Not Engaged Yet
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N00b! Hi!

I just wanted to introduce myself to everyone!

Screen Name: Anythinggold
Age: 24 (for a couple more weeks)..25 if I forget to update!
Significant Other's Age: 30 (for a couple more weeks)..31 if I forget to update!
What You Do: I work on an eLearning program for an Association
What SO Does: Software Development
State of Relationship: Joint planning, but no engagement. Living together, though.
How Long You've Been Together: 2 years (July 15, 2009)
When You're Getting Married (if you're engaged): Discussing Sept. 2013 (time to save money!)
Fur Babies: A 2-year old cat, Pixel. @impixelimakat
Favorite Color: Purple
Favorite Thing About Your SO: He can always make me laugh
Least Favorite Thing About Your SO: He likes food twice as spicy as I do!Hobbies/Activities: Cooking, crafting, SO is catching me up on the X-Files..
Describe Your Personality: Unstoppable planner
Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]): 11
Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself: I majored in Political Science, but I'm trying to get in to Web Design & Usability.

PS: I live in Northern VA
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«1345

Re: N00b! Hi!

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    SKP82SKP82 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:26ff0ab9-61bd-45e8-9642-28dad4883e07">N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just wanted to introduce myself to everyone! Screen Name: Anythinggold Age: 24 (for a couple more weeks)..25 if I forget to update! Significant Other's Age: 30 (for a couple more weeks)..31 if I forget to update! What You Do: I work on an eLearning program for an Association What SO Does: Software Development <strong>State of Relationship: Joint planning, but no engagement</strong>. Living together, though. How Long You've Been Together: 2 years (July 15, 2009) When You're Getting Married (if you're engaged): Discussing Sept. 2013 (time to save money!) Fur Babies: A 2-year old cat, Pixel. @impixelimakat Favorite Color: Purple Favorite Thing About Your SO: He can always make me laugh Least Favorite Thing About Your SO: He likes food twice as spicy as I do!Hobbies/Activities: Cooking, crafting, SO is catching me up on the X-Files.. <strong>Describe Your Personality: Unstoppable planner</strong>Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]): 11 Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself: I majored in Political Science, but I'm trying to get in to Web Design & Usability. PS: I live in Northern VA
    Posted by anythinggold[/QUOTE]

    If you had lurked, you would know that we do not condone planning a wedding before your engagement.  You're putting the cart before the horse. 

    ETA:  "I'm just a planner," is a common response to the "don't plan before you're engaged" advice.  Please don't use it and read the sticky at the top of the page before you continue to post.

    KThanksBai!
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
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    Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:26ff0ab9-61bd-45e8-9642-28dad4883e07">N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just wanted to introduce myself to everyone! Screen Name: Anythinggold Age: 24 (for a couple more weeks)..25 if I forget to update! Significant Other's Age: 30 (for a couple more weeks)..31 if I forget to update! What You Do: I work on an eLearning program for an Association What SO Does: Software Development State of Relationship: Joint planning, but no engagement. Living together, though. How Long You've Been Together: 2 years (July 15, 2009) When You're Getting Married (if you're engaged): Discussing Sept. 2013 (time to save money!) Fur Babies: A 2-year old cat, Pixel. @impixelimakat Favorite Color: Purple Favorite Thing About Your SO: He can always make me laugh Least Favorite Thing About Your SO: He likes food twice as spicy as I do!Hobbies/Activities: Cooking, crafting, SO is catching me up on the X-Files.. Describe Your Personality: Unstoppable planner Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]): 11 Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself: I majored in Political Science, but I'm trying to get in to Web Design & Usability. PS: I<strong> live in Northern VA</strong>
    Posted by anythinggold[/QUOTE]

    Hello, noob!  I would also recommend not planning yet.  Wait for the bling or the "we're engaged" part (i.e. if someone asked you or BF if you were engaged, would you say yes?  if not, don't plan yet.)

