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Etiquette

Are We Doing Anything Wrong??

So my FH and I are getting married in June. We live in the same province as my family and all of our friends. FH's family unfortunately lives on the other side of the country (about a 4 hour flight). We are having our wedding out in the mountains, it's a bit of a drive from the nearest airport, but there are accommodations in the area (although the closest is admittedly 30 minutes from the reception area). Anyway we are hosting properly; chairs, open bar, a meal, solid rain plan, no gap. However, my FH's immediate family are all complaining about how expensive it's going to be for them to come. I get the impression they would prefer we have a separate PPD out there (an idea we had discussed at one point but ultimately decided against for cost and practicality reasons) so they don't have to come here. Yes the hotel is a bit of a drive (the cheapest one is 40 minutes drive from the wedding site) but car rentals would be inevitable due to the location. It's also a lunch time wedding with the reception ending at 5 or 6 pm so most people won't be getting too intoxicated to drive at that time. 

I guess I'm just doubting our choices now. The wedding is being held in a gorgeous location that is super special to FH and I.  The highway to and from is very well maintained, it's a super popular tourist destination so there are plenty of amenities, it's not like a random bush party.  My family and all of our friends are very excited. They all plan to camp (which we arranged to be free for our guests) but FH's family isn't interested in that. 

Are we doing something wrong not having it somewhere more "convenient" (aka in the city, near the airport) or refusing to have what amounts to a PPD for his family??? Is it just a matter of not being able to please everyone?
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Re: Are We Doing Anything Wrong??

  • I actually DID notify his mother of our plans before we booked anything. I sent her all of the details regarding the location. We actually drove her out there to show her when she came to visit us in November. At no point did she say anything about inconvenience.

    I went over the details with her again a week before we booked anything (which was at the beginning of this month). Still nothing. FH's sister and brother also said nothing until his brother realized our wedding was the same date as another wedding he was already in. When he alerted us to this I rearranged the whole wedding, for him, to have it the day before. He is going to leave our wedding early so he can fly back for the other wedding the following day. We would have moved weekends but our venue literally booked full from May-September the same day it opened for reservations. 

    His family COULD stay at the park, for free, but it's camping. We offered to arrange to have RV's there for them, but they all want to stay at the hotel instead. 

    So, to be fair, although I realize it's a bit of driving, I feel like there was ample time (Nov- Feb) for concerns to be brought forth. Not 5 days after we paid for the venue. 
  • They're complaining about the cost the wedding being in another province, right, not the inconvenience of it being rural? The only expense you'd save them by having your wedding in the city is the cost of a rental car, they'd still need to pay for flights & hotels. Obviously the fact that it's "a bit of a drive" from the nearest airport and a 30-40 minute drive from the nearest hotel doesn't help, but I'm guessing the overall issue for them is that they have to travel at all.

    You're doing nothing wrong by having the wedding in your home province. Perhaps they felt like they were being told about your plans instead of being asked for their input, but it is kind of shitty of them to give input after everything's been booked. It's kind of you to provide free camping accommodation for your guests. Since they are VIPs I'd try to provide free hotel accommodation for your non-camping FILs as well.

    englishrose-2SP29
  • I actually DID notify his mother of our plans before we booked anything. I sent her all of the details regarding the location. We actually drove her out there to show her when she came to visit us in November. At no point did she say anything about inconvenience.

    I went over the details with her again a week before we booked anything (which was at the beginning of this month). Still nothing. FH's sister and brother also said nothing until his brother realized our wedding was the same date as another wedding he was already in. When he alerted us to this I rearranged the whole wedding, for him, to have it the day before. He is going to leave our wedding early so he can fly back for the other wedding the following day. We would have moved weekends but our venue literally booked full from May-September the same day it opened for reservations. 

    His family COULD stay at the park, for free, but it's camping. We offered to arrange to have RV's there for them, but they all want to stay at the hotel instead. 

