Ceremony/reception time line question

pinkcow13

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

pinkcow13 said:

OP, I read through some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice person. You took some of the advice people gave you in the past, so I don't understand why you won't consider the things people are telling you here. Look, I'm a really easy going person. I have been to weddings and parties in which there are etiquette blunders and for the most part I shrug it off, but there are things that you don't forget. And people will talk. Maybe not to your face, but they will. Some will even get offended - do you want to risk that? 

 What I have seen several people do here is provide their budget, and with that budget others give them ideas. The ladies here are extremely good at coming up with tons of suggestions for every budget. Why don't you give that a try? I mean, if a bunch of people on this board is telling you that something is wrong, then chances are that it is. We're just trying to help you out here.

While that is good advice, I am not budging on the cash bar, and that what everyone is most critical about. Everyone we know doesnt expect an open bar, they know us as a couple and if they want to talk about all the stuff that is wrong, then they aren't really being supportive, in my mind. That being said, I am willing to look over a few things again.

People will talk about a cash bar and how horrible and inconvenient it is...just not to your face. I know, I went to a wedding where there was the POSSIBILITY of a cash bar and people were talking about it. I had even brought a flask just in case. 

Judging from some of your past posts and this one, you seem to put the cart before the horse. Do you just want to have a wedding? Do you realise that there will be a marriage? You come off very immature, which is fine, I don't think I was sober for more than a couple of days between 21 and 24, maybe you should hold off your wedding until you can afford to PROPERLY host people.

I do know that. I don't drink, maybe once a month. So that was extremely rude to imply. I can host a wedding however I want and when i want, just because there are typical norms doesn't mean that it is required.

This is all very true. At the end of the day it's your wedding, so you do what you want. But, don't you want your guests to have a fabulous time and feel appreciated? I loved my wedding, and all of our guests did too. We made sure to allocate the majority of our budget to properly hosting our guests. THAT was the most important thing to us when deciding to have the wedding that we did. I am very happy and satisfied with the end result, and with people still coming up to us telling us what a blast they had at our wedding. I would not want to host an event in which people had a miserable time because my vision was more important, you know? 

As someone who loves to party and drink at parties, there is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. I would probably prefer a dry wedding over a cash bar to be honest. My cousin had a dry wedding brunch/reception which was still very awesome.

Aschive

wink0erin said:

Aschive said:

Maggie0829 said:

Ah yes, the whole "the people coming know us and is okay with what we are doing" reasoning for being okay doing rude things.

It doesn't matter. I can use whatever excuse I want. I never said it made it ok.

Is it sad that this made me laugh?

Aschive

Well I would like to thank everyone! You forced me to see the things that my family aren't really telling me. I do have a few more questions if anyone is willing to help out?

Maggie0829

Aschive said:

Well I would like to thank everyone! You forced me to see the things that my family aren't really telling me. I do have a few more questions if anyone is willing to help out?

Ask away!

Liatris2010

pinkcow13 said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

pinkcow13 said:

OP, I read through some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice person. You took some of the advice people gave you in the past, so I don't understand why you won't consider the things people are telling you here. Look, I'm a really easy going person. I have been to weddings and parties in which there are etiquette blunders and for the most part I shrug it off, but there are things that you don't forget. And people will talk. Maybe not to your face, but they will. Some will even get offended - do you want to risk that? 

 What I have seen several people do here is provide their budget, and with that budget others give them ideas. The ladies here are extremely good at coming up with tons of suggestions for every budget. Why don't you give that a try? I mean, if a bunch of people on this board is telling you that something is wrong, then chances are that it is. We're just trying to help you out here.

While that is good advice, I am not budging on the cash bar, and that what everyone is most critical about. Everyone we know doesnt expect an open bar, they know us as a couple and if they want to talk about all the stuff that is wrong, then they aren't really being supportive, in my mind. That being said, I am willing to look over a few things again.

People will talk about a cash bar and how horrible and inconvenient it is...just not to your face. I know, I went to a wedding where there was the POSSIBILITY of a cash bar and people were talking about it. I had even brought a flask just in case. 

