is not the appropriate board to discuss that. I've already said I am not forcing guests to stay in 90 weather. It's been made very clear in my other discussion that if it too hot, guests will be hosted in the fellowship hall, where it is air conditioned. If you want to post in this board, please post encouraging and helpful posts in this topic about saving money to help other brides. 

Don't tell people how to post.

Also, don't ask/voluntold your friends and family to help you with your wedding. That's rude.

Knottie91379610

artbyallie said:

show previous quotes

Knottie91379610 said:

justsie said:

Saving money but forcing your guests to stay outside in 90 degree weather is not good hosting. 

Please, this is not the appropriate board to discuss that. I've already said I am not forcing guests to stay in 90 weather. It's been made very clear in my other discussion that if it too hot, guests will be hosted in the fellowship hall, where it is air conditioned. If you want to post in this board, please post encouraging and helpful posts in this topic about saving money to help other brides. 

Don't tell people how to post.

Also, don't ask/voluntold your friends and family to help you with your wedding. That's rude.

I can't speak for your family, but in my family, we work together. We always pitch in and help people out. It's not rude. I don't force them to do anything. We even buy them the materials. People mostly volunteer themselves, but I don't mind asking because I am close to my family, and they want to help. I would do the same for them, and I have in the past, it's not a big deal. We love doing crafts. That's what we do in our family. 

Knottie91379610

jacques27 said:

show previous quotes

TrixieJess said:

Knottie91379610 said:

justsie said:

Saving money but forcing your guests to stay outside in 90 degree weather is not good hosting. 

Please, this is not the appropriate board to discuss that. I've already said I am not forcing guests to stay in 90 weather. It's been made very clear in my other discussion that if it too hot, guests will be hosted in the fellowship hall, where it is air conditioned. If you want to post in this board, please post encouraging and helpful posts in this topic about saving money to help other brides. 

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

Plus, I'm not really sure how effective it is to go around telling brides "See?!?  You, too, can throw a wedding on $2500!  But, you know, only if you have fairly well off in-laws with a big house and backyard you can use and you have people making you stuff for free."

Because lots of people don't have in-laws with big houses that can accommodate over 100 people for free and who will be absorbing the clean-up costs after this shindig that you would normally also be paying for or a large pool of people they are willing to make do stuff for them.  You also don't mention who is paying for both dinners that are being thrown and any workers that are being hired (DJ, photographer, caterers, waitstaff, set-up/tear-down, etc.).  Are those being covered under the $2500, too?  Is someone else paying for them?  Are you abusing relationships to make friends and family work your wedding for free for you and take care of those roles?

So in reality, you're not throwing a $2500 wedding.  You're throwing a "$2500 + the cost of whatever they decided to do for you for free + the cost of time and work they are putting in at your behest that normally someone would be hired to take care of + the cost of whatever anyone else is in actuality outright paying for not coming from that $2500 budget + the fair market value of what an equivalent venue would cost you if your in-laws weren't being so kind" wedding.  Which is a little misleading.  Sure a "Look, these are some of the items I managed to save money on" post would be appropriate, but "I threw a $2500 wedding and YOU CAN, TOO!" post is a bit misleading for those brides who literally must limit themselves to $2500 for everything and were looking for actual budget wedding tips.

Hey Justie, I don't understand why you are assuming these things about me and my family. First of all, I say right from the begining that what works for me does not always work for everyone. But, if you are close to your family, and if you come from a family background of helping each other out, you might understand that in my family, we are okay with asking each other to volunteer to help out. In my family, that's what we do to show that we love and care about each other. Most of my family just volunteered themselves, a lot of them came up to me asked, "hey, I know you're probably overwhelmed, is there anything you would like to me to do to help?" And that's when I come in and say, "Hey, thank you so much for asking! I actually wouldn't mind if you could help out with something-something." It's not rude, I am not forcing them into anything. If they say no, they mean no, and no feelings are hurt. If I ask anyone, it's because I already know they are very good at something. The lady from church who made our pillow (shown in the pictures) loves sewing, and she is very good. I asked her if we provided the materials, if she would like to make our pillow, and she said she would be honored to! It's all about who do you know, how much do you know this person, and do you know for a fact they would graciously help you out? If this lady did not know me very well, and if she hated sewing, and if she just all in all didn't want to, I wouldn't mind at all, and never would ask her. 

