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Etiquette

Are We Doing Anything Wrong??

13

Re: Are We Doing Anything Wrong??

  • I changed my username!
    Yay!

    May I ask where abouts exactly you're getting married?
  • SP29 said:
    I changed my username!
    Yay!

    May I ask where abouts exactly you're getting married?
    We are getting married in Peter Lougheed Provincial Park :)
    SP29STARMOON44
  • So, your plan is cold sandwiches at a remote location with no electricity. And you're surprised this is not appealing to people?
  • So, your plan is cold sandwiches at a remote location with no electricity. And you're surprised this is not appealing to people?
    Are you really just going to go around raining on my wedding?  Luncheon weddings are acceptable, park weddings are acceptable.  Are you that horrified by a lack of electric for a daytime wedding?  We actually do plan to have a generator because we are having a DJ.  However, there's not a thing wrong with not serving hot food at a wedding.
  • You asked if you were doing anything wrong. I think the additional information you've given in other posts makes it really obvious why she isn't pleased with your plans. 
  • You asked if you were doing anything wrong. I think the additional information you've given in other posts makes it really obvious why she isn't pleased with your plans. 
    I find it odd that a luncheon reception is so offensive to you, but to each their own.
  • banana468 said:
    You asked if you were doing anything wrong. I think the additional information you've given in other posts makes it really obvious why she isn't pleased with your plans. 
    I find it odd that a luncheon reception is so offensive to you, but to each their own.
    A luncheon reception isn't bad.  

    And again, I don't think your reception is "bad".

    But I would not want to be forced to take off a minimum of 2 days of work, and 2 nights in a hotel to have a cold sandwich.    Unless I felt compelled to for some obligation I wouldn't want to go.  

    FWIW, my dad still talks about the reception for his cousin's wedding nearly 20 years ago in DC that was hot, lacking AC and serving only tea sandwiches.   
    It will definitely not be super hot (it's Canada in the mountains after all) but we will have proper temperature control as needed.  And it definitely won't be tea sandwiches.

    I hear what you are saying, but I don't think we have forced anyone to do anything.  As ladies here are fond of saying, an invite isn't a subpoena.  If people do not wish to travel all this way for a cold sandwich, I don't blame them.  

    Would it be more agreeable to you if we did a lunch time BBQ thing instead, with pulled pork and cream chicken?  That's a thing we can do, although we were reluctant because it will be quite a bit more work the day of.  Do you feel that having a BBQ supper would make coming all the way more worth while?  I admit I really don't get it.  Unless there wasn't enough food or the quality was truly terrible, I wouldn't consider the meal portion of a wedding a make-or-break aspect of me attending.  I'm not trying to be snarky, honest, I just don't look at weddings like that.
  • banana468 said:
    You asked if you were doing anything wrong. I think the additional information you've given in other posts makes it really obvious why she isn't pleased with your plans. 
    I find it odd that a luncheon reception is so offensive to you, but to each their own.
    A luncheon reception isn't bad.  

    And again, I don't think your reception is "bad".

    But I would not want to be forced to take off a minimum of 2 days of work, and 2 nights in a hotel to have a cold sandwich.    Unless I felt compelled to for some obligation I wouldn't want to go.  

    FWIW, my dad still talks about the reception for his cousin's wedding nearly 20 years ago in DC that was hot, lacking AC and serving only tea sandwiches.   
    It will definitely not be super hot (it's Canada in the mountains after all) but we will have proper temperature control as needed.  And it definitely won't be tea sandwiches.

    I hear what you are saying, but I don't think we have forced anyone to do anything.  As ladies here are fond of saying, an invite isn't a subpoena.  If people do not wish to travel all this way for a cold sandwich, I don't blame them.  