    So, to be fair, although I realize it's a bit of driving, I feel like there was ample time (Nov- Feb) for concerns to be brought forth. Not 5 days after we paid for the venue. 
    So no need to get defensive, we're going off of the information you write. Sure they could have spoken up, but also you knew the kind of travel and expense you are asking them to put out. It's not just "a bit of driving"; it's driving from their house to the airport, flying in, renting a car, driving from the airport to the hotel, 30-40 min to the ceremony/reception, 30-40 back, and traveling back home. And really, camping aren't typical accommodations and I wouldn't want to do that either. 

    Again, you're free to have the wedding you want, especially when you're paying for it entirely (I'm assuming here your FIs family is contributing), but that doesn't mean people won't find it frustrating or inconvenient if it requires a lot on their part to make it there. 
    sparklepants41PrettyGirlLostcowgirl8238short+sassy
  • It's not a DW for everyone, but it's also not super local for my family. My parents for example will be driving 4 hours, and many of our friends will be driving 5 hours.  All
    of the people coming will have to stay overnight, and most are opting to take us up on the free camping. 

    His aunts and uncles and grandparents actually ARE for the most part, planning to attend. Without getting into details, most of his extended family is quite wealthy.  So far one aunt and uncle have had to decline but only because they are returning from Europe only 2 days beforehand and they feel the jet lag will be too much. They had planned to attend until I had to move the wedding up a day for FH's brother. 
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I agree with Starmoon and Charlotte. While your plans aren't against etiquette, it is going to very inconvenient for FI family to attend. 

    I wouldn't want to stay camping, even in an RV, for a wedding.  You say its a super popular tourist destination, but the closest hotel is 30 minutes away.  I don't consider that as having "plenty of amenities".

    Also, you changed the date to accommodate FBIL.  What day of the week is your wedding now?  Does this make FILs fly out a day before and possibly have to take days off work now?

    FWIW, my friend wanted to have a beach wedding.  She got a quote from a place she loved and it was high.  I know the owner, so I spoke with him to see if they could come down in price after altering certain things from their package.  He said they could work something out.  She was so excited!  Fast forward a week and they end up booking their reception at a lovely hotel in Philly.  The reason?  Her Hs family and friends were going to be flying in from many different places.  The closest airport was in Philly.  So they would then need to rent a car and drive 2 hours.  Mind you - when they got there, the place had hotels galore within walking distance.  But it made sense that since so many families were flying in, that they make the wedding convenient for them, not just her local family.

    So while you are not etiquettely wrong, you need to accept that not everyone will be happy with your plans.  Is there any room in the budget for you to shuttle people from the airport to hotel and then hotel to reception site and back?  Not saying you have to do this, but it could be seen by your FILs as a nice gesture.  It would also save them from renting a car.

    charlotte989875sparklepants41PrettyGirlLostshort+sassy
  • I actually DID notify his mother of our plans before we booked anything. I sent her all of the details regarding the location. We actually drove her out there to show her when she came to visit us in November. At no point did she say anything about inconvenience.

    I went over the details with her again a week before we booked anything (which was at the beginning of this month). Still nothing. FH's sister and brother also said nothing until his brother realized our wedding was the same date as another wedding he was already in. When he alerted us to this I rearranged the whole wedding, for him, to have it the day before. He is going to leave our wedding early so he can fly back for the other wedding the following day. We would have moved weekends but our venue literally booked full from May-September the same day it opened for reservations. 

    His family COULD stay at the park, for free, but it's camping. We offered to arrange to have RV's there for them, but they all want to stay at the hotel instead. 

    So, to be fair, although I realize it's a bit of driving, I feel like there was ample time (Nov- Feb) for concerns to be brought forth. Not 5 days after we paid for the venue. 
    So no need to get defensive, we're going off of the information you write. Sure they could have spoken up, but also you knew the kind of travel and expense you are asking them to put out. It's not just "a bit of driving"; it's driving from their house to the airport, flying in, renting a car, driving from the airport to the hotel, 30-40 min to the ceremony/reception, 30-40 back, and traveling back home. And really, camping aren't typical accommodations and I wouldn't want to do that either. 

