Black tie optional

Jacky225

Really ladies?  Stop attacking people and their intelligence.  Get some class.  And stop saying that I think NJ is the only state to throw the right kind of wedding and only NJ people know how to dress.  WHEN DID I SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just said every NJ wedding I have been to has been with a band (some DJ), open bar, white glove, etc.  So does that mean I have been to only black tie?  NO.  And NJ people know how to dress for NJ weddings.  That does not mean NJ people know how to dress for a wedding in another state. 

I do not think my FI family will know how to dress and either does FI because they are USED TO MORE CASUAL WEDDINGS and therefore think its customary to wear jeans and slacks to a wedding.  Not bc they are stupid.  Bc they are used to something else. 

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:543961a6-584a-44a4-81a2-e0b2880e549b">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]Really ladies?  Stop attacking people and their intelligence.  Get some class.  And stop saying that I think NJ is the only state to throw the right kind of wedding and only NJ people know how to dress.  WHEN DID I SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just said every NJ wedding I have been to has been with a band (some DJ), open bar, white glove, etc.  So does that mean I have been to only black tie?  NO.  And NJ people know how to dress for NJ weddings.  That does not mean NJ people know how to dress for a wedding in another state.  I do not think my FI family will know how to dress and either does FI because they are USED TO MORE CASUAL WEDDINGS and therefore think its customary to wear jeans and slacks to a wedding.  Not bc they are stupid.  Bc they are used to something else. 
Posted by Jacky225[/QUOTE]

And I'm still confused as to why you would be upset if people dressed down at your wedding.  That reflects on them, not you.

ggirl2001

Question: why is their attire so important to you? It will not affect your day, your wedding, or really anything. If they are concerned about what to wear, they will ask around. But them showing up on jeans, does not change or affect you at all. Let them be adults and decide what they want to wear.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:c160f540-0ff6-4f13-8224-e80689ac7507">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]Question:<strong> why is their attire so important to you?</strong> It will not affect your day, your wedding, or really anything. If they are concerned about what to wear, they will ask around. But them showing up on jeans, does not change or affect you at all. Let them be adults and decide what they want to wear.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

Because someone showing up in slacks and a button down will absolutely RUUUUUIIIIIN her PPD!! Didn't you know!?!

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:d193bd25-2139-485f-82ae-b6215f864a32">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Black tie optional : Because someone showing up in slacks and a button down will absolutely RUUUUUIIIIIN her PPD!! Didn't you know!?!
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]


Well crap, after my ceremony my H's brothers changed into shorts and t shirts. I had top self open bar, and seated dinner, does this mean I did it wrong?

Meg1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:543961a6-584a-44a4-81a2-e0b2880e549b">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]Really ladies?  Stop attacking people and their intelligence.  Get some class.  And stop saying that I think NJ is the only state to throw the right kind of wedding and only NJ people know how to dress.  WHEN DID I SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just said every NJ wedding I have been to has been with a band (some DJ), open bar, white glove, etc.  So does that mean I have been to only black tie?  NO.  And NJ people know how to dress for NJ weddings.  That does not mean NJ people know how to dress for a wedding in another state.  I do not think my FI family will know how to dress and either does FI because they are USED TO MORE CASUAL WEDDINGS and therefore think its customary to wear jeans and slacks to a wedding.  Not bc they are stupid.  Bc they are used to something else. 
Posted by Jacky225[/QUOTE]

So you and Cindy keep perpetuating a logical fallacy that I need to address.

A black tie event MUST have a live band (NOT a DJ), premium open bar (NOT a non-premium open bar), white glove service, multiple courses etc.  HOWEVER, all of these things being present does not, in fact, make the wedding black tie.  I could have all those things and everyone could be wearing swimsuits.  They are necessary, but not sufficient conditions.  So no, the fact that every wedding you have been to has had those 4 elements does not make me think that every wedding you have ever been to is black tie. 

