Move in before or after the wedding?

kemcabee

No truth behind the idea that living together leads to divorce.
Newest stats published by the CDC do not support that idea. So, for everyone worrying about the odds of getting divorced if you cohabitate, you should not be superstitious about that outdated idea. Do what is best for you!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35663243/ns/health-behavior/

allychriscamechis

your so close! There is So much stress with wedding planning & moving. don't over stress your self. I mean l am totally not against it considering we've lived together for almost a year. But Just think how less stressful & more romantic it will be to spend your 1st night in your first house or apartment together. Just a thought but do whatever is right for you two! Good luck!

kelliem522

My fiance and I purchased a house shortly after our engagement (1 1/2 years prior to wedding, 3 years after started dating). Although purchasing a house together is a big step, living together is something that I believe works well. You can find out how well you two can go about daily life together. In my opinion, it is better to find out before you are officially married if you can deal with each other's living habits and figure out a way to work together or not. I have also found it to be easier to get his occasional opinion on wedding stuff without making our only time together about the wedding.

All in all, it is a big step to live together, but that is when you really get to know each other. Following the wedding, you can focus on bring together as a married couple, enjoying all of your new gifts and relaxing, instead of dealing with the stressors of moving and all.

Hope that helps.

brianna.determan

It depends if you want ot live with the odds of your marriage ending in divorce against you. I liked the comment from the lady who asked if you aksed to extend your lease a few months. Could you move the majority of your belongings with your fiance and then live with family or friends for the next few months with the essentials?  Marriage is for life and just by waitinng a few months may mean the world in the end. ...but I am super traditional and the divorce rate in America is humiliating and intimidating. 

kdwerner

Our wedding is in 34 days and I am in the process of moving in with him. Yes, there is a lot of clutter and a few insane moments but for the most part, everything is going quite well. I find no problem in moving in together before the wedding, even when you are doing it all by yourselves!

jabp1

I say move in,hun! You can't really know how a guy is gonna be till you live with him. Speaking from personal expierience, I would have hated to have not lived with my fiance' first. I never would have found out he does NOT do housework otherwise,lol. Honeslty, even if you haven't "done the deed", at least you can get to know what it is like to live with this other person. If you have never had roomates, then you might want to start getting used to it now. For us, we got preggo two weeks after we moved in together, so be careful! LOL

(Fr the record, we've been together 8 years and have two kids and a house, so it's a unique situation.)

cayounkin83

depends on if you belong to a church, if you do you need to check with them because with my fiancée and i the church said that the would not marry us in front of our family because we are living in sin, so our wedding is taking place outside of the church. and besides the fact that you are going to be so stressed with the plans that it will put a great deal of stress on your relationship between the both of you, my suggestion is stay with a friend or family until that time go ahead and move your things in but dont officially move in yet.

modwendi

I don't think moving in together before the wedding is a good move.  A lot of couples think it is better financially and other reasons, that maybe true, but couples who live together before marriage don't always get married.  I think living together as a couple is designed for marriage.  Today's society is so loose morally. It's like anything goes and do what Feels good, but America's divorce rate is sky high. Marriage is not considered sacred,dating, or the things that our grandparents valued and we wonder why society is the way it is.  Live with a cousin, friend, relatives, but save living together for after the honeymoon. You will appreciate the wait!

countryfan46

Personally, I am SO looking forward to waking up for the first time the morning after our wedding in OUR bed in OUR home. I will probably be moving a lot of my stuff over before hand so that we aren't 'MOVING' me right after, but there is somehting very special to me about that. Can you move your stuff and stay with family or friends for a few weeks?

ckleist

I don't think there is anything wrong with it!  My lease just ended this month, and I moved in last weekend... I think it's important to live together because it's a big adjustment that you both need to go through.  Good luck!

ridenourhd

i think that after the wedding is better for me but itis youre personal choice and personal is key. the reason i coose after is because i believe thats wat will make getting married so special moving in with trhe man i love before my big day would leave nothing new after the wedding. but that's my reason and my choice.

scarybride2011

My fiance and I moved in together after our engagement, but we both needed a place to stay, and we had gone room-hunting with the idea of living together. If you think you and your SI can handle it, then go for it. We had no problems adjusting living together, but if it were up to us, we'd want to be around each other 24/7, which is unusual to say the least. Go with your gut feeling. If you think it's going to be a big downer moving in before the wedding, then see if you can't crash somewhere else until all the little details (you know, the WHOLE WEDDING :P ) are ironed out.

semperfiprincess

i dont know.. im a bit more old fashioned and dont agree with moving in with some one before marriage. but to each their own. although i think that moving in a month before would just create more stress for the both of you and i think it kind of takes away from the excitement of getting married and finally being able to live together. but at the same time at least its only a month before the wedding so its not like your just shacking up for the time being. but if youve already waited this long, why not another month? ask some family if you can stay with them for a month or see if you can continue to rent your apartment for just a month more.  personally i think, moving in together after the wedding makes getting married even more exciting.

courtney0808

In response to the post that living together ups the odds of getting divorced.....