    Again, you're free to have the wedding you want, especially when you're paying for it entirely (I'm assuming here your FIs family is contributing), but that doesn't mean people won't find it frustrating or inconvenient if it requires a lot on their part to make it there. 
    Oh dear. I apologize if I seemed defensive. That wasn't my intended tone. 

    I do understand the travel, we went to FH's brothers wedding out there last year. Flights for 4 (ourselves and 2 kids) and some driving. We were lucky to be able to stay with FH's parents. It was still a week of missed wages for both of us (no vacay pay for us) and we pulled the kids from school.  So, I don't want to seem entirely insensitive. We traveled there 2 times in 2016 for family events. I guess maybe that made me feel like asking them to come here, even with all the driving, etc. wasn't completely unreasonable. 

    FH's parents have offered to contribute some $$ but so far haven't sent any. We have paid for everything ourselves thus far. I feel like they are mad at us so maybe we won't get anything and will pay for it entirely ourselves, which we prepared for by saving up. 
  • I actually DID notify his mother of our plans before we booked anything. I sent her all of the details regarding the location. We actually drove her out there to show her when she came to visit us in November. At no point did she say anything about inconvenience.

    I went over the details with her again a week before we booked anything (which was at the beginning of this month). Still nothing. FH's sister and brother also said nothing until his brother realized our wedding was the same date as another wedding he was already in. When he alerted us to this I rearranged the whole wedding, for him, to have it the day before. He is going to leave our wedding early so he can fly back for the other wedding the following day. We would have moved weekends but our venue literally booked full from May-September the same day it opened for reservations. 

    His family COULD stay at the park, for free, but it's camping. We offered to arrange to have RV's there for them, but they all want to stay at the hotel instead. 

    So, to be fair, although I realize it's a bit of driving, I feel like there was ample time (Nov- Feb) for concerns to be brought forth. Not 5 days after we paid for the venue. 
    So no need to get defensive, we're going off of the information you write. Sure they could have spoken up, but also you knew the kind of travel and expense you are asking them to put out. It's not just "a bit of driving"; it's driving from their house to the airport, flying in, renting a car, driving from the airport to the hotel, 30-40 min to the ceremony/reception, 30-40 back, and traveling back home. And really, camping aren't typical accommodations and I wouldn't want to do that either. 

    Again, you're free to have the wedding you want, especially when you're paying for it entirely (I'm assuming here your FIs family is contributing), but that doesn't mean people won't find it frustrating or inconvenient if it requires a lot on their part to make it there. 
    Oh dear. I apologize if I seemed defensive. That wasn't my intended tone. 

    I do understand the travel, we went to FH's brothers wedding out there last year. Flights for 4 (ourselves and 2 kids) and some driving. We were lucky to be able to stay with FH's parents. It was still a week of missed wages for both of us (no vacay pay for us) and we pulled the kids from school.  So, I don't want to seem entirely insensitive. We traveled there 2 times in 2016 for family events. I guess maybe that made me feel like asking them to come here, even with all the driving, etc. wasn't completely unreasonable. 

    FH's parents have offered to contribute some $$ but so far haven't sent any. We have paid for everything ourselves thus far. I feel like they are mad at us so maybe we won't get anything and will pay for it entirely ourselves, which we prepared for by saving up. 
    This would actually change my advice; if they're contributing (or offered and haven't yet sent anything), and they expressed concern about the location, info think that should be taken into account. Now if they didn't speak up until after things were signed (and you told them when you were finalizing things), a different story. But they who pay, get a say, so it's quite possible they don't want to/won't contribute if the wedding is somewhere they dislike. Money comes with strings and this might be one of there's. 

    If it were me, I'd decline their money and pay for the wedding yourselves (which sounds like you're prepared to do) that way you get full control over what you do. 
    PrettyGirlLostSP29kimmiinthemitten
  • I agree with Starmoon and Charlotte. While your plans aren't against etiquette, it is going to very inconvenient for FI family to attend. 

    I wouldn't want to stay camping, even in an RV, for a wedding.  You say its a super popular tourist destination, but the closest hotel is 30 minutes away.  I don't consider that as having "plenty of amenities".