I think people could save more money on their weddings if they simply asked their loved ones if they would like to take part in the wedding. I don't know about your family, and I can't speak for your family, but in my family, it's expected to contribute to your lovedones in events like this. We don't bat an eye. So in the end, it comes down to family dynamics. I am sad that to ask someone honestly for help is considered rude. That's like telling a child that they can't ask for tutoring, or telling an elderly person that was trying to carry lots of grocery bags it was rude to ask that gentleman to help carry his groceries to the car.

If you want to know, we hired an awesome photographer who is still in photography school, but she does family portraits, engagement pictures, wedding pictures on the side. She is a good friend with my fiance and she really wanted to do our wedding photography (she was so sweet and kind! She offered to do an all-day wedding photography) and saids, "Just name your price, it doesn't matter." We gave her as much as we could afford to offer, and she gladly accepted. She is absolutely amazing for doing this for us, and I am seriously in her debt. I can't wait to thank her in person.

My in-laws and some of their family members volunteered to pay for the food costs for the rehearsal dinner, and the reception. It's simple snacks and some barbecue food (like grilled chicken, bratwurst) but it's totally appropriate for a backyard reception and they're paying for it, so I'm not going to be picky!

Again, saying that I am "abusing relationships" is truly going out of bounds. I feel like I am getting to know my new family better just through communicating with them and allowing them to take part in the wedding. I don't understand why this is rude or wrong, especially when everyone seemed so happy to help out. We love each other, and that's what we do because we love each other. 

Knottie91379610

I would like to reiterate, does asking your family for help go smoothly? Not awlays, every family is different, as mine is definitely different from yours, and your next door neighbor's family is different from mine. Again, maybe that's just not your family's culture. Maybe you guys are self-conscious about asking for help, or maybe you just do about asking in a different manner. But for brides who have family members that love you and are eager to help, I say go ahead and ask for help if you are comfortable and confidant with asking! Ask, as long as you know that it's within that person's limits. Don't ask your aunt who is a terrible cook to bake cookies for the reception, or don't ask someone who hates crafting to make you a card box. Make sure you know the person very well, and that person is already hinting they would love to help out if you needed anything. It's that simple. 

Knottie91379610

Hey thank you! I'll give the credit to my mom, we were trying to figure out how to dress it up a bit, and she was like, "Oh I know! The extra flowers!" So it worked out, I am sure yours will look beautiful!

lachattefatale said:

Those DIYs look great! I might borrow your candelabra idea for our altar decor.

Knottie91379610

show previous quotes

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

The irony in this post is perfect. 

Viczaesar

Knottie91379610 said:

show previous quotes

show previous quotes

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

The irony in this post is perfect. 

I don't think you know what that means.

Knottie91379610

Viczaesar said:

show previous quotes

Knottie91379610 said:

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

The irony in this post is perfect. 

I don't think you know what that means.

I am referring back to your first statement (in bold) "Don't tell others how to post." By telling me that I should not tell others how to post, you are telling me how to post. You should follow your own advice, but I digress. 

artbyallie

Knottie91379610 said: I would like to reiterate, does asking your family for help go smoothly? Not awlays, every family is different, as mine is definitely different from yours, and your next door neighbor's family is different from mine. Again, maybe that's just not your family's culture. Maybe you guys are self-conscious about asking for help, or maybe you just do about asking in a different manner. But for brides who have family members that love you and are eager to help, I say go ahead and ask for help if you are comfortable and confidant with asking! Ask, as long as you know that it's within that person's limits. Don't ask your aunt who is a terrible cook to bake cookies for the reception, or don't ask someone who hates crafting to make you a card box. Make sure you know the person very well, and that person is already hinting they would love to help out if you needed anything. It's that simple. 
BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

The point is that it is NOT appropriate to ask for someone else to give up their time/money for your wedding. If they volunteer, that is perfectly acceptable. My family is very generous and helpful. I still never ask for anything. On occasion I accept what is offered. Not always, because I am an adult and responsible for dealing with my own shit.

