Not Engaged Yet

Frustrated!

124

Re: Frustrated!

  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Bren, I know it's dead.  I really just want her to freaking GET IT.  Sorry, I'm being stubborn.


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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:fdb43d0f-4d6b-4b45-89ec-c67edc169137">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bren, I know it's dead.  I really just want her to freaking GET IT.  Sorry, I'm being stubborn.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    Pffft, why do you think I'm still replying?

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:277ed785-72ef-4b30-9160-385ca65aaae5">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I solemnly swear to never drag drama from other boards over here again.  I complained that we hadn't had any lately.  I apologize.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    YES! I totally blame you for making me read ALL 4 pages of the same thing OVER and OVER! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />


    AND the advice being ignored OVER and OVER!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:f0d1df83-ae61-4399-84ed-b9e2acd47827">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I don't understand why anyone should cater their response to be more PC or what not. Brutal honesty wins for me every time.</strong>
    Posted by tafft1[/QUOTE]

    This!

    Oh, goody! He did buy a ring! I'm so full of relief!!
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You guys like brutal honesty?  Well, then okay.  I think people who are brutally honest with no regard for tact lack class.  I think they're bullies.  There are ways to get the same point across more effectively and without ridiculing or belittling someone else, simply by using tact - that is the educated, mature, and classy way to express disagreement.  When I see someone being unnecessarily cruel, I think they're a pretty small person and I lose respect for them.

    Overall, I think this thread was very well handled - people got frustrated, but really tried to express their opinions, ask probing questions to understand the situation, and convince the OP to open her mind to other viewpoints of the situation (who unfortunately had her head in the sand).  Being 'blunt' (or really, cruel and mocking) would not have gotten the point across any better, but might have been better "entertainment value" for those who like schadenfreude. 

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:62d60f4d-59cf-463f-a333-d6a08d00e239">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You guys like brutal honesty?  Well, then okay.  I think people who are brutally honest with no regard for tact lack class.  I think they're bullies.  There are ways to get the same point across more effectively and without ridiculing or belittling someone else, simply by using tact - that is the educated, mature, and classy way to express disagreement.  When I see someone being unnecessarily cruel, I think they're a pretty small person and I lose respect for them. Overall, I think this thread was very well handled - people got frustrated, but really tried to express their opinions, ask probing questions to understand the situation, and convince the OP to open her mind to other viewpoints of the situation (who unfortunately had her head in the sand).  Being 'blunt' (or really, cruel and mocking) would not have gotten the point across any better, but might have been better "entertainment value" for those who like schadenfreude. 
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Everyone has a different style in their posts and a different way to respond. Some peoople like to be right to the point, others like to be wordy, others are sweet, others like to be funny. We don't judge you for how you respond and you shouldn't judge anyone else for how they respond. </div><div>
    </div><div>And class is subjective. </div><div>
    </div><div>
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:62d60f4d-59cf-463f-a333-d6a08d00e239">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You guys like brutal honesty?  Well, then okay.  I think people who are brutally honest with no regard for tact lack class.  I think they're bullies.  There are ways to get the same point across more effectively and without ridiculing or belittling someone else, simply by using tact - that is the educated, mature, and classy way to express disagreement.  When I see someone being unnecessarily cruel, I think they're a pretty small person and I lose respect for them. Overall, I think this thread was very well handled - people got frustrated, but really tried to express their opinions, ask probing questions to understand the situation, and convince the OP to open her mind to other viewpoints of the situation (who unfortunately had her head in the sand).  Being 'blunt' (or really, cruel and mocking) would not have gotten the point across any better, but might have been better "entertainment value" for those who like schadenfreude. 
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    I think know-it-all's lack class, as well. To each their own opinion.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:ba543c56-1ca9-483c-a14b-032410bb41b1">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : Everyone has a different style in their posts and a different way to respond. Some peoople like to be right to the point, others like to be wordy, others are sweet, others like to be funny. We dont judge you for how you respond and you shouldn't judge anyone else for how they respond.  And class is subjective. 
    Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

    This is an example of being wordy to get across a point that I just got straight to... ;)
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just pointing out that people were plenty direct without being cruel.

    But it's funny how someone who claims to like blunt honesty can't take it when someone's telling THEM what they think.

