Chit Chat

Wedding Obsession

Hello all!  I'm engaged to be engaged. 
 Basically, my boyfriend (of five years) is getting his masters degree 6 hours away from were I'm getting my degree so we decided to wait until we both graduate to make it official. We both graduate next spring and I want a year long engagement so I'm getting married in two years (give or take).
 Even though my wedding is two years away, I'm wedding obsessed!  Of course I'm also thinking about the marriage. But, there's just something exciting about that party, you know?

I was just wondering what some of you did to pass the time and quell your excitement. Is there any planning I can do right now even though its 2 years away?
Or, maybe just some fun/funny wedding stories? I love reading stories about other people's weddings.
Thanks!
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Re: Wedding Obsession

  • Hello all!  I'm engaged to be engaged. 
     Basically, my boyfriend (of five years) is getting his masters degree 6 hours away from were I'm getting my degree so we decided to wait until we both graduate to make it official. We both graduate next spring and I want a year long engagement so I'm getting married in two years (give or take).
     Even though my wedding is two years away, I'm wedding obsessed!  Of course I'm also thinking about the marriage. But, there's just something exciting about that party, you know?

    I was just wondering what some of you did to pass the time and quell your excitement. Is there any planning I can do right now even though its 2 years away?
    Or, maybe just some fun/funny wedding stories? I love reading stories about other people's weddings.
    Thanks!

    The not engaged yet board might be good for you. But in the meantime, stick around to lurk. I learned a lot here regarding do's and don't as well as what trends are overdone. I used to like certain things before I got engaged and then now with months to go, some ideas have totally changed. I am in the midst of a 2 year engagement and I really liked having a long time to think about what's most important to my FI and me, and how to make our wedding fun and well-hosted for our guests.
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  • Thanks for the replies. :) 
     What I mean by "engaged to be engaged" is that we aren't really telling a bunch of people right now or doing any planning as a couple.  Most of my planning right now is just a bunch of pinterest boards. 
     I supposed that could be considered just engaged; but, we've chosen to think of it more as a pre-engagement since we're so far apart. 
     Anyway, I've been reading articles and message boards on The Knot incessantly for the last three months.
  • novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2015
    I was engaged for around a year and half, and it was nice to have lots of time. 

    You could start researching venues. The venue we wanted books about a year and a half out. We booked it right after we got engaged and there were already only a few dates left (it was winter 2013, and we booked for spring 2015. We originally wanted June but the entire month was already booked solid). This really surprised me. So if you come across a particular venue that you really fall in love with, it wouldn't hurt to call early just to get a general idea of how fast they book up. 

    And maybe start getting a rough idea of a budget and guest list (since venues have limited capacity and different price ranges and whatnot). 

    peachy13 had a great suggestion; hang out and lurk. I learned a lot and I was extremely thankful for the things I learned. 

    And be wary of pinterest. 
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  • I know its not about me; but, I can only speak for myself.
    I just wanted to share my excitement, guys. I didn't realize I was doing something wrong...  :(

  • labro said:
    I know its not about me; but, I can only speak for myself.
    I just wanted to share my excitement, guys. I didn't realize I was doing something wrong...  :(

    Listen, it's totally cool that you and your boyfriend have had this discussion of "We want to be married" and you have a clear cut timeline. And it's ok to be excited about it! It's VERY exciting!! A lot of people aren't as good at being so open and upfront with their SOs. No one person should be in the dark about when or if it will happen. But the whole pre-engagement thing is absolutely bogus. I think you and your SO need to sit down and talk to each other about it. You may come out of it and say "Yes! We're engaged and ready to declare it to the world and start planning our wedding" or you may say "No, we know we'd like to be engaged soon, but not yet, and that's ok" and then back off on the planning.
    All of this. It's totally cool to be excited, because this is an exciting thing! But the bolded is important. If you consider yourselves to be engaged, cool! Do some preliminary planning! Otherwise, don't jump the gun. Just relax and wait for the actual engagement to happen before you get too into wedding stuff. 
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  • PS How old are you? Are you graduating from college next year? Do you know for sure that you both will be able to be in the same location immediately after you graduate? Do you have jobs lined up? While I think people CAN plan a wedding while still in school, I also think that you have some other things to worry about before jumping headfirst into wedding planning. Like, enjoying your last year of school, job searching, etc. etc. etc.