CMGragain

One of the worst weddings I ever saw was a budget DIY wedding.  They didn't cut anything from their dream wedding.  MOG sewed the bridal gown and bridesmaids dresses.  (Nine bridesmaids!)  MOB made all the food.  MOB was so overwhelmed that she didn't make it to the actual ceremony.  They were too busy making last minute preparations for the backyard reception.  Guest were confused.  Ceremony was 45 minutes late.  (Hemming last bridesmaid's gown just before she walked down the aisle.)  Flowers were DIY silk, and they looked tacky.  Mosquitos were out in full force at the outdoor reception.  Food was cold.  MOB was in tears and had to lie down.

There were so many things that they could have done to make this a stress-free wedding, but they just had to have their wedding vision, even though it was out of their budget.
1.  They could have had a small wedding party.
2.  They could have had an afternoon ceremony followed by a cake and punch reception.
3.  They could have cut their guest list.
But, no.  They just HAD to have their dream wedding on a budget, to the regret of their friends and relatives who had to work instead of enjoying the wedding as guests.

Knottie91379610

I definitely don't recommend DIY weddings unless you know what you're doing! And one thing is for certain, if you do a DIY aim for what you know is realistic; know your limits. I picked centerpieces that were very simple to make; you didn't have to be a pinterest-perfect crafter. I have been to both DIY and a completely paid for, store-bought wedding, and my personal preference was the DIY. Everything, the decorations had that warm, home-that I loved. The enviroment felt more personable and intimate. The wedding planned by the wedding planner with brand new decor and centerpieces felt very austere and too picture-perfect. It felt like they were trying too hard to impress us, or atleast impress the camera. It looked great in pictures, but awful in person. But that all is on personal preference.

CMGagrain, that sounds like a DIY wedding disaster! Like I said, people need to know their limits, and if they're going to do something tedious, like cook an entire meal, they need lots of helping hands. We've cooked for a quinceanera for 500 people and nothing like this has happened. Sounds awful!

Knottie91379610

artbyallie said:

Knottie91379610 said:

I would like to reiterate, does asking your family for help go smoothly? Not awlays, every family is different, as mine is definitely different from yours, and your next door neighbor's family is different from mine. Again, maybe that's just not your family's culture. Maybe you guys are self-conscious about asking for help, or maybe you just do about asking in a different manner. But for brides who have family members that love you and are eager to help, I say go ahead and ask for help if you are comfortable and confidant with asking! Ask, as long as you know that it's within that person's limits. Don't ask your aunt who is a terrible cook to bake cookies for the reception, or don't ask someone who hates crafting to make you a card box. Make sure you know the person very well, and that person is already hinting they would love to help out if you needed anything. It's that simple. 

BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

The point is that it is NOT appropriate to ask for someone else to give up their time/money for your wedding. If they volunteer, that is perfectly acceptable. My family is very generous and helpful. I still never ask for anything. On occasion I accept what is offered. Not always, because I am an adult and responsible for dealing with my own shit.

I see what you're saying. But like I said, asking for help depends on the context, someone's cultural background/upbringing. In my family, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for help. We are Hispanic and when something happens, family works together and contributes however they can. But that is just my family. I will tell you that avoided asking for help at first because I was too afraid to offend anyone at first. My mom literally rolled her eyes when she walked in on me crying one day, and when I told her I was feeling overwhelmed (we were the only ones putting together centerpieces at that point and I came back from a long shift at work, so bad day in general). She said, "you are crying because you wish someone could help you put something together, but yet you are doing nothing about it." She put the phone in my hands and I called two of my lady friends from church, who couldn't believe I didn't ask them for help sooner. They came over soon after. We had a great night putting the pieces together and we finished in three hours. It felt good to have their reassurance that it's okay to ask for some extra hands, and later, my MH heard about this and called me asked if there was something she could do. She and her mom went out of their way to make the groomsmen boutonnieres, which was incredible for them to offer. 

I don't think it's okay to straightforwardly someone for money, or make someone feel obligated to help out. Also, I want to note for a DIY wedding, you do need some extra hands. It takes a lot of time to put together 12 centerpieces, stamp "thank-you" cards, and paint tealight candle holders. One of the reasons why this went by so fast is once people knew I was trying to do all this work by myself with my mom, they volunteered to help out, and took the extra mile to even make a few things of their own for me. 

