What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?

js1128

We've tried our best to follow "the rules" - but we're approaching it from as logical and common sense a standpoint as possible. The things that pop into mind are...

Originally, we were considering not hiring a shuttle bus to ferry guests between the hotel and the church where the ceremony & (dry) reception are being held (it's about a 30-minute drive). However, we've since decided to at least look into the possibility of getting one if it isn't too outrageously overpriced. (Question. Do you think it would be rude if we were to give shuttle priority to the guests from out of town who do not have cars - either rental or their own - and ask those who do have cars to please drive?)

As for the reception, it's going to be a big dry church dinner. About 60% of the reception guests will be my parents' friends, who don't drink (in public anyway), so we're saving the official after-party invitations for those friends and family whom we know don't have a problem with alcohol consumption. My parents' friends will not only understand this policy, but also expect it, so we don't see it as a big faux pas.

We're not doing guest favors, and there will be no dancing at the reception (though there will be a DJ at the post-reception bar venue). I think that's it...

KKFCF611

I actually don't know anything about the etiquette rules. I'm not having any alcohol in my wedding (sparkling cider toast) and since we're having our wedding on the beach, we may even make shoes optional. We're thinking of having an in n' out picnic instead of a buffet or sit down service for the reception. I'm even leaning toward E-vites for the weddings (we're doing two), but my fiance talked me out of that one. 

melryan1224

oh yea, I printed directly onto the envelopes..it looks very nice.

AND NO ONE except the wedding party gets a +1 (even family) unless we know the person or they are married.

alisonmills22

We are having a 1 hour gap between the end of the reception, and when the buses will be collecting guests at prearranged pickup points (big drinkers in our crowd, better to be safe than sorry!), 2 hours total from the end of the ceremony to the start of the cocktail hour. (BUT the reception hall has a pre-cocktail hour room for any guests arriving early!)

We are only inviting people with guests if they co-habitate, are engaged, or are married.

Printed labels on the invitations.

princess9835

We're having a gap for pics, i pretty much figure that's the norm now and given the fact that the last wedding we ent to had us waiting 3hrs for the couple to finally arrive, i dont think people would mind waiting like an hour to start the cocktail hour.

And, we're not doing a receiving line - those always werid me out for some reason. maybe bc we've been to weddings lately where I only know the bride or the groom and i think hugging random family members or attendents is weird. but none the less, i put my foot down despite ALL of the parent's objections - no receiving line (they can go shake hands for an hour if they want but I'm not interested!!)

harribro

I think I pretty much broke every rule and I dont feel bad about for four reasons:
1.  I am paying for this by myself
2.  Me, my bridesmaids, family members, and friends all work full time jobs so I only have so much time to get everything done
and 3.  People seem to have an opinion whether I follow the rules or not
and 4. I am paying for this by myself.
Here a list of rules I broke:
I didnt hand write the invitations-I used address labels
I have a gap between ceremony and reception
I am only serving beer and wine-but its free for guests
I have B list-which co-workers-I work with like 100 pple so no invites to co-workers until family and friends have rsvp'd
Some of the gifts I am getting the bride maids include jewelry but I got them other stuff so not soo bad I guess
I registered for board games and camping supplies
We are having the reception in are back yard and having a bon-fire
Im doing a dollar dance too
there is probably more I am missing
I guess the reason I am breaking all the rules is because I am trying to do the best that I can with the situation I have or have no wedding at all.
I guess I am going to wedding ettiquette hell-maybe they will roast me alive in my white dress over the bon fire!

Boy it feels good to get that off my chest-whooh...

robbinrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ettiquette-rules-breaking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76d51ea3-385e-47a6-97ef-11cf2f618582Post:247b63f4-d04d-4d8a-ada4-9d3517427bef">Re: What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I have broken every ettigueette rule. Im sorry but this is OUR wedding not YOUR wedding. It is to make us happy and celebrate our love. So I am doing what makes us happy. We rented a hall that allows outside food and drinks. <strong>So we are buying kegs and liquor and charging 1.00 for each drink.</strong> For food we have a friend that is a caterer and he volinteered to help (not cater ) the event so were buying stuff for a deli buffet. Everything in this wedding reflects the way we are  not the way we are supposed to be. We have shot glass favors and beer mugs instead of champane glasses.... We may offend a few people with our views but hey why should we act like people who we are not the day we get married just to make other people happy?
Posted by ksinnott[/QUOTE]

Are you serious? Around here you can buy kegs for less than $1/drink, I sure hope you will not be making money on this. You know you have to have a liquor license to SELL alcohol, right? Regardless of etiquette, you could get into serious trouble especially if someone gets hurt or drive drunk.

