Uninviting guests?! Please help!

MrsCanes511

Okay girls I need major advice here.My fiance and I realized that our budget is WAY over, so we need to cut down our guest list from about 200 to 50 or 60. The problem is, we have already sent out the save the dates. I was thinking about simply writing a personal letter to all the guests to let them know our situation, and that we will plan on having some sort of get together at another time where it is financially easier. What do you think? This is killing us, to the point where my fiance is ready to go to the courthouse!Also, I have four bridesmaids, one of which Im no longer close with. I asked her when I first got engaged, about five or six months ago. However we have hardly spoken since. She is my big sister in my sorority. I love her to death but it almost seems like an akward situation now. Is there a way I can politely explain to her that due to budget issues I can no longer have her in my wedding party? Or do I just deal with it? Please help!

mandysmear

Oh dear.

ricksang

I think it would be okay to either call or write STD guests and explain your situation. I think you might hurt you bridesmaid's feelings if you ask her to step down.

bombtones

No. I didn't even bother to read that whole thing. If they got the STD, they need an invite.Change your venue, or think of other ways to cut cost.

janedoe1113a

You're in quite a pickle.Save the dates are as good as invites and you can't un-invite someone from you wedding.  You should have planned your budget better from the get go.  If you un-invite people, you are going to risk hurting your relationship with them.You also can't kick someone out of your bridal party if you still want any kind of a relationship with them.  How would you feel if you were kicked out of someone's bridal party?When is your wedding?

betrothed123

No to both questions.  An STD is, in essence, an invite to the wedding.  You asked them to save the date, so they will be anticipating an invitation.  Do what you can to cut back the costs.  The only way to cut out guests at this point is to cut them all out and go to the JOP.As for the BM, you asked her and now you have to live with that choice.  If you ask her to step down you need to be prepared for that to eb the end of your friendship.

bombtones

What does your BM have to do with the budget?

Kati0105

This is killing us, to the point where my fiance is ready to go to the courthouse!I honestly think this might be the only possible way for you to avoid hurting a lot of feelings and committing severe etiquette breaches.

Peyton Lawrimore

Ergh.  While I sympathize, I don't think you can uninvite some guests without looking really rude.  Either have the wedding with the invited guests, or don't.  You can do something really small now (court house or in your home, or even take a trip) where only a handful of close friends and family are there (in essence, calling off the big wedding), or postpone the wedding.  I so would not send out STDs for a big wedding in this economy!  That's one of the reasons ours is only going to be about 50 people to start with.

Brie2010

Oh, FFS, how many times has this been posted in the last two days?STD=invite.  Sorry.  You should have figured this out before you sent them.You cannot kick her out of the BP unless you plan on losing her as a friend.

vallyhoo

Scroll down to the post entitled: Invite/Save The Date Etiquette

tlv204

You're screwed. Can you uninvite guests and fire a bridesmaid? Yes, but you will probably be looked down upon by a lot of people. That is one of the most rude things you can do.  You already sent save the dates, cut money elsewhere, not by being rude to people who have already made travel plans (possibly nonrefundable) to come celebrate with you. 

weddnovice

Can't you just have a wedding for the 200 guests with the money you're going to spend on the 50-60 guests?  There are so many ways to cut costs. 

LauraT25

My initial reaction is to say that you can't uninvite them.  But do you have some seriously good reason for cutting your budget?   Maybe you should consider pushing your wedding back and saving some money, if it's this serious...

cmhershey

If you sent them a STD, they need to be invited to the wedding. As for your bridesmaid, sure you could tell her to drop out.  As long as you know the friendship will most likely be dissolved after that.

Calypso1977

you are basically screwed.teh only way you can get around the money argument is to do a simple ceremony with just your parents and siblings.  that gets you out of the big guest list - and the big WP.  IMO, it would look silly to have 8 attendants (assuming 4 on each side) for a wedding with 20 or so poeple.  and no, you cant kick one out.STD are really evil, if not used properly.

ggmae

If you kick a bridesmaid out of the wedding, be prepared for it to seriously affect your friendship. I think she would be very hurt, seeing as she did nothing to warrant it. Why not try to improve the friendship? As for your guest list issue, I have no idea what to tell you. You should have gone over the budget early in the process and figured out then that you couldn't afford a wedding for 200 people. Since you sent STDs, then there is really no tasteful way to uninvite guests. Could you cut costs elsewhere in order to accommodate all 200? What about a less expensive venue with less expensive food? There are lots of ways to cut costs.

danieliza1127

In this situation, going from a 200 person to a 50 person wedding, I think you are better off canceling the whole wedding and just going to the courthouse with your FI and your parents and that's it.  That way you aren't hurting anyone's feelings, you're just canceling your plans completely.  As far as the BM, there's no reason that your budget issues should affect her being your BM.  They buy their own dresses anyway.  If you care about your friendship with her, start trying to mend it and get together!  Don't kick her out of your wedding.

salt78

You are just chock full o' problems aren't ya?

janedoe1113a

I just realized what FFS stands for.  Wow...I'm an idiot.

ThePinkSuperhero

I think going to the courthouse now and doing a party later would be the best solution.

ffmaid

No sorry you can not uninvite guests or kick a woman out of the bridal party. That would be beyond the pale of tacky rude and cruel However you can trim your budget .  Judge at a park with cake and soda afterward or church with coffee and cake  can be done for under $500. Post your budget and we will help you trim costs.

JennySmitten

Second Job. There ya go. I fixed it.

ricksang

This is what instyle says, but you may still hurt a few guests feelings. http://www.instyleweddings.com/weddings/article/0,,20163693,00.html

Brie2010

Also, what kind of reception were you planning?  A seated dinner for 50-60 people can cost about as much as a backyard BBQ for 200.  Look into cheap/free venues like parks, or your home, and look into catering from places like grocery stores or ethnic restaurants.  The food can be really good and much cheaper than a banquet hall.

banana468

The best way to do this IMO is to scrap the entire thing.  Send out a formal letter saying, "Mr. and Mrs. X wish to inform you that the wedding of Mrs.Canes511 and her FI will not take place as originally planned."Then cut back and elope or do something with just your parents.If your attendants have incurred any expenses, you are obligated to pay them back for anything that they have spent in order to be in your wedding.  Beyond that, I think the best thing to do as well is to not have any attendants. 

[Deleted User]

lol, wtf were you thinking?

ricksang

take out the

tlv204

even if you do postpone the wedding or go to the courthouse, are you going to reimburse people who have made nonrefundable travel plans?  It's not their fault your plans changed.

CubsGirl05

How did you get THAT far over budget that you have to cut THAT many guests? Also, have a BBQ instead, use disposable dinnerware, buy your dress from Target/Ebay/Dressbarn, pick/grow your own flowers...I could go on and on.

lpstl

Wow, you need to cut 150 people out of your guestlist to stay within your budget?How did you manage to overextend yourself by 150 people? That's insane.That being said, I think you've dug yourself into a really deep hole. Considering how drastically over budget you are, I think in your situation it might be best to call or send personal letters to the guests explaining that due to the current economic climate you have decided to do a private, immediate family only wedding, and beg for forgiveness. Yes, it's crazy rude, but I'd rather be rude than in debt.