    Would it be more agreeable to you if we did a lunch time BBQ thing instead, with pulled pork and cream chicken?  That's a thing we can do, although we were reluctant because it will be quite a bit more work the day of.  Do you feel that having a BBQ supper would make coming all the way more worth while?  I admit I really don't get it.  Unless there wasn't enough food or the quality was truly terrible, I wouldn't consider the meal portion of a wedding a make-or-break aspect of me attending.  I'm not trying to be snarky, honest, I just don't look at weddings like that.
    What time is your ceremony and reception? For me if the reception is during the day I wouldn't expect full dinner, but I wouldn't be sad if someone served a full dinner either. I'm also assuming you're not just serving sandwiches, will there be other sides as well? 

    Yes, it's a DW for most of your guests, but as long as there is ample food and drinks I guess I don't understand the upset over a hot versus cold meal during the day. 

    When you say BBQ will be harder, are you self-catering?
    kwiksilverSP29cowgirl8238
  • banana468 said:
    You asked if you were doing anything wrong. I think the additional information you've given in other posts makes it really obvious why she isn't pleased with your plans. 
    I find it odd that a luncheon reception is so offensive to you, but to each their own.
    A luncheon reception isn't bad.  

    And again, I don't think your reception is "bad".

    But I would not want to be forced to take off a minimum of 2 days of work, and 2 nights in a hotel to have a cold sandwich.    Unless I felt compelled to for some obligation I wouldn't want to go.  

    FWIW, my dad still talks about the reception for his cousin's wedding nearly 20 years ago in DC that was hot, lacking AC and serving only tea sandwiches.   
    It will definitely not be super hot (it's Canada in the mountains after all) but we will have proper temperature control as needed.  And it definitely won't be tea sandwiches.

    I hear what you are saying, but I don't think we have forced anyone to do anything.  As ladies here are fond of saying, an invite isn't a subpoena.  If people do not wish to travel all this way for a cold sandwich, I don't blame them.  

    Would it be more agreeable to you if we did a lunch time BBQ thing instead, with pulled pork and cream chicken?  That's a thing we can do, although we were reluctant because it will be quite a bit more work the day of.  Do you feel that having a BBQ supper would make coming all the way more worth while?  I admit I really don't get it.  Unless there wasn't enough food or the quality was truly terrible, I wouldn't consider the meal portion of a wedding a make-or-break aspect of me attending.  I'm not trying to be snarky, honest, I just don't look at weddings like that.
    What time is your ceremony and reception? For me if the reception is during the day I wouldn't expect full dinner, but I wouldn't be sad if someone served a full dinner either. I'm also assuming you're not just serving sandwiches, will there be other sides as well? 

    Yes, it's a DW for most of your guests, but as long as there is ample food and drinks I guess I don't understand the upset over a hot versus cold meal during the day. 

    When you say BBQ will be harder, are you self-catering?
    Our ceremony is at 11am followed immediately by cocktail hour and then the reception.

    Yes, we will be having a lot of sides, and the sandwiches are not going to be just bread and blackforest ham or something.  We will definitely be providing a variety of meats, chicken salad, and so forth.  Plus a variety of dessert, since that's always my favorite part, LOL.

    We are somewhat self-catering.  My MOH and sister and very good friend all have several decades of large-scale catering experience, and have graciously offered to prepare all of the food.  I also have a provincial food handling certificate (not the kind you get online, the kind you have to go to classes for and pass an exam administered by our food safety inspectors) and have experience with catering.  On the day of, since I don't expect any of our guests to work, my friend who owns his own restaurant has found us several professional wait staff who will take care of putting food out, ensuring everything is kept filled, cleaning up trash, and putting away any leftovers.

    If we did a BBQ we would have to employ a food truck to come to the location and prepare and serve the food.  There is a singular option in the area that is designed to cater a large gathering with a buffet style luncheon.  We would still do the luncheon time, as it was exceedingly difficult to find an officiant in that area, and part of the reason for the early wedding is because it's one of the time slots that still had availability.

    Do you think that would be better?  I contacted them once and never heard back, but I could push again and see if they could do it.  I really didn't think the hot meal thing would be such a hot button issue.

