FMIL crisis

Heffalump

[Deleted User] said:

kmmssg said:

Can you please explain what you mean by a bridal shower pre-ceremony?  Are you saying this is being done immediately prior to your ceremony with only your guests who are invited to the wedding?

 

No, by pre-ceremony I mean the bridal shower will happen some time before the ceremony.  We haven't set that date yet.  But again, this is not relevant to my initial question.

I completely read that the majority opinion here is that it is not PROPER to host a RECEPTION on a day other than the ceremony day.  Thank you.  I am completely familiar with proper wedding etiquette.  Since "words have meaning" let's not call it a reception...it's a celebration of our marriage with our extended family and friends.  Yup, I understand that this is not necessary, but since we are having our wedding at an inopportune time and in an inopportune location we wanted to offer an alternative for guests that did not want to brave the weather...hence our "celebration".  

Now back to my question:  should I give things time and try to work things out with my FMIL and try to continue with things as planned or should I go ahead and make new arrangements for our celebration?

Serious question:  if you recognize that this is not a good time/place for your guests, then why is it so important that it be then/there?  This isn't a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely wondering.  It must be a pretty big reason.

Pupatella

[Deleted User] said:

Pupatella said:

I would make new arrangements for the party and not count on your FMIL to host.

Also, there is nothing wrong with having a party post wedding!! My FI and I are doing that back in our home towns after our wedding. But there is no DJ, I won't be wearing my wedding dress, etc. Will there be food and fun? Absolutely!! But it's just more of a backyard BBQ, where my family and friends that won't be traveling for our wedding can meet my new H, and vise versa. What's wrong with planning something like this? I think that takes off a lot of stress if you aren't planning a second "reception".

That's basically what our celebration was meant to be.  Regardless of what takes place at this event I still need to find a new venue and the DJ is already paid for, so we will have music.  I do agree that as far as the decorations and things go, it is probably better to tone things down and maybe consider a different time for the event so we don't have to try to provide a full meal anymore.  Something more informal will be easier to accommodate in our budget.  Thanks for sharing!

For my families' hometown party, my Mom is planning an "open house party". Just come and go as you please type thing. There will be plenty of food, drinks, and desserts out for people to eat, and plenty of seating areas for people to sit, eat, and visit. I'm really looking forward to spending time with everyone!! I'm not planning on having any decorations. My Mom insisted on sending out invitations, but honestly they weren't really necessary. You can just send out an email invite with an RSVP function. I'm guessing my Mom will have some sort of music on, but I highly doubt there will be any dancing. 

If you go this route, I think the costs can be quite reasonable. My Mom is having some of the dishes ordered from restaurants, and is cooking some of the dishes herself. 

If your FMIL's house is off limits now that she isn't hosting, what about checking out your local community clubhouse if you want to do something similar?

Best of luck!!

[Deleted User]

Heffalump said:

Serious question:  if you recognize that this is not a good time/place for your guests, then why is it so important that it be then/there?  This isn't a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely wondering.  It must be a pretty big reason.

Does it really matter what reason I give?  You obviously don't agree, so no matter what I say you are going to criticize me and tell me how terrible it is for me to put our guests through that.

The opinions that matter in this area (namely our families and our other invited guests) have already provided their opinions on the matter.  Our reasoning for our choices really doesn't matter for the sake of this forum or your genuine curiosity.

ShesSoCold

[Deleted User] said:

Heffalump said:

Serious question:  if you recognize that this is not a good time/place for your guests, then why is it so important that it be then/there?  This isn't a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely wondering.  It must be a pretty big reason.

Does it really matter what reason I give?  You obviously don't agree, so no matter what I say you are going to criticize me and tell me how terrible it is for me to put our guests through that.

The opinions that matter in this area (namely our families and our other invited guests) have already provided their opinions on the matter.  Our reasoning for our choices really doesn't matter for the sake of this forum or your genuine curiosity.

