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Re: FFF

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    Poke, I think your friend is just plain stupid, but the whole tone of your post rubbed me the wrong way.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:4f1f6be3-2505-4708-8670-e9c3ba0a07e3">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Aw, that's so sweet.  And I tried a beer that I really liked the other day. I can't remember the brand but it was a Blackberry Lager. 
    Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

    <div>It was sweet.  I might have even gotten teary if i hadn't been drunk.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm sending you a beer you'll LOVE...once I buy some bubble wrap.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:239821ca-ab01-4f5a-bca5-f4b82e037ef7">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]But...there could be reasons she's never tried hormonal BC.  A lot of people can't take it because of medical issues/family history/personal habits, etc.  You just don't know for sure. 
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't think there are because she probably would have mentioned it at some point, but you are 100% correct. I don't know for sure. </div>
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    rsannarsanna member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    Optimism is telling me that perhaps she had a change of heart.  However, my realistic side is telling me that she is just kind of dumb.
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    I wish I was drunk. Sadly, its just diet coke, no Jack.

    MUN1, that is so sweet :)

    Poke your friend sounds... interesting.
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    Sorry Special - I didn't mean to rile anyone up. 

    Muni - I am SO excited. I can't wait to send mine out. I just have to wait for my Amazon money to come through. I don't have enough money to post some to everyone right now, but I will try to send some out when I have a little more money. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:e24450d8-deb1-4c78-bfdb-7d9b89e3ccc2">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wish I was drunk.<strong> Sadly, its just diet coke, no Jack</strong>. MUN1, that is so sweet :) Poke your friend sounds... interesting.
    Posted by Matty143[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's my mom's favorite drink. She also makes a really good Bourbon Crush Punch with Jack. And she's got some in the freezer right now. Hmmm....</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:239821ca-ab01-4f5a-bca5-f4b82e037ef7">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]But...there could be reasons she's never tried hormonal BC.  A lot of people can't take it because of medical issues/family history/personal habits, etc.  You just don't know for sure. 
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's me. I tried BCP when I was a teenager, and had REALLY bad reactions. I can't use any hormone BC methods whatsoever.</div><div>
    </div><div>But not to worry, that's not why I'm KU.</div><div>
    </div><div>I see Poke's POV for her friend, but I also see the other POVs on the issue. If I knew for a fact that I'd never want kids, I would be annoyed if people were like, "what if you change your mind?!!" </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:75afdf7b-7c7e-4d4f-aa8d-7070000ef18e">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : That's my mom's favorite drink. She also makes a really good Bourbon Crush Punch with Jack. <strong>And she's got some in the freezer right now.</strong> Hmmm....
    Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

    That doesn't put it in my glass, but thanks!
    : )
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    willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:c1ef687d-de92-42ca-b20e-4d0c55e7c8ce">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]Eh, I will probably get flamed for this but I don't care.  I agree with J, and I am about your friend's age, poke.  FI hates condoms and they stress him about because of the possibility of screw up, which then stresses me out. I'm currently on birth control, but I don't like the side effects and I don't like the hormone aspect of it.  So that basically rules about everything.  So FI and I have been talking seriously about getting my tubes tied or him having a vasectomy, because neither of us wants kids, and if we do want kids we both want to adopt.  Obviously this is a still in discussion mode, but your reaction is the exact reason FI is leery about it. <strong>His exact words being: "If I get a vasectomy, my family will literally come and attack me." </strong> An exaggeration, but still. ETA: Also, exactly what J said.
    Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

    <div>I've just been lurking today, but this made me wonder why your FI's family would even know he had the big V? If he wants it done, nobody'd need to even know. It only takes a couple of days to recover in most cases. I realize when you never end up preggo, they are going to know something is up, but it's really none of their biz, y'know? And it'd be rude of them to ask,"Hey, how come you're not KU'd already?" Not saying you need to hide it per se, but it's not something that needs to be common knowledge. </div>
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:1b22f3f3-ddde-4237-ade5-b612bbe37231">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]Poke, I think your friend is just plain stupid, but the whole tone of your post rubbed me the wrong way.
    Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.

    FWIW, your friend sounds like me at that age.  When I was 18-19 (freshman into my sophomore year in college), I was refusing to even DATE guys, hooking up with my guy friends (instead of dating, I just had long term friends with benefits), saying I would never get married, that guys fuuuucking sucked, etc.

    December of my  sophomore year I met my now husband.  I knew a year into our relationship that I wanted to marry him. 

    Things change.  Which, is at the same time an argument for your point too, of course.    But IMO (and I'm probably biased, so take it as you will) wanting to have kids is a far more static life decision for most people.  

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    H and I have joked about pretending to get teary when/if his family asks us when we're having kids.  None of their damn business anyway.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:b41661c1-047c-4114-81e8-5cdd5b2b732a">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>H and I have joked about pretending to get teary when/if his family asks us when we're having kids. </strong> None of their damn business anyway.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    <div>That'd be funny. And effective. But probably not very nice. But, then again, who cares about being nice when they are asking you such rudely intimate questions? </div>
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    J - I never thought about it that way. I guess I figured if she could change her mind about wanting to get married she could change her mind about wanting to have kids. I see your point though. 

    And FTR - I think people sticking their noses into other people's reproductive systems is obnoxious. I mean, everyone has their opinions and IMO that's okay - as long as they keep those opinions to themselves. 
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    Special, we might have to start calling ourselves the "gang up on Poke and Mari twins" soon.

