Adult only reception

semedlin03

Personally if you do not want kids at your reception you don't want them there. You can put "Adult Reception" on the response card, it is not tacky and its straight forward. Some parents chose to ignore any subtle signs that their child isn't invited and get upset if you tell them otherwise.
You obviously want to take in to consideration ALL factors, including location in to it, and whether or not a parent is capable of saving the child it is still an unneccesary interuption in your special day should it become a safety issue.
If at that time guests chose to ignore then simply tell them if they are unable to find a baby sitter for the event they would certainly be missed but your going to have to say no. They can take that how they want to.

rmpickett

You do put it in the invitation if you want to be clear. You write Adult Reception to follow at . . . There is no reason to feel guilty for wanting a formal wedding with no children in attendance. After all, it is your day. 

bookworm07

Man you guys are crazy! I don't understand why people have to talk badly about someone's reasons or wording of the posts. Just answer their question, and move on!

For the bride's orginial post:
I think you should say that you would rather not have children there, plain and simple. It is your wedding, and it is your rules. Like you had said, you don't mind if someone doesn't come due to a lack of childcare. You can address the invitation to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, instead of The Johnson Family. Then on the RSVP card, put each person's name separate on the card with a check box next to each one with an Attending, or Not Attending above the check boxes. On the bottom, you could but "Please join us for dinner and dancing at The Keys Garden immediately following the ceremony." This way you can kind of imply it is adults only. Dinner and dancing is kind of adult. Some people might be unsure and call you to check. If anyone puts in like (kids also) under their names, call and explain.

Also, you can plan some things for the day after. Some people might not want to take kids to an all weekend event. But that is totally optional.

Me personally, I am going to have no kids because I am having a hindu ceremony (for my fiance and to-be mother-in-law) followed by an american ceremony. It is very inappropriate to have children at the hindu ceremony. It is sort of destination wedding as my fiance and I are living in California while the to-be in-laws are in Michigan. So we are going to keep it kids-free.

Another idea:
Find some place that has a child-care nearby and put on the invitation that local child care is available at the cost of the parents for the ceremony. Then have a kids menu for the reception and make sure you have a spot on the RSVP for how many kids will be attending the reception, and word it just like that. "Number of children attending the reception: " Then talk to the caterer and make sure they know how many kids there will be. Kids don't eat as much, and eat very different things, so they will be cheaper. So you can have Tilapia for the adults with a wine reduction and some fancy side. For the kids, you can have like mac n cheese or chicken (smaller portion of course). For the cake, just have smaller pieces cut.

I hope you figure it out, and I wish you the best of luck. 

tbhargava

Thank you for posting this because my fiancee and I are in the same boat.  We are just not "kid people".  We are having our wedding at a vineyard and weren't sure how to let people know that we want our wedding and reception to be Adults Only... I thought the best resource on the subject would be to ask my friends and bridesmaids that have kids how they felt about our "adults only" policy.  ALL of my friends that I asked said the same thing "It's YOUR wedding day, invite who YOU want."  They were thankful that I told them with enough advance so they can make arrangements, but also thankful to have a kids-free date night with their friends and husband.

landra310s

Just word the invites like everyone else said to the adults being invited.  However, to comment on other people saying you shouldn't use the venue as an excuse becasue it's on the water, I definitely have a different opinion.  I'm not saying all parents but there are quite a few out there that don't watch their children.  Whether they are in a store, restaurant or at a pool or beach.  I've had children 3 times this year need to be "saved" from drowning in my pool.  Where they weren't in the pool with floaties, pool was over their head, they were floating on one of my floats and fell off.  I was only there to witness the incidents one of the times.  New rule: kids aren't allowed in the pool.  I'm with you! 

d1anaw

Apparently a lot of young parents today don't get that people don't want their babies EVERYWHERE because they take them everywhere, even where it is inappropriate and they don't remove them when they start crying and get fussy. In fact, many of them believe everyone else should leave if it bothers them so much. So it's perfectly acceptable for someone who is paying thousands of dollars to have a ceremony or a party to not want it disrupted by crying and fussy children. If someone doesn't want to leave baby behind, then don't attend. Attending, bringing a baby or small child and then allowing that child to cry or run around unattended or be disruptive is rude and disrespectful. We've decided to have only our grandchildren in attendance and quite frankly I don't care who has a problem with that. We are the ones paying for it, not them. And we know how our grandchildren behave and we know how to speak to their parents to reign them in if necessary. We have no control over anyone else's.  I think people tend to forget whose ceremony and party it is.