Judging from some of your past posts and this one, you seem to put the cart before the horse. Do you just want to have a wedding? Do you realise that there will be a marriage? You come off very immature, which is fine, I don't think I was sober for more than a couple of days between 21 and 24, maybe you should hold off your wedding until you can afford to PROPERLY host people.

I do know that. I don't drink, maybe once a month. So that was extremely rude to imply. I can host a wedding however I want and when i want, just because there are typical norms doesn't mean that it is required.

This is all very true. At the end of the day it's your wedding, so you do what you want. But, don't you want your guests to have a fabulous time and feel appreciated? I loved my wedding, and all of our guests did too. We made sure to allocate the majority of our budget to properly hosting our guests. THAT was the most important thing to us when deciding to have the wedding that we did. I am very happy and satisfied with the end result, and with people still coming up to us telling us what a blast they had at our wedding. I would not want to host an event in which people had a miserable time because my vision was more important, you know? 

As someone who loves to party and drink at parties, there is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. I would probably prefer a dry wedding over a cash bar to be honest. My cousin had a dry wedding brunch/reception which was still very awesome.

For realz. We've been married four years and in those four years scores of our friends have also been married. We still get compliments about our wedding. We spent significantly less than many of our friends, but put the money towards the things that matter to the guests. Four years later, and people are still thank us for hosting such a good party. Not bad for a budget wedding.

ryanandjoe4

Aschive said:

Well I would like to thank everyone! You forced me to see the things that my family aren't really telling me. I do have a few more questions if anyone is willing to help out?

I think we have shown that we are willing to give unasked for and unbiased advice.. I am sure we will give advice is we are asked

missa011

Everyone here is willing to help. That's all we've been trying to do.

I also forgot to mention that if your reception is from say, 3-5, it is not at a mealtime and thus you could do apps, which would be cheaper than a full dinner as well so your budget will stretch more.

Aschive

mileybangerz said:

Aschive said:

Maggie0829 said:

Ah yes, the whole "the people coming know us and is okay with what we are doing" reasoning for being okay doing rude things.

It doesn't matter. I can use whatever excuse I want. I never said it made it ok.

Beautiful display of maturity.

After this I had a good cry along with a hysterical laughing at my insaneness, I love the idea of an after party now that I think of it!

Aschive

When would pictures be done? Would it beasy cheaper when hire a photographer for this type of service?

Aschive

Sorry, double post. But do you warn the bar a group might be coming?

Aschive

So is there a gap say the ceremony was at 1 appetizer reception until when? Bar at what time?

kimmiinthemitten

Aschive said:

When would pictures be done? Would it beasy cheaper when hire a photographer for this type of service?

Praise Jesus and Hallelujah!

Well do you want to do a first look or wait for when you're walking down the aisle?

If you do a first look you can do them all before, if not you can get all but the ones with you and FI before.

PrettyGirlLost

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

First off. I know food safety, I have taken courses on it. So thanks for your concern. I will not be hiring a caterer no matter what. I am not re planning everything just because you have different ideas than me. I was asking about a timeline, not about the other details. I am concerned about what my guests think, but I also care about my budget and what I want. I run everything by my fiance before I make any final decisions. We agree on everything except the time to get married at. I don't really care that you all think of me as a spoiled little brat who doesn't have manners or wedding etiquette. I was just asking about what my wedding day timeline should look like. And before you say oh look she couldn't take the judgment. I can. Cause I am not going to change my ideas just because some people who don't know my family and how they act say I am wrong and my guests will hate me. The only thing I MIGHT reconsider is the caterer, but we will see.

I'm glad you are taking the criticism in stride.

How about letting his family attend the His immediate family (aunts and uncles) is attending as is mine.

Ok, but is it important to your FI that the rest of his family that is being invited to the reception attend the ceremony as well?

I don't know I asked. What we have planned is what he agreed on.

I think you need to ask him again.  Ask him if it he would like all of his family to attend his ceremony.  Ask him if that's important to him.  And if it is, then I think you should rethink your stance on the ceremony guestlist.

