Bridesmaid.MOH

Princesslilyluv

I have two bridesmaids, and one maid of honor. I would like them to have different style dresses, as long as they are the same color, and the same fabric. They each have very different body types, and I don't want them to be uncomfortable. I liked the idea. My fiance likes when each girl in the wedding party is uniformed. I told him about their different body types, and he says that shouldn't matter. He thinks if they are all not dressed the same, nobody will know if they are just a plain guest or part of the wedding party. I wanted them to all have the color black. Now I am not sure. What are your opinions?

SD3194

IMO, I don't like when the BMs are wearing different dresses but that's just my personal taste. It's totally fine if they wear different dresses. Maybe you can compromise with him. For instance, the BMs can pick their dresses but they all have to be short or a halter, something like that. Or you can pick a dress that is flattering on any body type and have them wear that.

connelly2be

Tell your fiance that grooms aren't supposed to worry about dresses.  At every single wedding I've ever attended (or been in), bridesmaids are very easy to identify.  They're usually wearing dresses that scream, "BRIDESMAID!!!".  He needs to turn his attention to things that are his business, like showing up at the wedding.  And maybe getting his car detailed if you're not using a limo.

Seriously, though...when the bridesmaids are walking down the aisle and standing next to the bride, it will be crystal clear to everyone that they are, in fact, bridesmaids.  It will still be fresh in everyone's minds by the time the reception starts.  And if someone can't tell who the bridesmaids are, what difference does it make?  It's not like they need to be easily identifiable because of some official responsibility.  If you're running a hospital, you need doctors to be identifiable.  For running a wedding?  Not critical that the bridesmaids be identifiable.  But they will be, regardless.

And tell him that it's common these days that the bridesmaids have dresses that coordinate but not match.  People get it, they really do.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:730d793f-b3bc-4a1c-a0f2-7115ca46ff98">Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I have two bridesmaids, and one maid of honor. I would like them to have different style dresses, as long as they are the same color, and the same fabric. They each have very different body types, and I don't want them to be uncomfortable. I liked the idea. My fiance likes when each girl in the wedding party is uniformed. I told him about their different body types, and he says that shouldn't matter. He thinks if they are all not dressed the same, nobody will know if they are just a plain guest or part of the wedding party. I wanted them to all have the color black. Now I am not sure. What are your opinions?
Posted by Princesslilyluv[/QUOTE]

<div>Tell your FI that the comfort of your BM's is more important than someone being able to pick out your BM's in a crowd.  It will be very clear who the BM's are when they are walking down the aisle, and then after that it really doesn't matter.  My BM's wore short black dresses, and they were in 2 different styles.  There were several guests at the wedding that also wore short black dresses.  Nobody asked them why they weren't standing up at the altar with me.  And trust me from my experience with it your BM's will love you if you tell them to pick a black dress they like.  </div>

orangecrush32

Show your FI some pictures of WP with no uniform dresses and ask him if it's really that hard to tell they're in the BP. If he says yes he's lying. You can tell who the bridesmaids are and if you want your friends to wear a dress they pick, then let them.

banana468

Tell your FI that if they're in the same fabric and length, no one will be able to tell the difference. And then tell him that your BM's comfort is more important than "who can tell" anyway.

megk8oz

 I'm pretty sure your guests will be able to figure out which girls the BMs are ... they'll be the ones standing next to you holding bouquets and getting introduced as "BMs" during the reception. And if for some reason, somebody still can't figure it out, who cares? A WP member's job begins and ends with the ceremony. Your guests do not need to locate the nearest BM to get their food, find the bathroom, or get permission to enter to dance floor-so what does it matter?


There's lots of planning aspects that you and your FI should both have input on. But this is not one of them. It's none of your FI's business what the girls wear. You and your BMs are the only people that get to pick the dresses-he does not get a say.


