Wedding Etiquette Forum

My dad is unable to dance with me at our wedding how do I still include him?

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Re: My dad is unable to dance with me at our wedding how do I still include him?

  • edited September 2018
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  • You can turn off signatures in your account settings, and then you don't have to see them at all. I've had them turned off for years. Just click on your username to get to your account and then find it in your preferences. 

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  • edited September 2018
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well I’m sorry but the S word isn’t cool with me so I’m just saying it should stop
    My brother is walking me down the aisle that’s how we are taking care of it, my brother hands me off to my dad waiting near the altar and my dad passes my hand towards my future husband. Sorry for not explaining before. 
    We aren’t twirling around, if I was able to dance with him it would be just a very slow dance, my dad is 87 and very feeble and not strong like he was when my sister got married 21 years earlier then me in July of 1997 when I was 14 and a half, times have changed. I can’t just skip this, you don’t seem to understand. 
    If you can't handle a single swear word typed out and not directed at you, maybe the internet is not the place for you. 

    People gave you plenty of advice. You should ask your dad what HE wants to do. Not your mother, not your FFILs, YOUR FATHER. There are options out there if you want them, like PPs have suggested. Maybe your dad doesn't even want to dance. Maybe he would like a hug. Maybe he wants to try dancing in a wheelchair. But you need to communicate with him. If this is supposedly such an important moment between the two of you, why wouldn't you communicate with him about it? 

    And I second that a dance with your FFIL would be hurtful. I wouldn't do a spotlight dance at all in that case. And you CAN just skip this. Seriously. If it is physically impossible, or hurtful to your dad, you absolutely 100% can skip it. I don't think you seem to understand. 


    image
    charlotte989875ei34InLoveInQueensMesmrEwe
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  • edited September 2018
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  • He can’t do that, he can’t help with the toasts and he can barely walk so if he’s seated he’s not getting up unless he has help. Stop suggesting things that require him to walk! 
    Are you having a DJ (or a microphone)? Then you dad doesn’t need to walk, the DJ/MC/anyone can walk the mic to him for him to give a toast. 

    Sounds like you live at home, right? If your Dad is hard of hearing can all three of you sit down together and talk, calmly, about this? If your mom needs to speak for him that’s fine, but he should be in the room presuming he lives there, too. Maybe he doesn’t want to do anything besides be there. Maybe he is hurt by this and your Mom is relating that message. The thing is you don’t know unless you TALK TO HIM. 

    I think your plan down the aisle sounds lovely as a way to include him. I think doing the same thing at the parent dance seems a little weird. No one is saying don’t dance with your FIL, but you asked for opinions and most people here are saying it might come off as hurtful to dance the traditional father-daughter dance with your FIL when your Dad is there and (from what you’ve posted) is involved in your life and wedding. 


    MyNameIsNotei34short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • I am still not understanding why any of this is a "must have".   I didn't dance with FIL.   Just didn't happen.   Some weddings don't have spotlight dances.   Again, not a big deal.   If you want to dance with FIL, do it.  

    You are asking how to make a big spectacle over something that does not need it.   And if this along with the word shit is to fragile for you then perhaps you have bigger issues rather than one tiny dance. 
    MyNameIsNotei34InLoveInQueens
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Ok thank you for explaning, even though it wasn’t aimed at me directly you should delete it from your replies bc it could hurt other people besides me just saying 
    No thank you!
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    ei34InLoveInQueens
  • Also, I'm not really following how your father can't walk and yet he doesn't have a wheelchair.   I'd tackle that before I figured out when to play Butterfly Kisses. 
    MesmrEwe
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  • edited September 2018
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  • Op. Take a breath. This will all be okay.

    There is one thing I am confused on. You have not asked your dad about this, correct? But your mother has? And she is upset about it? But you think your dad will be fine with it?

    am I misunderstanding anything so far?


  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    If this isn't mud, then I am enjoying it immensely. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    MyNameIsNotei34InLoveInQueensMesmrEwe
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If this isn't mud, then I am enjoying it immensely. 
    Does she really not understand the meaning of the phrase "No, thank you"?

    OP - It doesn't matter if your dad is hard of hearing. My DH's grandmother was very hard of hearing at the end of her life. Everyone still put in the effort to talk to her (loudly, slowly, however was necessary), whether it was just to keep her from being lonely and isolated or because she should have some input into stuff that was relevant to her. Talk to your dad directly about what he would like to do.
    ILoveBeachMusicahoywedding
  • edited September 2018
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Op. Take a breath. This will all be okay.

    There is one thing I am confused on. You have not asked your dad about this, correct? But your mother has? And she is upset about it? But you think your dad will be fine with it?

    am I misunderstanding anything so far?


    Deep breath.....Yes I haven’t asked my dad about this I’m sorry I didn’t I should have, yes my mom was upset about it, I just thought after the dance rehearsal with my father in law and my fiancé and his step mom watching but also participating I thought it was ok when I talked to my mom the next morning she yelled at me, soon we were both crying I just need help not yelling. 
    Your mom may have, but literally no one is yelling at you here. We are trying to help, you just don't always like how it's being phrased.

    If it comes up again with your mom, tell her you will talk to your dad and you two will figure it out together.

    Speaking of help, you might want to seek out counseling if the stress of little things like this about your wedding is making you so fragile. I usually only see children fall totally apart over stuff like this.
    MyNameIsNotSTARMOON44MesmrEwe
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I truly have a hard time believe you're in your 30s. "The s word". Really? Have you been on the internet before? 

    I have attended dozens of weddings, and I can't recall one where the bride danced with her FIL. While everyone one was dancing, sure. But not their own dance. 

    If my father had not been able to dance with me at my wedding, I would have skipped the dance. 
    I’m 35 leave me alone! 
    Thank you for proving my point. 

    MyNameIsNotei34InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • I feel like I (along with others here) provided you some practical solutions or suggestions for moving forward and you’re flying off the handle. Now I’m wondering if you even want suggestions or you’re looking for a place to vent. Either way is fine, but just know that some (most) of us here really are trying to answer your question 
    ei34short+sassySTARMOON44MesmrEwe
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