Uninviting guests?! Please help!

andilion

How the eff do you underestimate your budget by that much?!Elope, or have a cake and punch reception. Whatever you can afford.

ac_in_dc

If you uninvited me to your wedding then still had a shindig with 3 bridesmaids and 60 people, I would no longer be your friend. Elope, reschedule, have a cheap a$$ barbecue, or have a small wedding/dinner with less than 20 people. It's a lot easier to explain to people that you can only afford a barbecue then to tell them you changed your mind about having them at your wedding.

Moneypenny424

Holy cow, that sounds like a seriously over-shot budget.  I think you should either do a BBQ for 200 or like others said, write a heartfelt note explaining it has been cancelled due to the economy and then just go to the courthouse.

LauraT25

I'm thinking that they thought they could afford 200 people, but then something happened - hospital bills, layoffs, whatever.  Which is unfortunate, but does happen, and is a legitimate excuse to postpone or cancel a wedding, right?If it's just because they didn't realize 200 people was out of their budget from the get-go, then that's ridiculous and I would definitely be ticked if I bought a plane ticket//booked a hotel.Maybe she can cancel the wedding, have a JP marry them, but have a party on the same date, so people who already made plans aren't screwed?

Brie2010

Or if a BBQ is even too much, a cake and punch reception is totally fine, so long as it doesn't happen during a mealtime.

danieliza1127

Maybe she can cancel the wedding, have a JP marry them, but have a party on the same date, so people who already made plans aren't screwed?The ceremony isn't what costs money, it's the party.  So that wouldn't work.MrsCanes - what about just cutting back your plans, instead of your guests?  Scale back your flowers to bouquets only, scale back your photography package, cancel the DJ and just arranage a way to play background music, don't do favors.  THere are tons of ways to save money.

111Kate111

Can you find a less expensive venue and then just put the new venue on the invite- I doubt anyone will notice. If you are getting married at a Church- would they have a hall you could use or something? Also, if you were doing seated dinner & open bar, could you go to Buffet dinner and beer and wine only? Even cake and punch would work like the pp said. Check out the budget brides board- they might have advice on how to cut costs. DON"T kick out the BM- it would be very mean to cut just her, unless you cut all the bridal party together. That would be very rude and hurtful.

MrsCanes511

Okay honestly, you guys are brutal. First of all the bridesmaid thing Im fine with, it was just a thought. I wasnt sure how to go about it. I love her to death and would be very happy with her in it. So I guess just forget that part.Secondly, Im not stupid. Please stop saying HOW DID YOU OVERSHOOT YOUR BUDGET BY THAT MUCH? We had everything budgeted perfectly however we recently found out that there were things like the dance floor and hotel rooms and what not that we were originally told we werent getting charged for. Our budget is around 7000 dollars...trust me we have left out anything and everything not needed. And those 50-60 guests are IMMEDIATE family members, the people that if we went to the court house, would be right by our sides. I guess I should have specified. So its not like we are not inviting the rest of the guests but still having a wedding and a party and whatnot.Some of you guys are so brutal, I was asking for your advice yes but theres no need to be rude about it. Some of you have really helped though. I am not a horrible person by any means, I dont appreciate being made out that way. Thanks for your advice.

LauraT25

I know that the reception costs money.  But if I was going to have a party, I would do it way less cheaply than my wedding reception.  No flowers, not a seated dinner (probably not dinner at all, just appetizers, music would be an ipod, etc.  I guess she can still do this for her reception.  And I would feel like I didn't need a wedding dress, he didn't need a suit, for the JP, though I know you can do this cheaply as well.  Plus, wedding officiants are more expensive than JPs, at least where I am.

MrsCanes511

Also, people have yet to make any travel arrangements, that is why we are trying to figure this out now!

banana468

Is there anything that you can cut?What about hotel costs are you getting charged?Can you be specific about what is setting you over budget?

ffmaid

Mrs Canes talk to us about your previous plans and your current budget we will help you cut the budget not the guests

betrothed123

MrsCanes, If you think those responses are brutal or harsh, I'd suggest you run very far from this board.  The responses weren't harsh at all for this board.