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  • CASK85CASK85 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:5082f683-7394-4c0c-aec7-8f108e3fbdf6">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just pointing out that people were plenty direct without being cruel. <strong>But it's funny how someone who claims to like blunt honesty can't take it when someone's telling THEM what they think.
    </strong>Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    That IS funny... who would that be??
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:5082f683-7394-4c0c-aec7-8f108e3fbdf6">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just pointing out that people were plenty direct without being cruel. But it's funny how someone who claims to like blunt honesty can't take it when someone's telling THEM what they think.
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think she responded pretty normally. Did you expect her to just say nothing and "take it"? Or perhaps tell you that you were right? I don't know what you expected from her to indicate that she "took it", but I promise you didn't hurt her feelings, which was clearly your intention. </div>

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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I guess I just see a difference between brutal honesty and honesty. Being blunt is just fine, but I prefer to see it in a constructive way. Wit is fine too.

    I made a suggestion, Lyz. I rarely totally disagree with what you're saying, but this was one instance where I thought you could have just said the same thing in a different way and made the exact same point. That's all.

    But that bean dip is making me hungry and I do believe it is lunch time :)

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:62e7030f-8f22-464b-96ba-84566ca275af">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can sign a 6 month lease.  You can sign a month-to-month lease.  I really don't see the problem.  It's not a waste to do exactly what you're saying you want to do - move out of your parents house.  If that's the reason you're in such a rush and not willing to let your guy go at his own pace, then just MOVE OUT. <strong>This is what I see: <u>a little girl</u> who loves her boyfriend who really wants to live with him.  That<u> little girl</u> has been talking marriage since it seems the very first days of this relationship, and while her boyfriend probably sees a future with her, he seems to be throwing up roadblocks to slow things down until he's ready (namely, saying he isn't ready to get married until he can buy you a ring).  <u>The same little girl</u> wants to not live with her parents anymore (and really, what 18+ year old wants to still live with their parents?) and sees getting married as this mecca of domestic bliss, where she'll get to live with her boyfriend and be together, happily ever after.  So she's planned a wedding with her Mom <u>in her little head</u>, and is now mad that her boyfriend isn't playing along with her timeline.</strong> <strong> Did I miss anything?  Oh yeah, <u>the whole bit with bugging Dad, who the little girl clearly has a distant relationship with, to approve of her wedding from the very first days of dating this guy.</u></strong>  There is NO REASON to rush to get married.
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    Excuse me but what do you call this, if not being condescending and rude??
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I was actually directly that "blunt" comment more at Taft, just FYI.  She tends to show up just to say something mean to someone and then disappear again.

    And I don't mean anyone specifically did anything wrong here - which is why I said the thread was generally good.  I actually think it's surprising how calm everyone stayed with as much head-banging we were doing against a brick wall.  I definitely got frustrated with the OP, which is reflected in my response you quoted, Lyz.  I actually thought your point about girls lying about their guys being the one to want big rings was actually pretty interesting (and true), though I probably would have phrased it differently myself.  That wasn't what I was saying... I just think glorifying being bluntly cruelly honest is not a good thing to aim towards.

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  • SassyFlatsSassyFlats member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:ee372ff8-e0a1-4cae-ab85-cc8fc10f16b7">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : I think know-it-all's lack class, as well. To each their own opinion.
    Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]

    LOL i see wat u did thar.

    I like how OP came back and was like "OH don't worry, guys! He has the ring, it's all good!" Everyone was saying don't worry about the RING, your relationship with your boyfriend and dad are what really matter. But, yeah, good luck.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:38dfb4ee-72cb-4ca2-a6de-095bd0a76d5a">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I just see a difference between brutal honesty and honesty. Being blunt is just fine, but I prefer to see it in a constructive way. Wit is fine too. I made a suggestion, Lyz. I rarely totally disagree with what you're saying, but this was one instance where I thought you could have just said the same thing in a different way and made the exact same point. That's all. But that bean dip is making me hungry and I do believe it is lunch time :)
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    Bren, I know that you rarely disagree with what I'm saying... but you usually do have an issue with how I say it... It's like SeaTea said - everyone has their own way of expressing their points...  I think the bottom line is that I got my point across... 

    and I agree, I'm hungry! lol
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:bd0c609b-1e13-43ed-9407-3d54bbfb3268">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : <strong> LOL i see wat u did thar</strong>. I like how OP came back and was like "OH don't worry, guys! He has the ring, it's all good!" Everyone was saying don't worry about the RING, your relationship with your boyfriend and dad are what really matter. But, yeah, good luck.
    Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]

    I'm glad someone else caught that besides me!