    This is definitely an exciting time, for sure. And obviously you can only speak for yourself - but you're talking about YOUR wedding, and what YOU want for an engagement, singularly. What about what your boyfriend wants?



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  • I agree with the PP who said it's a good idea to get a feel for potential budget and what venues may fall into that price range and how far out they book up... but the latter seems hard to do without inquiring directly about a specific date.

    I disagree that the whole point to being engaged is planning a wedding.  I would have gladly skipped over that step!  I also wish I had a longer engagement so I could have avoided it for longer!  Plenty of people do wait and don't do any planning right away, but they are still engaged.

    We didn't say anything to anyone until I had the ring either, so there was definitely a period where we knew we were about to be engaged while the ring was made... That was difficult enough, I wouldn't have been able to do it for a year!  That time just between us was super special though.

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  • luckya23 said:

    I agree with the PP who said it's a good idea to get a feel for potential budget and what venues may fall into that price range and how far out they book up... but the latter seems hard to do without inquiring directly about a specific date.

    I disagree that the whole point to being engaged is planning a wedding.  I would have gladly skipped over that step!  I also wish I had a longer engagement so I could have avoided it for longer!  Plenty of people do wait and don't do any planning right away, but they are still engaged.

    We didn't say anything to anyone until I had the ring either, so there was definitely a period where we knew we were about to be engaged while the ring was made... That was difficult enough, I wouldn't have been able to do it for a year!  That time just between us was super special though.

    Yeah, I really wish we would have taken some time to just be engaged without planning at all. Because as soon as we started planning/telling people, my parents jumped right in and made our lives hell right up until the wedding day. 

    It would have been so nice to just keep it to ourselves for a while and enjoy it. That's a really good point to bring up! 
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  • labrolabro member
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    luckya23 said:

    I agree with the PP who said it's a good idea to get a feel for potential budget and what venues may fall into that price range and how far out they book up... but the latter seems hard to do without inquiring directly about a specific date.

    I disagree that the whole point to being engaged is planning a wedding.  I would have gladly skipped over that step!  I also wish I had a longer engagement so I could have avoided it for longer!  Plenty of people do wait and don't do any planning right away, but they are still engaged.

    We didn't say anything to anyone until I had the ring either, so there was definitely a period where we knew we were about to be engaged while the ring was made... That was difficult enough, I wouldn't have been able to do it for a year!  That time just between us was super special though.

    I think you know how all of NEY felt about your "secret" engagement. And yes, the point of an engagement IS to plan your wedding. Otherwise, why are you engaged? Why not just get married then? If you aren't planning a wedding, then why are you sitting in limbo?



  • I'm 22 years old. He's 23.  We both graduate next year.  I already have a job lined up.  And we are 100% both going to be in the same city when we graduate.  

    My boyfriend wants me to go ahead and start figuring out and do a little pre-planning and scouting. He's not that interested in participating at the moment; but, he wants me to go ahead and have a good time. He knows I'm excited.

    Thanks Luckya. :)  I love your .gif.
  • @GoldenPenguin I could watch your sig gif all day!
  • @LaBro  I still don't care how an anonymous board feels about my own experience, I got my ring when it was finished and then I had to tell the family if I wanted to wear it. 

    My cousin got engaged last week and I've been careful not to pester them asking anything about the wedding because personally those immediate questions annoyed me and I felt pressure to plan right away.  I don't think you should feel like you have to start planning that minute if you don't want to.