FWIW, I don't even think DH saw our BM dresses until the day of the wedding-as long as the girls weren't naked, he really didn't care.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:accbb57b-5d9a-46cd-85d7-5b5a327d2aac">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Tell your fiance that grooms aren't supposed to worry about dresses.</strong>  At every single wedding I've ever attended (or been in), bridesmaids are very easy to identify.  They're usually wearing dresses that scream, "BRIDESMAID!!!".<strong>  He needs to turn his attention to things that are his business, like showing up at the wedding.  And maybe getting his car detailed if you're not using a limo.</strong> Seriously, though...when the bridesmaids are walking down the aisle and standing next to the bride, it will be crystal clear to everyone that they are, in fact, bridesmaids.  It will still be fresh in everyone's minds by the time the reception starts.  And if someone can't tell who the bridesmaids are, what difference does it make?  It's not like they need to be easily identifiable because of some official responsibility.  If you're running a hospital, you need doctors to be identifiable.  For running a wedding?  Not critical that the bridesmaids be identifiable.  But they will be, regardless. And tell him that it's common these days that the bridesmaids have dresses that coordinate but not match.  People get it, they really do.
Posted by connelly2be[/QUOTE]

You're one of those "It's all about MEEEEE, it's my Pretty Princess Day!" brides, aren't you?

megandjay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:79e91c6c-23d9-47b1-890f-c249b0496cda">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Show your FI some pictures of WP with no uniform dresses and ask him if it's really that hard to tell they're in the BP. If he says yes he's lying. You can tell who the bridesmaids are and if you want your friends to wear a dress they pick, then let them.
Posted by orangecrush32[/QUOTE]

I agree, google is your friend! Or check out some wedding blogs for sample pictures and show him.

jagore08

I'm pretty sure people will know they're part of the WP when they're standing up front with you and your FI.

lauraalanna

Like your fiance,I like my bridesmaids to look the same...probably because I'm just too OCD to have them look different.

Like you,ALL of my bridesmaids-5 of them-have totally different body types. One girl is thicker,one girl is atheltic, one girl is tiny and skinny, one is a 9 year old,and one will be 7.5 months pregnant at the time of the wedding.

I kinda gave my BMs free reign over what they wanted to wear (not the best idea,may I add) but luckily they did decide on one a dress they liked together.

IMO-maybe pick 6-7 different styles of dresses that YOU like and them from there,have your BMS pick out the ones they like. You never know,they could end up liking the same one.

Like previous posts have mentioned,it is definitely more important that the BM looks and feels confident in whatever dress they purchase. You are on the right track..just hang in there!!

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:8af537ed-5292-4f4d-9622-6cd21e0f16ec">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Like your fiance,I like my bridesmaids to look the same...<strong>probably because I'm just too OCD to have them look different.</strong> Like you,ALL of my bridesmaids-5 of them-have totally different body types. One girl is thicker,one girl is atheltic, one girl is tiny and skinny, one is a 9 year old,and one will be 7.5 months pregnant at the time of the wedding. I kinda gave my BMs free reign over what they wanted to wear (not the best idea,may I add) but luckily they did decide on one a dress they liked together. IMO-maybe pick 6-7 different styles of dresses that YOU like and them from there,have your BMS pick out the ones they like. You never know,they could end up liking the same one. Like previous posts have mentioned,it is definitely more important that the BM looks and feels confident in whatever dress they purchase. You are on the right track..just hang in there!!
Posted by lauraalanna[/QUOTE]<div>Just a little friendly advice, it's not appropriate to say you have OCD unless you've been diagnosed with it.  Just say you prefer thing a certain way.

