Adult only reception

rhkress

Geez. Somebody is a little defensive. If she doesn't like kids, she doesn't like kids. If she has more than one reason, then she REALLY doesn't want kids at her wedding. It's her day. Let he enjoy it.

mary+allan

I think you are worrying a little too much about this.I was just at a wedding a couple of weeks ago, which was "adult only". And they put just that on the invitations. Down in the corner where they had their reception destails they wrote "adults only reception"
I don't think you have to worry too much about wording. If you have alcohol at your reception, people are just going to assume that this is your reasoning behind it.
If people don't like it, then they just won't come, and that saves you $ on one less plate of food. Their problem, not yours.
Enjoy your wedding planning! Like you said, you are only going to be doing this once, so try not to worry too much  about the little things.

kittykaz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adult-only-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:643e82d5-6136-4935-9002-ae9dfe0c52acPost:dd03823c-24b2-47ec-ba9b-b8a7358bfccf">Re: Adult only reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the problem is... it's fine not to invite the kids, but justifying that choice really just comes across as weak brainstorming and a lot of assuming that the bride and groom knows better than the parents. And maybe that's why these topics tend to get heated?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

This This This.

I don't think anyone is saying you <strong>have</strong> to have kids at your wedding if you don't want them.  It's fine if you feel it's innapropriate to have them at a formal event, or even if you don't want to run the risk of them screaming, etc, etc, etc.  For <strong>whatever</strong> reason you choose, just simply don't invite kids. It's insulting and rude to your guests that are parents to assume they won't be able to handle their children on a beach or keep them out of harms way around plates of hot food or whatnot.  I wouldn't go touting those reasons when people ask you why they can't bring Junior.

gq91877

I myself am having an adults only reception and purely for the reason of the children's safety. I am having my ceremony and reception at a botanical garden and there are coi ponds, a water feature that runs through the floor, a carnivorous plants section as well as concrete floors with removable slate tiles. I would have loved to have children at the wedding but i know that sometimes a parent can shift their attention for one second and the child will be wither splashing around in a coi pond or fist deep in a carnivorous plant! So I completely understand the concerns. Just like some choose not to have open bar because of the safety of their guests. I find that everyone is so quick to judge people. It is her day and however she envisions her wedding to be is how it should be!

katrinabattaglia

I think that it does need to be clearly stated on your invitation if children are not invited.  My fiance and I are VERY kid friendly, but we are disappointed that we will not be able to have children at our wedding because we cannot afford to add another 30+ people (little ones) to the guest list plus we are at max capacity at our site without children.  Anyway, I think that a polite yet clear way to say on your invitations that children are not invited is to say "Adult Reception to follow" or somehow have that stated on your Reception card.  Hope this helps and good luck!

maggiek24

We are planning the same thing and trust me I know exactly how you feel! We are also planning to exclude kids from the ceremony which is becoming an increasinly touchy subject. The way we are planning to address this is the following:
Address the invitations to only the people we want to come, by name.
Also on the invitation, we will say "Adult Reception to follow"
When we get calls about the issue, we are going to say that we want a formal night where everyone can enjoy themselves and have a really nice time without worrying about their kids. We want it to be special for everyone, not just us. We would love to have you join us to celebrate, but if you are unable to find a babysitter then I'm sorry, maybe we can get together and do something fun after the wedding.

It's not an ideal situation, but we really do want it to be a nice, formal affair where everyone can just enjoy the night. Good luck!

sehjcb

Why don't you get off the gal's back about HER reasons for not wanting children at her ceremony.  She's obviously just trying to avoid any hurt feelings and maintain a certain atmosphere that she and her fiance have elected for their wedding.  Just because you just had a baby doesn't mean you have to be so defensive about someone admitting to not being a "kid person".  Her reasons are her own and they're really none of your concern.

moniqueorthober

I response to the last comments: Don't feel bad if you don't want kids there.