  • It will definitely not be super hot (it's Canada in the mountains after all) but we will have proper temperature control as needed.  And it definitely won't be tea sandwiches.

    I hear what you are saying, but I don't think we have forced anyone to do anything.  As ladies here are fond of saying, an invite isn't a subpoena.  If people do not wish to travel all this way for a cold sandwich, I don't blame them.  

    Would it be more agreeable to you if we did a lunch time BBQ thing instead, with pulled pork and cream chicken?  That's a thing we can do, although we were reluctant because it will be quite a bit more work the day of.  Do you feel that having a BBQ supper would make coming all the way more worth while?  I admit I really don't get it.  Unless there wasn't enough food or the quality was truly terrible, I wouldn't consider the meal portion of a wedding a make-or-break aspect of me attending.  I'm not trying to be snarky, honest, I just don't look at weddings like that.
    To the bolded: how would they know ahead of time? It's rude to list this on your invitations, and I wouldn't expect it on your website.

    If I was travelling all that way, I'd expect a hot meal, at the very least. I wouldn't turn it down, but I might be put out that the couple chose such a difficult location for so many guests, but made sure to serve us the cheapest possible meal.

    You don't have to spend a ton to host a wedding, but if you're asking your guests to spend a ton on airfare, hotel rooms, etc., I think you should make them feel like you care enough to serve them good food.
    It's actually on our website, since we are having a less typical wedding and wanted to provide our guests with a lot of information.  Our site has gotten a lot of traffic since the STD's went out (96 visitors on that day alone) so I actually do assume most of the guests are now aware.

  • It will definitely not be super hot (it's Canada in the mountains after all) but we will have proper temperature control as needed.  And it definitely won't be tea sandwiches.

    I hear what you are saying, but I don't think we have forced anyone to do anything.  As ladies here are fond of saying, an invite isn't a subpoena.  If people do not wish to travel all this way for a cold sandwich, I don't blame them.  

    Would it be more agreeable to you if we did a lunch time BBQ thing instead, with pulled pork and cream chicken?  That's a thing we can do, although we were reluctant because it will be quite a bit more work the day of.  Do you feel that having a BBQ supper would make coming all the way more worth while?  I admit I really don't get it.  Unless there wasn't enough food or the quality was truly terrible, I wouldn't consider the meal portion of a wedding a make-or-break aspect of me attending.  I'm not trying to be snarky, honest, I just don't look at weddings like that.
    To the bolded: how would they know ahead of time? It's rude to list this on your invitations, and I wouldn't expect it on your website.

    If I was travelling all that way, I'd expect a hot meal, at the very least. I wouldn't turn it down, but I might be put out that the couple chose such a difficult location for so many guests, but made sure to serve us the cheapest possible meal.

    You don't have to spend a ton to host a wedding, but if you're asking your guests to spend a ton on airfare, hotel rooms, etc., I think you should make them feel like you care enough to serve them good food.
    It's actually on our website, since we are having a less typical wedding and wanted to provide our guests with a lot of information.  Our site has gotten a lot of traffic since the STD's went out (96 visitors on that day alone) so I actually do assume most of the guests are now aware.
    Then they can make their choices based on the information you've given them; they'll know what to expect with regard to your hosting. Will your FI be disappointed if you receive a lot of declines or is he prepared for that possibility?
    charlotte989875SP29
  • geebee908 said:

    It will definitely not be super hot (it's Canada in the mountains after all) but we will have proper temperature control as needed.  And it definitely won't be tea sandwiches.

    I hear what you are saying, but I don't think we have forced anyone to do anything.  As ladies here are fond of saying, an invite isn't a subpoena.  If people do not wish to travel all this way for a cold sandwich, I don't blame them.  