Brie2010

You should have specified that in your OP.  From the way the original post sounds, you just sent out STDs willy nilly without considering the budget at all.That said, IMO, your best option is to do a ceremony and pretty bare bones reception.  BBQ is great if you can afford it, so is ethnic/grocery store food, but cake and punch will suffice as long as it's not during a mealtime.  FWIW, one of the best weddings I've ever been to was catered by a local falafel place for about 1/4 the cost of a seated dinner.

Kati0105

And those 50-60 guests are IMMEDIATE family membersImmediate family members = parents, siblings, and grandparents.  So unless you and your FI each have like two dozen siblings, this is not possible.And it is totally your fault that you did not know what was included in the contract you signed.  Why would you assume the dance floor was included?  And what exactly do you mean by hotel rooms?  You are not obligated to pay for hotel rooms for OOT guests if that is what you are referring to.No one has said you are a bad person, previous posters have just commented that perhaps you were a bit irresponsible and careless in your planning, and I'd have to agree.

bombtones

I don't think things like a dance floor and a hotel room are cause to uninvite 150 people.I would check out the budget bride board. There is lots of good advice over there.I think you can still make it happen, its just going to take a little more work and patience.

LauraT25

MrsCanes -I think that there are many people on this thread willing to offer more suggestions if you answer their questions about what is putting you over.  Lots of people have budget weddings and pull it off nicely.

betrothed123

There are certainly ways you could cut things out of your budget so that you could accomodate all of the people that you already basically invited.

ffmaid

7K is plenty of money to throw a wedding and reception for 200 people. A park or hall with sandwhiches and pasta salad and cake and a lovely wedding can be done for 200 people . think of every resturant that you have ever been to that charged less the $35 per person . It is doable. A s guest if I found out that you did a fancy ballroom wedding after cutting me that would be unforgivable and if I found out you had cut others to throw a fancy ballr9oom party that included me I would feel awful guilty  

mokabean82

There is always a way to make it work, my dear! My FI and I had to cut our budget dramatically when my FI changed jobs. Here's what we did to cut our budget in half while keeping all the guests: 1) We did some hardcore research on vendor prices! We're getting phenomenal food for $20 a head. We found the cheapest rental place in the area (let's face it, they all use the same stuff, so if you can find it cheaper, go for it!) We had to be ok with changing some plans in order to change the cost 2) We made our own invitations. We cut $1000 off our original budget by buying do-it-yourself invite kits at Michaels. It didn't actually take any more work than assembling ordered invites and we've gotten tons of complements on how beautiful they are! 3) We stuck with a single-flower look (sunflowers in our case, but this works with roses, hydrangeas, anything really). Go local and in season for the best look and price. We found a local grower and got all flowers for decor and bouquets for $75. 4) We're doing our own music. DJs are overpriced and can be obnoxious. You can rent a sound system (or even buy one off craigslist!) for cheaper and get a friend to do the music with what you have on itunes. 5) We eliminated decor we didn't need. When we first got engaged, we wanted a canopy and a billion little lights and all sorts of stuff. Then we realized our outdoor venue is beautiful how it is! We saved $2000 on rentals and labor by cutting that out. 6) We bought cheap wine. At $3 a bottle, you can't beat Charles Shaw from Trader Joes. Everyone loves it, and no one would actually be snobby enough to say something if they didn't! We're just serving beer and wine. No champagne, no cocktails. Most people don't even like champagne and most won't notice if you don't have it for toasts. They can toast with whatever they're drinking. 7) We didn't include "and guest" on our single friends' invites. This cut down on a lot of random guests and the price tag that comes with. 8) We're grilling burgers for the rehearsal dinner. No need to go to a fancy restaurant. You can have way more fun eating cheap food with your friends and family. Keep in mind, too, that some people won't be able to come no matter how much they want to! We budgeted for 100, invited 130, and 90 are coming. If you haven't put a deposit on a venue, parks are an awesome choice because they're really cheap. As far as the BM goes, I wouldn't uninvite her. But you can say, "Hey, I realize we haven't talked in a long time. You'll always be my friend and I love you, but I know being a bridesmaid is a huge responsibility and expense. I just want you to know that I won't be offended if this isn't a good time for you to fill that roll or even if you just don't want to anymore." If she really wants to do it, let her do it! You might reconnect in the process and the struggle and cost of being in the bridal party is really on her, not you. If you were planning on paying for your BMs dresses, hair, accessories, etc. Don't! Sure it would be a nice thing to do, but typically the wedding party pays for their own stuff, so let them.