Translation - I know it's a shitty idea but I'm doing it anyway so I don't want to talk about it anymore.

redoryx

Wait a second. Are you having the "celebration" because there are guests not invited to the wedding or because there are guests who won't want to brave the cold? 

levioosa

If you make me travel and then stay outside for a ceremony in freezing weather in Michigan with my rheumatoid arthritis, and then you expect to only serve me hot chocolate, our friendship is probably going to be over, or at the very least damaged.  The way you treat your guests matters, and the purpose of etiquette is to make your GUESTS comfortable.  I don't broadcast my RA; most people don't know I have it, it's not physically obvious, and I'm young so it's not something you would think to expect.  Proper etiquette would prevent the whole awkward exchange of either  having to excuse myself from the ceremony, or remaining in excruciating pain in the cold.  If you are placing your vision over your guests' comfort and possible health conditions, then you're being a shitty person.  

And don't have a pity reception masqueraded as a "celebration."  I don't know why there is this conception that people who can't make it to a wedding pine over missing it, but it's simply not true.  I don't blame people for not wanting to "brave the cold."  That shouldn't even be an option in the first place.  If your ceremony location means so much to you that you have to be outside, then do a first look there, prepare something intimate to say to your FI there, take pictures with you and FI, but don't torture your guests by forcing them to adhere to your vision--a vision which completely disrespects their time, health, and comfort.  

AddieCake

You should change the location and not count on your FMIL to be cooperative. This happening now is annoying enough. What would you do if it happened again right before the wedding? Too risky for my taste.

TheCheeseWench

Heffalump said:

Serious question:  if you recognize that this is not a good time/place for your guests, then why is it so important that it be then/there?  This isn't a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely wondering.  It must be a pretty big reason.

Does it really matter what reason I give?  You obviously don't agree, so no matter what I say you are going to criticize me and tell me how terrible it is for me to put our guests through that.

The opinions that matter in this area (namely our families and our other invited guests) have already provided their opinions on the matter.  Our reasoning for our choices really doesn't matter for the sake of this forum or your genuine curiosity.

************BOX***************** If you are not interested in an actual 2 way conversation, we are not interested in you or your problem. GTFO of this forum and let us spend our time helping people who don't have atrocious manners and zero willingness to listen. To answer YOUR question though, plan your own shit. Pay for your own shit. It isn't your FMIL's responsibility to host, and frankly she might be embarrassed that people will think whatever poorly planned/hosted trainwreck you have at her house was her doing.

Teddy917

Even if you ignore your guests comfort, think about this:
I get cold super easily (anything below 65 and I'm shivering). So if I were a guest, I would be dressed in my warmest coat which makes me look like the Abominable Snowman and would look awful in your pictures for years to come. Also, even with the coat, I'd still be freezing, so you'd get to hear my teeth chattering loudly over your vows. Do you seriously want to not be able to hear your vows and have a snow beast in your pictures?

photokitty

Did you say the wedding party attire is winter coats and boots? As in you are making them buy matching coats and boots? Between that and the fact that it sounds like you are inviting people to the shower, but not to the ceremony...I can't process anything else.

But congrats on knowing it is rude to say no gifts on your invites, clearly you know all there is to know about etiquette.

MesmrEwe

photokitty said:

Did you say the wedding party attire is winter coats and boots? As in you are making them buy matching coats and boots? Between that and the fact that it sounds like you are inviting people to the shower, but not to the ceremony...I can't process anything else. But congrats on knowing is rude to say no gifts on your invites, clearly you know all there it's the know about etiquette.

I'm thinking Swampers or Snowmobile boots!?!?!?  .. Or maybe they're getting married up at Da Yooper's Tourist Trap and don't want anyone to know here Eh!...