I mean, was he honestly, actually involved in the "we" that planned this, or is this something that you planned and he just went along with it because he didn't want to fight with you.  I'm not trying to be rude, but you have a history of pre-planning things and fighting with him frequently.

Liatris2010 said:

Aschive said:

So at the risk of being jumped again, I want to ask more about the dry reception/after party idea? How do you word the invite? Who do you invite? What is it exactly?

Invite everyone to the ceremony and reception at 1pm. Serve cake and coffee, maybe a fruit platter. At the reception, spread by word of mouth that the bride and groom will be having drinks at [location] if anyone is interested in meeting after the reception at [time].

This.

mileybangerz

Aschive said:

When would pictures be done? Would it beasy cheaper when hire a photographer for this type of service?

I highly recommend hiring a photographer for your wedding pictures.

For the comfort of your guests, do as many pictures as possible before the wedding ceremony.  If you don't want your FI / H to see you until you walk down the aisle, do any pictures involving you & him after the wedding.  Pictures after the wedding should last 30 minutes tops.

mileybangerz

Aschive said:

Sorry, double post. But do you warn the bar a group might be coming?

Get a gut feel for how many people will come.  Call a bar and just let them know.

Liatris2010

We did picture with us and the WP before the ceremony. During cocktail hour we did pictures with family. It worked nicely because we just sent our siblings into the cocktail area to grab whoever was needed for the photo, and then they could get right back to their drinks.

pinkcow13

mileybangerz said:

Aschive said:

Sorry, double post. But do you warn the bar a group might be coming?

Get a gut feel for how many people will come.  Call a bar and just let them know.

Yea, they may even hook you guys up! We didn't call ahead, randomly found the bar, but it wasn't an issue. Ideally I think it would be a good idea to call ahead.

missa011

If you want to wait and see each other at the ceremony, this is how you could plan it:

12:00pm - Pictures with any attendants/family separately (i.e., I am doing all my BMs pictures before the ceremony)
1:00pm - Ceremony
2:00pm (or 1:30, not sure how long it will be, but I believe you said it's at the same venue so you don't need to factor in travel time) - Appetizer reception

Then, because you're not hosting a full dinner, you could have the reception from maybe 2-4/4:30, then do your photos while your guests find themselves dinner, and meet them at a bar later, like 7. This way you still get to enjoy the reception with your guests, as I know a lot of people miss their cocktail hour for photos (I am).

I think as a courtesy you could let the bar know that people will be coming, but bars accommodate large crowds all the time. When my cousin got married we all went to the bar at the hotel afterwards and the bar was fine with 40 people arriving at once.

Just a question: are a lot of your guests OOT (can't remember if you mentioned this or not)? If so I'd maybe consider providing them with restaurant choices.

Aschive

PrettyGirlLost said:

Aschive said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Aschive said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Aschive said:

First off. I know food safety, I have taken courses on it. So thanks for your concern. I will not be hiring a caterer no matter what. I am not re planning everything just because you have different ideas than me. I was asking about a timeline, not about the other details. I am concerned about what my guests think, but I also care about my budget and what I want. I run everything by my fiance before I make any final decisions. We agree on everything except the time to get married at. I don't really care that you all think of me as a spoiled little brat who doesn't have manners or wedding etiquette. I was just asking about what my wedding day timeline should look like. And before you say oh look she couldn't take the judgment. I can. Cause I am not going to change my ideas just because some people who don't know my family and how they act say I am wrong and my guests will hate me. The only thing I MIGHT reconsider is the caterer, but we will see.

I'm glad you are taking the criticism in stride.

How about letting his family attend the

His immediate family (aunts and uncles) is attending as is mine.

Ok, but is it important to your FI that the rest of his family that is being invited to the reception attend the ceremony as well?

I don't know I asked. What we have planned is what he agreed on.


I think you need to ask him again.  Ask him if it he would like all of his family to attend his ceremony.  Ask him if that's important to him.  And if it is, then I think you should rethink your stance on the ceremony guestlist.

I mean, was he honestly, actually involved in the "we" that planned this, or is this something that you planned and he just went along with it because he didn't want to fight with you.  I'm not trying to be rude, but you have a history of pre-planning things and fighting with him frequently.

