Not Engaged Yet

Frustrated!

135

Re: Frustrated!

  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:7328220c-31cc-4d14-a0a0-9f590cb06407">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think this is the wrong place for me to be frustrated. My BF doesn't talk for me whenever I talk to my dad, he will help me out if the three of us are having a discussion and I get stuck. I also wasn't scared away I had meetings because I run a business! It's been an interesting throw back to high school being called immature and everything, hah! I would benefit more from talking to the people in my life who understand the situation. After an interesting phone call from my dad I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out anyway, which is fine<strong> I'm old enough to go live on my own. 
    </strong>Posted by WillBeMrsC[/QUOTE]

    Yet, that option and every other suggestion that any one else gave you was not acceptable a page ago.
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Perhaps it wasn't the right place because all you wanted was someone to agree with you?  I think everyone was overall rather civil - I think around the middle of the 2nd page, some of us started to get a little frustrated that we were trying so hard to understand, to ask you questions, and you basically blew off EVERYTHING that EVERYONE said.

    Because everyone's a big meanie head and wants you to be miserable.  Rather than, you know, offering outside perspective on the situation.  But you've clearly got your head buried too far in the sand.


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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:7328220c-31cc-4d14-a0a0-9f590cb06407">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think this is the wrong place for me to be frustrated. My BF doesn't talk for me whenever I talk to my dad, he will help me out if the three of us are having a discussion and I get stuck. I also wasn't scared away I had meetings because I run a business! It's been an interesting throw back to high school being called immature and everything, hah! I would benefit more from talking to the people in my life who understand the situation. After an interesting phone call from my dad<strong> I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out anyway</strong>, which is fine I'm old enough to go live on my own. 
    Posted by WillBeMrsC[/QUOTE]

    Good lord, talk about DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. What the heck happened that is about to get you kicked out of the house?

    P.S. I read through the entire post. You were asked at least 7 times how old you are, yet you never answered. <em><strong><u><font color="#ff0000">OP, HOW OLD ARE YOU AND BF</font></u></strong></em>? [Is there a way to make that writing flash to get her attention??]
  • edited December 2011
    No I don't think you are mean, and I'm not even saying that I won't take your advice. I think you'd be able to help more if you knew all the situation and not just the little tidbits I included and the emotion of my hurt feelings, because yes, my feelings did get hurt. I started a business young and get crap for my age all the time but I can handle it because I can work my ass off and be the best but I have a weird family situation. 
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:5451670a-ae11-4725-b57b-d3cb495dbc9e">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]No I don't think you are mean, and I'm not even saying that I won't take your advice. I think you'd be able to help more if you knew all the situation and not just the little tidbits I included and the emotion of my hurt feelings, because yes, my feelings did get hurt. I started a business young and get crap for my age all the time but I can handle it because I can work my ass off and be the best but I have a weird family situation. 
    Posted by WillBeMrsC[/QUOTE]

    How old are you? and who the hell gets crap for successfully starting a business young that doesn't even make sense.


  • edited December 2011
    By starting a business, maybe she means she sells dream catchers and key chains out of her locker? 

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  • edited December 2011
    I'm 20 years old, and the crap I got was when people didn't want to give money to a teenager. I had to prove myself. I don't like that people keep saying I'm full of drama, this is just my life I'm not being dramatic. People go through harder stuff and have more issues with things than this I don't even think my world is falling apart or anything, I am having a bad day and I'm frustrated that my dad and my BF are not getting along, and that money is tight for him and he can't get me the ring he wants. 
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:5451670a-ae11-4725-b57b-d3cb495dbc9e">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]No I don't think you are mean, and I'm not even saying that I won't take your advice. I think you'd be able to help more if you knew all the situation and not just the little tidbits I included and the emotion of my hurt feelings, because yes, my feelings did get hurt. I started a business young and get crap for my age all the time but I can handle it because I can work my ass off and be the best but I have a weird family situation. 
    Posted by WillBeMrsC[/QUOTE]

    It is admirable that you started a business, for sure.  It'll be more admirable when you're able to budget your fluctuating income to manage to afford rent, bills, etc.

    It sounds like you're a very successful, driven young person.  And yes, families are often a weak spot for people who otherwise have it all together.

    I think the general suggestions were around the topic that there is no need to rush to get married - and yes, this is coming from a wedding website where we're all obviously thinking about weddings on a regular basis.  Just enjoy your relationship right now without trying to rush it to the next step - if he's waiting to buy you the ring, and you understand his reasons, then let him buy you the ring.  Once you have the ring, then you two can plan your wedding together. 