</div>

lauraalanna

Ahhh ok noted.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:8af537ed-5292-4f4d-9622-6cd21e0f16ec">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Like your fiance,I like my bridesmaids to look the same...probably because I'm just too OCD to have them look different. <strong>laura, just a warning here that you may well get flamed.  You cannot be "too OCD" about something.  OCD is a diagnosed medical condition, and there are many (including me) who consider it poor taste to use it as an excuse for being picky.  I'm guessing that you aren't diagnosed with the disorder, but that you simply like the look of matchy-matchy.    <em>ETA:  I was posting when you were.  I see that you have learned about using "OCD" as a euphemism for being picky.</em>

 </strong>Like you,ALL of my bridesmaids-5 of them-have totally different body types. One girl is thicker,one girl is atheltic, one girl is tiny and skinny, one is a 9 year old,and one will be 7.5 months pregnant at the time of the wedding.<strong>You've got a lot of extremes in your WP.  I don't really know why you'd expect them all to be happy with the same style of dress.  I'm very happy that the days of everyone having to wear the same dress, discounting how they look in that style, are going away.</strong>

 I kinda gave my BMs free reign over what they wanted to wear (not the best idea,may I add) but luckily they did decide on one a dress they liked together. IMO-maybe pick 6-7 different styles of dresses that YOU like and them from there,have your BMS pick out the ones they like. You never know,they could end up liking the same one.  <strong>You're right, they could end up liking the same dress, but probably someone will prefer another.  I'm a church organist, and play more weddings than people see in their lives.  And the trend toward complementing BM dresses rather than clones or Stepford BMs is a very lovely one.  The weddings look beautiful, and the BMs all look comfortable, because they are.  And doesn't that matter more than everyone matching?</strong>

Like previous posts have mentioned,it is definitely more important that the BM looks and feels confident in whatever dress they purchase. <strong>Since you feel that way, would you have agreed to your WP in different dresses if that's what they had decided?  Just curious.  </strong>

You are on the right track..just hang in there!!
Posted by lauraalanna[/QUOTE]

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:259d25ad-a35d-4c70-84fb-7a92d33e3674">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Woah...a  groomzilla! I thought they were just a myth! J/k. Hopefully he's not, and he just has a particular picture in his head of what a wedding is "supposed" to look like and is fearful of treading away from that. If showing him the pics, etc. doesn't get the message across to him, ask him if he'd be ok with the BMs choosing HIS attire for the wedding.<strong> Personally, I've picked the color and am letting my girls choose the style. </strong>I've been in a wedding like that before, and we definitely looked llike Bridesmaids!
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

From another post though, while you chose the color, you are having all of your WP in the same dress, right?  You didn't choose the color and then have each girl choose any dress for themselves in that color.   So your advice doesn't really help the OP.

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:6d2a582f-41a6-4bdc-b783-d865bf3dc1f5">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm pretty sure people will know they're part of the WP when they're standing up front with you and your FI.
Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

lol agree

aerinpegadrak

Look, your guests don't care who are in the WP, or if you even have a WP.  They're there to watch the two of you get married (and probably aren't even looking at the people on the periphery unless they're planning their own weddings), and then they're there to eat, drink, and be merry.  The WP doesn't enter into that.

The only thing my girls' dresses had in common was that they were black.  If anyone was troubled by not being able to tell who the BMs were later in the evening, it was not brought to my attention.

Tell your FI he's being silly.

artbyallie

My bridesmaids are not even wearing the same shade, and I don't think anyone will have a problem knowing they are the bridesmaids. Their job is in the ceremony only, anyway, so it will be obvious when they walk down the aisle with bouquets.

connelly2be

RE:  "You're one of those "It's all about MEEEEE, it's my Pretty Princess Day!" brides, aren't you?" -- zitiqueen 


Nope, not even a little bit, zitiqueen...and I was kidding, anyway.  The giveaway was when I followed up the section you quoted with, "Seriously, though...when the bridesmaids are walking down the aisle and standing next to the bride, it will be crystal clear to everyone that they are, in fact, bridesmaids.  It will still be fresh in everyone's minds by the time the reception starts.  And if someone can't tell who the bridesmaids are, what difference does it make?  It's not like they need to be easily identifiable because of some official responsibility.  If you're running a hospital, you need doctors to be identifiable.  For running a wedding?  Not critical that the bridesmaids be identifiable.  But they will be, regardless.

And tell him that it's common these days that the bridesmaids have dresses that coordinate but not match.  People get it, they really do."