See the distinction?

redheadfsu

FFS. I give up.

ggirl2001

Ahh can't edit. But top shelf, not self haha.

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:543961a6-584a-44a4-81a2-e0b2880e549b">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]Really ladies?  Stop attacking people and their intelligence.  Get some class.  And stop saying that I think NJ is the only state to throw the right kind of wedding and only NJ people know how to dress.  WHEN DID I SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <strong>I just said every NJ wedding I have been to has been with a band (some DJ), open bar, white glove, etc.  So does that mean I have been to only black tie?</strong>  NO.  And NJ people know how to dress for NJ weddings.  That does not mean NJ people know how to dress for a wedding in another state.  I do not think my FI family will know how to dress and either does FI because they are USED TO MORE CASUAL WEDDINGS and therefore think its customary to wear jeans and slacks to a wedding.  Not bc they are stupid.  Bc they are used to something else. 
Posted by Jacky225[/QUOTE]

Hold up - You didn't just describe black tie.  You described a typical wedding.  GASP! 

Just for a few clarifications though:

Black tie = <strong>top shelf</strong> open bar (ie. Premium Liquor)
Open bar = polite for any wedding where you are hosting people (ie, in the swamp for all I care)

DJ =/= band.  Black tie is a live band.  Meaning there are musicians there playing their own instruments in harmony, not a dude with an ipod who has some speakers.

Just to clarify that for you.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:c160f540-0ff6-4f13-8224-e80689ac7507">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]Question:<strong> why is their attire so important to you? </strong>It will not affect your day, your wedding, or really anything. If they are concerned about what to wear, they will ask around. But them showing up on jeans, does not change or affect you at all. Let them be adults and decide what they want to wear.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]


This is what I want to know and why I posted about our wedding attire vs the guests' attire a page or so back. 

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:a564c79e-d379-40ea-ac16-cf62485400af">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Black tie optional : Well crap, after my ceremony my H's brothers changed into shorts and t shirts. I had top self open bar, and seated dinner, does this mean I did it wrong?
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

Wedding fail. You need a do-over... don't you realize your BILs being underdressed absolutely RUINED your wedding. Ruined, I tell you!

Jacky225

EdieLaura- when did I ever say someone was stupid or had a thick skull or is dense???? 

mkrupar

What Meg said. No one is denying that many NJ weddings have the elements for a Black Tie affair. They do. The difference is in whether or not the hosts decide to distinguish it as black tie. If they choose NOT to, then they have not right to dictate the attire of their guests.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:543961a6-584a-44a4-81a2-e0b2880e549b">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]Really ladies?  Stop attacking people and their intelligence.  Get some class.  And stop saying that I think NJ is the only state to throw the right kind of wedding and only NJ people know how to dress.  WHEN DID I SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just said every NJ wedding I have been to has been with a band (some DJ), open bar, white glove, etc.  So does that mean I have been to only black tie?  NO.  And NJ people know how to dress for NJ weddings.  <strong>That does not mean NJ people know how to dress for a wedding in another state.</strong>  I do not think my FI family will know how to dress and either does FI because they are USED TO MORE CASUAL WEDDINGS and therefore think its customary to wear jeans and slacks to a wedding.  Not bc they are stupid.  Bc they are used to something else. 
Posted by Jacky225[/QUOTE]

<div>So, folks from NJ wouldn't have a clue how to dress for my Ohio wedding? You're really making your state look bad.</div><div>
</div><div>FWIW, my uncle wore a suit to my wedding. He hasn't worn a suit since his own wedding 24 years ago. He is the most casual person I know, and he still figured out that fancy invitation + church + evening reception meant he should wear a suit.</div><div>
</div><div>A number of relatives asked my parents what to wear. My parents simply said, "Wear whatever you're comfortable with, but I think most people will be wearing outfits suitable for church or a nice evening out." The point was made to those who asked, and is, IMO, a much better alternative to what you're proposing.</div>