    However, I live in southern VA, so there's that.

    Tell me about your crafting - are you making anything cool at the moment?  I'm making a baby quilt for my cousin's 2nd child who is due in December
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, it really doesn't matter how positive you make the joint planning sound when you deny being engaged.
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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ::waves:: Hi, n00b! What is your favorite food?

    Also, best not to plan anything if you don't consider yourselves engaged. Have you read our sticky? Here...

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_welcome-not-engaged-yet

    Honestly, IMO, it really depends on the couple when it's a matter of both parties planning together. If you ask him, would he say you are engaged? Are you both putting time and money into the planning, and do you have a date set? Does he already have a ring? These questions and more, to me, help determine whether or not it is a Grade A Bad Idea to be making wedding arrangements.
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Geez, way ruder than I expected. I did read the sticky and decided that I didn't fall into the category, since our planning is just looking at/comparing venues and discussing what we want to do. I was hoping to avoid the onslaught of judgement by making it clear that we were both involved in the discussion since the sticky seemed aimed at gals who plan the wedding without the SO even knowing.

    To answer the question of what we would say, there would definitely be a pregnant pause. As I'm sure many people say on here, we just haven't cemented it with a ring. I obviously wouldn't start booking venues and inviting people until it was official.
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    SwazzleSwazzle member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You think those replies were rude?  Seriously??


    :::takes cover:::



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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:c5bce7d6-2016-4e88-b3b0-137f8a1382cd">Re: N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Geez, way ruder than I expected. I did read the sticky and decided that I didn't fall into the category, since our planning is just looking at/comparing venues and discussing what we want to do. I was hoping to avoid the onslaught of judgement by making it clear that we were both involved in the discussion since the sticky seemed aimed at gals who plan the wedding without the SO even knowing. To answer the question of what we would say, there would definitely be a pregnant pause. As I'm sure many people say on here, we just haven't cemented it with a ring. I obviously wouldn't start booking venues and inviting people until it was official.
    Posted by anythinggold[/QUOTE]

    Okay, from this more detailed info, I would say you should probably not be planning.

    However, I don't know you, and this is your life, not mine. It's not like it's illegal or anything. It's up to you and your SO what you want to do. (I realize this sounds blunt and might come across sarcastic, but I promise I am a nice person who is just trying to help!)

    If you don't consider it official, I would advise you to set the planning aside for now, though.

    You are welcome to stick around here and chat with us--just be aware there are many ladies on here who will be very blunt about any talk of pre-planning.
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    wink0erinwink0erin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    When you say it as vaguely as "planning" and "I'm a planner!" we can only assume based on what we've seen before. (Trust me, we've seen some CRAZY stuff)

    To some people, planning is putting down money and making serious visits. To others, planning is just googling "it might be nice" things. If you are seriously planning and BF is helping, then why aren't you guys calling yourselves engaged? What if he doesn't propose by your wedding date?

    The motto here is to enjoy your relationship as it is, and when you are engaged then CONGRATS! have fun planning. Until then, no planning.
    ******************************************************

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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    rdr: I was a little taken aback by the sticky when I first read it but I've had nothing to do at work today so I spent the day answering questions etc and playing around on the forum. Everyone seemed super nice so I was just totally thrown when the claws came out!
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    AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:c5bce7d6-2016-4e88-b3b0-137f8a1382cd">Re: N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Geez, way ruder than I expected.</strong> I did read the sticky and decided that I didn't fall into the category, since our planning is just looking at/comparing venues and discussing what we want to do. I was hoping to avoid the onslaught of judgement by making it clear that we were both involved in the discussion since the sticky seemed aimed at gals who plan the wedding without the SO even knowing. To answer the question of what we would say, there would definitely be a pregnant pause. As I'm sure many people say on here, we just haven't cemented it with a ring. I obviously wouldn't start booking venues and inviting people until it was official.
    Posted by anythinggold[/QUOTE]

    <div>Really?</div><div>
    </div><div><a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '1efe2140-2b03-4eba-b90f-3d904ff51c58', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/14/9/1efe2140-2b03-4eba-b90f-3d904ff51c58.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>p.s.  Desert, I hope you don't mind <3</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Oh, Podge.
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    wink0erin:  When I read the sticky I thought "oh yeah this is clearly for the crazy people" and just hoped everyone trusted that I wasn't a crazy person.  Whoops! 