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  • labrolabro member
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    @luckya23 No, you shouldn't have to start planning right away. BUT, I think any sort of pre-engagement/engaged to be engaged status is still absolutely ridiculous. Own it. You're engaged or you're not. There isn't this whole in-between while we figure things out. If you don't want to freaking plan immediately when you're engaged then why are you even advocating the pre-planning?



  • @GoldenPenguin I could watch your sig gif all day!
    Funny, I feel the same way about yours!! ;) 



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  • Congrats, it is an exciting time.

    I think the best way to look at this is not a 'pre-engagement' but 'My bf and I have talked about getting engaged and we've set a timeline!'

    Which is super exciting. It shows you are both on the same page, and you aren't sitting wondering if he's ever going to propose. You have a timeline!

    FI and I sat down and talked about getting engaged at the end of summer 2013, and went and looked rings. We then decided that spring 2014 was the ideal time to get engaged based on financials and other events in our life. (I'm guessing this is what you would have called a pre-engagement). It was setting a timeline on when things were going to happen. It was a super exciting and special time in itself, and yes it was really hard not to plan.

    But i definitely recommend holding off on any planning until you deem yourself officially engaged. In the mean time, hang out here, get a good idea of common etiquette mistakes, perhaps take a look at pretty pictures. And it never hurts to amp up your savings, so when the time to plan comes you have a good idea of a budget in mind:)


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  • I'm 22 years old. He's 23.  We both graduate next year.  I already have a job lined up.  And we are 100% both going to be in the same city when we graduate.  

    My boyfriend wants me to go ahead and start figuring out and do a little pre-planning and scouting. He's not that interested in participating at the moment; but, he wants me to go ahead and have a good time. He knows I'm excited.

    Thanks Luckya. :)  I love your .gif.
    Jennifer Lawrence Gives the Sarcastic OK

    Also, I'd LOVE to know what fields you're going into that you have jobs lined up a YEAR before graduation. I work in higher education, at a pretty prestigious engineering university, and we have graduates who still don't have jobs. So, I'm interested. 



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  • Because these are individuals, not people following TK's "rules".  Whether people want to be over-prepared or not plan at all, call themselves engaged or not, I think that's up to them. 

    OP was asking for some "safe" things to do, and I agreed that figuring out a budget ahead of time would probably be useful.  I'm two weeks from my wedding and I still haven't figured one out - whoops!


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  • She could have an internship lined up that will turn into a job. Even if its not, several fields can have a job lined up before graduation. FI signed his contract with a hospital a year before finishing residency.

    I agree with others, start looking at "inspiration" more than anything since you really cant make any plans.


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  • Personally, I'm still scared of "inspiration" and haven't looked at pinterest beyond hair ideas, so that's one caution I would have - I feel like a lot of that kind of stuff can set your expectations higher than your reality.  Two years of it would definitely be too much!

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  • watznvoltzwatznvoltz member
    First Comment
    edited June 2015
    Its nothing prestigious.  I'm going to be doing communications work for my uncle's non profit.  So, yes, its lined up. Its not a lot of money, but its something.
    He doesn't have anything lined up.  He's going into human factors and ergonomics.

    I'm calling him my boyfriend because, as I said, I'm not comfortable with calling him my fiance until we have told people and are no longer 6 hours apart from each other. 
    But, we have agreed that its okay for me to start looking at what I want to do (pre-planning) since I'm so excited about it and 2 years isn't all that far away.
    I don't really see what the big deal is with the words I've chosen to use.

     I created this thread because I was excited and I wanted to share my excitement.  I wanted to  get tips and hear stories.
    I'm sorry, again, if its brushed you the wrong way.  Anyway, I'm feeling pretty lousy now. 
     So, you guys can continue if you want but I think I just going to find another way to express how excited I am.
  • I was engaged for just under 9 months. I wouldn't have had it any other way. We started planning the week after we got engaged, and went from there. I can understand having a long engagement if your venue is booked out for that long, or if you are saving to pay for things yourself. But to get engaged and then just not plan anything for six months? I don't really get that. 
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