    Edit:  and I'm interested to see how the OP's situation ends up turning out...
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:8b48887a-d6f3-4e59-b44b-d8c0226fbe1f">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : Bren, I know that you rarely disagree with what I'm saying... but you usually do have an issue with how I say it... It's like SeaTea said - everyone has their own way of expressing their points...  I think the bottom line is that I got my point across...  and I agree, I'm hungry! lol
    Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]

    And my comment was just a suggestion that I think your point could still be made and come across even better if some parts were less "brutal". KWIM? Half the time I am chuckling, but I think there are times when any of us can lose our cool and say something that may be true but the real idea can get lost if it's just kind of mean. I know I don't control how you say things, which is why I wanted to point it out as a suggestion. This is just one time when I noticed that if I was the OP, that just would have pushed my buttons and I would have missed the actual point and just gotten mad. But that is just my opinion, which I know will be taken or left.

    And yes, lunch is good ;)

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:c0bbc211-2ac7-4a4b-a797-8f8a0f84ad3a">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : And my comment was just a suggestion that I think your point could still be made and come across even better if some parts were less "brutal". KWIM? Half the time I am chuckling, but I think there are times when any of us can lose our cool and say something that may be true but the real idea can get lost if it's just kind of mean. I know I don't control how you say things, which is why I wanted to point it out as a suggestion. This is just one time when I noticed that if I was the OP, that just would have pushed my buttons and I would have missed the actual point and just gotten mad. But that is just my opinion, which I know will be taken or left. And yes, lunch is good ;)
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    I'm old... I spent years saying things the nicest way possible and I've learned that it rarely matters HOW you say things... People are going to do what they want to do, regardless, even if they are asking for your advice... So, why sugar-coat it and beat around the bush... SAY IT!

    This thread is a perfect example... There were a ton of responses - some nice, some not so nice... and the end result is still the same... OP is on Cloud 9 because "OMG, he had the ring after all! All is right with the world!!"

    hmmm Lunch??
  • SassyFlatsSassyFlats member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:b0eab8fc-9af1-42f4-88df-f6c406f82669">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : "OMG, he had the ring after all! All is right with the world!!"
    Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]

    It makes me want to poke someone in the eyes! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" />
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  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    But engagement rings are magical.
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • edited December 2011

    Sassy - many things you read on this board will make you feel that way... lol Like when OP comes back in 6 months and says "OMG he's had the ring all this time and he hasn't proposed yet?? WTF"

    Aud - snort

  • SassyFlatsSassyFlats member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:e270d746-0925-4d81-92e7-cb1dadeca82c">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]But engagement rings are magical.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    Mine calls down unicorns from the heavens to fight evil on my behalf. And if I shine it at a 42 degree angle under a full moon, leprachauns appear and do all my chores! I LOVE MY ENGAGEMENT RING!

    Now, I just need to figure out the trick to calling Captain Planet.
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  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:955047b5-eaf3-4d5c-9247-a4892e0479c7">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : Mine calls down unicorns from the heavens to fight evil on my behalf. And if I shine it at a 42 degree angle under a full moon, leprachauns appear and do all my chores! I LOVE MY ENGAGEMENT RING! Now, I just need to figure out the trick to calling Captain Planet.
    Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]

    We have to have a GTG and put all our rings together.
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  • SassyFlatsSassyFlats member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:f418fcc4-afe4-4d23-b01d-5bd95b567983">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : We have to have a GTG and put all our rings together.
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]


    Let's do it!
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  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:06151d2f-3031-428d-9735-1a0534d4a2a8">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : Let's do it!
    Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]

    Chicago, 2nd week of June.

    Who am I kidding? You won't even tell me what state you're in.
    (This is annoying me.  It is irational.  I know.)
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  • SassyFlatsSassyFlats member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry it's annoying you... but honestly, I've been internet-stalked by nosy family before... it ain't cool.
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  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:ba61c267-01a5-4bd5-b90e-e82510685459">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated! : Chicago, 2nd week of June. Who am I kidding? You won't even tell me what state you're in. (This is annoying me.  It is irational.  I know.)
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

    <div>I wanna go, but I'm going to be on my HM from the 2nd to the 11th</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:45689460-4b9f-4f14-bf1a-5123b9c4da3dPost:ee8ea846-8564-4cf1-be5e-dea3c611e40b">Re: Frustrated!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry it's annoying you... but honestly, I've been internet-stalked by nosy family before... it ain't cool.
    Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]

    I get it.  I'm just nosey.  Who knows, I COULD be your internet-stalking family member....

    (Cue twilight zone music)
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