    Also, you changed the date to accommodate FBIL.  What day of the week is your wedding now?  Does this make FILs fly out a day before and possibly have to take days off work now?

    FWIW, my friend wanted to have a beach wedding.  She got a quote from a place she loved and it was high.  I know the owner, so I spoke with him to see if they could come down in price after altering certain things from their package.  He said they could work something out.  She was so excited!  Fast forward a week and they end up booking their reception at a lovely hotel in Philly.  The reason?  Her Hs family and friends were going to be flying in from many different places.  The closest airport was in Philly.  So they would then need to rent a car and drive 2 hours.  Mind you - when they got there, the place had hotels galore within walking distance.  But it made sense that since so many families were flying in, that they make the wedding convenient for them, not just her local family.

    So while you are not etiquettely wrong, you need to accept that not everyone will be happy with your plans.  Is there any room in the budget for you to shuttle people from the airport to hotel and then hotel to reception site and back?  Not saying you have to do this, but it could be seen by your FILs as a nice gesture.  It would also save them from renting a car.

    The wedding is now on a Friday :( which trust me I am not a fan of. Now EVERYONE has to take a day off to attend. But FI and his family insisted that it was super important for the FBIL to be there, so I did that.

    I will definitely look into transport from hotel to wedding site. Transport from the airport probably won't be possible/necessary because they all want to arrive on different days and everyone wants to rent cars because they want to go do other activities in the mountains while they are here. It sounds like most of them will come 3-5 days before the wedding and make a holiday of it. 
  • It's not a DW for everyone, but it's also not super local for my family. My parents for example will be driving 4 hours, and many of our friends will be driving 5 hours.  All
    of the people coming will have to stay overnight, and most are opting to take us up on the free camping. 

    His aunts and uncles and grandparents actually ARE for the most part, planning to attend. Without getting into details, most of his extended family is quite wealthy.  So far one aunt and uncle have had to decline but only because they are returning from Europe only 2 days beforehand and they feel the jet lag will be too much. They had planned to attend until I had to move the wedding up a day for FH's brother. 
    I don't think the fact that it's also not super convenient and local for your family makes it any better they have to travel. Look, you chose this location because it has special meaning to you and your FI, great. Own that. You chose it knowing the accommodations and where your guests live, and that's fine. You're just not exactly making it easy for your guests.

    I'm just getting the sense you want people to say "oh it's totally fine and they're being ridiculous for not wanting to travel to a remote mountain and camp" and all I'm saying is that they have a point. You can choose to listen to them, or you can own the fact that you chose this location, you're happy with your choice, and that's that. 
    I inially just wanted to see if there was some etiquette issue I was missing.  I did chose the location, and gave advance notice. I agree it's not the easiest, I own that. I just would have liked the issues of expense to be raised before we booked :( that's all. 
  • It's not a DW for everyone, but it's also not super local for my family. My parents for example will be driving 4 hours, and many of our friends will be driving 5 hours.  All
    of the people coming will have to stay overnight, and most are opting to take us up on the free camping. 

    His aunts and uncles and grandparents actually ARE for the most part, planning to attend. Without getting into details, most of his extended family is quite wealthy.  So far one aunt and uncle have had to decline but only because they are returning from Europe only 2 days beforehand and they feel the jet lag will be too much. They had planned to attend until I had to move the wedding up a day for FH's brother. 
    I don't think the fact that it's also not super convenient and local for your family makes it any better they have to travel. Look, you chose this location because it has special meaning to you and your FI, great. Own that. You chose it knowing the accommodations and where your guests live, and that's fine. You're just not exactly making it easy for your guests.

    I'm just getting the sense you want people to say "oh it's totally fine and they're being ridiculous for not wanting to travel to a remote mountain and camp" and all I'm saying is that they have a point. You can choose to listen to them, or you can own the fact that you chose this location, you're happy with your choice, and that's that. 
    I inially just wanted to see if there was some etiquette issue I was missing.  I did chose the location, and gave advance notice. I agree it's not the easiest, I own that. I just would have liked the issues of expense to be raised before we booked :( that's all. 
    Honestly, I think your close to some etiquette mistakes. You're not exactly thinking of your guests here, and while you've got the big things covered (no gap, food appropriate for time and place, chairs for everyone, etc.) you're asking a lot from them. It's not a huge etiquette violation but if your guests work traditional schedules this makes it really hard for them. 
    PrettyGirlLostcowgirl8238OliveOilsMomInLoveInQueens
  • I agree with Starmoon and Charlotte. While your plans aren't against etiquette, it is going to very inconvenient for FI family to attend. 