    In the meantime, if you don't want to (or can't) live with your parents anymore, then it's highly recommended by many women on this board to move out and live on your own for awhile.  If you want to just move in with your boyfriend, then do that.  But you said that would make things even more complicated, so the general solution given was to find a roommate or get your own place.

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  • edited December 2011
    I appreciate everyone's thoughts on not rushing things, I agree I'll let him work on his time on this one. I don't appreciate being called immature or some of the other things that were said. 
  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe if you didn't side step the advice and questions people asked no less than several times you MAY have received different perspectives. You can't just throw out all the information you only want to share and somewhat cryptic and expect people to automatiucally agree with what you say or want. This is the real world sweetheart where everyone has an opinion on what is best for you no matter how good or bad you are think you are doing. Learn to take some constructive criticism , it would do you a world of good. We nor anyone else is here to pat you on the head like a good little puppy to validate your thoughts or choices. And I'll say it - I think you are a bit young to worry about all this so much. Contrary to popular belief marriage isnt going anywhere and your finger won't shribble up and fall off if a ring isnt on there by an expected time or date. I do think EVERYONE should be on their own exlusively without outside help or influence prior to getting married but thats just my opinion. It might be the best thing to be self suffucuent as you have stated you are capable of such just haven't wanted to yet. No time like the present.
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  • edited December 2011
    OP, you are 20 years old. You have plenty of time to get married. As PPs said, you don't have to get married to live with your BF. If you want to live with him, do it. You're a legal adult, you can do what you want.

    I also want to add, as a 28 year old "old and wise almost married woman," that you will change SO much in your 20s. So will your BF. If you do end up getting married soon, I hope for both your sakes that you two can learn to grow up together. Otherwise, there will be problems. Getting married does not magically change everything and make life perfect.

    I also agree with the PP who said that your boyfriend buying an expensive Christmas gift instead of keeping the money stashed away for the future e-ring purchase speaks volumes. He could have bought you something small and nice for Christmas and saved the money. Or he could have bought the ring even though your Dad disapproved. You Dad disapproves of the marriage, but he can't force BF to not buy you a ring.
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:c0c537ac-83af-4d05-9efb-808705b6b248">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I appreciate everyone's thoughts on not rushing things, I agree I'll let him work on his time on this one. I don't appreciate being called immature or some of the other things that were said. 
    Posted by WillBeMrsC[/QUOTE]

    That was based on your behavior.  You want a different response, you'd need to deal with conflict differently.  The main issues that made me think you still have some maturing to do was related to your relationships with your Dad and having your FI speak on your behalf (it's great to have a guy stand up for you, but you also need to be able to stand up for yourself).  As well as not being able to put your foot down and simply say that what your Dad says doesn't matter.  You have to at some point stop seeking their approval if it's in contrast to what you believe to be in your own best interest.  We all want our parents to be happy for us, but independent adults see it as a plus, not a requirement.  And independent adults are also more financially stable and able to afford living away from their parents (whether by themselves, with a boyfriend, or with a spouse).

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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:c0c537ac-83af-4d05-9efb-808705b6b248">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I appreciate everyone's thoughts on not rushing things, I agree I'll let him work on his time on this one. I don't appreciate being called immature or some of the other things that were said. 
    Posted by WillBeMrsC[/QUOTE]

    I've said this before to others, and I'll say it again: if you have a problem with something someone said, then call them out on it right there. You don't need to be rude about it, but just say "Hey, I don't like what you said here." and perhaps explain why. FYI, I didn't see anyone say that you are immature, but that this doesn't sound like mature actions. And that was the worst that I saw you get besides others getting frustrated- and even then it wasn't a personal attack.

    Note the difference between people being mean and offering outside perspective on how things come across. One is an attack, the other can be constructive criticism.

  • edited December 2011
    I still don't understand how every single girl who comes here bitching that they are waiting for their BF to propose always claims that THEY don't care about the ring but that their BF is hell-bent on buying them some elaborate ring that they can't afford!?!  It can't be that EVERY guy on the planet can't wait to drop $10k on a ring and EVERY girl loves their guy so much that they would settle for a ring pop just so they could be married rightthisveryminute...

    I really think you're full of crap... 