I am not sure if there are adults-only resports where you could host your wedding. We are going to Mexico and picking an all-inclusive adults only resort for the exact same reason. 

mrandmrsfox

I am not inviting kids to our wedding-- and we wrote "Adults Only Reception"-- We do not have kids--- and we do not want them there. It is a grown-up event with dancing and alcohol--- We don't want them there--- cause we don't want to be bothered. There are well-behaved children-- and there are not well-behaved children... either way- they do not belong at my wedding. Parents can get a babysitter and have a night to themse

taikens7

Hello I am also a bride to be and I have gone back and forth about the no children at the wedding and reception. I think that a wedding is no place for a child. My opinion is that any decision that YOU and the bride makes should be the end all be all especially if you are paying for it and the indiviuals that have a problem with it aren't helping pay any cost of the wedding. For my invitation at the bottom I put "Adult Reception Immediately Following Ceremony." I looked at all the rules about ettiquette and it said that you should not place it on your invitations because people get offended. They said that it should be a word of mouth thing that people who know wedding details should inform everyone and when everyone RSVPs you are suppose to call them to tell them that kids are not allowed. I think that it is stupid because poeple are gonna assume what they want! You don;t have time to call every person to tell them that they can't bring their child. Anyways I hope this helps... Happy wedding planning

lisalou402

SO ironic, I'm reading all of this and got an e-mail from my cousin and she asked if her son was invited to my December wedding.

I have a few friends with teenage kids who are invited, mainly because they are pretty self sufficient.

Other than that, just my niece and nephew.

So how's this for a response:

"We have decided that besides NIECE and NEPHEW, we weren't having any small children at the wedding or reception."

I'm hearing all you girls that I should stand by my decision and jsut say it!

LaurOcKep

I found a great way to put it on our wedding website...you can use this wording if you'd like:  "Our ceremony will be formal and our reception will feature an open bar. We have planned what we hope will be a very enjoyable adults only event. Thank you so much for understanding."


Good luck!

goatwoodward

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adult-only-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:643e82d5-6136-4935-9002-ae9dfe0c52acPost:15b044f7-31b7-4e95-aae1-3da50bab515a">Re: Adult only reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Just because I have a baby doesn't mean that I don't have a brain.  I know how to take care of my kid.  You don't need to concern yourself with that.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

Yes, and I have no issue inviting people who I know are responsible to bring their kids, but what about that aunt & uncle who take advantage of any & all events to abandon their kids to run riot while they drink & schmooze? My mother was actually looking for ways to invite all the kids except theirs... I think I'm going to have a children's room to compensate with a color-matched way for the babysitter to quickly locate parents of misbehaving kids.

rachelw410

I totally agree! We are having a kids-only reception and I didn't feel the need to come up with excuses. I have no problem telling people it's because A) We can't afford to pay for all those extra plates of food, and Kids don't really understand the importance of what is going on that day anyway, and C) We just generally prefer an adults-only atmosphere for our type of wedding. I'm not ashamed to admit any of those reasons!

kyleloveslinds

I'm choosing an adult only wedding and reception as well, because my extended family is far too big to invite all of the children- there's over 20 kids under the age of 10 on my side alone. My fiance and I simply can't afford it. Also, I was at a friend's wedding where 3 little ones were running around the dance floor while the bride was dancing to her father/daughter dance.
I remember wanting to be anywhere else besides at a wedding as a child, so I support your decision! I agree with others who say not to mention the adult only aspect on the invites- I plan to address the invitations to exactly who I am inviting. I've seen invites that say things like "we have reserved 2 seats for you", but I personally don't like that idea. Hope it all works out for you!

MrMrsKaz

I personaly think its a great idea to have a kids free wedding..... first your cost goes down and second kids dont really understand what is going on and most of the time its pretty boring for them and third all the parents can be out enjoying themselves without having to worry about what their kids are up to or what their kids are getting into... parents will be able to relax and have a better time and fourth honestly i hate having to be on the dance floor or sitting at the table to eat and there are kids running all over the place because they are just bored out of their minds and thats the only thing they can do.....