    We're still saving for a ring and BF wants a real proposal with a ring and all. Like I said, not putting down money just trying to get an idea of what things we want will cost before we start making solid plans.

    Totally almost took out the "I'm a Planner" thing because I knew people would hone in on it but it really is at the core of who I am, I'm a pretty anxious person so I naturally have a plan for everything in my head, down to the smallest detail. You mess with my plan, you're messing with me :-)

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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:5a583aeb-ce8e-4693-9e91-3a0c9f2aab1f">Re: N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]rdr: I was a little taken aback by the sticky when I first read it but I've had nothing to do at work today so I spent the day answering questions etc and playing around on the forum. Everyone seemed super nice so I was just totally thrown when the claws came out!
    Posted by anythinggold[/QUOTE]

    Anythinggold, I have to say, from being around here awhile, I've noticed that ladies on here will be very up-front, and though sometimes, yes, the line is crossed into rudeness, mostly, people are just trying to help. Do I always agree with how they present their advice? Nope, not always. The point I'm trying to make, though, is that sometimes posters truly don't mean to be rude or blunt; it just comes across that way because you can't read someone's tone on the internet. Words in black and white from a stranger can seem harsher than if your best friend said those same exact words to you in person, you know?
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yaga: The date we've talked about isn't until September 2013. Like I said, we're not making concrete money-involved plans so if for some reason we're not engaged by then we will obviously have moved the date long before that.

    FWIW, I showed him a couple posts of the crazies here and asked if I was being like those people. He agreed I was not...
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Liv & Marley: I agree with you guys. I had spent part of the day on the forum and didn't get that extra-blunt vibe (even when I was expecting it) from other people's posts so I thought I was in the clear. I came back expecting some welcomes and hi's, but was kind of blasted with "OMG U R WRONG" and was totally taken aback.

    I will admit it's totally my fault. I'm nice to a fault (me saying that everyone was being ruder than I expected is probably the meanest thing I've said in months!) so it takes me a minute to adjust to blunt, I suppose.
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    AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:cb267abb-6079-4c26-a973-64035fdbadee">Re: N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yaga: The date we've talked about isn't until September 2013. Like I said, we're not making concrete money-involved plans so if for some reason we're not engaged by then we will obviously have moved the date long before that. <strong>FWIW, I showed him a couple posts of the crazies here and asked if I was being like those people. He agreed I was not...</strong>
    Posted by anythinggold[/QUOTE]

    <div>:/</div><div>
    </div><div>Enjoy your relationship how it is now.  It really doesn't take as long as you think it does to plan a weding.  Wait until you're engaged for that.</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
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    edited December 2011
    Seriously, if you thought those responses were rude, perhaps you should say that you're "unofficially engaged" or that "you act growner than you are" and see what happens.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

    Planning / Married / Blog

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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Oceana: "Are you engaged" "Yes and no...Yes I'm engaged, no he isn't". I imagine you get that a lot around here :-)

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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're quite lucky this isn't the other night when the OG was in force.