How is that any different than what anyone else had to say?  Are you just being a bitch because you've been posting on TK for 7 YEARS and you're one of those regulars who feel the need to haze new posters like they're pledging your sorority?  Some of us are using TK as a resource for our wedding planning and to help each other out with advice.  If you don't have anything helpful to add, just save it.  I've been posting on TK for less than a week and it's crystal clear who the mean girls are.  Have you considered changing your name to zitimean?

mbcdefg

Mine were not in identical dresses. Can you tell? http://mbcdd.weebly.com/uploads/3/6/6/6/3666310/5108268.png?507

connelly2be

Oh, please.  Get over yourselves.  You people attack regularly around here...I've seen that in less than a week.  You just don't like it when someone new has the nerve to talk back.  I've never seen a less gracious and less welcoming bunch of people in my life.  What a bunch of bridezillas.  And if you're no longer brides, as I'm gathering by the extraordinarily long time some of you have been posting on here, then maybe it's time for you to move on and find something new to talk about somewhere else.  This board is, after all, for brides.

connelly2be

And for the record, I think that zitiqueen accusing me of being an "it's all about meeee"...pretty princess day...whatever...qualifies as a personal attack.  There was absolutely nothing in my post that warranted that.  Don't bite me and I won't bite back.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:c8927f78-b909-4b1a-b81b-bdd702e975b3">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, please.  Get over yourselves.  You people attack regularly around here...I've seen that in less than a week.  You just don't like it when someone new has the nerve to talk back.  I've never seen a less gracious and less welcoming bunch of people in my life.  What a bunch of bridezillas.  And if you're no longer brides, as I'm gathering by the extraordinarily long time some of you have been posting on here, then maybe it's time for you to move on and find something new to talk about somewhere else.  This board is, after all, for brides.
Posted by connelly2be[/QUOTE]

*sigh*

You know sweetheart, I was getting ready to defend you to ziti and say that I thought you were just being facetious in your first paragraph.

After this little display of yours, I think you rightly deserve the flaming you are receiving. If you can call people telling you to go read the rules (which you are breaking) and that you are out of line (you are) a flaming.

Oh and you stomping your feet and screaming about how this board is for 'brides' is pretty silly. Unless you host the Knot, I don't see how that's a call you can make. Maybe you should write Knot Annie and demand she kick out any and all married women.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:4f1b69c1-e045-48e4-8861-7a5983f5e14a">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]And for the record, I think that zitiqueen accusing me of being an "it's all about meeee"...pretty princess day...whatever...qualifies as a personal attack.  There was absolutely nothing in my post that warranted that.  Don't bite me and I won't bite back.
Posted by connelly2be[/QUOTE]

Connelly, how Ziti responded and how you responded aren't the same thing.

If I see another post containing a personal attack I'll have to hit the ban button.  As it is, you've broken the rules and could be banned now but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and you get a final strike.

And yes, this is a forum for wedding planning.  However would you rather get advice from people who haven't been married or from those who have had the experience of doing it?

I just had a baby.  I found the advice from my friends with children to be MUCH more valuable than from the people who never experienced pregnancy at all.

connelly2be

Ridiculous.  Absolutely ridiculous.

I read the rules.  There is no rule that says anything about "personal attacks".  I think some of you may be interpreting the rules, but there is nothing in the language of the rules that addresses that.  And I don't see that I've broken any rules, in any case.  I've read them carefully.  My fiance, an attorney, has read them.  You ladies are making a mountain out of a molehill, and making up your own interpretations of the rules.

And you people suck.  That's not a personal attack, because it's addressed at a rather large group of you.  Call it a generalization, if you must.  I just call it like I see it.  You can save your flames, too.  I don't plan to return to read them.  You self-deputized Knot Police can go work someone else over.

Manwaithiel

Speaking of mountains out of molehills...