I am planning on trying to find a good way to state that on the invitations.... does anyone have a sample invitation?

barcarporras2009

I am having an Adults only wedding. We have allowed only immediate family to bring there children which is a total of 9 children. On my invitations i had placed a simple message on the RSVP card only. It kinda went like this...Please note, we are unable to accommodate children and toddlers at our wedding celebration. Thank you for your understanding. I also made save the dates with our wedding web site listed. You can view it on the knot. Carlos Porras & Barbie Castillo for September 26, 2010. In there i also place a statement about it being and adults only celebration. It is a touchy subject. my Fiance has had a few comments from cousins...But i look at it this way. This is not anything new. There has been many weddings that are adults only. The people who really want to be there...will be there! LIke you my Fiance and myself is paying for our own wedding. So do what you would like to do and not worry about what other people wants. If you try to please everyone else...It you (the Bride) that will end up stressed and unhappy. So enjoy your self and good luck

JaimiandJohn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adult-only-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:643e82d5-6136-4935-9002-ae9dfe0c52acPost:a05250f4-8512-4b5d-9762-c478904bfc6f">Re: Adult only reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adult only reception : So you won't be having your own children attend your wedding?
Posted by dawnmarie0627[/QUOTE]

I think it's a little different when it is your own children.... OF COURSE you want your children at your wedding, not only are you uniting as husband and wife but as a family as well, the children being there is as important as the future spouse being there. Comparing your own children being at your wedding and guests having their children there is hardly a comparison.

Tecca&Bate

I also will not be inviting children to my wedding.  I adore kids and cannot wait to have children of my own.  I am also the very proud aunt of 7 nieces and nephews that are precious to me.  However, I do not want screaming, crying, misbehaving children at my wedding.  I have witnessed great parents try to stifle cries and pacify chatter in order not to miss out on the ceremony instead of taking their children into a nearby hall or bathroom.  I have heard, with my own ears, the ruined video coverage of the exchanging of the vows.  I have also seen children in the wedding party scream, cry, pout and throw fits of rage during ceremonies.  Some of you may think that is cute, but I do not.  We were not allowed to act that way in church growing up and I will not tolerate it now. Sorry, but that will not happen at my wedding.  My mother put us in Sunday school/daycare during church when we were that age, specifically to avoid situations like that.   

I do think it's presumptuous and ignorant to assume that the desire for a child-free wedding and concern for the children's safety insinuates that we think you are bad parents.  That is not the case at all.  I have literally witnessed, countless times, great parents being caught up in conversation, getting dinner, going to the bathroom, dancing, etc. while their children took advantage of their lapse of attention and ran wild during a reception.  Our reception is in the depot bar district of a college town and I actually am concerned for their safety.  The venue is an indoor/outdoor winery that is literally on the corner of two large intersecting through-ways.  It is a dangerous environment and children should not be at a winery in a depot bar district.  Whether you take that as an excuse or a reason is up to you.   I agree that this is the ONE day in a bride and groom’s lives that is reserved for THEM, not you and your children, so their wishes should be respected.   Enough said. 

pcaprince

I used "Adult reception to follow" on my invitations. Of course using the names of the adults on your invitations and carefully watching how your guests respond will help in how to reply in keeping with the adult only event. As for the other issues "keeping the children safe" What does it matter? We all know there are parents who will bring their children and make excuses etc. etc. as to why they had to bring them. The point here is to minimize the situation as much as possible. Remember it's your day, you are not responsible for other peoples children and you have every right to ask for what you want. It is after all your wedding.

sandyly

Ok, I personally am a "kid" person.  I love kids!  We are not inviting them to our wedding.  One simple reason... cost.  For instance, I have many friends with multiple children, and children are half price when it comes to food... so for each pair of children that come, I cannot invite an adult.  So, I'm just giving people a heads up.  I'm letting everyone know in advance that I'm only inviting adults to both the ceremony and reception.  I'm hoping to nip it in the bud before invites even go out.  Most of our guests are from out of town anyway.  I am also providing a babysitter for those folks who'd like to come, but cannot due to the children.  This way parents can bring their kids if they want to, and I have my "kid free" wedding.  Bottom line, if you don't want to invite kids, that's fine... regardless of the reason.  You really don't have to explain yourself; it's your wedding.  Do you explain why you chose that venue, why chose that dress, etc? No. 