    I wouldn't want to stay camping, even in an RV, for a wedding.  You say its a super popular tourist destination, but the closest hotel is 30 minutes away.  I don't consider that as having "plenty of amenities".

    Also, you changed the date to accommodate FBIL.  What day of the week is your wedding now?  Does this make FILs fly out a day before and possibly have to take days off work now?

    FWIW, my friend wanted to have a beach wedding.  She got a quote from a place she loved and it was high.  I know the owner, so I spoke with him to see if they could come down in price after altering certain things from their package.  He said they could work something out.  She was so excited!  Fast forward a week and they end up booking their reception at a lovely hotel in Philly.  The reason?  Her Hs family and friends were going to be flying in from many different places.  The closest airport was in Philly.  So they would then need to rent a car and drive 2 hours.  Mind you - when they got there, the place had hotels galore within walking distance.  But it made sense that since so many families were flying in, that they make the wedding convenient for them, not just her local family.

    So while you are not etiquettely wrong, you need to accept that not everyone will be happy with your plans.  Is there any room in the budget for you to shuttle people from the airport to hotel and then hotel to reception site and back?  Not saying you have to do this, but it could be seen by your FILs as a nice gesture.  It would also save them from renting a car.

    The wedding is now on a Friday :( which trust me I am not a fan of. Now EVERYONE has to take a day off to attend. But FI and his family insisted that it was super important for the FBIL to be there, so I did that.

    I will definitely look into transport from hotel to wedding site. Transport from the airport probably won't be possible/necessary because they all want to arrive on different days and everyone wants to rent cars because they want to go do other activities in the mountains while they are here. It sounds like most of them will come 3-5 days before the wedding and make a holiday of it. 
    So you're having a Friday day time wedding, and you're surprised people are finding it really inconvenient? So not only does it require extensive travel for one side and significant driving for the other, everyone has to take off Friday work if they want to attend? Yah I'm actually surprised more people haven't said this doesn't work for them. 
    I didn't want it on a Friday at all.  I originally booked the Saturday. I told FBIL (and everyone else) the date a week before we booked, but then oops, FBIL didn't realize until he got our STD that he already committed to another wedding that same day. So FH and his mother decided we should move it to Friday (she said she was contributing financially, even though she hasn't done so yet) and so I went along. I feel sick about it, even though all of our friends have been awesome and have only made positive comments about getting a long weekend. Honestly the whole thing has just gone in a direction I didn't attend. I think part of my being annoyed is that we have given FMIL plenty of room to object and rearranged plans at her wish, and she's the loudest complainer about the expense of coming here. 
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah... I agree with the others that this doesn't sound like the most convenient wedding. You'll just have to accept lower attendance and celebrate with those that can attend. 
    Look, even the best laid plans still have people bitch. We had a wedding in downtown Chicago. Every person invited that would travel from out-of-state (and out of country) came to the wedding. In-law family that live an hour away in the suburbs didn't attend. 
    People will make their choices. Sounds like the venue is very special to you, so just try to make things as easy as possible for guests and enjoy yourself. 

    ________________________________


  • I agree with Starmoon and Charlotte. While your plans aren't against etiquette, it is going to very inconvenient for FI family to attend. 

    I wouldn't want to stay camping, even in an RV, for a wedding.  You say its a super popular tourist destination, but the closest hotel is 30 minutes away.  I don't consider that as having "plenty of amenities".

    Also, you changed the date to accommodate FBIL.  What day of the week is your wedding now?  Does this make FILs fly out a day before and possibly have to take days off work now?