Ri1565

Who cares if they aren't kid people? Are you invited? If not, then don't take such personal offense. Thanks for posting about the invites, my fiance and I were wondering the same thing. It's your day, plan as you see fit. If people bawk, they don't need to attend, and if they question it just be straight with them. Hope you have a great wedding!

lekent

If the children are ijust not invited to the ceremony, you could see if the hotel offers a daycare service and add a polite little card saying, "<Service Name> will be offering child care services during the ceremony [and reception]."

You may have to offset part of the fee as well, but this way your invitees can attend and you don't have to offend them. I wouldn't recommend completely not inviting children because it will make it much more difficult for parents to attend.

No one wants screaming children at their wedding, but please take into account that the people you are inviting love their screaming children more than anything. I don't recommend using the "children's safety" as your excuse, they will see right through it. Having said that, I'm sure they would also welcome a chance to save themselves from embarrassment and an affordable service would be a great solution for both of you.

sweettay24

I have a child and am opting for a kid-free wedding.  I agree I don't want screaming kids/ babies at my wedding.  My seven year old will be there because she's the flowergirl and my FH nephews and that's it.  I have a no kids under 16 years old invited because it starts adding up very quickly and can be quite expensive.  My FH and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves  and to invite all our friends and their children would easily double our guest list. 

So being a parent I just don't understand why people are get so upset.  Once in awhile we parents need a child-free night out and what better time than at a wedding.

ligeia18

I had this dilemma as well. My older cousins have a gazillion kids and it was very tempting to invite adults only. However, 3 things changed my mind -

1. My mom got married a few years ago at an "adults only" wedding, and she is STILL dealing with family members who felt slighted. Not worth the drama for me.

2. I was a flower about 5 times when I was young, and went to many many weddings (see above older cousins!). While I remember being bored during the ceremony, I loved the reception and always had a good time.

3. Our venue charges less than $20 per kid! (A quarter of an adult!) This was easily the biggest reason.

In the end, I felt that kids need to be involved in some mature settings so they can learn to rise to the occasion. I love watching kids dance on the dance floor in their fancy clothes. I totally understand the desire to have an adults only wedding because I was on the fence, and there is NOTHING wrong with an adult only wedding. Also, you might be surprised - when I added "& family" to my invitations, many couples opted to leave their little ones at home. We only have 10 kids coming, including the flower girl and ring bearer!

em.eanes

I don't understand this entire debate.  The first few posters are correct - either address the invitation to only the adults or write "adult reception to follow...etc".  Just don't put it in the negative (don't put "No kids" - people find wording like that abrasive).

For the people complaining about someone being concerned about your child's safety - for serious?  You're upset that someone is (whether genuinely or not) considering (1) your enjoyment of an event (not much time to relax at a wedding if you're constantly chasing your child) and (2) the safety of your child.  Why does everything have to be taken as a commentary on your parenting?

Personally, I'm only having related children at my wedding (and for the most part, they're also IN my wedding).  A major reason is that I'm concerned about kids wandering off into the water.  Something you realize if you go to ANY event with kids (including holiday parties where its all family) is that people generally assume that kids are safer in large groups - someone will be watching them.  The problem lies in when everyone assumes that someone else will be watching them.