Knottie65673973

First post ever over here! Wow, really good advise from other posts, I know you didn't come here for that but seriously, nix the FMIL's reception thing and make the hot chocolate bar after the ceremony a real reception with first dance, alc. beverages, cake cutting etc.! Also I'd have hot chocolate already waiting before the ceremony for guests to drink during (you could write something on the drinks like "to keep your hands warm!") and a blanket on each seat. If you can't afford a real meal you could have a "cocktail reception" just let guests know this beforehand and have PLENTY of appetizers and of course real drinks, could even do a hard hot cider drink? 

Now what I really came here to say... I'm from Minnesota, been here for 22 years, lived in Michigan for 2 years while FI got his Masters degree. There are a handful of days during the winter that are a complete winter wonderland. I'm talking warm and sunny where you don't mind being outside and there is bright white snow everywhere! That being said, there are aboutttttttt 7 days out of the year total that are like that. More importantly, there is no way one could plan for this kind of day in the winter, it'd be a complete shot in the dark. Just thought I'd give you this insider information. 

[Deleted User]

Knottie65673973 said:

First post ever over here! Wow, really good advise from other posts, I know you didn't come here for that but seriously, nix the FMIL's reception thing and make the hot chocolate bar after the ceremony a real reception with first dance, alc. beverages, cake cutting etc.! Also I'd have hot chocolate already waiting before the ceremony for guests to drink during (you could write something on the drinks like "to keep your hands warm!") and a blanket on each seat. If you can't afford a real meal you could have a "cocktail reception" just let guests know this beforehand and have PLENTY of appetizers and of course real drinks, could even do a hard hot cider drink? 

Now what I really came here to say... I'm from Minnesota, been here for 22 years, lived in Michigan for 2 years while FI got his Masters degree. There are a handful of days during the winter that are a complete winter wonderland. I'm talking warm and sunny where you don't mind being outside and there is bright white snow everywhere! That being said, there are aboutttttttt 7 days out of the year total that are like that. More importantly, there is no way one could plan for this kind of day in the winter, it'd be a complete shot in the dark. Just thought I'd give you this insider information. 

We understand the risks of having a winter wedding.  Of course we hope for the "winter wonderland" where everything is perfect, but we also realize that it could be a freak blizzard in March.  We have alternative plans if the weather is less than cooperative and have even ensured that our rental is covered in the event that weather prevents travel that weekend.  I appreciate all of the tips you gave as well.  I will put more effort into making our intimate reception more appreciative and include more than a gourmet hot chocolate bar (no we weren't doing quick mix hot chocolate in styrofoam cups, but that seems to be the impression everyone has).  

As far as attire goes, the bridesmaids helped pick out the coats...they are wool blend peacoats not huge puffy coats.  The boots are not snow boots and were also picked by the bridesmaids to fit their personal preference.  ALL of the bridesmaids were excited about the attire because it is something they will reuse every year.  I have ordered matching fleece-lined hand muffs as my gift to them.  Perfect for incorporating the wedding colors and the perfect place to put a hand warmer if needed!

Our guests, who supported the plan, know to dress warmly (and none will look like snowmen) and we will provide extra blankets, just in case.  I will probably look at investing in extra hand warmers as well or taking your suggestion and having the hot chocolate available beforehand as well.

We are hosting a separate "celebration" later for our guests that are unable to make the ceremony due to travel, health, etc.  We opted for a non-traditional wedding ceremony (which is completely acceptable) and as such, have modified traditions to fit our plan.  If people feel offended by our approach, then I encourage them to decline our invitation to attend.  No one is obligated to come to something they don't agree with.   

ShesSoCold

[Deleted User] said:

Knottie65673973 said:

First post ever over here! Wow, really good advise from other posts, I know you didn't come here for that but seriously, nix the FMIL's reception thing and make the hot chocolate bar after the ceremony a real reception with first dance, alc. beverages, cake cutting etc.! Also I'd have hot chocolate already waiting before the ceremony for guests to drink during (you could write something on the drinks like "to keep your hands warm!") and a blanket on each seat. If you can't afford a real meal you could have a "cocktail reception" just let guests know this beforehand and have PLENTY of appetizers and of course real drinks, could even do a hard hot cider drink? 

