I need some help.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:33a65dd3-8cf1-458b-ac43-16e05f1ab38b">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]His reasoning today, LC, is he's too tired. He didn't get any sleep tonight. He is having a bad day and work and he doesn't want to go. If you ask me tomorrow, it'll be a different response :)
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but that's bullshit.  When your marriage is on the line, and your wife is talking about leaving you, you go even if you're having a bad day and are tired.  He's obviously not taking this too seriously.

pumpkinpumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:593d66bf-bfce-474a-937e-5ff8acee3b6e">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]He's refusing counseling. I knew he would.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry sweetie, but that's SUCH a huge sign.
Does he think you won't leave him? Does he think that you're bluffing??

jasmineh7777

You shouldn't have to beg him to do this Whit. He is being so selfish.

Stackeye210

He's probably not too tired fro bull riding. 

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:33a65dd3-8cf1-458b-ac43-16e05f1ab38b">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]His reasoning today, LC, is he's too tired. He didn't get any sleep tonight. He is having a bad day and work and he doesn't want to go. If you ask me tomorrow, it'll be a different response :)
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]
Oh good lord. I'm sorry :( Obviously, you're tired, and emotionally drained as well. But that doesn't stop you from wanting to save your marriage. I can't believe he's not taking every available avenue to work this out with you.

I would also like to reitterate what Pirata said. You are handling this so gracefully and maturely and sensibly. Honestly, I'm amazed. And pretty sure I would've already lost my shite at this point. You're going to come to the right decision, and whatever that is, you'll be better for it.

eastunder1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:0d5af195-4ae0-4a0c-b401-98d865af9927">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need some help. : No relationship should ever have to be like this. He should WANT to work with you.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

THIS.  He should not be dragged kicking and screaming to work out his marriage.  Its his MARRIAGE.  He should be doing whatever it takes right now, because he should be scared of losing it.   I mean Whit, do you want to be married to someone that you have to convince them to care about it?  I can't imagine how much that would hurt. 

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:2e598588-1f9b-4fdb-bbcd-0611a7924b69">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry this is happening. Maybe if a separation happens and he suddenly doesn't have you to pay the bills he'll wake up? :( Good luck.
Posted by Krysti21[/QUOTE]


What?

She ain't his money tree.

vallyhoo

I'm having a hard time imagining what your Pastor will say when only you show up for counseling

mwhitson14

P2, I don't think he does realize that I'm serious. Which is why I'm gonna stay somewhere else for the weekend. Thanks LC. I AM drained. I've been up til 2am the past two nights crying my eyes out and then going to two jobs. And it hurts me that he won't even make an effort to come.

mocha beans

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:33a65dd3-8cf1-458b-ac43-16e05f1ab38b">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]His reasoning today, LC, is he's too tired. He didn't get any sleep tonight. He is having a bad day and work and he doesn't want to go. If you ask me tomorrow, it'll be a different response :)
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

But I'm sure if someone called and asked him to go riding, he'd *suddenly* have the energy for it.  Fuuck him.

pumpkinpumpkin

P2, I don't think he does realize that I'm serious. Which is why I'm gonna stay somewhere else for the weekend.

Hopefully that does it for him then. He can see that you're serious. It pains me to see how disrespectful he's been to you.

mwhitson14

I know vally. He's going to say exactly what you guys are saying. Especially east. I have a feeling he's going to quote her verbatim

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:50497300-1ed1-4a77-bd45-e7e45604e22e">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need some help. : THIS.  He should not be dragged kicking and screaming to work out his marriage.  Its his MARRIAGE.  He should be doing whatever it takes right now, because he should be scared of losing it.   I mean Whit, do you want to be married to someone that you have to convince them to care about it?  I can't imagine how much that would hurt. 
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]


Ditto.

kikibaby

AUGH!  I want to come down there and punch him in the throat.  Too tired?  Too TIRED?  Gosh, how sad.  You should tell him you're pretty fucking tired from working 3 jobs to support his arse.

