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Etiquette

Ceremony/reception time line question

I wasn't sure where to post this. I have a day of time line in mind and my fiance is trying to argue that is is dumb. So this is what I was thinking, we are just saying vows and the basic things for the ceremony and then pictures afterwards.

5 pm- ceremony
5:30- start pictures
6:30- guest start showing up mom and best man will start greeting them
7:00- entrance/thank you speech
7:15-7:30- speeches/supper
8:30- first dance/traditional wedding activities/cake
9:00-12:00- dancing/saying good bye to guests

I haven't been to a typical wedding in a while and I am a little concerned I am underestimating this time line. Thank you for any input!
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Re: Ceremony/reception time line question

  • I meant maid of honor, not mom, but I suppose the parents could greet too.
  • We are having a trail mix bar, and non alcoholic drinks, I forgot to add that in. We are going against etiquette and having a smaller ceremony and a big reception.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Aschive said:
    I meant maid of honor, not mom, but I suppose the parents could greet too.
    Do your MoH and BM want to be greeters?  I'd run that by them 1st.

    Also, what are your guests doing from 5:30-6:30?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Aschive said:
    We are having a trail mix bar, and non alcoholic drinks, I forgot to add that in. We are going against etiquette and having a smaller ceremony and a big reception.
    While frowned upon by some people here, it's not actually against etiquette.  I personally have been to 2 weddings like that.  Both OOT. Went to both.  

    But you will get some feedback about that here.

    So is the ceremony and the reception in the same location?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Aschive said:
    We are having a trail mix bar, and non alcoholic drinks, I forgot to add that in. We are going against etiquette and having a smaller ceremony and a big reception.
    it's not a good idea to come to the etiquette board and announce this. But as long as it's a very intimate ceremony it's not really against etiquette. If, however, you're inviting, like, 50 people to the ceremony then you have an issue. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueens
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Aschive said:
    We are having a trail mix bar, and non alcoholic drinks, I forgot to add that in. We are going against etiquette and having a smaller ceremony and a big reception.
    So your guests aren't invited to the ceremony, just the reception and you're having a dry cocktail hour before dinner?
    image
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Aschive said:
    I wasn't sure where to post this. I have a day of time line in mind and my fiance is trying to argue that is is dumb. So this is what I was thinking, we are just saying vows and the basic things for the ceremony and then pictures afterwards. 5 pm- ceremony 5:30- start pictures 6:30- guest start showing up mom and best man will start greeting them 7:00- entrance/thank you speech 7:15-7:30- speeches/supper 8:30- first dance/traditional wedding activities/cake 9:00-12:00- dancing/saying good bye to guests I haven't been to a typical wedding in a while and I am a little concerned I am underestimating this time line. Thank you for any input!
    What exactly does your FI think is dumb?  You actually need a timeline. People can't wander around like chickens with their heads cut off. Your photographer needs to know the timeline. Your caterer needs to know the timeline. Your DJ needs to know the timeline. 

    My comment is that supper should be being served while speeches are going on. People can much on salad or sip on soup, for example, and listen to speeches. Don't hold people's hunger hostage! 
    An 8:30 first dance also could depend on how many courses you're having. Cake cutting before or after dinner is also appropriate (I prefer cake cutting first, as people sit down to dinner, so the cake can be whisked away and prepared for dessert.) 

    So generally speaking, I think you've got a good framework here. 
    ________________________________


    ryanandjoe4SP29
  • We are having a dry "cocktail" hour for that half hour but having kegs for the dinner. I know I will get comments on that statement, we are cutting off the ceremony guest list at aunts and uncle's so roughly 20 people will be attending, while including those 20 the guest list is approximately 170. Yes the ceremony and reception will be at the same place.
  • What he doesn't like is the 5 pm ceremony, he wants it at 1 pm and then he couldn't tell what his idea was after that. So I am not sure what his problem with it is. They will be. Dinner will be served at 7 pm and then at about 7:15-7:30 speeches will be going on, I still need to tweak it a little. We are planning cupcakes with a little cake for us to cut. So not sure when we are going to do that.
  • I mean toasts, our bestman and Moh aren't really the toast type of people so we gave them an option so we are not sure if there will be any, dinner will be served at 7 and if toasts are to be made it will be done between 7:15 and 7:30.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Aschive said:
    What he doesn't like is the 5 pm ceremony, he wants it at 1 pm and then he couldn't tell what his idea was after that. So I am not sure what his problem with it is. They will be. Dinner will be served at 7 pm and then at about 7:15-7:30 speeches will be going on, I still need to tweak it a little. We are planning cupcakes with a little cake for us to cut. So not sure when we are going to do that.
    So why not do the ceremony at 1 and the reception right after? 

    InLoveInQueens
  • Because honestly I don't want to get married at 1 pm. I will compromise but he hasn't really been around to talk about it more.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Aschive said:
    Because honestly I don't want to get married at 1 pm. I will compromise but he hasn't really been around to talk about it more.
    Why is he not around? How are you going to plan a wedding if you can't communicate with each other?

    japrincess24
  • He is working a lot, and by the time he gets home, he doesn't want to talk about wedding stuff. He says whatever I want is fine, he just has had a few opinions like the ceremony size, and now the time of the ceremony.
  • Aschive said:
    Because honestly I don't want to get married at 1 pm. I will compromise but he hasn't really been around to talk about it more.
    Do you have the venue reserved all day or what?  How far out is this wedding that you can flip from 5 pm to 1 pm?
    image
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Aschive said:
    I wasn't sure where to post this. I have a day of time line in mind and my fiance is trying to argue that is is dumb. So this is what I was thinking, we are just saying vows and the basic things for the ceremony and then pictures afterwards. 5 pm- ceremony 5:30- start pictures 6:30- guest start showing up mom and best man will start greeting them 7:00- entrance/thank you speech 7:15-7:30- speeches/supper 8:30- first dance/traditional wedding activities/cake 9:00-12:00- dancing/saying good bye to guests I haven't been to a typical wedding in a while and I am a little concerned I am underestimating this time line. Thank you for any input!
    What exactly does your FI think is dumb?  You actually need a timeline. People can't wander around like chickens with their heads cut off. Your photographer needs to know the timeline. Your caterer needs to know the timeline. Your DJ needs to know the timeline. 