I think some of this has to do with context. I didn't go around crying to people, pleading for their help and asking like a desperate poor girl. Word got out because my friends told friends and so on :P But people were so eager to help, I was overwhelmed by their kindness and graciousness! Someday, I do plan on returning the offer! 

Viczaesar

Knottie91379610 said:

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Viczaesar said:

Knottie91379610 said:

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

The irony in this post is perfect. 

show previous quotes

I don't think you know what that means.

I am referring back to your first statement (in bold) "Don't tell others how to post." By telling me that I should not tell others how to post, you are telling me how to post. You should follow your own advice, but I digress. 

Knottie91379610 said:

show previous quotes

Viczaesar said:

Knottie91379610 said:

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

The irony in this post is perfect. 

show previous quotes

I don't think you know what that means.

I am referring back to your first statement (in bold) "Don't tell others how to post." By telling me that I should not tell others how to post, you are telling me how to post. You should follow your own advice, but I digress. 

My statement?  You do realize that I did not post that, right? 

TrixieJess

Knottie91379610 said:

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Viczaesar said:

Knottie91379610 said:

Don't tell others how to post. Trust me, no good will come of this. 

Part of having a good wedding is properly hosting your guests. It's not YOUR day if you have guests. If you don't have guests, you can stand around in the sweltering heat to your heart's content.

The irony in this post is perfect. 

I don't think you know what that means.

I am referring back to your first statement (in bold) "Don't tell others how to post." By telling me that I should not tell others how to post, you are telling me how to post. You should follow your own advice, but I digress. 

I'm not telling you how to post. I'm letting you know you are being rude. Please get a dictionary and look up irony. You are demonstrating how to be obtuse and obstinate, not irony.

Also, the bolded is advice, all of which you will ignore and treat your guests rudely.

ETA: Clarity (someone has to)

rnsoon

CMGragain said:

One of the worst weddings I ever saw was a budget DIY wedding.  They didn't cut anything from their dream wedding.  MOG sewed the bridal gown and bridesmaids dresses.  (Nine bridesmaids!)  MOB made all the food.  MOB was so overwhelmed that she didn't make it to the actual ceremony.  They were too busy making last minute preparations for the backyard reception.  Guest were confused.  Ceremony was 45 minutes late.  (Hemming last bridesmaid's gown just before she walked down the aisle.)  Flowers were DIY silk, and they looked tacky.  Mosquitos were out in full force at the outdoor reception.  Food was cold.  MOB was in tears and had to lie down.

There were so many things that they could have done to make this a stress-free wedding, but they just had to have their wedding vision, even though it was out of their budget.
1.  They could have had a small wedding party.
2.  They could have had an afternoon ceremony followed by a cake and punch reception.
3.  They could have cut their guest list.
But, no.  They just HAD to have their dream wedding on a budget, to the regret of their friends and relatives who had to work instead of enjoying the wedding as guests.

They MADE the flowers? Or bought them and did them themselves? Either way maybe that's all they could afford. Not nice to bash people's hard work for their lack of money. I certainly don't appreciate it. I'm making my centerpieces with flowers I bought from Michaels, because I'm not rich, can't afford a big wedding, but still want my wedding to look nice. Flowers are ridiculously expensive and end up dead anyway, so why waste the money if you can put it somewhere else like food?

[Deleted User]

Knottie91379610 said:

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artbyallie said:

Knottie91379610 said:

I would like to reiterate, does asking your family for help go smoothly? Not awlays, every family is different, as mine is definitely different from yours, and your next door neighbor's family is different from mine. Again, maybe that's just not your family's culture. Maybe you guys are self-conscious about asking for help, or maybe you just do about asking in a different manner. But for brides who have family members that love you and are eager to help, I say go ahead and ask for help if you are comfortable and confidant with asking! Ask, as long as you know that it's within that person's limits. Don't ask your aunt who is a terrible cook to bake cookies for the reception, or don't ask someone who hates crafting to make you a card box. Make sure you know the person very well, and that person is already hinting they would love to help out if you needed anything. It's that simple. 