AmoroAgain

*starts booking tickets for an ass-kicking*

Whit, I hate for you that he's being such a dickwad.  To reiterate what others have said, when faced with the possibility of his marriage ending, he should WANT to do anything and everything to fix it.  Bastard.

Mrs.B6302007

Dear Mr. Whit,

Tired.  Lazy. 
In case you're confused, there is a difference between the two.
Your picture is next to lazy in the dictionary.
And next to a few other words as well.

Sincerely,
Mrs. B

JessAndTrav

Let's get the E-Mafia together. Seriously.

I can't believe that he's "too tired."

Oh, Whit. I want to hug you right now.

kikibaby

He's going to come home tomorrow to a lineup of angry Knotties in the front yard.  I'll bring the pitchforks.

janedoe1113a

Screw him.  If he doesn't want to work to fix your marriage then he doesn't deserve you.  You deserve so much better girl!

eastunder1

I'm so sorry to have to say this Whit, but I think the fact that you have said to him "I am seriously considering leaving you and ending our marriage.  We need to go talk to our Pastor today because this marriage is in crisis.  We need help NOW or this is going to end." and his response was "I'm too tired"  tells you all you need to know. 

Again, I'm so sorry.  You're a lovely girl and you don't deserve this. 

lgeldermann

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:f144f184-e300-4759-83fb-b33f1cdad94f">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm glad you're going to talk to your Pastor. I've got very similar values, although I'm Catholic. I think that in cases such as this, divorce is not in any way a sin. He is not fulfilling his promises.
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]


I'm so sorry for everything you're going through and I agree your husband sounds like he is being a total jerk and so unbelievably hurtful to you.  But I just have to disagree that divorce is ever ok.  Get some time apart, separate your finances, even let him leave if he needs to, but you made a promise to yourself, to him, and to God to stay together for better or worse.  "Worse" can look pretty bleak, but I'm sure the vow doesn't just contemplate them leaving the lid up on the toilet seat, and the promise isn't conditioned on his fulfiling his end of the bargain.  I'm not saying that it's easy, or that things won't get worse, but even if everything falls apart, you'll still know that you did what was right before God.  Plus, I just don't think I could ever give up hope.  People go through all sorts of changes and phases in their lives, some moments shittier than others.  If we knew the history of all the old couples we know who have been married like a hundred years and are totally in love, we might find that a lot of them have been to hell and back in their own relationships.  I know my own parents and those of good friends all went through pretty bleak phases in their own marriages, sometimes lasting as long as a few years.

Like I said, get some space or let him even leave for a while, but don't give up.  I will pray for you and hope that things get better.

laurenclaire1386

Yeah, I'm down with joining the Knottie Mob Squad. I'm really angry on your behalf.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:a387f3b2-a11e-4bc7-ad1e-de3597875eff">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry to have to say this Whit, but I think the fact that you have said to him "I am seriously considering leaving you and ending our marriage.  We need to go talk to our Pastor today because this marriage is in crisis.  We need help NOW or this is going to end." and his response was "I'm too tired"  tells you all you need to know.  Again, I'm so sorry.  You're a lovely girl and you don't deserve this. 
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

This, exactly.

[Deleted User]

i sent op to h, all outraged. this was his response::

------------------------------------------------------
bullshit!
 
that's just a load of bull!!
maybe if she became bullemic he'd more attracted to her?
 
he sounds like a real bully...
 
she'd better not cowtow to him!
 
i hope y'all can steer her straight!

squirrly

Whit, I'm going to throw this out there. . . what if your pastor isn't so progressive and supportive?  I, personally, have had a couple of really bad experiences with ministers (which is the biggest part of why I consider myself agnostic today).  I'm really worried that your pastor may not be an impartial counselor for you.  Do you have any alternatives?  Anyone who isn't going to be biased with religion?  I don't mean to be offensive, but I'm worried that he may take the "submit to your husband" comment way too seriously, and I think you deserve someone who is truly impartial.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:4a17b862-45e7-4bd1-94e5-95e537bdd300">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]Whit, I'm going to throw this out there. . . what if your pastor isn't so progressive and supportive?  I, personally, have had a couple of really bad experiences with ministers (which is the biggest part of why I consider myself agnostic today).  I'm really worried that your pastor may not be an impartial counselor for you.  Do you have any alternatives?  Anyone who isn't going to be biased with religion?  I don't mean to be offensive, but I'm worried that he may take the "submit to your husband" comment way too seriously, and I think you deserve someone who is truly impartial.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Oh man, I've been thinking this too.  I know a lady who was told she'd be shunned from the church if she left her abusive, alcoholic husband.