The kids who are related to me will have babysitters for the reception; the younger sister of one of my "bridesmen" and a friend of hers.  That way there is an appointed person to watch the kids.  Parents can relax, kids won't drown...everyone's happy.

jrgoose

We just went throught this.  My Fiance and I decided that we would have an adult only reception.  We are having a destination wedding in Charleston SC and it is very pricey.  The venue we chose does not have a kids menu and this would have made it very pricey to feed a 4 year old, etc. 

We addressed the invites to the parents only and found that people were RSVPing with their children.  So, we found babysitters in the area and set it up for the parents.  When we called the parents and told them that we had arranged child care for them (12 children total) they were very happy.  We reasoned that paying $250 for babysitters was cheaper than paying for an adult meal for each child. 

Remember it is hard for parents to travel without their children.  Most of our friends and family have kids so if we wanted them there, we had to make the arrangements.  Plus, I feel that the money is totally worth it not to have a screaming child during the wedding.  We have been to several weddings of his family members and his relatives usualy do not leave when the baby starts crying.  So for us, it was worth the money for the babysitters! 

I love kids.....we are planning to have them ourselves.  We just wanted an adult only evening and with the money we are spending, it will be worth it to get the baby sitters!

hyaksic

I'm having an adult only reception and have made that point clear by 1-addressing the save-the-dates to the parents only i.e. Jim & Sue Smith 2-having the words "ADULT RECEPTION" printed on the invitation and 3-my response cards don't allow them to write in the # attending. They can simply check 1 or 2.  I'm pretty sure they will get the message!

bebargas

I am having an "Adult only reception", and in the RSVP cards, at the bottom, we put 'Adult only reception'. We also have a wedding website and under the reception portion I put that "while we would love for your children to join us on this special day, due to a variety of reasons, this will be an Adult only reception and we thank you for your understanding". And like you said, if they don't understand, than they do not have to come. For the most part, most of the people invited are your close friends and family and we told our friends and family that we have a large invite list already, and if we allowed everyone to bring their kids at 80 bucks a head, it would be outrageous and our venue will only hold 150 comfortably on top of that, so overall, as far as I know, they do understand! Good luck!

tiffanybr84

I totaly understand where you are coming from.  I did not want children at my wedding  as well.  What i did was just add this line to my wedding invitations
Adult reception to follow
This was a sugestion from the people i bought my wedding invitations from  BTW they were great and always ready to help me.  There website is www.weddinginvitations.be anyway I got a few calls from family and after I explaned to them the fact that we just didn't want the kids to be board and really thought they deserved a little time together alone, they were excited and started to embrace the idea of some well deserved alone time.

Hope this helps

sbheigl

I love kids, anyone can come to the ceremony BUT that said... they are not invited to the reception. I know two families where the parents have time and again depended on other adults to watch their kids at family functions/parties.

I love my nieces but they hang all over me every time I see them, which is great! On my wedding day when I"ll be wearing a pretty dress they will likely be MORE clingy. Everyone thinks it's cute but I'm not able to even have a conversation without one or the other interrupting.

On the invitation we did put "Adult reception to follow" and we called our families with younger children and explained that kids were not invited to the party but offered to help find babysitters (some friends do this for a living) and other accommodations. In most situations the parents were happy that they would have a kid free evening and finding a sitter wasn't difficult. Family from out of town who were not comfortable leaving their kids with a sitter they didn't know, chose not to make the trip.

Do what works for you. Hold your ground. If you buckle for a niece then you have to follow suite for other nieces and nephews, etc. People will understand if it's immediate family.

kitty48328

I am planning an adult only reception.

I will allow children at the ceremony, but the reception cards clearly state "adult only reception". 

The children who will be in the wedding (flower girls, ring bearer) will be allowed at the reception for dinner and pictures only. 

Since we will be having guest from out of town who may be traveling with their children, we plan on  a "childrens' reception" which will be basically a babysitting service with dinner and for the OUT OF TOWN guests.