Liatris2010 said:

Aschive said:

So at the risk of being jumped again, I want to ask more about the dry reception/after party idea? How do you word the invite? Who do you invite? What is it exactly?

Invite everyone to the ceremony and reception at 1pm. Serve cake and coffee, maybe a fruit platter. At the reception, spread by word of mouth that the bride and groom will be having drinks at [location] if anyone is interested in meeting after the reception at [time].



This.



He was involved, we talked about it together.

PrettyGirlLost

pinkcow13 said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

pinkcow13 said:

OP, I read through some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice person. You took some of the advice people gave you in the past, so I don't understand why you won't consider the things people are telling you here. Look, I'm a really easy going person. I have been to weddings and parties in which there are etiquette blunders and for the most part I shrug it off, but there are things that you don't forget. And people will talk. Maybe not to your face, but they will. Some will even get offended - do you want to risk that? 

 What I have seen several people do here is provide their budget, and with that budget others give them ideas. The ladies here are extremely good at coming up with tons of suggestions for every budget. Why don't you give that a try? I mean, if a bunch of people on this board is telling you that something is wrong, then chances are that it is. We're just trying to help you out here.

While that is good advice, I am not budging on the cash bar, and that what everyone is most critical about. Everyone we know doesnt expect an open bar, they know us as a couple and if they want to talk about all the stuff that is wrong, then they aren't really being supportive, in my mind. That being said, I am willing to look over a few things again.

People will talk about a cash bar and how horrible and inconvenient it is...just not to your face. I know, I went to a wedding where there was the POSSIBILITY of a cash bar and people were talking about it. I had even brought a flask just in case. 

Judging from some of your past posts and this one, you seem to put the cart before the horse. Do you just want to have a wedding? Do you realise that there will be a marriage? You come off very immature, which is fine, I don't think I was sober for more than a couple of days between 21 and 24, maybe you should hold off your wedding until you can afford to PROPERLY host people.

I do know that. I don't drink, maybe once a month. So that was extremely rude to imply. I can host a wedding however I want and when i want, just because there are typical norms doesn't mean that it is required.

This is all very true. At the end of the day it's your wedding, so you do what you want. But, don't you want your guests to have a fabulous time and feel appreciated? I loved my wedding, and all of our guests did too. We made sure to allocate the majority of our budget to properly hosting our guests. THAT was the most important thing to us when deciding to have the wedding that we did. I am very happy and satisfied with the end result, and with people still coming up to us telling us what a blast they had at our wedding. I would not want to host an event in which people had a miserable time because my vision was more important, you know? 

As someone who loves to party and drink at parties, there is nothing wrong with a dry wedding. I would probably prefer a dry wedding over a cash bar to be honest. My cousin had a dry wedding brunch/reception which was still very awesome.

ALL.Of.This.

My wedding vision was literally, " I want to have a rockstar fucking party where everyone gets to eat well, drink well, and dance all night long.  I want my guests to have the best time ever."

So we saved for two years and spent the majority of our budget doing just that, planning a rockstar fucking wedding. 

And that's exactly what happened.  All of our friends and family told us that it was the best wedding they have ever been to, that they had so much fun, that the food was the best ever, etc.  And a year later, on our anniversary, a bunch posted photos from the wedding to my timeline and said that it was the best wedding ever, they had so much fun, can we get married again so they can go to our reception again, etc.

Part of what made our wedding so great was that I read a lot here, I took in a lot of what was said in posts all over the boards, and I took that advice to heart as much as I could and then implemented it.

Aschive

missa011 said:

If you want to wait and see each other at the ceremony, this is how you could plan it:

12:00pm - Pictures with any attendants/family separately (i.e., I am doing all my BMs pictures before the ceremony)
1:00pm - Ceremony
2:00pm (or 1:30, not sure how long it will be, but I believe you said it's at the same venue so you don't need to factor in travel time) - Appetizer reception

Then, because you're not hosting a full dinner, you could have the reception from maybe 2-4/4:30, then do your photos while your guests find themselves dinner, and meet them at a bar later, like 7. This way you still get to enjoy the reception with your guests, as I know a lot of people miss their cocktail hour for photos (I am).

