Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:7dda8823-d128-487e-a0c6-26467f4730e3">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : Smash- you can most certainly be pro-life for yourself and pro-choice politically.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>I still view that as being pro choice though.  Because you're saying that people, including yourself, should have the option to decide.  You may choose not to have an abortion yourself, but it was still a choice that you made.  </div>

Blueyed228

Im so riled up I forget what my other flames were for this week.  I know I had some and hate that this is going to turn into a Chels thread.

maratea

I also flame Chels for the whole "I wouldn't tell anyone to get divorced." You sound like you'd be a terrible friend.

And KD, I agree with you on Bay. It's awkward as hell that everyone here knows her H is a big bag of reeking diick crunchies, but she keeps talking about it like everything is butterflies and rainbows.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:3ce0a280-f56d-4d41-9c1a-7948a198b16c">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]It's like the idiots who think pro-choice = pro-abortion. Like anyone really wants to have one.
Posted by allisong23[/QUOTE]

I almost get the sense that they think that abortion clinics are just baby killing parties, and people go to them all YEAH, KILL THE BABY, WOOOOOOO, LET'S DO SHOTS OMG WE DO WHAT WE WANT. 

FFS, people.  This is an agonizing, often life-altering choice that ultimately you have to live with forever.  It sucks enough without having to have people up your ass about what a terrible murdering murderer you are.  And really it busts my balls because most of these people are ADAMANT about the babies being born but don't give a shiiit about them once they're here and need help.

Smash Adams

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:7dda8823-d128-487e-a0c6-26467f4730e3">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : Smash- you can most certainly be pro-life for yourself and pro-choice politically.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
See, but I think that's just pro-choice, regardless.  You wouldn't make the choice, personally, to have the abortion (general you), but you're still in favor of the choice being available.

angelstar975

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:02995d49-8eb8-4fdc-a588-a38c4b802da4">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : I nodded my head in agreement with everything you said in that thread. I try not to judge people unless I've walked in their shoes. As I said in the Morning thread, it may be because I'm older and have been through some crap in my day, but I would love to meet these girls in about 20 years. I dont wish ill on anyone, but the first time their shiny little world starts to tarnish and they have to make a tough decision may change their views a bit. I hate to do this but I really wish Bay would stop talking about her wedding woes, when she may be getting divorced. I really want her to get mad and junk punch that asss she's married to! Either you are married and we accept that you've forgiven him. Or you move out and move on, but if you choose this,<strong> stop talking about your wedding, when the marriage turned to crap.</strong>
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

Just because her marriage isn't going well doesn't mean she shouldn't be able to talk about the wedding itself. She still has that experience, regardless of what happened afterwards. She pretty much has stopped talking about the state of her marriage, but I don't see a problem with her talking about her wedding day. It still happened. And right now, she IS still married.

LetsHikeToday

I guess I just see it differently Smash. I think you can be pro life and also not believe in making abortion illegal.

Smash Adams

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:34ebaefd-9c08-4ee4-b630-0f3738da5cd0">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I just see it differently Smash. I think you can be pro life and also not believe in making abortion illegal.
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
But that's being in favor of having a choice.  What's the alternative?  Do you know what I mean?

DodgersBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:6d98c28f-f128-4646-9768-c9b66479c45f">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]I already was well aware of Chelsea's pro-life stance. <strong>What pissed me off was her statement about not being able to advise an abused friend to get a divorce</strong>. I've been the abused Chelsea. While an offer to have a sleep over at your house is nice it's akin to putting a bandaid on a bullet wound. Ignoring the problem doesn't make it go away, no matter how many rainbows and puppies you throw at it.
Posted by kodakitty[/QUOTE]

This. She has no problems telling a friend or some random person(I wouldn't put it past her) to not get an abortion under any circumstances but won't say hey I think you should divorce your abusive husband. I don't get it.

KateJ10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:584616dc-3dd7-4192-8b89-948b10ee43d1">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : I almost get the sense that they think that abortion clinics are just baby killing parties, and people go to them all YEAH, KILL THE BABY, WOOOOOOO, LET'S DO SHOTS OMG WE DO WHAT WE WANT.  FFS, people.  This is an agonizing, often life-altering choice that ultimately you have to live with forever.  It sucks enough without having to have people up your ass about what a terrible murdering murderer you are.  <strong>And really it busts my balls because most of these people are ADAMANT about the babies being born but don't give a shiiit about them once they're here and need help</strong>.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

<div>This is so true. </div><div>
</div><div>To change it up a bit- I flame the people that claim they basically never lie (in Dot's Q&A thread). Maybe I am a cynic or something, but there is no way that is truthful. I don't care if it is a little white lie, or a lie to yourself, but give me a break.</div>

Blueyed228

I think the issue with Bay is that its still really new and unresloved, yet she was talking about her wedding like things were all well and good.