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The point is that it is NOT appropriate to ask for someone else to give up their time/money for your wedding. If they volunteer, that is perfectly acceptable. My family is very generous and helpful. I still never ask for anything. On occasion I accept what is offered. Not always, because I am an adult and responsible for dealing with my own shit.

I see what you're saying. But like I said, asking for help depends on the context, someone's cultural background/upbringing. In my family, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for help. We are Hispanic and when something happens, family works together and contributes however they can. But that is just my family. I will tell you that avoided asking for help at first because I was too afraid to offend anyone at first. My mom literally rolled her eyes when she walked in on me crying one day, and when I told her I was feeling overwhelmed (we were the only ones putting together centerpieces at that point and I came back from a long shift at work, so bad day in general). She said, "you are crying because you wish someone could help you put something together, but yet you are doing nothing about it." She put the phone in my hands and I called two of my lady friends from church, who couldn't believe I didn't ask them for help sooner. They came over soon after. We had a great night putting the pieces together and we finished in three hours. It felt good to have their reassurance that it's okay to ask for some extra hands, and later, my MH heard about this and called me asked if there was something she could do. She and her mom went out of their way to make the groomsmen boutonnieres, which was incredible for them to offer. 

I don't think it's okay to straightforwardly someone for money, or make someone feel obligated to help out. Also, I want to note for a DIY wedding, you do need some extra hands. It takes a lot of time to put together 12 centerpieces, stamp "thank-you" cards, and paint tealight candle holders. One of the reasons why this went by so fast is once people knew I was trying to do all this work by myself with my mom, they volunteered to help out, and took the extra mile to even make a few things of their own for me. 

I think some of this has to do with context. I didn't go around crying to people, pleading for their help and asking like a desperate poor girl. Word got out because my friends told friends and so on :P But people were so eager to help, I was overwhelmed by their kindness and graciousness! Someday, I do plan on returning the offer! 

Ugh.  I'd be like your mother and roll my eyes at you too.  But instead of putting a phone in your hands and begging friends for help, I'd tell you to blow it off.  You don't need centerpieces.  Screw them.  If centerpieces are making you cry, just go without.

CMGragain

rnsoon said:

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One of the worst weddings I ever saw was a budget DIY wedding.  They didn't cut anything from their dream wedding.  MOG sewed the bridal gown and bridesmaids dresses.  (Nine bridesmaids!)  MOB made all the food.  MOB was so overwhelmed that she didn't make it to the actual ceremony.  They were too busy making last minute preparations for the backyard reception.  Guest were confused.  Ceremony was 45 minutes late.  (Hemming last bridesmaid's gown just before she walked down the aisle.)  Flowers were DIY silk, and they looked tacky.  Mosquitos were out in full force at the outdoor reception.  Food was cold.  MOB was in tears and had to lie down.

There were so many things that they could have done to make this a stress-free wedding, but they just had to have their wedding vision, even though it was out of their budget.
1.  They could have had a small wedding party.
2.  They could have had an afternoon ceremony followed by a cake and punch reception.
3.  They could have cut their guest list.
But, no.  They just HAD to have their dream wedding on a budget, to the regret of their friends and relatives who had to work instead of enjoying the wedding as guests.

They MADE the flowers? Or bought them and did them themselves? Either way maybe that's all they could afford. Not nice to bash people's hard work for their lack of money. I certainly don't appreciate it. I'm making my centerpieces with flowers I bought from Michaels, because I'm not rich, can't afford a big wedding, but still want my wedding to look nice. Flowers are ridiculously expensive and end up dead anyway, so why waste the money if you can put it somewhere else like food?

No, the bride and groom did not make anything.  They asked their friends and relatives to do it for them so they could have their wedding vision.  That is what is objectionable, not the lack of money.  I, personally, prefer budget weddings, but not when they try to put on a flashy wedding by making their relatives and friends into bride slaves.  Again, nine bridesmaids meant nine handmade dresses and nine bridesmaids bouquets - big, fussy ones!  I had to repair one with a glue gun and thread before the ceremony because it was falling apart.
My sister carried a single rose, tied with a ribbon from Michaels, at her budget wedding in the park.  It was beautiful.
One of the tackiest weddings I have ever seen (other than the one I cited) was also the most expensive.