Pirata13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:44884af4-5906-4762-ae2a-87ad5b9febe5">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need some help. : I'm so sorry for everything you're going through and I agree your husband sounds like he is being a total jerk and so unbelievably hurtful to you.  But I just have to disagree that divorce is ever ok.  Get some time apart, separate your finances, even let him leave if he needs to, but you made a promise to yourself, to him, and to God to stay together for better or worse.  "Worse" can look pretty bleak, but I'm sure the vow doesn't just contemplate them leaving the lid up on the toilet seat, and the promise isn't conditioned on his fulfiling his end of the bargain.  I'm not saying that it's easy, or that things won't get worse, but even if everything falls apart, you'll still know that you did what was right before God.  Plus, I just don't think I could ever give up hope.  People go through all sorts of changes and phases in their lives, some moments shittier than others.  If we knew the history of all the old couples we know who have been married like a hundred years and are totally in love, we might find that a lot of them have been to hell and back in their own relationships.  I know my own parents and those of good friends all went through pretty bleak phases in their own marriages, sometimes lasting as long as a few years. Like I said, get some space or let him even leave for a while, but don't give up.  I will pray for you and hope that things get better.
Posted by lgeldermann[/QUOTE]

You've got to be EFFING kidding me. Whit, I know you are a very religious person and faithful, but please do not think you have to put up with disrespect and verbal abuse --and be afraid he will HIT you. 

[Deleted User]

also, i agree with both east and squirrly.

bel138

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:44884af4-5906-4762-ae2a-87ad5b9febe5">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need some help. : I'm so sorry for everything you're going through and I agree your husband sounds like he is being a total jerk and so unbelievably hurtful to you.  But I just have to disagree that divorce is ever ok.  Get some time apart, separate your finances, even let him leave if he needs to, but you made a promise to yourself, to him, and to God to stay together for better or worse.  "Worse" can look pretty bleak, but I'm sure the vow doesn't just contemplate them leaving the lid up on the toilet seat, and the promise isn't conditioned on his fulfiling his end of the bargain.  I'm not saying that it's easy, or that things won't get worse, but even if everything falls apart, you'll still know that you did what was right before God.  Plus, I just don't think I could ever give up hope.  People go through all sorts of changes and phases in their lives, some moments shittier than others.  If we knew the history of all the old couples we know who have been married like a hundred years and are totally in love, we might find that a lot of them have been to hell and back in their own relationships.  I know my own parents and those of good friends all went through pretty bleak phases in their own marriages, sometimes lasting as long as a few years. Like I said, get some space or let him even leave for a while, but don't give up.  I will pray for you and hope that things get better.
Posted by lgeldermann[/QUOTE]

WTF? I will be one of the first to defend the sanctity of marriage, but there is a reason that annullments exist. Honestly, I think she has ground here. So yes, him not holding up his end of the bargain 2 months into marriage, possibly going into marriage knowing that this was his intention IS a reason to get out.

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:4a17b862-45e7-4bd1-94e5-95e537bdd300">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]Whit, I'm going to throw this out there. . . what if your pastor isn't so progressive and supportive?  I, personally, have had a couple of really bad experiences with ministers (which is the biggest part of why I consider myself agnostic today).  I'm really worried that your pastor may not be an impartial counselor for you.  Do you have any alternatives?  Anyone who isn't going to be biased with religion?  I don't mean to be offensive, but I'm worried that he may take the "submit to your husband" comment way too seriously, and I think you deserve someone who is truly impartial.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I know that i personally wouldn't see a pastor who didn't share my basic beliefs. I know exactly who I would go to if I were in her shoes, and he is a pastor, but I trust and value his opinion.