Ceremony/reception time line question

kimmiinthemitten

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

When you post on the Etiquette board, you're going to get advice on etiquette whether you want it or not. Trust me, people will care and they will not tell you the truth to your face. 

I wasn't posting about a cash bar. I know I will get opinions. I don't care I am not changing my thoughts. Even as a guest at weddings not once have a I heard complaints, or even talking not at the wedding with other guests. I know people would like free drinks. Who wouldn't but we can't even afford to provide drinks for ourselves so, yeah, not really going to change my mind. I welcome all opinions though.

Why not have  the 1pm ceremony your FI wants then, with a dry reception after and unofficial after-party for the drinkers?  That way you're not being rude to your guests, and the drinkers can still go out and drink on their own dime while hanging out with you.

Aschive

ryanandjoe4 said:

I am still confused who wanted the smaller wedding ceremony and why when the venue is the same place you are having two different guest lists?

If you don't care about how rude you are being to your guests why did you post here? this is a spot for people that want to make sure they are following the guidelines to not be rude to guests..

Cash Bar = rude no matter who your guests are
dry bar or wine/beer only bar better options

not inviting everyone to the complete wedding and straight out saying hey Great uncle SO-and-So your not good enough to come see our ceremony but please bring us a gift.. OHHH yea also buy your own drinks, because my vision is more important than you..

I want the smaller wedding ceremony. Where should I have posted my original question? There wasent anything about alcohol in the original post. We aren't asking for gifts, and we aren't registering for any. The two guest lists because that is what I want.

Aschive

kimmiinthemitten said:

Aschive said:

climbingwife said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.


No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

PrettyGirlLost

Aschive said:

Ok, we either aren't having a bar and providing some kegs, or we will have a you know what bar. you know the other forbidden thing. I think of receptions as more of a celebration of our marriage, not a thank you for coming so I am not worried about the separation of the 2 guest lists. 2 separate invitations, and they are invited because that is what he wanted. The Chapel is kind of small, but I guess we could make it work.

Ugh, do NOT have a cash bar, that is very rude.  When you host a party, which is what you are doing, you as the host are supposed to provide the meal and drinks.  Your guests should not be paying for their own drinks.  If you can't afford alcohol, then just don't have it.  That's ok too.

Look, you can think of your reception as whatever you want, but that doesn't make it correct.  The fact of the matter is that a wedding reception is a thank you event hosted by the couple IN HONOR of the guests who came out to publicly support their union by attending the ceremony.

banana468

No one likes a bait and switch.

Aschive

kimmiinthemitten said:

Aschive said:

climbingwife said:

Aschive said:

climbingwife said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

When you post on the Etiquette board, you're going to get advice on etiquette whether you want it or not. Trust me, people will care and they will not tell you the truth to your face. 

I wasn't posting about a cash bar. I know I will get opinions. I don't care I am not changing my thoughts. Even as a guest at weddings not once have a I heard complaints, or even talking not at the wedding with other guests. I know people would like free drinks. Who wouldn't but we can't even afford to provide drinks for ourselves so, yeah, not really going to change my mind. I welcome all opinions though.


Why not have  the 1pm ceremony your FI wants then, with a dry reception after and unofficial after-party for the drinkers?  That way you're not being rude to your guests, and the drinkers can still go out and drink on their own dime while hanging out with you.

That is a good idea I didn't really think of it that way. I will think about it. Thanks!

ryanandjoe4

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..

Aschive

banana468 said:

No one likes a bait and switch.

What?

Heffalump

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

When you post on the Etiquette board, you're going to get advice on etiquette whether you want it or not. Trust me, people will care and they will not tell you the truth to your face. 

I wasn't posting about a cash bar. I know I will get opinions. I don't care I am not changing my thoughts. Even as a guest at weddings not once have a I heard complaints, or even talking not at the wedding with other guests. I know people would like free drinks. Who wouldn't but we can't even afford to provide drinks for ourselves so, yeah, not really going to change my mind. I welcome all opinions though.

They don't have to be alcoholic drinks, but you and your FI should not charge your guests for anything at your wedding.  You don't invite people to your house and then charge them for whatever they consume while they're there (I hope).  Same deal with the wedding:  host whatever you can afford at your budget, and don't cut costs by pushing them onto your guests.

Aschive

ryanandjoe4 said:

Aschive said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Aschive said:

climbingwife said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.


SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..


But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.

Aschive

Heffalump said:

Aschive said:

climbingwife said:

Aschive said:

climbingwife said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

When you post on the Etiquette board, you're going to get advice on etiquette whether you want it or not. Trust me, people will care and they will not tell you the truth to your face. 

I wasn't posting about a cash bar. I know I will get opinions. I don't care I am not changing my thoughts. Even as a guest at weddings not once have a I heard complaints, or even talking not at the wedding with other guests. I know people would like free drinks. Who wouldn't but we can't even afford to provide drinks for ourselves so, yeah, not really going to change my mind. I welcome all opinions though.