If I were at a reception where the hosts bought the alcohol and sold it back to me, I would probalby get my gift and leave (I guess one reason not to ship your gift beforehand).

gypsyflower

We are paying for wine/beer and non-alcoholic beverages for the entire evening. Cash bar for anything else. We are paying for most of the wedding ourselves, so we had to make that decision.

As for the b-maid gifts, a friend of mine is a jewelry designer and I am giving each of my girls a pair of earrings - they can choose to wear them for the wedding or not. But they are beautiful and each pair is unique.

undertheson

I'm actually breaking several ettiquette rules if this board is correct...

• No open bar, no cash bar, no alcohol at all! Our reception site requires us to hire their bartender  and buy their alcohol which is more expensive than our caterers prices... also, we have several friends that just would go to town on the free booze (in a bad way, 'cause of alchoholism).
• No RSVPs by mail... we're getting everyone to RSVP through either the internet or by phone. (To save money)

Oh well...

alyssa*t*robot

Sunday wedding. Nuff said.

kiavera

i am not really breaking any etiquette rules..but I am sick of hearing about them...the bottom lines is make your guests comfortable and enjoy your day.  Certain things about etiquette I believe are very endearing but if you don't follow them to a tee so what...btw way the post about kicking ppl out halfway thru so you don't run out of cake... LOVIN IT...cakes are expensive!!!! LOL

dianna609

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ettiquette-rules-breaking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76d51ea3-385e-47a6-97ef-11cf2f618582Post:7b94fe57-c203-453c-9793-1392f8cd7b4b">Re: What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're: *registering for a Honeymoon only...forget gifts, we want a vacation! *having fishies as centerpieces *hosting a cash only bar...geez, I'm not made of money people *no food--people can starve, it's ok. *Requiring guests to wear bright yellow or baby puke green...it's MY pretty pretty princess day dammit! *saying there is no food and we only want cash for our honeymoon, on the invites...at least I'm letting them KNOW. *having a 5 hour gap for pictures and so my wedding party can get crunk. ..........to each her own, right?! ETA: I almost forgot, we're considering kicking people out halfway through the reception...I don't want to run out of cake.
Posted by future-mrs[/QUOTE]

That's freaking hilarious... as long as you are kidding.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

ksinnott

no fun

princess9835

that's actually one of the biggest things i've noticed -  its usally right around when the cash bar starts and the food is almost done that people leave. If I'm paying for this place for 5 hrs, I want people to enjoy it for 5 hrs!! We're having a 5hr open bar and the only people we were worried couldn't control themselves have alreadybeen warned (a year in advance)

LauraM737

I never heard that a honeymoon registry was against eqituette.  I just decided to do one, and I think it's a great idea.  People give you cash basically, but they know what it's going towards, and it's something they can feel good about.  We can do some extras on our honeymoon that we may not have been able to do otherwise.

I printed my STD's, but am planning on handwriting invites.  No double envelope.  Registry info on the website only, website on the STD's.  Not sure if I should add a card again with what the website is in the invites, but I may have to do that for a few who didn't get STD's.

No gap between ceremony & reception (they are at the same venue).  But as far as I know, it's not a faux pas if it is for travel time, or you make other arrangements (such as the bride who said people can go to her parents' in between).

Open bar.  Funny that some people's parens had a stipulation they couldn't have an open bar.  My future MIL made it a stipulation that we had to have one.

I often feel like I am bending over backwards for people with some of the other stuff I'm doing (hotel blocks, shuttle to/from the reception, welcome bags), I don't think I'll worry about the honeymoon registry!

trinalo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ettiquette-rules-breaking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76d51ea3-385e-47a6-97ef-11cf2f618582Post:6c05ed9c-06b3-4a20-ad1e-7a6be2805b53">Re: What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking? : Are you serious? Around here you can buy kegs for less than $1/drink, I sure hope you will not be making money on this. You know you have to have a liquor license to SELL alcohol, right? Regardless of etiquette, you could get into serious trouble especially if someone gets hurt or drive drunk. If I were at a reception where the hosts bought the alcohol and sold it back to me, I would probalby get my gift and leave (I guess one reason not to ship your gift beforehand).
Posted by robbinrl[/QUOTE]

That blew my mind. I'd probably do the same.