    Would it be more agreeable to you if we did a lunch time BBQ thing instead, with pulled pork and cream chicken?  That's a thing we can do, although we were reluctant because it will be quite a bit more work the day of.  Do you feel that having a BBQ supper would make coming all the way more worth while?  I admit I really don't get it.  Unless there wasn't enough food or the quality was truly terrible, I wouldn't consider the meal portion of a wedding a make-or-break aspect of me attending.  I'm not trying to be snarky, honest, I just don't look at weddings like that.
    To the bolded: how would they know ahead of time? It's rude to list this on your invitations, and I wouldn't expect it on your website.

    If I was travelling all that way, I'd expect a hot meal, at the very least. I wouldn't turn it down, but I might be put out that the couple chose such a difficult location for so many guests, but made sure to serve us the cheapest possible meal.

    You don't have to spend a ton to host a wedding, but if you're asking your guests to spend a ton on airfare, hotel rooms, etc., I think you should make them feel like you care enough to serve them good food.
    It's actually on our website, since we are having a less typical wedding and wanted to provide our guests with a lot of information.  Our site has gotten a lot of traffic since the STD's went out (96 visitors on that day alone) so I actually do assume most of the guests are now aware.
    Then they can make their choices based on the information you've given them; they'll know what to expect with regard to your hosting. Will your FI be disappointed if you receive a lot of declines or is he prepared for that possibility?
    He seems prepared. Even though we invited his entire extended family, he only seems concerned that his immediate family attend. 
  • SP29 said:
    I changed my username!
    Yay!

    May I ask where abouts exactly you're getting married?
    We are getting married in Peter Lougheed Provincial Park





    i admittedly don't love your plans but that park is absolutely breathtaking. I can see why it's important and I really hope everything goes beautifully for you. 
  • SP29 said:
    I changed my username!
    Yay!

    May I ask where abouts exactly you're getting married?
    We are getting married in Peter Lougheed Provincial Park





    i admittedly don't love your plans but that park is absolutely breathtaking. I can see why it's important and I really hope everything goes beautifully for you. 
    Thank you for saying so, it's really a spectacular place
  • Hey OP - just curious, what is the alcohol situation for your reception?
  • Hey OP - just curious, what is the alcohol situation for your reception?
    We are having an open bar with several varieties of beer and 4 varieties of wine.  Also some kind of bubbly, probably prosecco, for toasting and mimosas.  Since it's a daytime wedding I felt we didn't really need any liquor (I realize it's never required).
    charlotte989875short+sassySP29

  • It will definitely not be super hot (it's Canada in the mountains after all) but we will have proper temperature control as needed.  And it definitely won't be tea sandwiches.

    I hear what you are saying, but I don't think we have forced anyone to do anything.  As ladies here are fond of saying, an invite isn't a subpoena.  If people do not wish to travel all this way for a cold sandwich, I don't blame them.  

    Would it be more agreeable to you if we did a lunch time BBQ thing instead, with pulled pork and cream chicken?  That's a thing we can do, although we were reluctant because it will be quite a bit more work the day of.  Do you feel that having a BBQ supper would make coming all the way more worth while?  I admit I really don't get it.  Unless there wasn't enough food or the quality was truly terrible, I wouldn't consider the meal portion of a wedding a make-or-break aspect of me attending.  I'm not trying to be snarky, honest, I just don't look at weddings like that.
    To the bolded: how would they know ahead of time? It's rude to list this on your invitations, and I wouldn't expect it on your website.

    If I was travelling all that way, I'd expect a hot meal, at the very least. I wouldn't turn it down, but I might be put out that the couple chose such a difficult location for so many guests, but made sure to serve us the cheapest possible meal.

    You don't have to spend a ton to host a wedding, but if you're asking your guests to spend a ton on airfare, hotel rooms, etc., I think you should make them feel like you care enough to serve them good food.
    It's actually on our website, since we are having a less typical wedding and wanted to provide our guests with a lot of information.  Our site has gotten a lot of traffic since the STD's went out (96 visitors on that day alone) so I actually do assume most of the guests are now aware.
    Is your wedding website on The Knot? How do you see how many visitors have been to your site? I would love to see that number for my own website!

