My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. We found out we were pregnant after only a few months together, so our families joined long before our wedding. Over the past 5 years things have been pretty good between his family and me, especially considering our differences. I made some internal sacrifices and compromises on little things so that I wasn't stepping on toes and to show respect for his family. As our son has gotten older, I have felt more pressure from his parents, specifically his mother, in regards to our son. She practically helped raise her first grandchild because her mother had her when when was like 18. In my opinion, she has gotten a little too used to the control and flexibility that she has had when it came to vacations and the like.
More recently I have started voicing my disagreements with things and speaking up when I was not okay with something. Instead of being understanding and respectful (like I thought she would given her past), my FMIL became defensive and continued to push to do things I already said I was not okay with in regards to our son.
(We are doing a getaway wedding, so the rest of this is pertaining to the reception) My FMIL graciously offered to host the reception at her house next May. She and I are both huge planners and have already been working on gathering everything we need for the event. I sent out our save the dates a couple weeks ago. I am also making our wedding invitations (I'm a crafter) and designed and printed the main information sheet weeks ago, so that I could focus on some of the more complicated details of the invites. Last week, my FMIL had a huge confrontation with me about the tension that has been building, accused me of ridiculous things, including "making it clear that she is not family" to me. In the midst of the argument, she said that she does not want to have to "jump through hoops" for the reception, so she no longer wants to host it. Thinking perhaps she didn't want the stress of it (which is fine) I had my fiance (who is not at odds with her at all) inquire about still being able to use the property. She wants out of it completely.
I am flipping out at this point because all of our wedding budget has been allocated other places and we have already booked our DJ and such using her property as the location. Now, we are looking at finding a new venue, finding a caterer, rentals (if the venue doesn't provide), decorations, etc. AND finding a way to pay for all of it. Not to mention I have 100 wedding invitations already printed with her address on it and have already sent out Save the Dates with the location on them.
On the whole, I would not say she is an unreasonably woman, but I think she is being completely unreasonable about the reception, especially when it had nothing to do with our disagreements. In my opinion, she is being vindictive since I won't give her what she wants with her grandson. I have done nothing to make her feel like she would have to "jump through hoops" with the reception and allowing us to use the land would not require any effort from her at all, so I truly believe this is her acting out about not getting her way.
Phew! Now, after that sort of non-specific rant....I am looking for advice. Should I: 1) give things time, try to make amends, and see if she resumes her offer to host or 2) go ahead and make new plans (assuming I can find funds for it) and redo all of the work I have already done to change the location (and possibly date)? There is also the possibility that we won't have a reception if we can't come up with the funds for it.