ggmae

If "you love her to death" then you wouldn't have considered kicking her out of the WP. I think that your best option is to have an inexpensive party after your ceremony. Is there a house within your family/friend circle that the party can be hosted at? Like pp said, just cake and punch will do. You can get a small round cake for you and your FI to cut into, and a sheet cake for guests from a supermarket. You could have it between lunch and dinner on a Saturday or Sunday so that your guests can eat bigger meals before and after. You can DIY flowers and CPs. I made green apple CPs and I think it cost me $90 total for 11 tables. You could get married and have the party at the same place to cut transportation costs. There are so many things that you can do to cut costs.

georgia_bride09

This is why STDs being more mainstream is a problem. People send them out willy-nilly and then don't want to follow through. If you're not getting married on Labor Day or if your guest list isn't 90% OOT, don't send them.

ffmaid

I skipped flowers entirely ( well 2 single roses 1 each for teh fgs to carry up and hand to the moms. ) but better to wear a dress you already own, skip flowers, ect then to uninvite people  

Jessica Riblett

My two sense.........it is your wedding, do what makes YOU happy. You can not please everyone... :-)

lpstl

Ok, that information helps.Now, what is this business with hotel rooms? You know you are in no way obligated to pay for anyone's rooms.A dance floor is not a necessity, we didn't have one and everything was fine. Unless you need to cover up gravel no one will notice.

Calypso1977

And those 50-60 guests are IMMEDIATE family members, the people that if we went to the court house, would be right by our sidesagree wtih PP - immediate family is siblings, parents and grandparents.  is the dancefloor made out of solid gold that you have to buy?  i cant see how taht can be a budget buster on its own.  you also dont even have to have dancing at your wedding - we didnt, nor did my best friend, my mom or my sister.focus on the elements that are truly important for you to have.  dancing, filet mignon, a crap ton of decorations and a fancy frilly expensive cake are not necessities.

tlv204

Clearly you didn't "budget everything perfectly," or you wouldn't be in this situation. ditto that 50-60 people is NOT immediate family, and if I were one of the uninvited people, I would be really really hurt and disappointed.  How do you know they haven't made travel plans? Did you call every single person already?

MrsCanes511

YES those 50 people are immediate. I DO have a large family, as well as a split family. THANK YOU. Im sorry you have a smaller family and cannot fathom the alternative.We are doing NO decorations. We are getting married at a park, which costs us nothing. The food is the most expensive at about 5000. It is $25 per person plus cake costs and cutting fees and alcohol, which I was told (since you all are so freakin insane about ETIQUETTE) that its necessary to have alcohol. Our wedding is in the eary afternoon so that right there cuts costs. We are not getting a limo or anything fancy like that, we have already paid for our photographer which we got a GREAT deal on. And our DJ is 900. The reception is at a restuarant, so we have to bring in a floor rental place from outside, which the restuarant usually does business with a rental place that only charges them 250, however they went out of business. The cheapest that we can find in the area is 750, plus the cost of rental chairs for the ceremony. My grandmother is making the bridesmaids dresses so that cost practically doesnt exist. Then the random costs of suits (we are not getting tuxes) however we may just do like kacki pants and a nice shirt, since it is a beachy theme. The hotel room that i that i mentioned, because the area we are getting married at is an hour and half from our home, we have to have a hotel room for the night before for us and the bridal party.

[Deleted User]

Secondly, Im not stupid. Please stop saying HOW DID YOU OVERSHOOT YOUR BUDGET BY THAT MUCH? We had everything budgeted perfectly however we recently found out that there were things like the dance floor and hotel rooms and what not that we were originally told we werent getting charged for. Our budget is around 7000 dollars...trust me we have left out anything and everything not needed. And those 50-60 guests are IMMEDIATE family members, the people that if we went to the court house, would be right by our sides. I guess I should have specified. So its not like we are not inviting the rest of the guests but still having a wedding and a party and whatnot.none of this is really helping your "not stupid" case.

duckie1905

I do not understand how people book things without understanding exactly what they are and aren't responsible for paying for.If you had signed contracts detailing what was being provided and what you had to rent yourself this never would have happened because either way, you'd have paper to back yourself up.Sounds more like you jumped the gun and sent things out before you completely thought everything through and asked all the appropriate questions.