Wedding Etiquette Forum

My dad is unable to dance with me at our wedding how do I still include him?

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Re: My dad is unable to dance with me at our wedding how do I still include him?

  • Why do I need to talk to him I’ll just get yelled at 
    So you are admitting you know that he won’t like your idea either.

    so act like an adult, own up to your decisions/ actions, and use your words to tell him what is going to happen. But don’t pretend like you want options when you clearly don’t and don’t force your mother to be the one who breaks it to your father that his daughter will be dancing with another man instead of him.
    My father knows I’ll be dancing with my father in law don’t tell me to grow up I’m 35 years old I’ll explain this to my dad in my own words! 😡
    But, you're 35 years old and so far you've had your mom communicating to your dad for you....
    I didn’t ask her to communicate for me she was doing that on her own I didn’t have a to do with this until Sunday when she yelled me before then she was taking care of it. I’m just scared and frustrated I just want help
    Okay, so exactly what do you need help with? Everyone has given you suggestions and you keep throwing a fit when you don’t like them. 

    If your Mom is yelling at you like you’re a child you need to be the adult in the situation. Tell her, calmly, that you need her help talking with your father about this and that you want to reach a solution that will make everyone happy. If she yells/carry’s on then end the conversation and tell her “Mom I really want to talk with you and Dad about this, but not when you’re yelling. I won’t be spoken to like that so please let me know when you’ve calmed down and we. An discuss this again”. Then follow up on that. Don’t engage with her if she’s yelling. Don’t yell back or cry. Just walk away, outside, whatever. 

    If you really do want to find a solution you need to recognize that this is clearly not an ideal situation and the picture of have about what a wedding is supposed to have may not be your reality. And that’s okay! Most weddings are far from picture perfect. But you have to be more open minded. 
    MesmrEwe
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why do I need to talk to him I’ll just get yelled at 
    So you are admitting you know that he won’t like your idea either.

    so act like an adult, own up to your decisions/ actions, and use your words to tell him what is going to happen. But don’t pretend like you want options when you clearly don’t and don’t force your mother to be the one who breaks it to your father that his daughter will be dancing with another man instead of him.
    My father knows I’ll be dancing with my father in law don’t tell me to grow up I’m 35 years old I’ll explain this to my dad in my own words! 😡
    But, you're 35 years old and so far you've had your mom communicating to your dad for you....
    I didn’t ask her to communicate for me she was doing that on her own I didn’t have a to do with this until Sunday when she yelled me before then she was taking care of it. I’m just scared and frustrated I just want help
    Okay, so exactly what do you need help with? Everyone has given you suggestions and you keep throwing a fit when you don’t like them. 

    If your Mom is yelling at you like you’re a child you need to be the adult in the situation. Tell her, calmly, that you need her help talking with your father about this and that you want to reach a solution that will make everyone happy. If she yells/carry’s on then end the conversation and tell her “Mom I really want to talk with you and Dad about this, but not when you’re yelling. I won’t be spoken to like that so please let me know when you’ve calmed down and we. An discuss this again”. Then follow up on that. Don’t engage with her if she’s yelling. Don’t yell back or cry. Just walk away, outside, whatever. 

    If you really do want to find a solution you need to recognize that this is clearly not an ideal situation and the picture of have about what a wedding is supposed to have may not be your reality. And that’s okay! Most weddings are far from picture perfect. But you have to be more open minded. 
    OP, you said when the bolded part was suggested before that walking away from a conversation was "rude." It's not. In this instance, it's a way to set boundaries with your mother and keep everything from escalating into an argument you don't need to have.
    charlotte989875MyNameIsNotei34short+sassy
  • Why do I need to talk to him I’ll just get yelled at 
    So you are admitting you know that he won’t like your idea either.

    so act like an adult, own up to your decisions/ actions, and use your words to tell him what is going to happen. But don’t pretend like you want options when you clearly don’t and don’t force your mother to be the one who breaks it to your father that his daughter will be dancing with another man instead of him.
    My father knows I’ll be dancing with my father in law don’t tell me to grow up I’m 35 years old I’ll explain this to my dad in my own words! 😡
    But, you're 35 years old and so far you've had your mom communicating to your dad for you....
    I didn’t ask her to communicate for me she was doing that on her own I didn’t have a to do with this until Sunday when she yelled me before then she was taking care of it. I’m just scared and frustrated I just want help
    Okay, so exactly what do you need help with? Everyone has given you suggestions and you keep throwing a fit when you don’t like them. 

    If your Mom is yelling at you like you’re a child you need to be the adult in the situation. Tell her, calmly, that you need her help talking with your father about this and that you want to reach a solution that will make everyone happy. If she yells/carry’s on then end the conversation and tell her “Mom I really want to talk with you and Dad about this, but not when you’re yelling. I won’t be spoken to like that so please let me know when you’ve calmed down and we. An discuss this again”. Then follow up on that. Don’t engage with her if she’s yelling. Don’t yell back or cry. Just walk away, outside, whatever. 

    If you really do want to find a solution you need to recognize that this is clearly not an ideal situation and the picture of have about what a wedding is supposed to have may not be your reality. And that’s okay! Most weddings are far from picture perfect. But you have to be more open minded. 
    OP, you said when the bolded part was suggested before that walking away from a conversation was "rude." It's not. In this instance, it's a way to set boundaries with your mother and keep everything from escalating into an argument you don't need to have.
    Exactly. 

    And OP we’re not suggesting getting up and storming off. If she starts to get upset/yell ask her (again calmly) to please stop and say that if she doesn’t you’ll need to end the conversation. Give her a minute or two and see how she reacts, then proceed accordingly. You’re an adult. She’s an adult. Yes she’s your mother but you don’t have to sit there and be yelled at. 
    short+sassyInLoveInQueens
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I thought about possibly having him stand with his walker/ wheelchair and I can still dance with him if my brothers held on to him 
    Great, that's an idea. But the first, best step is to ask what he wants, then figure out a way to make that happen.