    My comment is that supper should be being served while speeches are going on. People can much on salad or sip on soup, for example, and listen to speeches. Don't hold people's hunger hostage! 
    An 8:30 first dance also could depend on how many courses you're having. Cake cutting before or after dinner is also appropriate (I prefer cake cutting first, as people sit down to dinner, so the cake can be whisked away and prepared for dessert.) 

    So generally speaking, I think you've got a good framework here. 
    This.

    I'm also not really a fan of having a small ceremony and then a larger reception, because as a guest I'd be confused as to what the purpose of my presence at the reception is for. . . I didn't witness your ceremony, so why am I being hosted to a "thank you" event?  Because that's what a reception is- it's a way for the couple to thank their guests for attending their ceremony and supporting their marriage.

    I also would probably be a little hurt that I wasn't close enough to you to witness your ceremony, which really is the important part.  The reception is just an overpriced party.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    [Deleted User]charcoalandblush
  • We are far enough out to change everything if we wanted we haven't sent out invites yet, we have the venue all weekend.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Aschive said:
    He is working a lot, and by the time he gets home, he doesn't want to talk about wedding stuff. He says whatever I want is fine, he just has had a few opinions like the ceremony size, and now the time of the ceremony.
    So why doesn't he want to invite all of the guests to the ceremony?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    InLoveInQueens
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Aschive said:
    He is working a lot, and by the time he gets home, he doesn't want to talk about wedding stuff. He says whatever I want is fine, he just has had a few opinions like the ceremony size, and now the time of the ceremony.
    So why doesn't he want to invite all of the guests to the ceremony?

    I will never understand the small ceremony and big reception. The reception is by far the most expensive part.

    Like others have said, you are going to hurt a lot of feelings by not inviting everyone to the ceremony.

    And you need a lot more than trail mix at your cocktail hour

    BabyFruit Ticker
    PrettyGirlLostcharcoalandblushInLoveInQueensYogaSandy
  • Aschive said:
    He is working a lot, and by the time he gets home, he doesn't want to talk about wedding stuff. He says whatever I want is fine, he just has had a few opinions like the ceremony size, and now the time of the ceremony.
    So why doesn't he want to invite all of the guests to the ceremony?
    Seriously..  Also, keep in mind that if you two want to move from 5:00 to 1:00, you'll also need to consult with other vendors, such as your officiant, musicians, photographers, etc.
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Aschive said:
    He is working a lot, and by the time he gets home, he doesn't want to talk about wedding stuff. He says whatever I want is fine, he just has had a few opinions like the ceremony size, and now the time of the ceremony.
    So why doesn't he want to invite all of the guests to the ceremony?
    ^This question is what I'm wondering as well?  What is the purpose for the smaller ceremony.

    There was a time in the very beginning I thought this would be nice as well.  I'm a private person emotionally, but then I realized my family/friends would be hurt if they weren't invited and that people watch people get married every day so I'm not really that special.  At first I thought that perhaps the ceremony space was somewhere different and tiny, which I could kind of get.

    Otherwise, I agree with PP, more apps during cocktail hour and the toast timing.

    Also, why not serve keg beer during that time also?  And when will the bar open up?  If it opens at the same time dinner is served, you're going to have a huge line at the bar.  Logistically speaking, one of the benefits of cocktail hour is your guests have time to get their drinks and it reduces the chances of people standing in a huge line.

    Also, how will you be wording your invitations for the reception-only invites?
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • He does. I don't. I am a terrible person and I don't want to meet his entire extended family that he hasn't talked to in the last 5 years at our wedding

    The guest list is still a touchy subject for us.
  • Aschive said:
    He does. I don't. I am a terrible person and I don't want to meet his entire extended family that he hasn't talked to in the last 5 years at our wedding The guest list is still a touchy subject for us.
    FYI, it's easier to tell whose question you're answering if you hit "quote" then reply.

    Who's paying for the wedding?

    Also, you'll need to meet (or at least make an attempt to meet & greet) anyone who is at your reception.
    image
    PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueensmollybarker11APDSS22

  • Thirty minutes of speeches is too long. No one should be making speeches, they should be making toasts, which shouldn't last more than a minute. No one wants to listen to speeches.

    THIS!!! My venue and entertainment all made it clear every speech should last no more than 3 minutes, and no more than 3-4 speeches. So we asked our speakers to keep to that rule, and speeches were done within 10 minutes. We got comments all night about how everyone loved the speeches and were so impressed no one talked too long and stayed on point since everyone was hungry ;)

    And as you get nearer, expect to make even more detailed schedules. Our venue and MC/musicians had it minute-by-minute. In reality, the schedules are just a guide for the order the general length of time for everything, but they needed it. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah, I think you have more issues than figuring out your timeline. 

    PrettyGirlLost
  • Ok, we either aren't having a bar and providing some kegs, or we will have a you know what bar. you know the other forbidden thing. I think of receptions as more of a celebration of our marriage, not a thank you for coming so I am not worried about the separation of the 2 guest lists. 2 separate invitations, and they are invited because that is what he wanted. The Chapel is kind of small, but I guess we could make it work.
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