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Etiquette

Ceremony/reception time line question

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Re: Ceremony/reception time line question

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Aschive said:


    pinkcow13 said:

    OP, I read through some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice person. You took some of the advice people gave you in the past, so I don't understand why you won't consider the things people are telling you here. Look, I'm a really easy going person. I have been to weddings and parties in which there are etiquette blunders and for the most part I shrug it off, but there are things that you don't forget. And people will talk. Maybe not to your face, but they will. Some will even get offended - do you want to risk that? 

     What I have seen several people do here is provide their budget, and with that budget others give them ideas. The ladies here are extremely good at coming up with tons of suggestions for every budget. Why don't you give that a try? I mean, if a bunch of people on this board is telling you that something is wrong, then chances are that it is. We're just trying to help you out here.

    While that is good advice, I am not budging on the cash bar, and that what everyone is most critical about. Everyone we know doesnt expect an open bar, they know us as a couple and if they want to talk about all the stuff that is wrong, then they aren't really being supportive, in my mind. That being said, I am willing to look over a few things again.

    Then again, have the ceremony at 1 like your FI wants, a dry reception and an after party. That way you're properly hosting (everyone but your moms) and the drinkers can drink after.
    image
    [Deleted User]HeffalumpILoveBeachMusic
  • Look guys, I don't care if premeditated murder is wrong or punishable by death. It has already been planned and I only want input on how to get rid of the body!
    image

    Nope. Just asking about how long things take not about the actual things.
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Why are you so set on the cash bar? I'm just genuinely curious on this, not trying to be snarky.


    Well, then like others said, I think the 1PM ceremony/reception would definitely be your best option. It eliminates all the issues. Having the moms cook for 170 people is a ton of work, and as the moms they may be helping you guys with other important things in the days leading to your wedding. Not to mention that cooking for 170 is a HUGE undertaking. I've been to a couple of early weddings, and they've been lovely and lots of fun.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

    [Deleted User]
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    pinkcow13 said:
    OP, I read through some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice person. You took some of the advice people gave you in the past, so I don't understand why you won't consider the things people are telling you here. Look, I'm a really easy going person. I have been to weddings and parties in which there are etiquette blunders and for the most part I shrug it off, but there are things that you don't forget. And people will talk. Maybe not to your face, but they will. Some will even get offended - do you want to risk that? 

     What I have seen several people do here is provide their budget, and with that budget others give them ideas. The ladies here are extremely good at coming up with tons of suggestions for every budget. Why don't you give that a try? I mean, if a bunch of people on this board is telling you that something is wrong, then chances are that it is. We're just trying to help you out here.
    While that is good advice, I am not budging on the cash bar, and that what everyone is most critical about. Everyone we know doesnt expect an open bar, they know us as a couple and if they want to talk about all the stuff that is wrong, then they aren't really being supportive, in my mind. That being said, I am willing to look over a few things again.
    Then again, have the ceremony at 1 like your FI wants, a dry reception and an after party. That way you're properly hosting (everyone but your moms) and the drinkers can drink after.

    Oh, this is a fabulous idea! 

                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

  • @pinkcow12 I love your sig pictures!
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Ah yes, the whole "the people coming know us and is okay with what we are doing" reasoning for being okay doing rude things.

    [Deleted User]
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2015
    @pinkcow12 I love your sig pictures!
     Thanks!


                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

    Liatris2010
  • Ah yes, the whole "the people coming know us and is okay with what we are doing" reasoning for being okay doing rude things.

    It doesn't matter. I can use whatever excuse I want. I never said it made it ok.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    pinkcow13 said:




    pinkcow13 said:

    OP, I read through some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice person. You took some of the advice people gave you in the past, so I don't understand why you won't consider the things people are telling you here. Look, I'm a really easy going person. I have been to weddings and parties in which there are etiquette blunders and for the most part I shrug it off, but there are things that you don't forget. And people will talk. Maybe not to your face, but they will. Some will even get offended - do you want to risk that? 

     What I have seen several people do here is provide their budget, and with that budget others give them ideas. The ladies here are extremely good at coming up with tons of suggestions for every budget. Why don't you give that a try? I mean, if a bunch of people on this board is telling you that something is wrong, then chances are that it is. We're just trying to help you out here.

    While that is good advice, I am not budging on the cash bar, and that what everyone is most critical about. Everyone we know doesnt expect an open bar, they know us as a couple and if they want to talk about all the stuff that is wrong, then they aren't really being supportive, in my mind. That being said, I am willing to look over a few things again.
    Then again, have the ceremony at 1 like your FI wants, a dry reception and an after party. That way you're properly hosting (everyone but your moms) and the drinkers can drink after.

    Oh, this is a fabulous idea! 