Now what I really came here to say... I'm from Minnesota, been here for 22 years, lived in Michigan for 2 years while FI got his Masters degree. There are a handful of days during the winter that are a complete winter wonderland. I'm talking warm and sunny where you don't mind being outside and there is bright white snow everywhere! That being said, there are aboutttttttt 7 days out of the year total that are like that. More importantly, there is no way one could plan for this kind of day in the winter, it'd be a complete shot in the dark. Just thought I'd give you this insider information. 

We understand the risks of having a winter wedding.  Of course we hope for the "winter wonderland" where everything is perfect, but we also realize that it could be a freak blizzard in March.  We have alternative plans if the weather is less than cooperative and have even ensured that our rental is covered in the event that weather prevents travel that weekend.  I appreciate all of the tips you gave as well.  I will put more effort into making our intimate reception more appreciative and include more than a gourmet hot chocolate bar (no we weren't doing quick mix hot chocolate in styrofoam cups, but that seems to be the impression everyone has).  

As far as attire goes, the bridesmaids helped pick out the coats...they are wool blend peacoats not huge puffy coats.  The boats are not snow boats and were also picked by the bridesmaids to fit their personal preference.  ALL of the bridesmaids were excited about the attire because it is something they will reuse every year.  I have ordered matching fleece-lined hand muffs as my gift to them.  Perfect for incorporating the wedding colors and the perfect place to put a hand warmer if needed!

Our guests, who supported the plan, know to dress warmly (and none will look like snowmen) and we will provide extra blankets, just in case.  I will probably look at investing in extra hand warmers as well or taking your suggestion and having the hot chocolate available beforehand as well.

We are hosting a separate "celebration" later for our guests that are unable to make the ceremony due to travel, health, etc.  We opted for a non-traditional wedding ceremony (which is completely acceptable) and as such, have modified traditions to fit our plan.  If people feel offended by our approach, then I encourage them to decline our invitation to attend.  No one is obligated to come to something they don't agree with.   

You're making these people buy freaking BOATS?!

But really, can you just answer whether or not everyone who is invited to the party at home is also invited to MI?

Maggie0829

[Deleted User] said:

Heffalump said:

Serious question:  if you recognize that this is not a good time/place for your guests, then why is it so important that it be then/there?  This isn't a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely wondering.  It must be a pretty big reason.

Does it really matter what reason I give?  You obviously don't agree, so no matter what I say you are going to criticize me and tell me how terrible it is for me to put our guests through that.

The opinions that matter in this area (namely our families and our other invited guests) have already provided their opinions on the matter.  Our reasoning for our choices really doesn't matter for the sake of this forum or your genuine curiosity.

_______________________________________________________________________

But this is why I don't understand the whole "get married here and then have a big celebration with everyone else later" thing.  Why not just have the whole shabang at one time? Why have the stress of two different parties/events, which are essentially for the same damn thing?  If you want to celebrate your marriage with everyone then why not just invite them to your wedding?  I really don't, and probably will never, understand this mindset.  I don't get wanting to celebrate with everyone but then planning your wedding with only a handful of people and then a huge part months later.  Why?

But in regards to your situation, nix the party in May.  You don't need it and it seems like financially you can't afford it.  So enjoy your winter wedding (and please host more then just hot chocolate) in MI and then go on with your married life and raising your kid.  Seriously, why stress and stretch yourself thin money wise just to have a party?  If it is so important to celebrate with all of these people then you will just postpone everything (wedding and this party), save up the money you need and then throw ONE wedding and invite everyone to it.

[Deleted User]

ShesSoCold said:

You're making these people buy freaking BOATS?!

But really, can you just answer whether or not everyone who is invited to the party at home is also invited to MI?

It's a typo...it really doesn't need ridiculous attention drawn to it.