    I'm sorry... What was the question again??
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:1d7d707b-409f-41bf-891f-e3d0a466ead0">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I still don't understand how every single girl who comes here bitching that they are waiting for their BF to propose always claims that THEY don't care about the ring but that their BF is hell-bent on buying them some elaborate ring that they can't afford!?!  It can't be that EVERY guy on the planet can't wait to drop $10k on a ring and EVERY girl loves their guy so much that they would settle for a ring pop just so they could be married rightthisveryminute... I really think you're full of crap...  I'm sorry... What was the question again??
    Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Like.

    </div>

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  • edited December 2011
    I stopped keeping up with this thread around post #50 this morning. Is it worth it to go back??
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:1d7d707b-409f-41bf-891f-e3d0a466ead0">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I still don't understand how every single girl who comes here bitching that they are waiting for their BF to propose always claims that THEY don't care about the ring but that their BF is hell-bent on buying them some elaborate ring that they can't afford!?!  It can't be that EVERY guy on the planet can't wait to drop $10k on a ring and EVERY girl loves their guy so much that they would settle for a ring pop just so they could be married rightthisveryminute... I really think you're full of crap...  I'm sorry... What was the question again??
    Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]

    While I agree with what you're getting at, I think there could have been a more tactful way to put it.

    And Nursey, it really isn't worth it.

  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't understand why anyone should cater their response to be more PC or what not. Brutal honesty wins for me every time.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Well this was a waste of 10 minutes.



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  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:7dc727b5-4066-4004-bc7f-136c6b251276">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well this was a waste of 10 minutes.
    Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's what your mom said.</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I solemnly swear to never drag drama from other boards over here again.  I complained that we hadn't had any lately.  I apologize.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:7b31c6c1-99fb-43ad-bae8-4986ade1dc5a">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : That's what your mom said.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    You promised to be good to her!

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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
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  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:83235d6a-cca4-4afa-943e-61d5bf923f3b">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : You promised to be good to her!
    Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

    <div>I took her out to dinner before hand!</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:67ac52fe-eb2e-4429-b545-a013a7c63535">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : I took her out to dinner before hand!
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    Good woman.

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  • luvdncn90luvdncn90 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I'm not even going to dignify this thread with a response....oh wait.

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:09477e09-a6d2-4b4f-9b36-1ef5fb6d61aa">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It amazes me that in this day and age women still go straight from their parent's house to their husband's house (sometimes with a stop at the sorority house in between).
    Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

    Why? Is something wrong with this?


    "I don't know guys, that's a really nice thing to have in your house. I have one similar saying written on the walls all over my quiet, neat, non-childproofed home. I have it in my brand new car as a decal on the window. I even wear it on a t-shirt for when I go out to dinner or hang out at a trendy bar or go on a relaxing vacation. "All because I use birth control." It still brings a tear to my eye..." SnarkyMcSnarkerson
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:285bf5ba-218e-4c18-9e8f-8e66c9e291a7">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : Why? Is something wrong with this?
    Posted by sweetvidalia[/QUOTE]

    Yes.
  • edited December 2011
    Well my frustration ended tonight, btw- He did get a ring. Turns out that bracelet wasn't quite as expensive as he let me believe and he was able to get the ring, he just wanted to try to let me spend some time working on my dad. 
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:a6d8157d-0332-4d7d-8bfb-8762043db22b">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well my frustration ended tonight, btw- He did get a ring. Turns out that bracelet wasn't quite as expensive as he let me believe and he was able to get the ring, he just wanted to try to let me spend some time working on my dad. 
    Posted by WillBeMrsC[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I think you missed the entire point of what we were telling you.  It's not ABOUT a ring.  It's about a relationship, and building a solid foundation for your future.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Clearly, you are going to do whatever the hell you feel like doing.  But part of being mature and an adult capable of making your own decisions means listening to and seriously considering what other people are saying.  Neither of which you did here, despite the TONS of sound advice that was given to you.  No one sat here and was being malicious.  Everyone who gave you advice was trying to help you better your relationship with two people - your dad and your BF.  </div>
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:f0d1df83-ae61-4399-84ed-b9e2acd47827">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand why anyone should cater their response to be more PC or what not. Brutal honesty wins for me every time.
    Posted by tafft1[/QUOTE]

    If you're thinking of my "more tact" comment, I do see a difference between being PC and being careful with words.

    I like the way Peekaboo put it, OP, But I think the horse is pretty much dead now...

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