I am the mob and we are planning elegant evening wedding for my daughter. The bride/grooms families can invite app 60 people each One side of our family is huge. Many don't talk to each other and live all over the country. The other side is small and close. So we were going to invite imediate family plus our Aunts and Uncles but no cousins. In addition I'm inviting our close freinds but not their children unless they are extremely close to the bride or groom. The bride and groom can have whoever the want .
Here is the dilema. ALOT of these people have assumed thier grown children are going to be invited and have told us so ...or they mention how the " whole family" is going to need to travel to the wedding or some of our closest friends are assuming their entire family is invited. It's making us all uncomfortable
Should I say something now or should they find out when they don't get an invite
-sincerely,
can't win
Re: small guest list not inviting people who assume they are invited... what to say or do.
I wouldn't go out of your way to say anything, that's unnecessary. When they don't get an invite, they'll know.
Ditto Dani
[QUOTE]I am the mob!
Posted by ThePinkSuperhero[/QUOTE]
Hahah thats how I read it too
We too, had this issue. Family thinking they were coming and they aren't invited.
We did the following: at a family gathering on both sides of the family (mine was at Easter, his was at the annual family reunion), we announced our engagement. We stated that because we wanted a small affair, and because our venue was small (it's an outdoor garden that holds, literally 18 people--tops!), we were having a wedding with immediate family only.
Everyone was fine--at first.
Then it started via phone calls to both mothers about what was considered immediate family. Thankfully both mothers held their ground and said, "This is what they want. You need to accept it."
My mom gave me the best advice: you have to be prepared for the fact that people aren't going to be happy with your choice. As long as you can go to bed at night feeling happy and confident with your decision, what they think doesn't matter.
We are thrilled with it and our families have cooled off.
Good luck!
The only reason why I didn't say, "You're not invited #$(*@ " Is because I am treading lightly for my mom and his mom, two peacekeepers, who have partially contributed to the event.
I am leaning towards they'll figure it out when others get the invites and they don't.
Since you are the mother of the bride you do have the right to say, its a small affair, etc etc
My brother has automatically assumed that his sons girlfriends will also be invited. With 5 boys that's an extra 5 people we hadn't planned on including. We are waiting to deal with this until the invitations are sent out when we will directly address it to only my brother, his wife and the 5 boys.
I also have a friend whom I have fallen out of touch with, that is until I got engaged. She now constantly makes references to "being at the wedding" on my FB page. So far I've ignored them, but I know eventually I'll have to say something, I don't want to hurt her feelings, but at the same time I have friends who I see on a regular basis that I really want there with me!
And don't worry...you're not alone. A family friend who I haven't seen in like 5 years and was not on the list for the wedding posted a note on my Facebook page that said something like "I'd better get an invitation...I've known you since you were five." Um yeah. Seriously. We did decide to invite her as I didn't want to seem rude but it was one family so it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Good luck!
I was in hot water at our wedding because it was an evening event and I didn't want children there. The $ per head wasn't for kids to nibble on a carrot-we had a brunch where everyone was invited the next day and I arranged babysitters with personal references in the hotel where the reception was. We decided that 10 and up could come and 2 nieces were guest book attendees,not what I wanted but it pleases SIL and they looked nice.
An Aunt brought 2 people but didn't say a word til we saw her luckily it was a buffet reception.Another friend brought a new date he met while visiting our wedding location-it's amazing what people will do.
I think that people who really want to be at your wedding should be included. There will be others you want to attend who can't come for some reason. You want people who are excited about celebrating with you, so find a way to invite those that express a desire to be there.
We are having a small affair, and we are paying for it ourselves.
Our saving grace is that since we knew each other twenty years ago and then parted for 16 years we are including those people that have had an active part in our relationship. The people who introduced us, our immediate families, our children and those with whom we socialize NOW on a regular basis.
However, since our wedding will be on New Year's Eve we are opening our doors to a New Year's BASH at 10:30p so that those that are interested in helping us ring our our new life together may do so without the extra monetary strain on us. We are also allowing our teenagers invite "a few" friends at that time as well so that they can also have fun and not feel "stuck" hanign out with us old people, LOL!!
All your advise will be helpful to me as well.
My "almost" hubby has a close but large circle of friends.. Long story short he stopped talking to one married couple because they owe him a large sum of money (and have for over 10 years now... all talk and no action when it comes to paying him back and "making it right") The problem is, the rest of the circle are still friends with this couple...
The wife keeps bringing it up to friends that ARE invited... The husband still showed up at my "almost" hubby's bachelor party even though he wasn't invited to that... So we're worried about them just showing up at our reception... We will have plenty of space and food, etc.... We just don't want them there... Any advice what to say to them?