Anyone that wants to come to the ceremony can come.  They are expected to front all travel and accommodations as needed to attend.  We will provide a reception that reflects the number of people attending.  We only discussed our plans with immediate family and the wedding party before moving forward to ensure our VIPs would still want to attend.  My FI does not care if we host a larger celebration later or not, so it is possible that we will revoke our Save the Date and not have a bigger get together.

As I mentioned before: since most of our VIPs are unable to stay after the ceremony, we planned on hosting a gourmet hot chocolate bar as a thank you (in addition to us covering the costs of the houses for the weekend and other associated expenses) and to help people warm up after the ceremony.  Our bar would have multiple hot chocolate options, toppings, etc. including alcohol for those that wish to add a little extra heat to their drinks and don't plan on driving immediately.  Since everything is on site, the bar will be available before the ceremony as well as after.  Taking advice from others, I will also plan on adding some light appetizers to accompany the hot chocolate so that people do not feel offended or disappointed by the reception.

Back to my original question:  I appreciate the suggestion that the later event is not necessary, so we should cancel it if we feel it is not within our budget.  Like I said, my FI is not bothered by that idea.  I would like to still offer an alternative to our guests because our wedding is not to everyone's liking, but maybe we need to tone it down and make it less formal than our original plan so that it is more affordable for us.   

TrixieJess

[Deleted User] said:

Knottie65673973 said:

First post ever over here! Wow, really good advise from other posts, I know you didn't come here for that but seriously, nix the FMIL's reception thing and make the hot chocolate bar after the ceremony a real reception with first dance, alc. beverages, cake cutting etc.! Also I'd have hot chocolate already waiting before the ceremony for guests to drink during (you could write something on the drinks like "to keep your hands warm!") and a blanket on each seat. If you can't afford a real meal you could have a "cocktail reception" just let guests know this beforehand and have PLENTY of appetizers and of course real drinks, could even do a hard hot cider drink? 

Now what I really came here to say... I'm from Minnesota, been here for 22 years, lived in Michigan for 2 years while FI got his Masters degree. There are a handful of days during the winter that are a complete winter wonderland. I'm talking warm and sunny where you don't mind being outside and there is bright white snow everywhere! That being said, there are aboutttttttt 7 days out of the year total that are like that. More importantly, there is no way one could plan for this kind of day in the winter, it'd be a complete shot in the dark. Just thought I'd give you this insider information. 

We understand the risks of having a winter wedding.  Of course we hope for the "winter wonderland" where everything is perfect, but we also realize that it could be a freak blizzard in March.  We have alternative plans if the weather is less than cooperative and have even ensured that our rental is covered in the event that weather prevents travel that weekend.  I appreciate all of the tips you gave as well.  I will put more effort into making our intimate reception more appreciative and include more than a gourmet hot chocolate bar (no we weren't doing quick mix hot chocolate in styrofoam cups, but that seems to be the impression everyone has).  

As far as attire goes, the bridesmaids helped pick out the coats...they are wool blend peacoats not huge puffy coats.  The boots are not snow boots and were also picked by the bridesmaids to fit their personal preference.  ALL of the bridesmaids were excited about the attire because it is something they will reuse every year.  I have ordered matching fleece-lined hand muffs as my gift to them.  Perfect for incorporating the wedding colors and the perfect place to put a hand warmer if needed!

Our guests, who supported the plan, know to dress warmly (and none will look like snowmen) and we will provide extra blankets, just in case.  I will probably look at investing in extra hand warmers as well or taking your suggestion and having the hot chocolate available beforehand as well.

We are hosting a separate "celebration" later for our guests that are unable to make the ceremony due to travel, health, etc.  We opted for a non-traditional wedding ceremony (which is completely acceptable) and as such, have modified traditions to fit our plan.  If people feel offended by our approach, then I encourage them to decline our invitation to attend.  No one is obligated to come to something they don't agree with.   

Are you out of your ever-loving mind? Please tell me that you are joking?