That is a true statement - but NOT because living together pre-marriage hurts the relationship.  It's basically because couples that live together before they get married tend to be more liberal and open to getting divorced if they realize that the marriage is not working.  More traditional couples (aka those who wait to move in together until they get married) - are more opposed to divorce in general. 

I lived with my fiance for 2 years before getting engaged.  It has been the best time of my life.  But every situation and every relationship is different - there is no right or wrong way!   

mollymeri

All of the stuff about moving in right at the point of engagement, to see what it would be like to live together before gettnig married, etc doesn't really apply here, as it is just a month before the wedding, and I am assuming that  unless you discover that is he is a crazy killer or something, you're not going to cancel the wedding at this point.

Plus, if you're even considering the option, I imagine that you're not concerned about the "living in sin" issue  :-) so that doesn't really help you, either.

What it really comes down to is this:

Can you handle the stress?

Even non-control freaks are still under a lot of pressure during the pre-wedding lead up.  Will you be able to wake up wedding morning at 6 to go do your hair, makeup, last-minute other stuff, get dressed, eat nothing but dry foods and clear liquids to avoid spills/stains, fight with your mom and/or florist about how the tuile bows on the ends of the alters should be tied even though you don't care and are just stressed, and then have to re-do your make-up after sweating some of it off under all those layers of satin. . .

 knowing that he'll sleep until 10,  play video games for a few hours with his college buddy who just came into town, and then show up at the church 20 minutes before pictures after throwing on a tux. . .

and through it all still love him and want to marry him?

If you can accept that there will be a few rough days and a few very rough hours, then you can easily move in a month before the wedding.

If you can't, and you think it would be too much, then maybe you should look into the other options available to you.  In this case, however, what are you going to do when those same rough times come AFTER the wedding day?

Mandy34

He moved in right after we got engaged and i think it's been good for us to get used to living together because then we arent newly weds trying to tackle that too. But it really comes down to what you are comfortable with.

MarriahD22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_move-before-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2e62463f-4b37-48de-9f20-a947e4ecb682Post:9a8bd5c6-37c4-4159-bba5-c290d7fcda92">Re: Move in before or after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally think you have better odds of a good mariage if you live with eachother before hand, but that might just be me. People are totally different when you LIVE with them, nad you might see things you didn't think about and maybe arent okay with. On the other hand, moving in a MONTH before the wedding? I personally think that is just one more stres you guys don't need that close to the big day. Itd be a tough call for me
Posted by DCMcQueen[/QUOTE]

Just FYI divorce rates are quite a bit higher if you DO move in together before your wedding..... so that doesn't quite make sense....

Which is why my fiancee and I are not living together before we're married, but your lease ending a month before places a different spin on things... He's living with his parents up until the wedding if you can do that, its what I would suggest!

Lauren&Sean

I would think a gradual move in would be the least stressful solution.  I've been living in our new home for nearly a year, and so it is already his home, too. When a couple wants to live together is really a very personal decision, and I don't think that sharing a home together will make your wedding--or more importantly, your marriage--any less special.
To StaceLace, while couples who lived together before getting married having a higher divorce rate is true, this is only the case for people who moved in together without having any plans for the future.  It's surmised by these stats that the couple felt pressured or stuck and just got married.  Couples who move in after being engaged have the same liklihood of being divorced as couples who never lived together before the wedding.  It's an often misquoted statistic.

nhelene

There are very few instances where you should use statistics to make major life decisions.  This is not one of them.

Two things about the statistics mentioned here:

1) Correlation does not equal Causation.   There are other factors at work here.  The success of a marriage does not depend solely upon whether or not one cohabitates beforehand.

2) There isn't a big difference between a 60% chance and a 65% chance, or a 69% chance vs a 71% chance.  I've seen all kinds of different articles with different statistics supporting either side, and none of the legitimate sources had two vastly different numbers involved. 

I understand that my beliefs are different than those of others here, but the "Oooh, you're slightly more likely to get a divorce" finger-wagging is annoying and mildly offensive.

That said, the "what century are you people living in" mockery also needs to stop.

leoraanna

I for sure believe in living together before the wedding as I have been living with my FI since we were dating, for almost 4 years. We love it and can't imagine getting married without living together. As for moving in right before the wedding? That might be a little stressful, but if you are willing to do it and you don't have too much to pack and then unpack, you should be fine! Good luck

stephanieg2009

I say move in before.  My reasoning is because my FI and I did just that, and part of it was because we were DONE with long-distance commutes for me back and forth from Idaho while I was in school....3 years was enough torture.  Now I'm not saying it's all been peachy keen--we've had an arguement or two.  But if you move in with someone beforehand, you have a better grasp on how they live, behave, think, etc. so nothing comes as a surprise once you're married.  :-)

msteine3

"I say move your stuff in that you don't need on a day to day basis...and figure another place to rest your head for a month. 