sparent2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:543961a6-584a-44a4-81a2-e0b2880e549b">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]Really ladies?  Stop attacking people and their intelligence.<strong>  Get some class. </strong> And stop saying that I think NJ is the only state to throw the right kind of wedding and only NJ people know how to dress.  WHEN DID I SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just said every NJ wedding I have been to has been with a band (some DJ), open bar, white glove, etc.  So does that mean I have been to only black tie?  NO.  <strong>And NJ people know how to dress for NJ weddings. </strong> That does not mean NJ people know how to dress for a wedding in another state.  I do not think my FI family will know how to dress and either does FI because they are USED TO MORE CASUAL WEDDINGS and therefore think its customary to wear jeans and slacks to a wedding.  Not bc they are stupid.  Bc they are used to something else. 
Posted by Jacky225[/QUOTE]

Does the Wal-mart sell that?

Hahahaha you sound ridiculous. Weddings are pretty much something  that happen around the world. People all around the world have figured out what to wear to a wedding. If this is your reaction on the internet I have no doubt your FI's family will be stuffed into cocktail dresses and tuxes to avoid your wrath.

Ps maybe your FI can just tell them what to wear. I mean they are family right?

Mrs.B6302007

I was just looking at some of our pics and I never noticed until now (4.5 years later) that my BIL changed out of his tux into a yellow polo and khakis for the reception.  Obviously, I was too busy enjoying the party to notice, but I'm glad that he put on something that made him comfortable.

Jacky225

I NEVER SAID THAT WAS BLACK TIE.  SOMEONE ELSE SAID THAT WAS BLACK TIE.  I never ever ever ever ever said I was having a black tie event.  Its formal and should NOT have people wearing jeans.  RE READ MY POSTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I 100% said that my FI family will not know what to expect or how to dress NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID BC THEY ARENOT USED TO NJ WEDDINGS.  THEREFORE I thought by putting Black TIe optional that would give them a hint how to dress intead of me calling 100 people to say its a formal event/wear a suit. 

As for the importance of the attire... it is important to me.  I worry about every detail.  That is just how I am.  In addition, I am having a very fancy event and feel that people SHOULD (NOT MUST) dress accordingly. 

ggirl2001

Am I the only one envisioning that her FI's family is going to be show up in jeans wih holes in them and no shirts? Because that's the way she is presenting them. Have they never dressed nice at all? Because I highly doubt it. Let it go op.

ggirl2001

Dude If you're this worried about your guests attire I can only assume that you are a bridezella.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:0a471d17-67bf-4b14-a4e7-aff6b497448b">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I the only one envisioning that her FI's family is going to be show up in jeans wih holes in them and no shirts? Because that's the way she is presenting them. Have they never dressed nice at all? Because I highly doubt it. Let it go op.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

At this point, I'm torn between FI's family showing up in the highest of formal attire to avoid OP's wrath or showing up in torn jeans and no shirts on purpose just to set her off.

I think I'd consider doing the latter... it's kind of amusing.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:42004f49-404b-4ab3-91fd-73a2a3e838ac">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]I NEVER SAID THAT WAS BLACK TIE.  SOMEONE ELSE SAID THAT WAS BLACK TIE.  I never ever ever ever ever said I was having a black tie event.  Its formal and should NOT have people wearing jeans.  RE READ MY POSTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I 100% said that my FI family will not know what to expect or how to dress NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID BC THEY ARENOT USED TO NJ WEDDINGS.  THEREFORE I thought by putting Black TIe optional that would give them a hint how to dress intead of me calling 100 people to say its a formal event/wear a suit.  As for the importance of the attire... it is important to me.  I worry about every detail.  That is just how I am.  In addition, I am having a very fancy event and feel that people SHOULD (NOT MUST) dress accordingly. 
Posted by Jacky225[/QUOTE]

IIIITTTTT'SSSS MMMMMYYYYY DDDDDAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!