I was in a winter wedding many, many years ago. I'm from Southern Ontario where it doesn't get that cold in December (-5 to -10*C) and I froze my ass off going from the church to the limo and the limo to the reception. My dress was lined and I wore a wool coat. 

Your guests may not say anything TO YOU, but they will bitch to everyone else. Stop being a Speshul Fucking Snowflake and think of your guests!

Heffalump

[Deleted User] said:

Heffalump said:

Serious question:  if you recognize that this is not a good time/place for your guests, then why is it so important that it be then/there?  This isn't a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely wondering.  It must be a pretty big reason.

Does it really matter what reason I give?  You obviously don't agree, so no matter what I say you are going to criticize me and tell me how terrible it is for me to put our guests through that.

The opinions that matter in this area (namely our families and our other invited guests) have already provided their opinions on the matter.  Our reasoning for our choices really doesn't matter for the sake of this forum or your genuine curiosity.

Well, I was asking because the ladies here are good problem-solvers.  Sometimes when someone posts something logistically whacked out, people provide good suggestions on how to make it easier on everyone (couple, BP, guests). 

rrjacks88 said:

We understand the risks of having a winter wedding.  Of course we hope for the "winter wonderland" where everything is perfect, but we also realize that it could be a freak blizzard in March.  We have alternative plans if the weather is less than cooperative and have even ensured that our rental is covered in the event that weather prevents travel that weekend.  I appreciate all of the tips you gave as well.  I will put more effort into making our intimate reception more appreciative and include more than a gourmet hot chocolate bar (no we weren't doing quick mix hot chocolate in styrofoam cups, but that seems to be the impression everyone has).  

STUCKINTHESTUPIDBOXAGH

I don't know that most people thought it was Swiss Miss in an envelope, but the point is that hot chocolate--no matter how many toppings--is sort of an underwhelming thank you after putting your guests through that.  It may be the best hot chocolate EVER...but it's still just hot chocolate.  That's where the friction was coming from.

rrjacks88 said:

As far as attire goes, the bridesmaids helped pick out the coats...they are wool blend peacoats not huge puffy coats.  The boots are not snow boots and were also picked by the bridesmaids to fit their personal preference.  ALL of the bridesmaids were excited about the attire because it is something they will reuse every year.  I have ordered matching fleece-lined hand muffs as my gift to them.  Perfect for incorporating the wedding colors and the perfect place to put a hand warmer if needed!

MOREBOXTOMFOOLERY

Did I read this correctly?  Are you making them buy matching winter coats?  Also, see the many, many posts on the Wedding Party board; you can buy your WP whatever you like to wear in the wedding (i.e. the matching muffs in your wedding colors), but that's not a gift, it's a prop.  Nothing wrong with a prop, but it is not a substitute for an actual gift.

climbingsingle

None of your loved ones are going to tell you to your face that your idea is terrible. And honey, this is a freaking TERRIBLE idea. You're making your bridal party buy coats and boots. Do you really not see how ridiculous that is? If you have to give people hand warmers and blankets to witness your ceremony, YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG. 

Your guests shouldn't have to suffer cold temperatures. That's crazy. If you are so insistent on being married outside during winter, then you should elope and not invite anyone else to attend. 

Skip the party in May. As a PP said, it doesn't seem like you can even afford it. 

[Deleted User]

**Removed for TOS Violation**

TheCheeseWench

**Removed for TOS Violation**

Again, if you don't give two shits about our opinion, we don't give two shits about your problem. Simple as that. Best of luck!

thespeshulestsnowflake

**Removed for TOS Violation**

Listen. I know you are not hearing what you want to hear. No one likes being told that they have a bad idea. But think about it. You want to have an outdoor wedding in Northern Michigan in March. It is a bad idea. I live in Michigan and have lived here my whole life. My dad has a cabin in Northern Michigan we would spend Spring Break at every few years. So I have been outside in Northern Michigan in March. It is either really cold and snowy or wet and muddy. Neither sounds ideal for a wedding.

