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Move in before or after the wedding?

My lease is up right around the wedding - does have anyone have any thoughts about whether it's better to move in together about a month before the wedding or should we wait until all the festivities are over?
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Re: Move in before or after the wedding?

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    he moved in right after the engagement... i think before is fine!  just be prepared for lots of clutter!
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    You may want to consider the pre-wedding stress and last minute details.  If you can handle that and a move, go for it.

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     My brother and SIL moved in not long before the wedding for the same reasons.  I think that is a very legitimate reason.  If you care about your families opinion I would suggest talking to them about it.  I would approach it as its not your ideal situation but its the best financially and logistically when you discuss it.  I know my FILs would not approve, but given a logical reason such as this they would be ok with it.  
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    Hmmmm that's a hard one.  I'm more than fine with living with your significant other prior to getting married (since I've been living with my fiance for 5 years!)....but from my experience the first few months of living together were the absolute hardest and worst for me.  We had some problems with the stress of the move, clutter, and just figuring out how to live with one another full time.  I just don't know if I would have wanted to add wedding planning and wedding stress onto our difficulties of initially living together.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_move-before-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2e62463f-4b37-48de-9f20-a947e4ecb682Post:ddf835d1-5503-4a1e-b4d7-cf317808095f">Re: Move in before or after the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You may want to consider the pre-wedding stress and last minute details.  If you can handle that and a move, go for it.
    Posted by debdebdol[/QUOTE]

    I disagree.  The details are only the few days before and everything is bearable if you're not an insane control freak about stuff.

    I think that a month before sounds fine.
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    Some people would prefer to get it over with before the wedding so they can relax after...that would be me haha. 

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    Ditto Sucrets and Zoe.  Get the move done now, then you can spend the post-married time finishing up organizing things, etc.

    But I can't talk.  I moved in with FI almost two years ago and still have three unpacked boxes in our dining room.
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    I think it makes perfect sense.  Otherwise, what would you do for a month?  Move your stuff in somewhere/storage, then wait for wedding day to "move in"?  Unless you haven't done the deed and will be sleeping in seperate rooms/beds, I think it is perfectly ok. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_move-before-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2e62463f-4b37-48de-9f20-a947e4ecb682Post:e22a54be-d1f6-448a-99bb-17ff64eac4d5">Re: Move in before or after the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto Sucrets and Zoe.  Get the move done now, then you can spend the post-married time finishing up organizing things, etc. But I can't talk.  I moved in with FI almost two years ago and still have three unpacked boxes in our dining room.
    Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]

    i'm with you... he's been here 10 months and i'm still staring at 2 huge cardboard boxes in the livingroom!
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    We are looking now and hoping to be in a place end of April at the latest. I absolutely wanted to be in a new place before the wedding--by end of June at least. Just turns out we will probably be in sooner!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_move-before-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2e62463f-4b37-48de-9f20-a947e4ecb682Post:20a2cd97-161d-4c48-9ca5-7fa50dceb37a">Re: Move in before or after the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Move in before or after the wedding? : I disagree.  The details are only the few days before and everything is bearable if you're not an insane control freak about stuff. I think that a month before sounds fine.
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
    I don't know... I think that depends on how much you DIY.  Since we're DIYing just about everything, that's going to be really down to the wire.

    But I agree that 1 month should be enough time to get everything smoothed out.
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    We got engaged in Feb, bought a house in Aug, did 10 weeks of reno and are getting married in Nov.  Its fine in my eyes, lol.  It is a weird transition, but worth it.  I cant imagine doing the house hunting, moving stuff now with all the wedding plans.  Thats why we waited a year to set the date.  We really wanted a house first.
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    I personally think you have better odds of a good mariage if you live with eachother before hand, but that might just be me. People are totally different when you LIVE with them, nad you might see things you didn't think about and maybe arent okay with. On the other hand, moving in a MONTH before the wedding? I personally think that is just one more stres you guys don't need that close to the big day. Itd be a tough call for me
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_move-before-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2e62463f-4b37-48de-9f20-a947e4ecb682Post:5dd64dd2-9ee5-4041-8673-0540623d3905">Re: Move in before or after the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]but from my experience the first few months of living together were the absolute hardest and worst for me.  Posted by aprovencher21[/QUOTE]

    It was the opposite for me. The first 3 months were blissful. Reality hit later.

    I would move in before. My FI has a similar situation and we are really hoping he can move in before so we can come back from the HM and start enjoying married life with all of the stress behind us.
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    Well, where else would you live if your lease is up?

    I'm with the other ladies about still not being fully moved in. We bought our condo 2 years ago, got married 2 months ago, and I still have some clothes and books at my parents' house!