I think as a courtesy you could let the bar know that people will be coming, but bars accommodate large crowds all the time. When my cousin got married we all went to the bar at the hotel afterwards and the bar was fine with 40 people arriving at once.

Just a question: are a lot of your guests OOT (can't remember if you mentioned this or not)? If so I'd maybe consider providing them with restaurant choices.

Everyone has to travel at least 20 minutes to get to the site. About half of our guests are traveling an hour. There are 2 or 3 families that might fly in.

missa011

Aschive said:

Everyone has to travel at least 20 minutes to get to the site. About half of our guests are traveling an hour. There are 2 or 3 families that might fly in.

How long is your ceremony? If it's a half hour then you can still do a 2:00pm start time for the reception, but if it's an hour then push it to 2:30 or 3 (because traffic).

Aschive

Do I still get to wear my dress? Will it get ruined?

PrettyGirlLost

Aschive said:

He was involved, we talked about it together.

Ok, but then you should know if it's important to him or not that all of his guests be invited to the ceremony.  So if you aren't sure about that you should discuss this with him again.  It's not going to hurt anything, right?

I think it's good that you are thinking about the after party idea and some other things, but you are still getting ahead of yourself.

1st, you need to determine what your total budget is- sounds like you have done this.

2nd, you need to look into the costs for catering your event. . . you said you were reconsidering having your family cook everything, right?  So if that is still the case, you need to get quotes from caterers.  Because again, this is going to be the most significant portion of your overall budget.

Even if you are just going to hire people to store, set up, serve, and clean up dinner, you still need to get quotes for that prior to planning on photography or anything else.

ryanandjoe4

Aschive said:

When would pictures be done? Would it beasy cheaper when hire a photographer for this type of service?

I would have a newer photographer, or a friend that is good (still do a contract) it highly depends on how important are and what pictures you want. you can hire a photographer for the whole day, or for just the ceremony and a few family shots. My photographer for the whole day was 800 this includes some prints her time all day, and a disk of all the prints, She is a newer photographer so is still building her business (even though it has taken off this season)

Aschive said:

Sorry, double post. But do you warn the bar a group might be coming?

depends on what the bar is like, and how many actually come.. we had an after party (it was really late at night though) and only like 10 people came, the bar is this hole in the wall that we love and knew that it wouldn't be on a wait, or packed full.. if you have all 170 come this may be something you have to host, and have a DJ or iPod playlist.. but then we are back to the drinks situation, and the b list guests..

Aschive said:

So is there a gap say the ceremony was at 1 appetizer reception until when? Bar at what time?

No gaps ever for the ceremony and reception. 1PM ceremony, travel time, reception:

I am not sure about the bar after party.. I would assume that people will want to eat and then go, so while I feel like this is a gap that we all hate gaps I would wait until 9PM or later to have the after party at a separate location since you're not hosting and not actually the reception it may be OK..

PrettyGirlLost

Aschive said:

Do I still get to wear my dress? Will it get ruined?

To the after party?  I wouldn't, especially if you are going out to a bar.  Your dress is going to get dirty wearing it during the ceremony, reception, and through photos.  I wouldn't want it to get even more dirty dragging through a bar.

ryanandjoe4

Aschive said:

Do I still get to wear my dress? Will it get ruined?

At the after party, since there will be a chance for you to change then I would.. Mine after the day and going to a bar in it is disgusting.. Go buy a fun going out in dress/outfit that you like and enjoy the party..

Liatris2010

I would wear my dress. Who cares if it gets dirty? You only get to wear it once.

Aschive

missa011 said:

Aschive said:

Everyone has to travel at least 20 minutes to get to the site. About half of our guests are traveling an hour. There are 2 or 3 families that might fly in.

How long is your ceremony? If it's a half hour then you can still do a 2:00pm start time for the reception, but if it's an hour then push it to 2:30 or 3 (because traffic).


About a half hour.

mileybangerz

OP, I know you said you have the venue all weekend. What about other vendors? Is your officiant available at different times? Do you have any musicians?