Next, the reason people are commenting on your reception is because people are spending money and time to go to your wedding and all you are giving them in return is hot chocolate. Think of it this way, if you were invited down to a wedding in the Florida Keys, were outside in the sun and after all you got was lemonade, how disappointing is that? I'm sure you would be commenting on here about the poor hosting. Which is what you are doing.

Yes your wedding vision is important to you, but the comfort of your guests should be even more important. You say they don't care what you do because they love you, well don't you care equally back to them? Why would you want to treat them poorly? Has it occurred to you that the reason not many people want to come to your wedding because of the conditions? 

I would rather have a bunch of internet strangers tell me my idea is bad rather than treat my friends and family poorly and have them snark on me behind my back. You should read a few threads around the site to see how much people talk about bad/poorly hosted weddings they go to.

Heffalump

[Deleted User] said:

More recently I have started voicing my disagreements with things and speaking up when I was not okay with something.  Instead of being understanding and respectful (like I thought she would given her past), my FMIL became defensive and continued to push to do things I already said I was not okay with in regards to our son.  

[Deleted User] said:

**Removed for TOS Violation**

The thing is, saying "This is a bad idea, for these reasons: " is not being entitled, or belittling, or anything else that you said.  It's offering constructive criticism.  Nowhere did I see "You are stupid and fuck you, OP" (which is more than I can say about your responses, BTW).  People have been on the other end of this kind of shitshow, and have seen it end badly. 

You know what's entitled, though?  Scheduling an event that's inconvenient for most of the guests, making your BP buy matching winter gear, FFS, and then thanking everyone with a cup of cocoa.  Oh, but it has toppings!

climbingsingle

**Removed for TOS Violation**

Yeah, I don't think that means what you think it does. But that's hilarious. Good luck to you! 

littlepep

**Removed for TOS Violation**

arrrghmatey

So….you don't give four shits?

TheCheeseWench

rrjacks88 said:

Knottie65673973 said:

First post ever over here! Wow, really good advise from other posts, I know you didn't come here for that but seriously, nix the FMIL's reception thing and make the hot chocolate bar after the ceremony a real reception with first dance, alc. beverages, cake cutting etc.! Also I'd have hot chocolate already waiting before the ceremony for guests to drink during (you could write something on the drinks like "to keep your hands warm!") and a blanket on each seat. If you can't afford a real meal you could have a "cocktail reception" just let guests know this beforehand and have PLENTY of appetizers and of course real drinks, could even do a hard hot cider drink? 

Now what I really came here to say... I'm from Minnesota, been here for 22 years, lived in Michigan for 2 years while FI got his Masters degree. There are a handful of days during the winter that are a complete winter wonderland. I'm talking warm and sunny where you don't mind being outside and there is bright white snow everywhere! That being said, there are aboutttttttt 7 days out of the year total that are like that. More importantly, there is no way one could plan for this kind of day in the winter, it'd be a complete shot in the dark. Just thought I'd give you this insider information. 

We understand the risks of having a winter wedding.  Of course we hope for the "winter wonderland" where everything is perfect, but we also realize that it could be a freak blizzard in March.  We have alternative plans if the weather is less than cooperative and have even ensured that our rental is covered in the event that weather prevents travel that weekend.  I appreciate all of the tips you gave as well.  I will put more effort into making our intimate reception more appreciative and include more than a gourmet hot chocolate bar (no we weren't doing quick mix hot chocolate in styrofoam cups, but that seems to be the impression everyone has).  

As far as attire goes, the bridesmaids helped pick out the coats...they are wool blend peacoats not huge puffy coats.  The boots are not snow boots and were also picked by the bridesmaids to fit their personal preference.  ALL of the bridesmaids were excited about the attire because it is something they will reuse every year.  I have ordered matching fleece-lined hand muffs as my gift to them.  Perfect for incorporating the wedding colors and the perfect place to put a hand warmer if needed!