ScarletBegonias5

I agree, it is fine for anyone to not want kids at the wedding and for whatever reason they have. I don't understand why people feel entitled to have issues with someone else's WEDDING day. It's not like they are just throwing any old party. This is going to be one of the biggest days of their lives, if not the biggest.

On another point, I love kids and I even work for a pediatric clinic. But I see every type of parent. Not everyone is attentive to their childern, and some actually have no control over them. So, no one is personally attacking anyone's parenting on here, but it's ignorant to think everyone parents the same. To some couples having kids at their wedding, even if they are running around and screaming, is exactly what they want and wouldn't have it any other way. But to some people, including myself, would rather have an adult party.

So in answer to the question, which is the point of this right?, my coworker recently had a child-free wedding and just put the names of who was invited on the invitation. She did have a few inquires, but most people understood it and had no problems with it.

fatchunk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adult-only-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:643e82d5-6136-4935-9002-ae9dfe0c52acPost:44005916-466d-4151-8875-18c0f33f0bc3">Re: Adult only reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Stop the madness I was on the 125 post too.  I don't think people are ever going to agree on this.  I am having kids at my wedding.  I don't understand why people have a problem with kids at weddings.  With that being said if you don't want kids at your wedding don't invite them but don't come up with a list of excuses. IF and that is a big if the kids start crying a parent will most likely remove them from the ceremony room,  If you are having an outdoor wedding they will move a bit away but there are a ton of other noises that could interrupt.  If there is a parent attending your wedding who you truly don't trust to keep their kid safe then maybe you should report them to child protective services, otherwise the parent is able to decide if the venue is safe for the child. Same goes for the site being "appropriate".  Parents can make that decision.  And as for "strangers', yes some of the guests may be strangers to the kids but is anyone really going to invite a person to their wedding that could be a threat to another guest?
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

OH MYSTIC, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING.
AND TO THE OP, ITS FINE TO HAVE AN ADULTS ONLY WEDDING IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT, PERSONALLY I HAVE TOO MANY KIDS THAT I LOVE AND I WANT THEM AT MY WEDDING. I THINK THEY ADD TO THE EXCITEMENT. BUT....JUST DONT INSULT PARENTS BY ASSUMING THAT THEY CANT KEEP THEIR CHILDREN UNDER CONTROL. IVE HAD MY KIDS AT WEDDINGS ON BOATS, AND ON THE WATER, AND NO ONE DIED.
WHO DOESNT LOVE TO SEE A COUIPLE OF TODDLERS DANCING AWAY WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD? :]

marissamcd

My fiance and I had the same approach of addressing only to adults and we still encountered issues.   Due to drama in my cousin's life we were TOLD their distraught 7 year old would be coming.  They had already booked their flight.   I was told by my family their family drama out ranked our wedding plans and since they were coming from Europe I should be thankful they are coming and stop being a drama queen.    Our wedding doesn't start until late either and is not kid friendly AT ALL.   We even offered to find and pay for a baby sitter for the ceremony and were told that was not option due to emotional state of the kid. 
From someone who lost the battle, I'm just giving a heads up that you WILL encounter issues no matter how you word or say it.  IT's an us against them debate I'm afraid.      I suggest putting "Adults Only" on the invite as well to save you from making that awkward call.   Or phrase the invite to highlight it's an adult getaway.   Had I been more clear at the start they may not have booked their flight.  From other friends who lost this battle as well I was told that with everything going on, you wouldn't notice the kid and in the big scheme of things it's not a big deal.  Since our location is a destination as well, I'm now having to plan kid friendly events for the 4 days.
I wish you luck it's not easy.

yjgsweet

I am having my wedding this year and on my response card I put.." please write the name/s of your ADULT Guests that will be attending. So far I got one call about a kid, told her NO KIDS...because generally people know kids are not allowed at weddings, unless its IMMEDIATE family. Or you can opt for..."Adults Only Reception... on the water". People need to get over this whole thing about taking their kids everywhere.. I specifically did not invite a few people because they take their kids everywhere NO MATTER what you tell them ! uuurrgh !

lisalou402

Even though I'm in the adults only,  I want to make one point on something a bunch of you all have written.