  • It will definitely not be super hot (it's Canada in the mountains after all) but we will have proper temperature control as needed.  And it definitely won't be tea sandwiches.

    I hear what you are saying, but I don't think we have forced anyone to do anything.  As ladies here are fond of saying, an invite isn't a subpoena.  If people do not wish to travel all this way for a cold sandwich, I don't blame them.  

    Would it be more agreeable to you if we did a lunch time BBQ thing instead, with pulled pork and cream chicken?  That's a thing we can do, although we were reluctant because it will be quite a bit more work the day of.  Do you feel that having a BBQ supper would make coming all the way more worth while?  I admit I really don't get it.  Unless there wasn't enough food or the quality was truly terrible, I wouldn't consider the meal portion of a wedding a make-or-break aspect of me attending.  I'm not trying to be snarky, honest, I just don't look at weddings like that.
    To the bolded: how would they know ahead of time? It's rude to list this on your invitations, and I wouldn't expect it on your website.

    If I was travelling all that way, I'd expect a hot meal, at the very least. I wouldn't turn it down, but I might be put out that the couple chose such a difficult location for so many guests, but made sure to serve us the cheapest possible meal.

    You don't have to spend a ton to host a wedding, but if you're asking your guests to spend a ton on airfare, hotel rooms, etc., I think you should make them feel like you care enough to serve them good food.
    It's actually on our website, since we are having a less typical wedding and wanted to provide our guests with a lot of information.  Our site has gotten a lot of traffic since the STD's went out (96 visitors on that day alone) so I actually do assume most of the guests are now aware.
    Is your wedding website on The Knot? How do you see how many visitors have been to your site? I would love to see that number for my own website!
    It isn't. I have a lot of experience in website design/online advertising/etc so we just set up our own .com because I felt comfortable doing that and it gives me more control/information (such as stats) than a free site.
    charlotte989875greeninspring
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lyndausvi said:

    I've always attended weddings with full meals, regardless of the time of day the wedding started.   Cold sandwiches are fine, but I would admit I would be a little disappointed in your proposed menu.  Especially considering all the traveling people would be doing.  

    I'm also one who thinks weddings that require a lot of travel for the guests need to be stepped up a bit.  I know it's might not be a popular opinion, but destination weddings are expensive for the guests.
    I'm with Lynda on this one.

    I think your plan to add two hot food options to your reception is a great idea, and I agree with Charlotte that you should add a few more sides in general as well.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    sparklepants41InLoveInQueenskimmiinthemittencowgirl8238
  • lyndausvi said:

    I've always attended weddings with full meals, regardless of the time of day the wedding started.   Cold sandwiches are fine, but I would admit I would be a little disappointed in your proposed menu.  Especially considering all the traveling people would be doing.  

    I'm also one who thinks weddings that require a lot of travel for the guests need to be stepped up a bit.  I know it's might not be a popular opinion, but destination weddings are expensive for the guests.
    I'm with Lynda on this one.

    I think your plan to add two hot food options to your reception is a great idea, and I agree with Charlotte that you should add a few more sides in general as well.
    We are planning 2 kinds of pasta salad, coleslaw, 2 green salads, and a bean salad. In addition to the sandwiches and pulled pork. Also a healthy selection of crudités and fruit trays. I'm just wondering if you think that will be enough?  I also thought about doing roasted baby potatoes instead of mac n cheese as our second hot item. Do you think that will be good?  I honestly appreciate the opinions and feedback :smile:
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lyndausvi said:

    I've always attended weddings with full meals, regardless of the time of day the wedding started.   Cold sandwiches are fine, but I would admit I would be a little disappointed in your proposed menu.  Especially considering all the traveling people would be doing.  

    I'm also one who thinks weddings that require a lot of travel for the guests need to be stepped up a bit.  I know it's might not be a popular opinion, but destination weddings are expensive for the guests.
    I'm with Lynda on this one.