    FWIW, my friend wanted to have a beach wedding.  She got a quote from a place she loved and it was high.  I know the owner, so I spoke with him to see if they could come down in price after altering certain things from their package.  He said they could work something out.  She was so excited!  Fast forward a week and they end up booking their reception at a lovely hotel in Philly.  The reason?  Her Hs family and friends were going to be flying in from many different places.  The closest airport was in Philly.  So they would then need to rent a car and drive 2 hours.  Mind you - when they got there, the place had hotels galore within walking distance.  But it made sense that since so many families were flying in, that they make the wedding convenient for them, not just her local family.

    So while you are not etiquettely wrong, you need to accept that not everyone will be happy with your plans.  Is there any room in the budget for you to shuttle people from the airport to hotel and then hotel to reception site and back?  Not saying you have to do this, but it could be seen by your FILs as a nice gesture.  It would also save them from renting a car.

    I echo PPs in saying that while what you are doing is not against etiquette, your plans are highly inconvenient for your future husband's family.

    Just because many people are okay with camping, doesn't mean everyone is going to be comfortable with it. I don't camp. And I certainly wouldn't camp for a wedding.

    I like @OliveOilsMom's suggestion of arranging for a shuttle back and forth between the hotel and the ceremony/reception location.
  • I went to a wedding that was about an hour from the city, and likely 30 minutes to a nice hotel. What the couple did was to have hotels blocks in the city for everyone at various price points (easy to get to from the airport without renting a car), then had big fancy buses for transportation to the venue. That way people didn't have to rent a car if they didn't want to, and people could spend their time in the city instead of being "stuck" with nothing to do but the wedding. 
  • MandyMost said:
    I went to a wedding that was about an hour from the city, and likely 30 minutes to a nice hotel. What the couple did was to have hotels blocks in the city for everyone at various price points (easy to get to from the airport without renting a car), then had big fancy buses for transportation to the venue. That way people didn't have to rent a car if they didn't want to, and people could spend their time in the city instead of being "stuck" with nothing to do but the wedding. 
    Thank you for that suggestion. I will look into the possibility of busses and I will ask the FIL's if that would be an agreeable compromise for them :) 
  • banana468 said:
    Keep in mind that the wedding on a Friday with travel for OOT guests means that they're taking off TWO days of work - not one.  You're having a lunch wedding which means that few guests will want to rely on morning travel and morning flights.   

    So your FI's family by suggesting the Friday wedding also now needs all of those guests to travel on Thursday too.    The event just turned into one that is becoming more and more inconvenient for them.

    No, nothing about it is truly against etiquette.   It's just increasing in cost and inconvenience.     I'm not sure of your ages but pre-kids that could be a consideration.   Now,  it's such a PITA to make something like that work.   
    Agreed, by moving it to Friday, FMIL and FBIL basically made it more inconvenient for not only themselves, but the entire guest list. My FH and I are in our mid 30's and I have a son who is in high school who is potentially writing exams the day of our wedding. Now I will have to make special arrangements with the school for him to write early if I can.  My daughter is in grade 7 so not as problematic but still crappy. This rearrangement was not my idea, and honestly I would rather just elope at this point, but my FH insists a proper wedding is super important to him *sigh*
  • eileenrob said:
     I'm a huge proponent of not making people travel twice.  If a 4-hour flight is already involved for half of the guest list, then yes, I think it's wrong to also expect them to drive 40min each way for your wedding.  It's not against etiquette to have a DW, and this isn't even a DW for anyone but your FI's family- your location makes sense.  But you can't be surprised that FI's family is grumbling about the expense.  I notice you said his immediate family are the ones complaining- his aunts, uncles and cousins probably aren't even considering all of this.  I wouldn't fly across country, get a hotel, and rent a car for a cousin, but if it was my brother I'd be scrambling to make it work financially. 


    OMG - yes to the bolded.  No matter where my FI and I got married, 2/3 of the guests would have to fly in.  The first decision we made was that if people were flying to a different country, we wouldn't then make them leave the city they flew into.  Figuring out what is the easiest for the greatest number of people is an important part of guest comfort when you know that there will be a large number of OOT guests.  
    ei34OliveOilsMomSP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2017
    I agree with POs that while you're not breaking any etiquette rules, by making your OOT guests drive an extra 40 minutes both ways between the hotel and reception venues, you aren't considering their comfort and needs as much as possible.