    Thanks! I have zero sympathy for someone who is above meeting her newly extended family but I did throw out one solid idea!
    image
  • randomsloverandomslove member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    OP, I've seen many people ask why you're doing the cash bar if you know it's against etiquette. Why insist on it? Really, why not just have beer/wine or dry? I personally love that after party suggestion by PP. 






    kimmiinthemitten
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Aschive said:
    Ah yes, the whole "the people coming know us and is okay with what we are doing" reasoning for being okay doing rude things.
    It doesn't matter. I can use whatever excuse I want. I never said it made it ok.
    It statements like this that I think you are actually closer to 17 than 23.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]
  • So at the risk of being jumped again, I want to ask more about the dry reception/after party idea? How do you word the invite? Who do you invite? What is it exactly?
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I just don't understand OP's logic. 50+ people are telling you that there is an issue with what you have planned. These people have no stake in your wedding. They are genuinely trying to help you improve your event and not damage you relationships. And all you can do is stomp your feet and scream "its my day!!!!!"

    Are you really that selfish and short sighted?

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Aschive said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    OP, I read through some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice person. You took some of the advice people gave you in the past, so I don't understand why you won't consider the things people are telling you here. Look, I'm a really easy going person. I have been to weddings and parties in which there are etiquette blunders and for the most part I shrug it off, but there are things that you don't forget. And people will talk. Maybe not to your face, but they will. Some will even get offended - do you want to risk that? 

     What I have seen several people do here is provide their budget, and with that budget others give them ideas. The ladies here are extremely good at coming up with tons of suggestions for every budget. Why don't you give that a try? I mean, if a bunch of people on this board is telling you that something is wrong, then chances are that it is. We're just trying to help you out here.
    While that is good advice, I am not budging on the cash bar, and that what everyone is most critical about. Everyone we know doesnt expect an open bar, they know us as a couple and if they want to talk about all the stuff that is wrong, then they aren't really being supportive, in my mind. That being said, I am willing to look over a few things again.
    People will talk about a cash bar and how horrible and inconvenient it is...just not to your face. I know, I went to a wedding where there was the POSSIBILITY of a cash bar and people were talking about it. I had even brought a flask just in case. 

    Judging from some of your past posts and this one, you seem to put the cart before the horse. Do you just want to have a wedding? Do you realise that there will be a marriage? You come off very immature, which is fine, I don't think I was sober for more than a couple of days between 21 and 24, maybe you should hold off your wedding until you can afford to PROPERLY host people.
  • OP, I've seen many people ask why you're doing the cash bar if you know it's against etiquette. Why insist on it? Really, why not just have beer/wine or dry? I personally love that after party suggestion by PP. 



    Because that is what we are thinking of doing. Because we don't want to do a beer/wine bar. It is still expensive. Our families would be more upset at the idea of a dry reception. I have only ever heard of an after party, never seen one or known anyone to do one.
  • Look guys, I don't care if premeditated murder is wrong or punishable by death. It has already been planned and I only want input on how to get rid of the body!
    image
    Cola, it disintegrates bone... 
    kimmiinthemittenlpeanut0610100yroldblinddog
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2015
    Since it is an after party, you don't have to state it on the invitation. If you have a wedding website you can state it there. Or spread it word of mouth. You basically invite everyone that went to the wedding - chances are not everyone will go. Since it is an after party, you are not required to host, so everyone pays their own way. You can tell people "After the wedding we are going to [Insert Location Here] for an after party, if you guys would like to join us." We had an after party after our wedding and a few of our guests joined. Everyone knows that it is not a hosted event.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

    randomslovewink0erinPrettyGirlLostadwks
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Aschive said:

    So at the risk of being jumped again, I want to ask more about the dry reception/after party idea? How do you word the invite? Who do you invite? What is it exactly?

    That's actually a great question! Either by word of mouth or on your website, if having one, you state that FI and I will be at xyz place afterwards if anyone would like to continue the celebration after the reception. And everyone of age is welcome.
    image
    pinkcow13
  • Aschive said:
    So at the risk of being jumped again, I want to ask more about the dry reception/after party idea? How do you word the invite? Who do you invite? What is it exactly?

    Invite everyone to the ceremony and reception at 1pm. Serve cake and coffee, maybe a fruit platter. At the reception, spread by word of mouth that the bride and groom will be having drinks at [location] if anyone is interested in meeting after the reception at [time].
    image
    pinkcow13PrettyGirlLostSP29
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Aschive said:
    So at the risk of being jumped again, I want to ask more about the dry reception/after party idea? How do you word the invite? Who do you invite? What is it exactly?

    The formal invitation to the wedding should not say anything about alcohol (or lack there of.) You are hosting what you can afford and that does not guarantee booze. Just say "reception to follow"

    As for the after party, I would use word of mouth. "hey Joe, after the reception, H and I are going to XYZ bar for a few beers. Feel free to stop by."

    This way its informal and you don't have to host anything.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Aschive said:

    Ah yes, the whole "the people coming know us and is okay with what we are doing" reasoning for being okay doing rude things.

