FFIL is driving me crazy!!!!!

PiperS

FI's dad stayed with us from Thurs day til monday. FI and i were busy the past two nights and tonight it was just going to be us. we were going take a night swim and grill. i was really looking forward to it. Now i just find out that FI has to pick up FFIL from work at 9. I am getting so annoyed with him. it is like he is a child. he never has money and he has no car. his daughter got married on saturday and FMIL paid for the whole thing (they have been divorced for years)! FI paid for his round of golf that morning, FSIL paid for his tux, and FMIL gave him money to put in a card. FI feels bad for him because his business went under and ever since then he has been drinking too much and depending on other people, but it has been 10 years since that happened. when is enough enough??? anyone else have any problems like this with their inlaws?

PiperS

oh and i forgot to mention that he stayed in our room after FSIL's wedding. I don't know what he is going to do the night of our wedding. i guess he will stay with her.

mandysmear

No.  But, as frustrating as it is I would support my husband and do what he felt he needed to do to help his father.  There will be all sorts of issues that will put a strain on your relationship.  Just keep on keeping on.  I suggest that you guys set aside a night every week without any distractions.  No matter what.  Has to be a real emergency in order for you to be interrupted.

salt78

No my inlaws are great. By the way, that's a really cute story about how you stole your FI away from his ex. I feel badly for her.

PiperS

i didn't really steal him. its not like he cheated on her with me or anything. i don't feel bad for her obviously they weren't right for each other. she is married now.

SwedishChick2011

Wow, that would be annoying.  Does your FFIL have any job at all? 

tidetravel

If you were in love with him, and he had feelings for you, the flirting wasn't "harmless."  Just sayin.

SwedishChick2011

Oh, wait.   Duh.  Your FI is picking him up from work, so I guess he has a job.  Sorry.

angiebear11

i didn't really steal him. its not like he cheated on her with me or anything. i don't feel bad for her obviously they weren't right for each other. she is married now. I don't know, if my BF went out to have drinks after work with a girl he had feelings for and the girl had feelings for her too, I'd consider that cheating.Cheating doesn't have to mean sex.But whatever, that's totally off topic. Continue with your regular scheduled programing.

salt78

Sounds like there was an awful lot of work flirting. I've had that done to me before and it totally sucks. I'm getting married now and that doesn't make what happened to me all ok.

tidetravel

Does your FFIL have any job at all? She's complaining because FI has to pick FFIL up from work, so that would probably be a yes.

SwedishChick2011

Good point, tide.

vallyhoo

Emotional affairs are affairs just the same.

PiperS

well you can't help who you fall in love with. what i mean by harmless is that it never crossed the line. i didn't even know that he felt anything for me until he told me and i kept my feelings quiet.

tidetravel

Perhaps instead of biitching about FFIL you should look at  helping FI support his father in a healthy way.  He's obviously in the middle of some degree of depression and alcoholism, and the people in his life are acting as enablers.This "problem" isn't going to go away after you're married.  And getting frustrated at your FI over his dad isn't going to do anything good for your relationship.    

danieliza1127

If he was unhappy or unfulfilled enough to be going out with a single girl for drinks after work while his GF was off somewhere else, and developing feelings for the single girl, it was already on it's way downhill anyway.  If it wasn't Piper it would have been someone or something else.  They obviously weren't right for each other or he wouldn't have strayed. 

salt78

Well in that case you better keep your eye out that your FI doesn't go out for drinks with any female coworkers. You never know who he might fall in love with next.

PiperS

we had drinks after work with other coworkers not like a date or anything. he didn't do anything wrong and neither did i. we just got to know each because we worked next to each other and fell in love. it wasn't on purpose. you girls are tough! yes he has a job but it doesn't cover all his expenses. a couple months ago FI lent him 400 dollars for rent that we know we will never see again. 2 months before that he bought him a suit to go on interviews. he gives him a 20 here and there. we don't even add that up.

danieliza1127

As far as your problems with your FFIL, as long as everyone in his family keeps enabling him, this behavior is going to continue.

pumpkinpumpkin

sounds like you need to support your FI in supporting his father...maybe suggest to your Fi that his dad may need some sort of counselling.

NuggetBrain

Well in that case you better keep your eye out that your FI doesn't go out for drinks with any female coworkers. You never know who he might fall in love with next. If your FI is in love with you, it doesn't matter who he goes out for drinks with because he won't be falling in love with them. 

BecW2be

I hope your FI doesn't work around harmlessly flirty women now. eeeek.

pumpkinpumpkin

Sounds to me like you guys had a mild "affair" going on. Was his gf fully aware that you guys would meet up after work for drinks, etc?

NuggetBrain

OMG.  Men are not stupid brainless animals.  If they are happy and in love with their wife, girlfriend, whatever, they aren't going to suddenly run off into the sunset with some random girl at work they're flirting with.  Why do people insist on acting like men just can't help themselves when a girl is attracted to them.

PiperS

um i do support him. he stayed at my house 3 nights last week and in my hotel room. i am not mad at FI. i could never get mad at him for helping his dad. i just wish his dad would help himself. he is out patient rehab now and counseling starting next week. FMIL will drive him there every tuesday and thursday and FI will be picking him up. i never complain about it to FI. I would never embarass him by telling my family so thats why i vented here.

PiperS

Dani-- thats the problem. they are enabling him, but they have been long before i came along. i don't know how to change that.

born_for_this

Good point, tide.haha DED

angiebear11

OMG. Men are not stupid brainless animals. If they are happy and in love with their wife, girlfriend, whatever, they aren't going to suddenly run off into the sunset with some random girl at work they're flirting with. Why do people insist on acting like men just can't help themselves when a girl is attracted to them. Because if the OP's FI was a decent man and he wasn't happy with his relationship he should have communicated that with his GF not have an emotional affair with someone else!

lyndausvi

For the most part I love my MIL.  But then again she lives 1800 miles away and refuses to get a phone service to call us, so I really do not have much contact with her.   Her lifestyle is very different than mine and I find my self furstrated with her.   Anyway, you need to set some bounderies when it comes to your FFIL.  It's a fine line, but it can be do able.My father direct deposited money into my grandmother's account once a month for some 15 years or so.  She really did need the help. My grandmother never asked for anymore than what my parents gave her.  When we were in town I'm sure my dad through her a little extra, bought groceries and always picked up the tap.  He happily did this and it was not a financial burden.   BTW - grandma was actually my mom's mom, so his MIL.So maybe you can work out something with your FI that can help out his dad in more productive way, that does not cause problems for you.  

PiperS

nugget-- thanks. i totally agree with you. he didn't go out looking to cheat and he never even tried to. they didn't even have a bad break up. i think it was over long before they ended it.

salt78

[i]If they are happy and in love with their wife, girlfriend, whatever, they aren't going to suddenly run off into the sunset with some random girl at work they're flirting with. Why do people insist on acting like men just can't help themselves when a girl is attracted to them. [/i] I didn't say all men were this way. And maybe her FI isn't, but he was already guilty of it once.