Rules we're breaking:

We've invited some kids but not others. Fi's grandma sent us a typed list of names and addresses for her side of the family and next some of them she hand wrote "+ family" or "+ kids" or something to that effect. If Fi didn't know before then that said kids existed, they weren't invited. I would say that the same goes for my side of the family, but there's only 5 children on my side and I know them all.

We're providing our own alcohol (actually, we're buying wine and a friend who works for Northern Brewer is brewing us a couple kegs), so our bar is limited and when we run out, that's it. But it's all free.

We sent one invite per family household, even if it included adult children.

We didn't hand-write invitation labels.

RSVPs online or by phone only.

I didn't know before this thread that not having a champagne toast was breaking rules. Oops, we're not doing one.

bandchick17

Hey I have a blue dress and my mama is one of my bridesmaids. Also we are doing a soft serve machine instead of cake. You only get one time, hopefully, to do this, so to each their own. Have fun with it, it's your day.

shadowfish318

Our reception site only charges us $5 an hour per person for drinking so it is within a reasonable budget for us. Knowing the families... we are def. going to be making out on the deal!

stephaniejbass

FISHIES!  What kind of fishies!  What are you doing?  That's the best idea I have heard yet!

chiwawa

I've got quite a few.

I'm printing the invites.  I didn't even know it was an "etiquette issue," what with all the invitations that are customizable on your computer.  Plus, they'll be more likely to actually receive the invitation if it's printed and legible than if I address them by hand and they get misdirected. 

I'm including "No children" or"Adults only" (haven't decided which yet) and "semi-formal attire requested" on the invitations.  I hate children, and I don't want any at my wedding.  I know most people say to trust your guests to know that only the people whose names are listed on the invitation are invited, but I don't.  I don't want anyone assuming it's ok to just bring their toddlers.  Also, we want our wedding to be as fancy and elegant as possible.  We are having it in a friend's backyard due to budgetary necessity, and I want to get as far away from a "backyard BBQ" feel as possible.  I was appalled at a friend's wedding where half of the people there were in jeans.

We are having a 90 minute gap between the ceremony and the reception, BUT we are providing appetizers, wine, music, and a photo slideshow. 

Instead of buying gifts for my bridesmaids, I'm treating each of them to an hour massage, a manicure, and a facial.  

Hmm, I'm sure there are more but I can't think of them right now. 

stacymcmanemy

I am breaking tradition all over the place!
-We are having my fiance's best friend, and my ex-stepmother (who is amazing and I LOVE very much) marry us...they both got ordained.
-No beer or wine, just three served champagne toasts
-No dancing for guests, just me and my hunny, me and my dad, him and his mom
-Writing our own vows
-Having a friend play the guitar as I walk down the aisle
-No favors for guests
-Online RSVP's

We are getting married in Maui at an oceanside botanical garden...75 guests and lots of personal touches. It is truly MY wedding. Everything I wanted and no fluff. I can't wait!

abbiewebster

ok....so im a little confused is it bad etiquette to by your bridesmaids jewellery???if so why???

not that i have, not yet n e way im just curious.......and i dont really know the rules of wedding etiquette, but i handwrote and hand delivered most of my invites, no champagne toast-i hate champagne blerghh, free booze for everyone tho....my weddings very untraditional but i dont thinkim  being rude with any of my decisions soi hope im good.

melryan1224

harribro I love it!

I should add that as my reasoning.. I too am paying for this myself and can't believe how many opinions you get from people that are neither helping nor contributing financially..

One thing I cant stand is people offering to pay to invite guests that mean absolutely nothing to me just because they have been good to some other family member. WTH! NO! Luckily there is not enough room at our reception for such madness.

chiwawa

I thought of a few more.  ;-)

We're not assigning seats at the reception.  I'm reserving a table for the wedding party and their husbands & wives and a table for my parents, his dad, and his aunt & uncle who practically raised him.  Everyone else may sit wherever they like.  (As an aside to this, we're having a sweetheart table and a separate table for the wedding party & spouses instead of a big head table.  I think it's rude not to let your wedding party sit with their significant other, especially if the significant other doesn't know anyone else there.)