    As for the "adjustment" period ... we're weird. We really didn't have one. We're both pretty laid back, and he's lived with a girlfriend before ... and I grew up in a very big family where I was used to sharing bathrooms and stuff, so it really wasn't hard for us. But I know that that's pretty much unheard of, so I'm not much of a help.

    But if it were me, I'd say just move in now. That way, when the wedding's over, you should be *mostly* settled as far as being unpacked goes.

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    which ever makes most sense for your currently living situation.  Sounds like before is best... unless you want to truely wait... I guess you'd have to find living arrangements until after the honeymoon.
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    personally, i think thats a bad idea. i hope you guys dont sleep together. if you do however, then i guess thats fine.  do you have family that you can stay with?
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    edited March 2010
    I say move your stuff in that you don't need on a day to day basis...and figure another place to rest your head for a month.

    I am old fashioned, and I am SOOOO excited to live with my future hubby....however I think it will be so much more exciting to wait until after your married. Otherwise, what really changes?

    Also...not that a month is very long, but for those thinking living together ups your chances of having an everlasting marriage...guess again. Living together before marriage ups your odds for divorce.  The stats prove it.
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    I've lived with FI for 3 years.  I have to agree with a fellow poster that the first six months were at times painful.  They were definitely the most stressful for us.  After that it got much easier and I think we have totally adjusted now.  Just something to consider. 
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    I would have moved ni when he proposed. I want to see what I would be living with before the wedding to make sure I could deal with it.
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    My fiance and I have lived together for almost a year before we got engaged - if it makes sense, do it. It's up to you to decide if it's right for you.  I personally like that we've lived together for so long, at least we worked out all the issues that normal couples have once they move in together. It's not easy to live with another person so I'm glad we figured out how to make it work before we get married!
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    My opinion is that if you've waited this long to live together, it is worth it to wait that last month and move in together AFTER the wedding if at all possible.  My fiance and I are going through the same troubles right now too about how and when to move our things in to a new apartment that we will share together after the wedding.  It is tricky, but to me, it is worth the wait to make it really special and start our lives together, officially, after the big day - the biggest change of which will be living together for the first time!  Good luck with whatever you decide :)
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    I don't have practical reasons...just sentimental ones.  I say wait. :)  Makes the "start" of your wedded life together on your wedding day all the more special! 
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    We live together, and our priest said that living together beforehand can make the transition from "not married" to "married" more difficult, so he suggested planning some things that can make the day after different from the day before we got married, like waiting to combine our finances until after the wedding.  This way, even though we can't mark the start of our marriage with moving in together, we can find other ways to make it feel like a change has occured.  Something to try!
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    Do it asap! My FI and I have been living together for two years, even before our engagement. He claims he would have never proposed if we hadn't done this first. It really does make sense on a lot of levels. As for the time span, go ahead and do it before the wedding. We are getting married in less than two months and we are moving this weekend! It has been mind blowingly busy, but when we get back from the wedding we will have a home all set up to come back to. Not to mention if you do get gifts do you want to haul them around? It is much easier in the long run (i think) to just go ahead and get it over with! Good luck!
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    Oh my god! It is not 1820 people. Of course it's ok to move in together! Even if you have no intentions of getting married. The things you will know and experience after living with this person will lead you to making better decisions about them.
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    Personally I dont' see why not especially if its going to be a hassle to go month to month at your current place. My FI and I have been living together for 2.5 years and have OWNED our house together for 6 months...I say if you're gonna do it anyways why wait although moving does suck lol 
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    I would wait and see if you can go month to month on your lease for another month or so.  Just because moving is stressful and doing that in addition to planning a wedding is just asking for disaster!  Wait to move until after your honeymoon, when you're relaxed!  
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    This is for the bride that claims living together before marriage increses chance of divource.
    WRONG
    Current studies show that women who live with their future husbands(and only them) before marriage have the lowest rate of divource of all.

    Get with the times.
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    It sounds like you two are pretty traditional if you have waited this long to get married before moving in.  Just ask yourself - what would you hope your daughter chooses?  It is going to be a really beautiful and chaotic and all around fantastic experience for you two to move in together after the wedding - don't cheat yourself out of that rare moment!  You can't get the first "move in moment" back.  Cherish how RARE you two are.  A lot of couples jump into cohabitation thinking nothing of it - but this is a really big deal!  You guys have made it so far!  I know that if you were my friend, I would have the upmost respect for you and would definitely let you live with me for free if you chose to wait out the last month.  No one does that anymore and won't cheat yourself out of the awkward, clusmy, cluttered, and all around phenomenal move in moment.  Good luck!
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