Kiterina

Yeah, I definately don't think there is anything wrong in the choice to not have children there on YOUR day.  Keeping them entertained is a big issue, because I have learned that a bored kid is an annoying kid.  There are a few exceptions but very rarely have I found a child under the age of 12 that didn't let everyone know when he or she was bored.  Also, if you don't set aside some time and effort for children's entertainment then I don't think it's really all that fair to the children who have to sit through 6+ hours of boredom, and more than likely, getting yelled at for trying to have some fun that just isn't appropriate at an event such as this.

I do understand why a lot of parents who read this get upset about the safety issues.  Yes, on a normal day, any good parent could keep their child under control and safe at a beach setting.  But in my experience, at a wedding, especially if you are close to the bride and groom, you are very distracted, trying to help them out or talk to them.  It's not the area, it just the combination of the dangerous area and a distracted parent that could lead to trouble.  I can see her point.

We made the decision to not have very many kids in our wedding and reception.  The only kids allowed at the wedding are the kids that are involved in the wedding (My nephew is the ring bearer, his niece is the flower girl) but we've also made it clear the parents that they are more than welcome to stay for the dinner, but afterwards we ask that a baby-sitter take them home (after all, most of these kid's bedtimes are around 8pm, I don't want to keep them up until midnight)  I told the parents the situation straight-forward and they were all very understanding.

For the rest of guests I will word the invitation with only their names (and may just add that part of about "two seats in your honor", very classy and subtle but gets the point across well), and honestly, if anyone gets angry, I don't really care.  If they do not want to attend, then I'm a bit disappointed to not have them there, but it won't stop me from enjoying my wedding.

CLSchramm

I haven't read others responses, but you can't put anything about children only. Spread it word of mouth, put only the names of those invited on the invitation, and put "we have reserved 'x' amount of seats for you and your party" on the response cards. With it being a DW I wouldn't worry too much about people bringing their children.

defstar82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adult-only-reception-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:643e82d5-6136-4935-9002-ae9dfe0c52acPost:ae9b9953-de18-4ae9-9230-9d2361eb3fc9">Re: Adult only reception</a>:
[QUOTE]How so?  Because I'm using contextual clues?  OP could have simply asked how to word an invite for a kid-free wedding.  Instead, she decided it was necessary to inform everyone that 1) they aren't "kid people" and 2) they don't want crying kids interrupting their ceremony.  Oh yeah, and BTW, there's going to be strangers and water, and beer, oh my! 
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

wow, someone's a LITTLE touchy about kids huh? apparently this is a really personal issue for you. did someone accuse you of being a bad parent or something? your sarcasm in that reply was seriously uncalled for. Rude.

WebbEmly2

Hey All,

I too am doing an Adults only ceremony and not b/c I am not a "kid person."  I have 4 neices and a nephew and my siblings are well aware that these little bundles of joy are not welcome!  They are very well behaved kids and fairly young at that and therefore wont even remember the celebration if they did attend.  I personally feel that weddings are no place for children and since we have open bar and cocktails during our outside ceremony, I really want the adults to enjoy themselves and not feel like they have to hold back b/c of children being around.  To further promote my Adults only theme, I have no flower girl or ring bearer...I mean you can't have kids in the wedding party and then tell people "Hey you can't bring your kids!"  I know that it is our wedding, but hey we shouldn't be hypocrites.  If people don't come due to not being able to bring their kids, than that is just more room and food for the other guest!  Enjoy yourself ladies and make the most of your day!!

defstar82

and to the OP, I'm totally on the same page as you. a screaming, crying baby or a yelling, fidgety toddler would be the epitome of annoying at my ceremony. i'd agree by saying to only put the parents names on the invites, although some parents seem to think that their child is automatically included. if that happens, awkward phone call coming up...

joie2809

I think that if you wanna have an adult only reception you should be able to do so. My fi and I decided to do the same thing, not because we don;t like kids, we love them. We just wanted the adults to be able to have fun and not worry about the kids. We do have kids in our ceremony, 6 of them, who will  be staying for dinner at the reception and than leaving. we are having a pretty informal wedding so I did put in on my invite. I did it to say " adult only outdoor reception to follow ceremony" 
Good luck 