    Also, quit planning.  If you don't, your BF will break up with you.
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    AudgiePodge: Like I said, the planning is limited to dreaming-with-a-purpose. We both are having fun sharing ideas with each other so we'll keep doing that until we have to make real set-in-stone plans. It's just nice that we're at the point where we can say "how about these colors for our wedding" without having to worry that he's not ready for you to say wedding, etc. 
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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:0a9eebeb-b491-4474-b3d9-db7d3b7d3c01">Re: N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Liv & Marley: I agree with you guys. I had spent part of the day on the forum and didn't get that extra-blunt vibe (even when I was expecting it) from other people's posts so I thought I was in the clear. I came back expecting some welcomes and hi's, but was kind of blasted with "OMG U R WRONG" and <strong>was totally taken aback</strong>. I will admit it's totally my fault. <strong>I'm nice to a fault (me saying that everyone was being ruder than I expected is probably the meanest thing I've said in months!) so it takes me a minute to adjust to blunt, I suppose.</strong>
    Posted by anythinggold[/QUOTE]

    I hear you on this. I'm actually regularly voted nicest Knottie on this board. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" /> However, there are plenty of other super nice, smart, funny ladies around here!
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    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:8c2e7296-5ac5-43c0-9667-56cbf2e2d714">Re: N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're quite lucky this isn't the other night when the OG was in force. Also, quit planning. <strong> If you don't, your BF will break up with you.</strong>
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    Peek, you did see the part where she said they were both looking together, right? I do feel this bolded statement is a little much (as much as I do <3 you!).
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    peekaboo: reponse from BF: "internet shrew is wrong"
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    AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:5e4620bc-ca5c-4ac6-814e-3c89e72ceecd">Re: N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]peekaboo: reponse from BF: "internet shrew is wrong"
    Posted by anythinggold[/QUOTE]

    <div>Is he going to make an account and come play too?</div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
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    lilphillips14lilphillips14 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The chart came out...and it's still a no. Damnit. Try again next time.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yaga: to each their own, I suppose. We have a lot of fun with idea-bouncing and discussing potential things for the wedding. Although we both want it to be really small, we're enjoying the freedom of being able to talk about ideas knowing the other person is down with it and ready to talk about it.
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    AudgiePodge: Unfortunately, no -- I told him that the internet was mean to me and made me sad and said I would never convince them I'm not a crazy. But must...make...internet...like...me...
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    AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_n00b-hi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85240aa6-c229-4ef0-9a3c-948d21aaa2b2Post:041fda31-f00b-4d66-856c-443999eba455">Re: N00b! Hi!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yaga: to each their own, I suppose. We have a lot of fun with idea-bouncing and discussing potential things for the wedding. Although we both want it to be really small, we're enjoying the freedom of being able to talk about ideas knowing the other person is down with it and ready to talk about it.
    Posted by anythinggold[/QUOTE]
    Then why hold off on the engagement?
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Here's the thing: it isn't us being rude and just going "stop planning, you suck". There really are reasons why you shouldn't start planning before you're engaged. If you're engaged without a ring- great! But your "proposed wedding date" is SO far off, that even if you were engaged there really wouldn't be much for you to plan. As some of the married and engaged girls have shared, wedding planning gets to be exhausting after a while.

    The main point is to focus on the PRESENT, and not the future. Regardless of whether you two are on the same page or not. There's no reason to start looking around and doing comparison shopping now. I thought the sticky made that fairly clear.

    If you jump in with "Hey I'm not engaged, but it's joint planning and I'm a planner anyways so it's all good!" This is exactly what you're going to end up with.
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    anythinggoldanythinggold member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    AudgiePodge: We're saving money for a ring, and I know if people don't read what I've said about wanting to savor the planning and talking/dreaming about what we want this will sound crazy, but I don't really feel rushed. We know where we are in our relationship, we know what we're looking forward to, and I didn't think labels were as important as they apparently are here.

    Heyimbren: The reason the date is so far off is the same -- we want to save. I'm starting to plan now so I can know a ballpark of how much we need to save, and we like thinking of color schemes, etc. The idea is to not obsess over it 8 months away and have to plan everything but have ideas until we need to start nailing things down so we have a good vision of what we both want. Definitely doesn't mean we're not focusing on the present, and it doesn't mean that comparison shopping isn't worthwhile -- like I said, we're trying to figure out what to budget.
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