We are discussing buying a few cases of wine and paying a bartender to serve it between the ceremony and reception and at dinner.  If we can't afford it or decide not to, the only alcohol that will be provided is a champagne toast. 

We are using Bartenura Moscato for the champagne toast, because nobody we know actually likes champagne.  Moscato is sweet and yummy and still light, bubbly, and festive.

I told my bridesmaids to just buy or make (2 of 3 are seamstresses) a black dress they'll feel comfortable in that is tea length and tasteful.  We'll be adding emerald green underskirts and sashes to whatever they buy or make.

We're not having a bouquet toss or garter toss.  We don't expect many of our single friends to be able to show up (they all live far away and some are in the military), plus I hated being part of it at other weddings.  It's degrading somehow.

I'm buying my flowers from Trader Joe's and enlisting my bridesmaids to help bind the bouquets & make the buttonieres and corsages the night before.  (Bridesmaid is, after all, Latin for slave labor!) 

 

SerendipityD15

Our wedding is unconventional from the beginning so you could say I'm breaking all the rules...

*Ceremony is JUST PARENTS

*Reception #1 is family and the only alcohol we are serving is champagne for the toast (Dad is an alcoholic who still drinks, two aunts are alcoholics who have been sober for 15+ years, and my in-laws to be don't drink at all... no alcohol readily available is the best decision for us). There will be no band/DJ or dancing

*Reception #2 is just friends, 2 hours away from the ceremony and family reception and it's at a bar- we are DEFINITELY not paying for all of our crazy military and college friends to drink their faces off!! 

Josh and I would've just eloped if my parents wouldn't disown us but they want to put their daughter in a white wedding dress and celebrate so I'm standing by the whole "you're making me have this wedding, so we're doing it my way... nothing big or fancy!" Because of that, we threw the major traditions and "etiquette" out the window.

manders6

I have opted not to have an open bar. My future husband and I hardly drink alcohol so, I don't feel that it is my job to get people drunk at my own wedding. If it were completely up to me, and I felt like being completely rude to friends and family, I would have a dry wedding. The details are still fuzzy at this point, but we plan to provide soda and wine. There is a bar at our reception site but guest will have to pay their own way. People who wish to get drunk will do so regardless of whether or not there is free alcohol.

arffy916

We are doing lables for the invites because my FI and I have bad handwriting and no money for a calligrapher.
We are only hosting the cocktail hour for alcohol, the rest of the night will be cash bar but we do have to pay for the bartender the whole time.
We are doing a money dance. I'm not sure why this is an ettiquette thing not to do, every wedding I've been to has done them.  Plus it seems to be a long time tradition from what I hear. My mom has been a wedding coordinator for almost 30 years.
I'm giving my bridesmaids jewelry for gifts but it's all going to be individualized and something that they can wear any time not just for the wedding.  I've also told them this already and they haven't said anything. My MOH is actually excited and we are going to look for it when she comes out at the end of the month.
So far I think that's it.

Billie27

We are also having only open bar on beer and wine but the vast majority of our family and friends drink one or the other. And I'm giving my BM's jewelry to wear to the wedding but also personalized totes to carry that they will be able to use later if they don't like the jewelry.
I think alot of things are "old ettiquette" ideas as well but some of them are still special. Personally I will be hand writing my invites but I certainly don't think it's wrong to print them. I think it's personal preference.
My way of looking at it is that you have to have fun and make it your day while "trying" to be pleasant to your guests. If you can't please everyone, at least make sure you and your FI are happy. It should be a positive day all the way around and you should just try to stay away from anyone who tries to bring you down. Realize that their problems aren't yours and you have nothing to worry about!  I wish all of you happy weddings and blissful honeymoons!
And for the Ireland lovers...that's where we are going for the Honeymoon so I'm SUPER excited about that!

518countryTown

I'm taking all of my bridesmaids out the day before the wedding. We're all getting our manicures and pedicures together after lunch. For their gifts I'm giving them all gift certificates to the place we're going. Since money's a little tight for everyone I figured this would help them out and take some of the financial pressure off.

teenygiggles

I completely agree with you!!  We are not serving alcohol, because we do not drink, and we are having our reception at the church... doesn't work that way!

Good for you!!!