Its either good or it isnt.  People are confused and are possibly tired of trying to be supportive when you keep flip flopping on what you are going to do.

By all means, your life is your choice, but I know im confused about the whole thing so I dont say anything either way to her.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Yeah and I am not sure if I could be like "Oh stay here with me as long as you want" to a friend in an abusive marriage but then turn and then not have an opinion on whether or not they should get divorced.  If someone wants my advice I'll definitely give it - I can say what I would do, and if they take the advice or not that's their thing.

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:d591342c-524a-47cb-a251-5e7fcb9bc7ea">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : But that's being in favor of having a choice.  What's the alternative?  Do you know what I mean?
Posted by Smash Adams[/QUOTE]
I get what you're saying but I think the concept of the law is where I right to veer off the path.

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:61b8d6a6-9348-46d7-b71c-e95be5aa1532">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : I have a hard time with the bolded.  My wedding was fucking awesome.  Yep, XH was a fucking douchebag, unbeknownst to me.  This is why I almost never comment on anything WR because I'm assuming people are judging -- who would want my advice when my marriage failed so spectacularly?
Posted by Smash Adams[/QUOTE]

I would never judge you Ash. You did have a beautiful wedding.
 
My issue with her is she's knows he's a dickk and is most likely getting divorced. Yet she started a thread about what she would have changed about her wedding. Not appropriate considering the circumstances.

Blueyed228

Plus Smash, your situation is different.  You made a decision to leave and moved on. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:bac47109-6034-4c19-8984-299c324a0224">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : Just because her marriage isn't going well doesn't mean she shouldn't be able to talk about the wedding itself. She still has that experience, regardless of what happened afterwards. She pretty much has stopped talking about the state of her marriage, but I don't see a problem with her talking about her wedding day. It still happened. And right now, she IS still married.
Posted by angelstar975[/QUOTE]

It's just weird - IMO - to start a thread about what you would change about your wedding when your marriage is in shambles.  If I was going through what Bay is going through - God please forbid and bless that poor girl - the last thing I imagine I'd want to talk about is whether I should have had roses or carnations in my bouquet. 

brandichamberlain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:275434db-9bdf-4507-85f5-30406b1d25db">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]I flame Brandi for not having an opinion. You state what you would do in the Dear Prudence situation, yet you don't have an opinion on what anyone else should/would do. I don't understand bothering to comment on it if you're that apathetic.
Posted by kodakitty[/QUOTE]

I accept this flame.  Part of that is me a little nervous I'm going to run off and put my foot in my mouth  but initially I just read the question as a WWYD.   FWIW- I don't think the advice would be considered harsh to a large percentage of people, but I would probably have started it out with the type of questions Pixie (I think) was asking about if you think you could ever really be happy again.  Most would say no, but for me, it would be important to at least try to talk it out. 

LetsHikeToday

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:584616dc-3dd7-4192-8b89-948b10ee43d1">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : I almost get the sense that they think that abortion clinics are just baby killing parties, and people go to them all YEAH, KILL THE BABY, WOOOOOOO, LET'S DO SHOTS OMG WE DO WHAT WE WANT.  FFS, people.  This is an agonizing, often life-altering choice that ultimately you have to live with forever.  It sucks enough without having to have people up your ass about what a terrible murdering murderer you are<strong>.  And really it busts my balls because most of these people are ADAMANT about the babies being born but don't give a shiiit about them once they're here and need help.</strong>
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
This because they also wanted laws where it'd be harder to get welfare. So more babies but harder to get help. WONDERFUL idea.

jcg98

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:02995d49-8eb8-4fdc-a588-a38c4b802da4">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : I nodded my head in agreement with everything you said in that thread.<strong> I try not to judge people unless I've walked in their shoes. As I said in the Morning thread, it may be because I'm older and have been through some crap in my day, but I would love to meet these girls in about 20 years. I dont wish ill on anyone, but the first time their shiny little world starts to tarnish and they have to make a tough decision may change their views a bit.</strong> I hate to do this but I really wish Bay would stop talking about her wedding woes, when she may be getting divorced. I really want her to get mad and junk punch that asss she's married to! Either you are married and we accept that you've forgiven him. Or you move out and move on, but if you choose this, stop talking about your wedding, when the marriage turned to crap.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

I completely agree.  15 years ago I probably would have been spouting crap.  Then life happened and I grew up. 