They don't have to be alcoholic drinks, but you and your FI should not charge your guests for anything at your wedding.  You don't invite people to your house and then charge them for whatever they consume while they're there (I hope).  Same deal with the wedding:  host whatever you can afford at your budget, and don't cut costs by pushing them onto your guests.


While I understand what you are saying. We are still having the option of a cash bar.

kimmiinthemitten

This post makes me need a drink!

ryanandjoe4

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..

But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.

Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..

justsie

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..

But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.

That is a bait and switch. 

climbingsingle

If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

Aschive

ryanandjoe4 said:

Aschive said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

Aschive said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Aschive said:

climbingwife said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..


But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.


Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..


If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.

kimmiinthemitten

Aschive said:

Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..

If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.

If your guests leave early, it's because you were rude and didn't properly host them, not because of anything wrong with them.

All of your posts about your guests just reek of disdain for the people you're inviting to share in an important day.  Just elope.

Aschive

climbingwife said:

If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

climbingsingle

Aschive said:

If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

And the fact that he wants to invite people that you don't want to be bothered with saying hello to. 

[Deleted User]

After reading 3 pages this is what I think when reading everything from OP

redoryx

Aschive said:

If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

And except for the guest list. 

Seriously, the timeline is the least of your problems here.

kimmiinthemitten

RachelLee83 said:

After reading 3 pages this is what I think when reading everything from OP

This is what I see:

Aschive

kimmiinthemitten said:

Aschive said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..

If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.

If your guests leave early, it's because you were rude and didn't properly host them, not because of anything wrong with them.

All of your posts about your guests just reek of disdain for the people you're inviting to share in an important day.  Just elope.

Not really. I am having a cash bar, if people don't like it don't use it or bring your own. We are having banquet style food, not catered prepared by my mom and fiances mom, I do not want gifts, I want a small ceremony, I love all the guests I am inviting that is why they are invited. I wasn't asking about alcohol hosting. I have asked several time where you guys want my original question posted, but no one has answered it. So it is here. I got some great ideas about the timeline framework. All this about the cash bar is unnecessary I didn't ask. I know it is against etiquette but I am still offering it.

banana468

redoryx said:

Aschive said:

If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

And except for the guest list. 

Seriously, the timeline is the least of your problems here.

This.

Bait and swtich means that your guests will be drinking from free kegs and then when they go for a refill, they'll have to pay.   That's bait and switch.   No one likes being told that their free drink now is at a cost.

And you're hosting your guests.   They shouldn't pay for anything at the reception. 

climbingsingle

Oh FFS. You're making your mom and FMIL cook all the food?

PrettyGirlLost

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

Please don't do this. 

Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..

But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.

Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..

If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.

You are missing the point.

In this hypothetical situation, guest are leaving early because you, as the host, are being rude.

Again, when you host a party, it is your obligation as a host to provide all the food, drinks, and entertainment for your guests for that party.  Take the wedding out of it- would you invite people over to your house for dinner and then charge them for their meals or their drinks?

No, of course not.  So then there's no reason or excuse to act this way just because you are hosting a wedding reception.  "I can't afford it" is not a valid excuse.  Your options are them to have a dry reception, host beer or wine only, or to cut costs to save money for the reception.

I don't understand how people plan an entire wedding, down to all the trivial details that guests don't even care about- like flowers and favors- and then run out of money for drinks.  Your reception should comprise 50%-60% of your TOTAL wedding budget.  That means the venue rental cost and any associated taxes, surcharges, and fees, tips for the waitstaff and bartenders, the catering costs including alcohol if you choose to serve it, any table, chair, and linen rental fees combined should make up 50%-60% of your total wedding budget.

Your dress, his tux, your flowers, etc. then come out of the remaining 40%-50% of your budget.

Aschive

climbingwife said:

Aschive said:

climbingwife said:

If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

And the fact that he wants to invite people that you don't want to be bothered with saying hello to. 

No, we are over that too. Not at all what the original post is about. There are people on my list he doesn't want to invite.

nerdwife

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

And the fact that he wants to invite people that you don't want to be bothered with saying hello to. 

No, we are over that too. Not at all what the original post is about. There are people on my list he doesn't want to invite.

I don't think the fact that you also have people on the list that he doesn't want is a solution to anything? Like, well if you can have A, B, and C, then I get X, Y, and Z? Not sure that's ideal wedding planning (or relationship building).

climbingsingle

Aschive said:

Aschive said:

If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

And the fact that he wants to invite people that you don't want to be bothered with saying hello to. 

No, we are over that too. Not at all what the original post is about. There are people on my list he doesn't want to invite.

That's amazing that you dealt with these issues since the beginning of your post an hour ago, with a FI that works a lot and doesn't have time to discuss the wedding with you. 

Aschive

climbingwife said:

Oh FFS. You're making your mom and FMIL cook all the food?

No. They offered and he'll yes I will take them up on it.