When someone writes "i want the parents to enjoy themselves"...well, to be honest, I know a lot of parents who enjoy spending time with their children, even in a wedding setting.  It's not our role to tell people what makes them enjoy themselves.

However, we can say how WE want to enjoy ourselves on our wedding day.

MariaP1988

I plan on having an outdoor wedding with children included because I plan to rent a bounce house for the kids to play in.  I know how bored they get at weddings, so they run around, crying and screaming, knocking things over, and even disrupting intimate moments during the reception or dance (of course not all children are like that, but I have seen this happen before- even at my own quinceanera).  I'd rather that the kids have as much fun as us adults. As for those who don't want children at their wedding, that's perfectly fine. Like most people here say- it's YOUR day! So what if someone is offended? Any guest who doesn't respect that request does not respect you.  I like that some parents use that to their advantage to have a night out without the kids. As you can tell, there are different opinions on this subject.  I am not against adults only receptions.

To tidetravel, just because she said her reasons doesn't mean she's calling parents irresponsible and brainless.  I think you took this too personally and out of context.

mbeach04

I'm glad you brought this up; I am in a similar situation.  However for a multitude of reasons I don't want children at my wedding; primarily for a cost issue, children cost the same as adults and by not having them we will be saving quite a bit (there are a lot of children in my extended family)  Also, not to be mean or anything but the children on my side of the family are incredibly disrespectful and ill behaved; my finance's side however, are complete angels, very polite and attentive.  If there was a way to only have his side's children included I would do it, but that would open a completely different can of worms and send a terrible message to my family.  

I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and on the reception card before they mentioned attire they stated:  "This is an adult reception and attire will be...etc."  I thought it was tastefully done if you felt you had to state it, but if not, addressing the invites to the adults only should suffice. 

Good luck!!

crystal27lynn

If it were only up to me I would be having a kid free ceremony and reception and more importantly ceremony! Every wedding I've been to had children and everytime there has been a baby, toddler or young child making noise. So much that i myself couldn't hear the couple speaking. Half the times the parent has removed the child but half the time they have not. It's even been so bad that the child was screaming and the parent did not remove the kid! I find it EXTREMELY RUDE to not remove the child! But even if you do, just that few seconds of noise has interupted the couples special day. I DO NOT want to be standing up there looking into the eyes of the one i love and hear anything other than the words coming out of his mouth. The reception isn't quite as bad since it's louder but then you have to spend money on more centerpieces, chair covers, food, tables & chairs if you are renting those, the list just goes on and one for any extra guest you have. And what the heck are the kids supose to do? Run around like heathens cause their parents are drinking and not paying attention to them. The options is to have someone to watch them or create a kids corner which also requires someone to watch them. In the end it all just leads to more money. HOWEVER my FMIL was not happy when we told her we were doing no kids and now that she's paying for a the venue, dj & photographer well she's having kids, lol. So wish me luck! And just address the invitations to only the adults and put on the reception card adult only reception. I've seen that several times as well (i work for a place that prints those kinds of things) If that doesn't give them the hint nothing will. Good luck and I hope you have an amazing wedding, by the beach sounds wonderful!

jelmer1979

I am also an anti-kid bride.  I don't have children and I don't want children to interfere with my day, period.  I have considered placing "Adults only please" at the bottom of my reception invitation.  I fear just inviting the people I want to attend (the parents) will be too subtle.  Also, I have a lot of "+1"s on the invite list and so I can not write down the specific names of the people I want to attend on the response card.  I am getting married close to home; however, so getting a babysitter for the little ones is not asking too much of my guests.

Over it!