    It doesn't matter. I can use whatever excuse I want. I never said it made it ok.
    Beautiful display of maturity.
    image
    spockforprez100yroldblinddog

  • Aschive said:


    pinkcow13 said:

    OP, I read through some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice person. You took some of the advice people gave you in the past, so I don't understand why you won't consider the things people are telling you here. Look, I'm a really easy going person. I have been to weddings and parties in which there are etiquette blunders and for the most part I shrug it off, but there are things that you don't forget. And people will talk. Maybe not to your face, but they will. Some will even get offended - do you want to risk that? 

     What I have seen several people do here is provide their budget, and with that budget others give them ideas. The ladies here are extremely good at coming up with tons of suggestions for every budget. Why don't you give that a try? I mean, if a bunch of people on this board is telling you that something is wrong, then chances are that it is. We're just trying to help you out here.

    While that is good advice, I am not budging on the cash bar, and that what everyone is most critical about. Everyone we know doesnt expect an open bar, they know us as a couple and if they want to talk about all the stuff that is wrong, then they aren't really being supportive, in my mind. That being said, I am willing to look over a few things again.

    People will talk about a cash bar and how horrible and inconvenient it is...just not to your face. I know, I went to a wedding where there was the POSSIBILITY of a cash bar and people were talking about it. I had even brought a flask just in case. 

    Judging from some of your past posts and this one, you seem to put the cart before the horse. Do you just want to have a wedding? Do you realise that there will be a marriage? You come off very immature, which is fine, I don't think I was sober for more than a couple of days between 21 and 24, maybe you should hold off your wedding until you can afford to PROPERLY host people.


    I do know that. I don't drink, maybe once a month. So that was extremely rude to imply. I can host a wedding however I want and when i want, just because there are typical norms doesn't mean that it is required.

  • Aschive said:
    So at the risk of being jumped again, I want to ask more about the dry reception/after party idea? How do you word the invite? Who do you invite? What is it exactly?
    we didn't jump you, and these are fair questions..

    the 1PM ceremony with the dry "after party" would be the reception this is where the "first dance, and toasts, and thanking guests would happen drinks and food, dinner (if it is dinner time and you want them to stay for the next party) should be provided.. Invite everyone that was at the ceremony.

    The party with the beer bait and switch with extra guests would be a " come Celebrate we are married" party and be mostly dancing and if you have a large enough cake for everyone cake..  
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  • KatWAG said:

    I just don't understand OP's logic. 50+ people are telling you that there is an issue with what you have planned. These people have no stake in your wedding. They are genuinely trying to help you improve your event and not damage you relationships. And all you can do is stomp your feet and scream "its my day!!!!!"

    Are you really that selfish and short sighted?

    Because it isn't going to damage relationships.... I don't know how your families are but not in mine.

  • Aschive said:
    So at the risk of being jumped again, I want to ask more about the dry reception/after party idea? How do you word the invite? Who do you invite? What is it exactly?
    we didn't jump you, and these are fair questions..

    the 1PM ceremony with the dry "after party" would be the reception this is where the "first dance, and toasts, and thanking guests would happen drinks and food, dinner (if it is dinner time and you want them to stay for the next party) should be provided.. Invite everyone that was at the ceremony.

    The party with the beer bait and switch with extra guests would be a " come Celebrate we are married" party and be mostly dancing and if you have a large enough cake for everyone cake..  
    Now that I am reading this it feels like a tiered reception.. which people will still be upset with the not good enough for the ceremony and dinner thing.. 
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  • So at the risk of being jumped again, I want to ask more about the dry reception/after party idea? How do you word the invite? Who do you invite? What is it exactly?
    Assuming you invite ALL your guests to the entire day, just have your wedding invitation with "Cake and punch reception to immediately follow".

    Regarding the after-party, just spread it by word of mouth.
    image
    kimmiinthemittenPrettyGirlLost
  • missa011missa011 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2015

    OP, if you decide to do a dry reception/after party, do your invites normally with no mention of what is or isn't being served. If you'd like, perhaps you could mention it on your wedding website but it's unnecessary. People will get the idea when they arrive. If possible (with budget, and if you like this kind of thing), you could offer a specialty non-alcoholic beverage. I've also seen people do lemonade/iced tea bars with special syrups and fruits which I think is lovely. Especially if you move to a mid-day reception this is very appropriate.

    Then spread the word (yourself, FI, and family) that you will be at XY bar or restaurant immediately after the reception if people would like to see you. This not part of your reception so you are not responsible for hosting and you still get a later feel and party without breaking your budget.

    However I do agree with @trixiejess, that for a variety of reasons, you may want to step back from wedding planning and reevaluate.

    kimmiinthemittenHeffalumpPrettyGirlLost
  • Aschive said:
    Ah yes, the whole "the people coming know us and is okay with what we are doing" reasoning for being okay doing rude things.
    It doesn't matter. I can use whatever excuse I want. I never said it made it ok.

    image
    ******************************************************

    spockforprez
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