Our guests, who supported the plan, know to dress warmly (and none will look like snowmen) and we will provide extra blankets, just in case.  I will probably look at investing in extra hand warmers as well or taking your suggestion and having the hot chocolate available beforehand as well.

We are hosting a separate "celebration" later for our guests that are unable to make the ceremony due to travel, health, etc.  We opted for a non-traditional wedding ceremony (which is completely acceptable) and as such, have modified traditions to fit our plan.  If people feel offended by our approach, then I encourage them to decline our invitation to attend.  No one is obligated to come to something they don't agree with.   

Sorry, but if it is part of the "wedding uniform" it is NOT a gift. Get your nearest and dearest an actual gift. Not some crap that they have to wear to complete your "vision". That is almost as offensive as this freezer section wedding disaster.

MesmrEwe

**Removed for TOS Violation**

Next, the reason people are commenting on your reception is because people are spending money and time to go to your wedding and all you are giving them in return is hot chocolate. Think of it this way, if you were invited down to a wedding in the Florida Keys, were outside in the sun and after all you got was lemonade, how disappointing is that? I'm sure you would be commenting on here about the poor hosting. Which is what you are doing.

Yes your wedding vision is important to you, but the comfort of your guests should be even more important. You say they don't care what you do because they love you, well don't you care equally back to them? Why would you want to treat them poorly? Has it occurred to you that the reason not many people want to come to your wedding because of the conditions? 

I would rather have a bunch of internet strangers tell me my idea is bad rather than treat my friends and family poorly and have them snark on me behind my back. You should read a few threads around the site to see how much people talk about bad/poorly hosted weddings they go to.

thespeshulestsnowflake get an AMEN?!?!?!?! 

PrettyGirlLost

We have planned accordingly for the weather. Guests have been encouraged to dress warmly and we will be providing blankets.  The wedding party attire is winter appropriate (matching coats, boots, etc.).

The ceremony will be done within 30 minutes, so it's not like they will have to stand out in the cold for a long time.  We are doing a hot chocolate bar immediately following the ceremony.

Um, I'm sorry PPs have covered this, but have you ever stood outside in really cold weather for any amount of time? Michigan can get well below zero. I've stood around in single digit temps out at my barn. . .it's not something I care to do unless I really have to, certainly not for a wedding.

PrettyGirlLost

[Deleted User] said:

ShesSoCold said:

This is simple. Cancel the entire "reception" (it's not a reception at all) and only have the MI wedding. Bam. done. 

And regardless of how you encourage people to dress, I think it's tacky as shit to have an outdoor ceremony in the winter in Michigan. Why? For pretty pictures?

You're right it's not a "reception" in the traditional sense, however it is a time for our families to come together and celebrate our wedding.  Call it what you want.  Second,  we approached our family and wedding party about our idea for the Michigan wedding before planning it because we did not want to put anyone out.  Everyone was supportive of the idea.  The brief ceremony is taking place right outside of the houses and everyone will go back inside immediately following the ceremony.  The ceremony is not the point of this post and as such is not a part of the discussion that follows.  I am looking for advise on the reception.  I appreciate your advise to just cancel the entire reception.

If anyone, my BFF, my sister, my child, *anyone,* told me that their wedding plans were for an outdoor reception in the winter in Michigan. . .my response would be nothing short of "Are you fucking kidding me?!" Followed by a "decline" in record time. ETA: Your bridesmaids' attire is not going to cut it. I've spent over a decade commuting by bus through the winter in the Northeast, and the past 3 years most of late November- March has been below 20 or colder, especially with the windchill. This is what I wear all winter long to and from work, with insulated neoprene boots: http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-down-long-coat/id_274250_59?cm_mmc=139971612&source=GS&003=56492216&010=4005089 I also own a wool peacoat. . . It is no way near long enough or warm enough to be standing around outside for any length of time when it's below 30.