That's all I got out of all of that.

sparent2010

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:42004f49-404b-4ab3-91fd-73a2a3e838ac">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]I NEVER SAID THAT WAS BLACK TIE.  SOMEONE ELSE SAID THAT WAS BLACK TIE.  I never ever ever ever ever said I was having a black tie event.  Its formal and should NOT have people wearing jeans.  RE READ MY POSTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I 100% said<strong> that my FI family will not know what to expect or how to dress</strong> NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID BC THEY ARENOT USED TO NJ WEDDINGS.  THEREFORE I thought by putting Black TIe optional that would give them a hint how to dress intead of me calling 100 people to say its a formal event/wear a suit.  As for the importance of the attire... it is important to me.  I worry about every detail.  That is just how I am.  In addition, I am having a very fancy event and feel that people SHOULD (NOT MUST) dress accordingly. 
Posted by Jacky225[/QUOTE]

Sooooo in other words, "FI's family is too dumb to figure out what to wear"...

ggirl2001

I'm still confused how this will ruin your day? How do their choice of clothes affect your mood?

Jacky225

Hope everyone has the best of weddings and joyous marriages!  Happy holidays!

mkrupar

Andplusalso if you're more worried about what your guests are wearing than the actul, you know, getting married part, I'd say you need to sort out your priorities. That or you're jus getting married to have a party and want it to be effing perfect.

Meg1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:42004f49-404b-4ab3-91fd-73a2a3e838ac">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]I NEVER SAID THAT WAS BLACK TIE.  SOMEONE ELSE SAID THAT WAS BLACK TIE.  I never ever ever ever ever said I was having a black tie event.  Its formal and should NOT have people wearing jeans.  RE READ MY POSTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I 100% said that my FI family will not know what to expect or how to dress NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID BC THEY ARENOT USED TO NJ WEDDINGS.  THEREFORE I thought by putting Black TIe optional that would give them a hint how to dress intead of me calling 100 people to say its a formal event/wear a suit.  As for the importance of the attire... it is important to me.  I worry about every detail.  That is just how I am.  In addition, I am having a very fancy event and feel that people SHOULD (NOT MUST) dress accordingly. 
Posted by Jacky225[/QUOTE]

No, someone else said that black tie weddings must have those things.  Not that those things make a wedding black tie.

Worrying about every detail of your wedding?  That's where you're off-track.  Plan to make it nice?  Sure.  Worry about things in your control?  Why not.  But, and I hate to break this to you, not everything is going to go perfectly for your wedding.  But you're still going to have a really good day.  Promise.  In trying to control this, you have decided that dictating every aspect of your wedding is more important than being a polite and gracious host to your guests.  That's where you are out of line.

amys325

As others have said, WHY are you concerned what people wear to your wedding?  I didn't even care what H wore to ours. 

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_black-tie-optional-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bccd5533-37bd-4ff9-842f-6beb78fc4666Post:24033894-a10a-4155-b0a6-deeeefaa0fa3">Re: Black tie optional</a>:
[QUOTE]As others have said, WHY are you concerned what people wear to your wedding?  I didn't even care what H wore to ours. 
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]



We got H's suit less than a week before our wedding. We got it tailored the day before we left for our wedding. I wasnt going to worry about what my guests were wearing when H didnt even have a suit yet.

specialk84

You don't have to call 100 people. You can discretely let one person (with a big mouth) know most weddings in your area surprise out of towners with how formal they are. That person will likely get the hint, then spread the word.

Then, if anyone calls you or your family and asks for more clarification, you can give it. Wait for them to ask.

Also, just because their attire is so important to you does not at all mean it will be important to them. The overwhelming majority of our guests were dressed appropriately, but one guest wore shorts. I do feel it was disrespectful, but I have never said anything to him. I realize he isn't my personal Ken doll, and I can't MAKE him wear anything he doesn't want to wear.