    Would you be willing to agree to some sort of post-editing celebration (not a PPD) where they live by way of compromise? If not, and there's no way to move your hotel and reception venues closer together, then unfortunately you are going to be stuck with disgruntled guests who had to travel more than they felt comfortable doing for your wedding.

    Edited to add: I just saw the posts about a Friday wedding. I think you and your FI need to shut that down PDQ.
  • Jen4948 said:
    I agree with POs that while you're not breaking any etiquette rules, by making your OOT guests drive an extra 40 minutes both ways between the hotel and reception venues, you aren't considering their comfort and needs as much as possible.

    Would you be willing to agree to some sort of post-editing celebration (not a PPD) where they live by way of compromise? If not, and there's no way to move your hotel and reception venues closer together, then unfortunately you are going to be stuck with disgruntled guests who had to travel more than they felt comfortable doing for your wedding.
    I wouldn't mind doing a post-party where they are, but financially and logistically, we wouldn't be able to organize that ourselves.  If it was offered, we would graciously accept and arrange to attend (although my FI just started a new job and so getting time off when he's already taking some off for the wedding could be a challenge). 

    We have already paid $1000 (non refundable) for the venue, which is why I was frustrated that even knowing for weeks leading up to booking, nothing was said until after.  The venue booking was a big thing because they didn't open reservations for 2017 until Feb 6 so there was plenty of talk over all of January about the location. If we had known it was going to cause so much strife, we wouldn't have booked it there.  I feel like they didn't bother investigating the costs until it was too late. 
  • banana468 said:
    Keep in mind that the wedding on a Friday with travel for OOT guests means that they're taking off TWO days of work - not one.  You're having a lunch wedding which means that few guests will want to rely on morning travel and morning flights.   

    So your FI's family by suggesting the Friday wedding also now needs all of those guests to travel on Thursday too.    The event just turned into one that is becoming more and more inconvenient for them.

    No, nothing about it is truly against etiquette.   It's just increasing in cost and inconvenience.     I'm not sure of your ages but pre-kids that could be a consideration.   Now,  it's such a PITA to make something like that work.   
    Agreed, by moving it to Friday, FMIL and FBIL basically made it more inconvenient for not only themselves, but the entire guest list. My FH and I are in our mid 30's and I have a son who is in high school who is potentially writing exams the day of our wedding. Now I will have to make special arrangements with the school for him to write early if I can.  My daughter is in grade 7 so not as problematic but still crappy. This rearrangement was not my idea, and honestly I would rather just elope at this point, but my FH insists a proper wedding is super important to him *sigh*
    This sucks, it really does, and I'm sorry you're so unhappy about it. 

    But, unless I'm missing something, you moved the date, no? Not FMIL and FBIL? I know you said that because FBIL had another wedding the date had to be changed, but why not a different weekend? Or Friday night? I know this venue is important, but is it so important that you inconvenience the entire guest list? 

    Life is all about choices; you chose the venue, you chose to move the date to accommodate FBIL, no one forced you to do those things. 

    Honestly, it sounds like you need to have a talk with your FI if you are this unhappy about the plans. 
    PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMomcowgirl8238SP29
  • So, I do think that when planning a wedding you do need to consider the guests travel abilities/options/expenses when making decisions. I don’t think you are necessarily rude  to choose the location that you did, but it would have been better had you selected a location that provided more options for them – more hotel locations, the ability to shuttle/bus/cab/uber instead of renting a car, or stay on site. I’d be less put-off by your plans if the mountain wedding only really inconvenienced a few outliers, because, hey, we can’t please everyone, but you made the decision to make it significantly more difficult and cost prohibitive for about half of your guest list.

    I don’t think you should change your plans, but brides to be making these types of plans now should definitely consider guest convenience and comfort when deciding a location. 

    PrettyGirlLostsparklepants41OliveOilsMomSP29
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