Blueyed228

But if we are gong to flame Bay for posting about her wedding, then we should flame Snippy too for posting all that stuff about her marriage troubles then posting a day or 2 later about buying a new ring.

Same kind of deal.

DodgersBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:7ad36e0a-560a-4572-bee8-65a1429d6cf0">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : I accept this flame.  Part of that is me a little nervous I'm going to run off and put my foot in my mouth  but initially I just read the question as a WWYD.   FWIW- I don't think the advice would be considered harsh to a large percentage of people, but I would probably have started it out with the type of questions Pixie (I think) was asking about if you think you could ever really be happy again.  Most would say no, but for me, <strong>it would be important to at least try to talk it out. 
</strong>Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]

Would you still try to talk it out even though the H in that situation didn't talk about anything? He didn't talk to her about him not wanting children, he didn't talk to her about having a vasectomy, hell he didn't tell anything she found out from his mom.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:c60743da-1feb-4289-a0e1-421915b0874a">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]I just have no words for that thread.  For people are supposedly so religious, they are awfully effing judgmental about <u><strong>situations they have never been in</strong></u>. My be nice to be able to sit up on your white tower of pureness. 
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

This is where the high and mighty BS comes from. Once they actually experience some real worl shiiit, I'm sure their tune will change.

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:345c0878-ea09-4e30-a37a-cbb99e9e5afb">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the issue with Bay is that its still really new and unresloved, yet she was talking about her wedding like things were all well and good. Its either good or it isnt.  People are confused and are possibly tired of trying to be supportive when you keep flip flopping on what you are going to do. By all means, your life is your choice, but I know im confused about the whole thing so I dont say anything either way to her.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Thanks Blue, you said it better than I could.

It's uncomfortable for those who know whats going on right now. Put a pin in it, till you've figured out where it's going to happen.

I want Bay to come out the other side healthy, but I think she's focusing on the wrong thing right now.

Smash Adams

I miss all these posts about people having marriage troubles and then I'm so curious later on about what happened.  Which probably makes me a diiick.  Not that I'm happy anyone is having troubles.

KateJ10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:61b8d6a6-9348-46d7-b71c-e95be5aa1532">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : I have a hard time with the bolded.  My wedding was fucking awesome.  Yep, XH was a fucking douchebag, unbeknownst to me.  This is why I almost never comment on anything WR because I'm assuming people are judging -- <strong>who would want my advice when my marriage failed so spectacularly?</strong>
Posted by Smash Adams[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Going through a divorce does not mean you are unable to give solid, objective advice to someone. So I am basically saying that I would not discount something you had to say on the subject just because of what happened to you. </div>

Starmusica

ok I couldn't get through all of the Dear Prudence thread and I agree with Blue- I HATE that this is going to be another anti-Chels thread...

but seriously- WTF is the matter with you Chels? one of the most IGNORANT things I have ever read is your comment that even in ABUSE, divorce can be avoided. Honestly, I pray to god, no one in  your circle of friends or family is ever harmed and trusts you for advice. Your line of thinking could get someone killed.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_flame-some-shiiit-tuesday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a27968be-62b2-4ac3-914d-054ec8ef8b08Post:9a444550-3fec-4bdd-8cb3-d1b31a5a9424">Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Flame Some Shiiit Tuesday : I would never judge you Ash. You did have a beautiful wedding.   My issue with her is she's knows he's a dickk and is most likely getting divorced. Yet she started a thread about what she would have changed about her wedding. Not appropriate considering the circumstances.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

<div>But she's  talking about the wedding, not the marriage.  I think there's a difference.  I don't see a problem with people who are divorced/going through divorce/possible getting divorced giving wedding planning advice.  She still planned a wedding.  It's not like she's giving out tips on how to have a successful marriage or TTC or anything. </div>

Smash Adams

I thought about posting in the "Things You'd Change About Your Wedding" thread, which I hadn't realized Bay started, for some reason.  But then I thought the glaring answer would be "I wouldn't have gotten married."  So I said nothing.  It's weird to still be on here sometimes.

allisong23

I missed the long welfare thread last week, but if anyoine is interested in a very interesting book about myths about welfare, and the people that use it, check out this book. It was written after the Clinton welfare cuts and shows the impact they had. It does a very good job of addressing the issue from both sides.

http://www.amazon.com/The-MYTH-WELFARE-QUEEN-PRIZE-WINNING/dp/0684840065

LetsHikeToday

This isn't specific but I'm over "get counseling" as an answer to almost everything. For example, the prudence thing. Get counseling? Maybe for someone it could work but I feel like people spout off get counseling like it's some magic answer. There is other advice to give and telling someone to leave their husband can be that advice.