I need some help.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:ae785aa8-0223-4525-b753-2997d80c59dc">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need some help. : There is nothing funny about the situation, but I have to admit that this made me snort. 
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
agree - situation isn't funny at all.

crfische

Marriages licenses come with restraining orders in Gelderman's county. Just in case.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:e3e289a1-69be-4d25-b30d-52789034c54f">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need some help. : That's not really what I said.  Of course protect yourself and look out for your physical safety if you really think he is going to be abusive.  And I actually mentioned twice in the post two get some distance and space, not to put up with disrespect or be strong.
Posted by lgeldermann[/QUOTE]

What you said is that divorce is not okay but you're okay with her living separately.  That makes zero sense and is rather hypocritical.  What's she supposed to do?  Never be able to have a relationship with another man because she is married to a self-centered jerk?

arthomas82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:18f144fd-7546-44c4-9257-305eac93976e">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]lgeldermann, don't you have somewhere to be?  like mass or something. go piss up a rope.  (god told me to tell you that, i couldn't help myself.  i had to do right by him)
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

Lol my words exactly.

goheels05

Religious beliefs aside, comparing what Whit is putting up with to "leaving the seat up" is fucking insulting and trivializing.  She is busting her ass and doing all of the work in a relationship and her husband may fully intend to just hang around and mooch off her for as long as she will put up with him.  He could ruin her financially and make her miserable for the rest of her life.  Do you really believe that's what God wants for anyone?  People like you give the rest of us a bad name. 

mandapanda78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:44884af4-5906-4762-ae2a-87ad5b9febe5">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need some help. : I'm so sorry for everything you're going through and I agree your husband sounds like he is being a total jerk and so unbelievably hurtful to you.  But I just have to disagree that divorce is ever ok.  Get some time apart, separate your finances, even let him leave if he needs to, but you made a promise to yourself, to him, and to God to stay together for better or worse.  "Worse" can look pretty bleak, but I'm sure the vow doesn't just contemplate them leaving the lid up on the toilet seat, and<strong> the promise isn't conditioned on his fulfiling his end of the bargain</strong>.  I'm not saying that it's easy, or that things won't get worse, but even if everything falls apart, you'll still know that you did what was right before God.  Plus, I just don't think I could ever give up hope.  People go through all sorts of changes and phases in their lives, some moments shittier than others.  If we knew the history of all the old couples we know who have been married like a hundred years and are totally in love, we might find that a lot of them have been to hell and back in their own relationships.  I know my own parents and those of good friends all went through pretty bleak phases in their own marriages, sometimes lasting as long as a few years. Like I said, get some space or let him even leave for a while, but don't give up.  I will pray for you and hope that things get better.
Posted by lgeldermann[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's not? Really? Cause I thought marriage was a partnership. I thought that's why BOTH people had to show up and willingly commit themselves. If it's not a promise contingent on the other person keeping up their end, then marriage must be something entirely different from what I thought it was. 

</div>

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:558c03cf-0ba2-4097-9195-8f7efb0b2281">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I love what the men are saying.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

I havnt told my husband yet, but I already know what he would say. My husbands DREAM is to be a comic artist - is that practical? HELL NO! Do most people make much money doing it? HELL NO!! and that is why he is struggling, working a full time job AND spending all of his free time going after his dream so that he can still atleast get there one day. He does that because he has responsibilities and he knows thats how life works.

I hate your husband so fucking much whit, im sorry but I really do right now.

mandysmear

Well said Heels.  I was going to say, that people like her make religious people and religion look bad.  I am far from religious, so the comment infuriated me as a non-religious person.  Although if I was religious, I think it would infuriate me even more.  Gelgermann is a twatwaffle.

And sorry but, OWN, you made me howl.  (sorry whit.  this isn't a funny matter.  but, i laugh at inappropriate times)

I want to rip your husband's moustache off. 

JessAndTrav

OWN, every time I see his picture I'm going to think of that now.

jasmineh7777

I am a religious person, and LG, Jesus thinks you're being a judgmental ass. He told me so.
The point of marriage is to let yourself be treated badly, and live apart if necessary? I think not. I sincerely hope that you are never in a situation that might warrant divorce.

missy68

gelderhooha reminded me of when I told my xMIL I was separating from her son. She asked me if I thought it was what God wanted. I said I felt pretty sure God didn't want me to continue to feel the way I felt the rest of my life the way I'd been feeling, and if it was an issue, it was mine to deal with.