    I think your plan to add two hot food options to your reception is a great idea, and I agree with Charlotte that you should add a few more sides in general as well.
    We are planning 2 kinds of pasta salad, coleslaw, 2 green salads, and a bean salad. In addition to the sandwiches and pulled pork. Also a healthy selection of crudités and fruit trays. I'm just wondering if you think that will be enough?  I also thought about doing roasted baby potatoes instead of mac n cheese as our second hot item. Do you think that will be good?  I honestly appreciate the opinions and feedback :smile:
    1. Yum
    2. Yum
    3. Yum
    4. Yum Yum
    5. Yum!

    That all sounds great!  I would personally go with mac n cheese over baby potatoes, but that is just me- I love cheese!  In fact that is the only other suggestion I would have- maybe add a fruit/nut/cheese platter.

    And maybe poutine :-P

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    thefanciestbecklersparklepants41charlotte989875SP29
  • I don't think you need multiple kinds of pasta salad or green salad. Can you skip those and have mac n cheese and roasted vegetables? 
  • lyndausvi said:

    I've always attended weddings with full meals, regardless of the time of day the wedding started.   Cold sandwiches are fine, but I would admit I would be a little disappointed in your proposed menu.  Especially considering all the traveling people would be doing.  

    I'm also one who thinks weddings that require a lot of travel for the guests need to be stepped up a bit.  I know it's might not be a popular opinion, but destination weddings are expensive for the guests.
    I'm with Lynda on this one.

    I think your plan to add two hot food options to your reception is a great idea, and I agree with Charlotte that you should add a few more sides in general as well.
    We are planning 2 kinds of pasta salad, coleslaw, 2 green salads, and a bean salad. In addition to the sandwiches and pulled pork. Also a healthy selection of crudités and fruit trays. I'm just wondering if you think that will be enough?  I also thought about doing roasted baby potatoes instead of mac n cheese as our second hot item. Do you think that will be good?  I honestly appreciate the opinions and feedback :smile:
    1. Yum
    2. Yum
    3. Yum
    4. Yum Yum
    5. Yum!

    That all sounds great!  I would personally go with mac n cheese over baby potatoes, but that is just me- I love cheese!  In fact that is the only other suggestion I would have- maybe add a fruit/nut/cheese platter.

    And maybe poutine :-P
    OMG I would love poutine LOL. And we are definitely having crackers/cheese/nuts/etc during cocktail hour. I also love cheese, but FI and some of his family (our farthest travelers) are lactose intolerant, that's what made me lean towards potatoes is all :) Maybe I will have mac n cheese at the next-day BBQ though!  I love the cheesy goodness and it goes great with BBQ :smiley:
    cowgirl8238
  • lyndausvi said:

    I've always attended weddings with full meals, regardless of the time of day the wedding started.   Cold sandwiches are fine, but I would admit I would be a little disappointed in your proposed menu.  Especially considering all the traveling people would be doing.  

    I'm also one who thinks weddings that require a lot of travel for the guests need to be stepped up a bit.  I know it's might not be a popular opinion, but destination weddings are expensive for the guests.
    I'm with Lynda on this one.

    I think your plan to add two hot food options to your reception is a great idea, and I agree with Charlotte that you should add a few more sides in general as well.
    We are planning 2 kinds of pasta salad, coleslaw, 2 green salads, and a bean salad. In addition to the sandwiches and pulled pork. Also a healthy selection of crudités and fruit trays. I'm just wondering if you think that will be enough?  I also thought about doing roasted baby potatoes instead of mac n cheese as our second hot item. Do you think that will be good?  I honestly appreciate the opinions and feedback :smile:
    1. Yum
    2. Yum
    3. Yum
    4. Yum Yum
    5. Yum!

    That all sounds great!  I would personally go with mac n cheese over baby potatoes, but that is just me- I love cheese!  In fact that is the only other suggestion I would have- maybe add a fruit/nut/cheese platter.

    And maybe definitely poutine :-P
    FTFY ;)
    PrettyGirlLostthisismynickname2
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