Also...not that a month is very long, but for those thinking living together ups your chances of having an everlasting marriage...guess again. Living together before marriage ups your odds for divorce.  The stats prove it."

I agree with this. I know statistically not living together before my fiancee and I get married will help us build a stronger relationship and increase the odds for our marriage actually lasting a lifetime. Plus,  now is my last chance to live with my girlfriends...I have the rest of my life to be married! I can't wait to get married and move in with my future husband, but I am enjoying and making the most of my engagement while i'm at this point in my life! 

check out: 

http://www.ewtn.com/library/ISSUES/zcohabit.htm

msteine3

To that post about "living in sin": that is a serious thing to consider, b/c there is such a thing as "living in sin" and there is absolute truth...despite common opinion, there is RIGHT and WRONG. and it is WRONG to live together before marriage b/c usually that involves pre-marital sex which is also WRONG. If you aren't having sex but still want to live together, it is still a bad idea because most people will assume you are having sex and you will be a bad influence on them. Who determined right and wrong? Our Creator who made us and loves us. In Scripture, on numerous occasions it condemns "fornication" (which is pre-marital sex) as a serious sin. So, if you are concerned about the state of your soul, (which I hope you are!) then don't move in together. Just wait! Its only a month and then you'll be together for the rest of your life! 

coventry16

Justin & have been living together for almost 3 years now and just got engaged this past December.  I will say that it has had its perks and downfalls as well.  The first few months are a bit tricky as far as combining stuff and paying bills, etc.  The best piece of advice I can give you is to discuss what you're sharing and what will remain solely yours in every category, whether its bills, money, clothing, etc.  It will really help you out in the long run.  The only issue you may have with this, is if you are religious and your church looks down upon cohabitation before the marriage.  We're catholic and the church frowns upon it, however I personally believe it is up to you and your husband to be.  Good luck & congratulations!

Rache Spoodeena

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_move-before-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2e62463f-4b37-48de-9f20-a947e4ecb682Post:c7e40aad-2a1a-4607-8cec-35759138a282">Re: Move in before or after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Move in before or after the wedding? : Just FYI divorce rates are quite a bit higher if you DO move in together before your wedding..... so that doesn't quite make sense.... Which is why my fiancee and I are not living together before we're married
Posted by MarriahD22[/QUOTE]

Hi there, I would hope you don't base your decision not to live together before the wedding based on a statistic, really it should be whatever's comfortable for you.

Personally, living together before the wedding was the best decision we made, even though my extended family (i.e. Auts/Uncles/Cousins) was completely against it and now most will not be coming to the wedding. By the time our wedding happens in Aug, we would have been living together 13 months. It's been great for us to get to know random things about each other that we would have never expeienced before (e.g. my mom calls me everyday after work and we chat for about 10 min, he hates dusting but loves cleaning bathrooms <WEIRD! />, I like to do all  my housework in one big session once a week, he likes to spread them out over a few days...)

And guess we got lucky, we didn't have any stress moving in together (despite renos and everything!)

Best of luck to you on whatever you decide! :)

hsunij

I dont see a problem, but it may be a little hectic

emerald3358

Well, for sure you will know!  If you still want to walk down the aisle after living with him for a month...then that's a good thing. 

I personally agree that living together is difficult beforehand.  There is a definite difference between living together and being married....While you are living together, there is always an out.  After the wedding the drawbridge goes up and you gotta make it work....it's really really different, I think...and I know...because I've done it. 

geordieboysgirl

If you have concerns you can always go month-to-month for that last month. There is no need to sign another lease.

nefariousmango

First off, I think this is a very personal decision and you and your fiance are the only ones who know what is "right" for you/ your situation.

About the stats: My parents both have PhDs in statistics.  Her first day in Grad school (at Yale) her professor said, "I'm going to teach you how to use any numbers to prove whatever you want to prove."  Statistics are useless without knowing the entire context of the study, and even then they never tell the full story.

For instance, Evangelical Christians have the highest divorce rates AND the highest abortion rates, in certain studies.  Obviously they oppose both, and other studies show much lower numbers.  The difference?  Mostly, age.  Younger Evangelicals, who married young and are often less educated, are more likely to get divorced.   The biggest correlation seems to be expectations in regards to sex: If you can't have sex before marriage, you're more likely to get married younger so you can have sex.  If you aren't supposed to have sex before marriage, you're less likely to know about birth control/condoms etc and thus more likely to have an unexpected pregnancy.

stephaniecntry

Since your lease is close to being up around the wedding, just wait.  Morals are morals and in the future they will mean more to your children.  I wish I had that choice.  GOOD LUCK and CONGRATS!!!!