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:9c4eb363-d882-4a93-8b26-23df00413d6d">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Ridiculous.  Absolutely ridiculous. I read the rules.  There is no rule that says anything about "personal attacks".  I think some of you may be interpreting the rules, but there is nothing in the language of the rules that addresses that.  And I don't see that I've broken any rules, in any case.  I've read them carefully.  My fiance, an attorney, has read them.  You ladies are making a mountain out of a molehill, and making up your own interpretations of the rules. And you people suck.  That's not a personal attack, because it's addressed at a rather large group of you.  Call it a generalization, if you must.  I just call it like I see it.  You can save your flames, too.  I don't plan to return to read them.  You self-deputized Knot Police can go work someone else over.
Posted by connelly2be[/QUOTE]

trix1223

Connelly:  I've been married for a very long time.  Probably longer than anyone on the board.  I came here first as MOG and MOB to see what were trends in weddings, and I found a community of people with whom I became friendly. 

This past year has been a particularly difficult one for DH and I and our family, and the ladies here have been so incredibly kind, supportive, and helpful.  I lurked first, and then when I thought I kind of knew the feeling of the different boards, found the one that suited me.  Each board has it's own "vibe" and it's important to find one that you're comfy with.

As for moving on....an analogy that I've used before and will use again.  You're planning a wedding.  You've never done it before.  You're looking for advice about some of your ideas.  From whom do you want to get advice?  Someone who's been through the process, or someone who, like you, is still planning?

I liken it to pregnancy and childbirth.  You're 6 months pregnant with your first child and you wonder what labor and delivery are going to be like.  Do you want the information from someone's who's 6 months pregnant with her first child, or do you want the information from someone who's actually been through L&D and given birth?

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:9c4eb363-d882-4a93-8b26-23df00413d6d">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Ridiculous.  Absolutely ridiculous. I read the rules.  There is no rule that says anything about "personal attacks".  I think some of you may be interpreting the rules, but there is nothing in the language of the rules that addresses that.  And I don't see that I've broken any rules, in any case.  I've read them carefully.  My fiance, an attorney, has read them.  You ladies are making a mountain out of a molehill, and making up your own interpretations of the rules. And you people suck.  That's not a personal attack, because it's addressed at a rather large group of you.  Call it a generalization, if you must.  I just call it like I see it.  You can save your flames, too.  I don't plan to return to read them.  You self-deputized Knot Police can go work someone else over.
Posted by connelly2be[/QUOTE]

So you don't interpret the following as no personal attacks?

<ul><li>No strong, vulgar, obscene, or otherwise harmful language. </li><li>No racially, ethnically, or otherwise objectionable language. </li><li>No harassing, intimidating, stalking, or threatening other community members. </li><li>No libelous, defamatory, or otherwise tortious language. </li></ul>Oh, and I'll interpret your "My FI is a lawyer," comment as a threat as well.  And telling a group of people that they suck is objectionable language and defames those who have posted on this thread along with myself.

You've given me no other choice but to ban you.

lauraalanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidmoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3901af3f-8280-4073-b806-7b664aa17139Post:8a4ce78d-0e7e-4127-8ce2-f9662b3ec3ef">Re: Bridesmaid.MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid.MOH : <strong>Actually, the fact that some of these ladies are already married is quite helpful -- as in, they can give you firsthand advice on what did or didn't work for their own wedding.</strong>  And some have been MOB/MOG's and can give advice from that perspective.   If you don't like the board, go find another; TK has plenty to choose from or you can find a whole new site. FWIW, that bolded statement points directly at you being a narrow-minded zilla.  These are wedding related international posting boards; there is no requirement for anyone to be engaged, not engaged, married, divorced, etc.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]


When I first joined the board,I felt like Connelly (spelling?) and felt like a lot of members weer attacking and completely out of line. But then I quickly realized,after being advise to "lurk" for a little bit, that their advice is out of respect and honesty for the person who asks for it.

It IS helpful for women who have already gone through weddings to give advice just like it is helpful for the newer brides to give their two-cents,as well.IMO, I'd personally rather get advice about my upcoming wedding from someone who has been married for a while than someone who just got engaged.

bablingbrooke

Bravo banana!  Kinda bummed I missed this; I would have liked to give my two cents on this...;)