Then the ex brought out the "you're breaking the vows we made in front of God and our families and friends!" My response; well then you're in the clear - I'll be the one going to hell, not you.

mwhitson14

It's ok to hate him. I kinda hate him too. And it's ok to laugh, and I appreciate the thoughts of torture it makes me laugh too.

vallyhoo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:eb0f7fdf-2daa-452b-8723-6b65a215a7f7">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]gelder<strong>hooha</strong> reminded me of when I told my xMIL I was separating from her son. She asked me if I thought it was what God wanted.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

hey hey now!

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:eb0f7fdf-2daa-452b-8723-6b65a215a7f7">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]gelderhooha reminded me of when I told my xMIL I was separating from her son. She asked me if I thought it was what God wanted. I said I felt pretty sure God didn't want me to continue to feel the way I felt the rest of my life the way I'd been feeling, and if it was an issue, it was mine to deal with. <strong>Then the ex brought out the "you're breaking the vows we made in front of God and our families and friends!" My response; well then you're in the clear - I'll be the one going to hell, not you.</strong>
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]


I love you.

salt78

Dear Geldermann:

JessAndTrav

Salt, FTW!

JHS16

Whit, I don't post often, but I want you to know that I wholeheartedly agree with you.  That said, I also feel compelled to share some legal information regarding the financial obligations in your state (I presume it is TN?) 

http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/tennessee.shtml

I'm licensed to practice family law in both Washington and Ohio, so I'm somewhat familiar with general divorce rules.  As I feared, you likely would be liable for his continuing debts while you are still married, regardless of whose name it is under.  If you read the Property Distribution, both assets AND debts are divided "equitably," which is a legal term for "discretion of the judge."  Since you are the only spouse with income(s), a judge MAY order you to pay his bills.  I just want to give you a heads up so you can decide to end things sooner, rather than later, IF it came to that.  I wish you luck and feel free to PM me if you have any questions.  One of my former law school classmates is licensed in TN so I could refer you to her if you wish.  

sarabellam

Whit, hugs to you. Like others, I am so sorry that you are going through this because of the immature decisions of an asshat. Don't be ashamed of getting out of a 2 month marriage. If you thought he was going to hit you, that is reason enough to leave.

akhensley81

I caught this thread wayy late... I have nothing to add but whit, I just wanted to say I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers.

mwhitson14

Thanks hensley. I'm still reading.

dmbdbk

I'm really sorry. I don't have any advice that hasn't already been given, and you've given me some good advice in the past. Good luck and try to put yourself first, because it sounds like you don't do that enough.

mwhitson14

JHS16, I'm going to try for an annullment, but if you will PM me with that info, that'd be great. And poli, thank you for the website.

AdeleDazeem

Whit - I don't post here often, but I have read this entire thread.  I'm so sorry for you.  I hope things work out the way that they should - whatever that course may be.  I know you'll do the right and best thing for you.  And, I want to echo what other people have said on here: you're handling this with a far clearer, rational head that I would ever be able to muster at this point.

Best of luck to you.  *hugs*

jamiefour

I am so sorry to read all of this Whit.  You are being very level headed in this whole situation and I commend you for that.  I hope everything works out for you.

shellydiane820

I am sort of late in this discussion but I'm adding my 2 cents anyway.

I think he sounds like he's having a midlife crisis or something.  You're not being unreasonable at all.  I think its great you're going to talk to someone. 

Was he like this before the wedding too?  Just out of curiosity.  Maybe you already acknowledged that.  I only skimmed through the posts.  It just seems weird that he's all the sudden being a nutjob.

mwhitson14

Shelly, he's not been as intense about it.

[Deleted User]

Hugs to you, Whit. It looks like you've gotten great advice, so I have really nothing to add other than to tell you that I, too, broke up with my first husband after being married for only a few months. And while I regret the hell out of the fact that I married him in the first place, I am so thankful that I made the decision to leave sooner rather than later.

ootmother2

whit,

PM

andy71781

I just read through this thread again after having been gone all day and I just want to tell you that a lot of knotties love you and are supporting you and you will get through this.  I think annullment is the way to go - it seems like you've discovered you married a different person.  I am so sorry that this happened. 

And in response to the twatfwaffle that said divorce is not ever ok I'd like to channel Dr. Phil and say that the only thing worse than being in an unhappy marriage for 2 months is being in an unhappy marriage for 2 months and a day. 

J&K10910

Whit...I have no advice or anything to add after 11 pages, but I'm so sorry to hear about this.  He's being a big jerk, and I really hope that everything works out for the best, whatever that may be.  *hugs*