WebbEmly2

Just another tidbit...As far as wording, I put the usual space for names, accept or deny, and an additional line for the number of adults attending.  I put my wedding website on my invites which specifically stated that no children are allowed to attend the ceremony.  I also did not address any envelopes with "and family" as this does imply children and whom ever else.  I am to get married Sept 3rd and thus far no one has called and asked if their kids can come.  However, my siblings have been pretty good about telling people...hey if my kids are not coming...neither our yours!  Not in a bitter or rude way, but hey that is what she wants and we will make sure that you follow through.  It is good to have a strong support system on this one as some people will feel jaded and try to project that on to you.

FoxPol

has anyone thought to put an age limit on the children attending?  I got an invitation one time that said something to the effect of "Though we love and appreciate each and every one of you, we ask that only children 13 and up attend our special day."  I thought it was ingenious, because we have some people in our family with toddlers who do not know the meaning of "no" and who are very disrespectful.  I think for mine, I will just have a game room and baby sitters set up for all kids, I never liked going to weddings as a kid because the adults could have all the fun and we were just made to sit at the table and behave.

liv1082

I agree!! It's the day you have always dreamed of and no one should make you feel guilty about having a wedding that you want to have! 

I am an extremely huge kid person! I have wanted kids all my life and can't wait to start trying to have them but for my wedding i am opting out of inviting kids unless they are in the wedding. We have a lot of kids in our family and a lot of friends with kids and they would literally take up half the guest list and double our wedding cost. I don't think its about whether or not you are a kid person, it's more about what you want your wedding atmosphere to be like. 

jmbagnall

Hey!

My fiance and I felt the same way about our wedding ceremony and reception.  We also accepted this would make some angry and some opt out and we were okay with that.  We addressed the envelope to those that were invited and we also included inserts in each of the invitations that had hotel information, things to do in our town, and information about the rehearsal and extra details about parking for ceremony and reception etc.  At the bottom of the informational sheet we said "Please respect our wish to have an adult only event".  No one has complained to us, and perhaps they gripe when we don't hear it, but so far everyone has made accomodation to our request.  Good Luck-it's your day-do it your way!

kam357

I'm planning my wedding for next July and I LOVE kids - but sadly we can't have children at the reception because of cost and the capacity of the venue. I'm already hearing that people are planning their trips up with the kids and I'm having super anxiety. I hate letting people down, but we're going to address the invitations to just the parents and see what happens. As for the following comment:

So just enroll your MOH to make phone calls to those people who have rudely RSVP'd with people not on the invite, or with kids. She can gently inform them that the guest list is firm and there are no expectations.

I think that's a bit much to put on your MOH - she doesn't know these people and if you would like to not invite children you should be able to tell people yourself.

Good luck!

PattyD6

We are just resolving a similiar issue and have some things you may want to consider when you send out the invitations and in spreading the word.  We followed "proper" etiquette that was suggested by the Miss Manner's etiquette book for weddings and address the invitations to  Mr. and Mrs. and did not include childrens' names or " & family."  However, several guests decided to reply that they were bringing their children, which of course set off a whole chain of events and has caused us a lot of stress and frustration. I would suggest you make it as clear as you can to as many people as possible that it is an adult only event- even if it's just by word of mouth- tell as many people as possible. Some people do put "Adults only" on the invitation, though etiquette books say that it is rude. However, in dealing with our current RSVP situation, it seems we are the only ones who care about following eitiquettte and being polite, so frankly if we could re-do the invitations I would DEFINITELY put it on there- regardless of what Emily Post says.

jacandmic

I'm having the same situation in just 6 short weeks. We have a small ceremony and recaption venue and there simply isn't room for 100+ families of 4. So, we are calling everyone that RSVP's with more than expected to explain. 

For the Alter servers, flower girls and ring bearer we are having a pizza party at a separate venue.

Hope this helped!