    Maybe he wants to dance with you and will do whatever it takes, including the above suggestion. Maybe he would find being held up by your brothers embarrassing and would prefer a hug, or to dance while staying in a wheelchair.

    We can't give you many more suggestions until you know what your dad wants, from your promised conversation with him. 
    charlotte989875levioosa
  • I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?
    InLoveInQueens
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?

    STUCK

    Because there MUST be dozens of spotlight dances. Because Catholicism, apparently. Because poor reading comprehension! Because "shit". Because we're all meanies. Because it's easier to play telephone through Mom. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • I thought about possibly having him stand with his walker/ wheelchair and I can still dance with him if my brothers held on to him 
    Like a marionette?  Really??? 

    Please look up videos where a bride dances with someone in a wheelchair.   It's not necessary to over complicate this. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?
    Yeah, that's what I'm struggling with. Dance with whoever the eff you want, but do it when the dance floor is open!

    Doing more than 3 spotlight dances (couple, couple with parents x2) is unnecessary, boring, and OTT/AWish. Dance with your FFIL, dance with your mom, dance with your cousins, dance with your great-uncle twice removed, dance with no one, but don't make everyone sit around and watch you do those dances. Do them while everyone else dances, too. There's nothing traditionally Catholic about dancing with your in-laws and making your guest watch while you do it. It's really not that complicated and the fact that this thread is 5 pages and OP understands what MUD means, despite insisting it's not (the lady doth protest too much) and is threatening to report people over "the s word" just screams troll.

    And if it's not, it screams 'therapy'.
    charlotte989875ei34STARMOON44sparklepants41
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?
    Yeah, that's what I'm struggling with. Dance with whoever the eff you want, but do it when the dance floor is open!

    Doing more than 3 spotlight dances (couple, couple with parents x2) is unnecessary, boring, and OTT/AWish. Dance with your FFIL, dance with your mom, dance with your cousins, dance with your great-uncle twice removed, dance with no one, but don't make everyone sit around and watch you do those dances. Do them while everyone else dances, too. There's nothing traditionally Catholic about dancing with your in-laws and making your guest watch while you do it. It's really not that complicated and the fact that this thread is 5 pages and OP understands what MUD means, despite insisting it's not (the lady doth protest too much) and is threatening to report people over "the s word" just screams troll.

    And if it's not, it screams 'therapy'.
    All of this, plus the boards have been quiet lately, so even a dull troll gets a lot of posts. 
    MobKazei34
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?
    Yeah, that's what I'm struggling with. Dance with whoever the eff you want, but do it when the dance floor is open!

    Doing more than 3 spotlight dances (couple, couple with parents x2) is unnecessary, boring, and OTT/AWish. Dance with your FFIL, dance with your mom, dance with your cousins, dance with your great-uncle twice removed, dance with no one, but don't make everyone sit around and watch you do those dances. Do them while everyone else dances, too. There's nothing traditionally Catholic about dancing with your in-laws and making your guest watch while you do it. It's really not that complicated and the fact that this thread is 5 pages and OP understands what MUD means, despite insisting it's not (the lady doth protest too much) and is threatening to report people over "the s word" just screams troll.

    And if it's not, it screams 'therapy'.
    All of this, plus the boards have been quiet lately, so even a dull troll gets a lot of posts. 
    Is it just me?  Post history shows 10 discussions but this is the only one that shows up.....?  Is anyone else able to see OP's history?
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Completely unrelated, totally random TK fun fact - 

    Reported posts are technically a new thread. 

    Carry on.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    InLoveInQueensflantasticMairePoppy
  • edited September 2018
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  • edited September 2018
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    Ok listen I don’t need therapy I’m fine just either leave a nice message or don’t reply at all please. This is just stressing me out. I’ve asked someone on staff at the knot to delete my profile and take me off this board for good. See ya! 
    MobKaz said:
    I think if your dad can’t dance, then you don’t have that happen. You dance with your new husband and that’s that. Why is this a complicated 5 pages of drama?
    Yeah, that's what I'm struggling with. Dance with whoever the eff you want, but do it when the dance floor is open!

    Doing more than 3 spotlight dances (couple, couple with parents x2) is unnecessary, boring, and OTT/AWish. Dance with your FFIL, dance with your mom, dance with your cousins, dance with your great-uncle twice removed, dance with no one, but don't make everyone sit around and watch you do those dances. Do them while everyone else dances, too. There's nothing traditionally Catholic about dancing with your in-laws and making your guest watch while you do it. It's really not that complicated and the fact that this thread is 5 pages and OP understands what MUD means, despite insisting it's not (the lady doth protest too much) and is threatening to report people over "the s word" just screams troll.

    And if it's not, it screams 'therapy'.
    All of this, plus the boards have been quiet lately, so even a dull troll gets a lot of posts. 
    Is it just me?  Post history shows 10 discussions but this is the only one that shows up.....?  Is anyone else able to see OP's history?
    Ok I’m sorry for everything I’ve done or said could we just focus on the question about dancing with my dad ok? I’m really sorry, could you give me another chance and not call me a troll?
    So are you sticking around looking for another chance or deleting your profile?

    An easy way to remove yourself from the boards, without waiting for someone from TK to do it, is to simply not log in. You don't need your profile deleted (although I do believe you can do that yourself), you just don't need to come here anymore. Easy peasy! Almost as easy as, say, speaking to your father!
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • What does OP mean?

    Original Poster
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • Except she was quoted.
    ei34ernursej
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