    Whoops.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    Rumor has it some of H's relatives questioned why he would marry someone who didn't want a swarm of babies. Not a damn one of them thought HE might not want them either. He refuses to talk about said rumor. I think he just doesn't want to have to bail me out of jail.
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    While visiting my very Mormon family in Utah a couple weeks ago my uncle opened a can of tuna and said, "The smell won't bother you, right?"

    My face -------> o.0

    He then explained that was his way of asking if I was pregnant. No, no I am not. Thanks, though. Yell
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:b65a4811-51d0-4dc2-a472-8e6824ca7614">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]J - I never thought about it that way. I guess I figured if she could change her mind about wanting to get married she could change her mind about wanting to have kids. I see your point though.  <strong>And FTR - I think people sticking their noses into other people's reproductive systems is obnoxious. I mean, everyone has their opinions and IMO that's okay - as long as they keep those opinions to themselves. </strong>
    Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

    Yes, you're absolutely right.  And I know you said that you didn't intend to say anything to her, and I'm glad.  Because a lot of people would.  And I got carried away because this is something that's sort of a big deal to me.  Thanks for not flipping out--I promise that my anger at the subject is directed not at you, but at the people that don't get it.

    I really just wanted to give you another potential perspective, because I see a lot of me in what you're telling us about your friend.  I just get so....into it.  Ha.

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    SpartanCatSpartanCat member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:b3b4bb98-2f0f-4eca-a91c-96bfa8276949">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]She's still in the cabinet, sleeping away happily.  Meanwhile, my ass scrubbed the damn carpet and threw away almost $10 worth of cat food. 
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    <div>One of mine is called Catpig for a similar reason. Got a bag of treats off the counter and ate them all. Now he won't eat any treats which is making my cilcker training really difficult. Well, that and they hid my clicker after I went to bed one night.</div>

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    How can anyone that knows your MIL not consider that H might not want kids, Special?

    J - keep it up and I just MIGHT have to go cry in a corner. 


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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:c6072d7f-881e-478c-87da-56b3e1b47b2d">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Yes, you're absolutely right.  And I know you said that you didn't intend to say anything to her, and I'm glad.  Because a lot of people would.  And I got carried away because this is something that's sort of a big deal to me.  Thanks for not flipping out--I promise that my anger at the subject is directed not at you, but at the people that don't get it. I really just wanted to give you another potential perspective, because I see a lot of me in what you're telling us about your friend.  I just get so....into it.  Ha.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    <div>I get it. I promise ; )</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:fcd905c4-1e87-4dcf-9897-de5c3a58f82f">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]Special, we might have to start calling ourselves the "gang up on Poke and Mari twins" soon. Whoops.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]



    I think Mari is having a rough few days here. Most of the stuff said to her needed to be said.
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    Most of the stuff I say needs to be said.  At least, IMO ;)

    Thanks for not being a crazy fuucker, Poke.  You can take a punch.  I like that quality in a person.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    rsannarsanna member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:f14545af-6818-4cbc-bd46-6342f0995b4e">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I've just been lurking today, but this made me wonder why your FI's family would even know he had the big V? If he wants it done, nobody'd need to even know. It only takes a couple of days to recover in most cases. I realize when you never end up preggo, they are going to know something is up, but it's really none of their biz, y'know? And it'd be rude of them to ask,"Hey, how come you're not KU'd already?" Not saying you need to hide it per se, but it's not something that needs to be common knowledge. 
    Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I questioned that myself. But his parents seriously thought that we were going to get married and have kids.  As in, right after we get married we will start TTC. Even though he has never given them any indication that he plans to drop out of school and not continue on and get his PhD when he graduates. Also, they probably expect kids out of us someday, and with how controlling his family is I can still see his worry a little bit.

    ETA: I didn't mean that kids = dropping out of school.  But that is what it was to them.
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    Your welcome? haha. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:d226547f-9c2d-4479-86fa-c68de3c48cf9">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : That'd be funny. And effective. But probably not very nice. But, then again, <strong>who cares about being nice </strong>when they are asking you such rudely intimate questions? 
    Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]

    <div>...certainly not me.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:3768f718-bfd7-4480-b335-58674fd0584e">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Yeah, I questioned that myself. But his parents seriously thought that we were going to get married and have kids.  As in, right after we get married we will start TTC. <strong>Even though he has never given them any indication that he plans to drop out of school and not continue on and get his PhD when he graduates.</strong> Also, they probably expect kids out of us someday, and with how controlling his family is I can still see his worry a little bit.
    Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

    No, why would he do that?  That's why you raise the child. Duh.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fff-96?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb0a289e-b49d-4d83-8b5d-eb94aa74a013Post:3768f718-bfd7-4480-b335-58674fd0584e">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Yeah, I questioned that myself. But his parents seriously thought that we were going to get married and have kids.  As in, right after we get married we will start TTC. Even though he has never given them any indication that he plans to drop out of school and not continue on and get his PhD when he graduates. Also, they probably expect kids out of us someday, and with how controlling his family is I can still see his worry a little bit.
    Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ah. I see. </div><div>They will probably catch on when you aren't popping out grandbabies in short order. I hope they aren't jerks about it to you guys. </div><div>
    </div><div>Anyone who doesn't want to have kids damn well shouldn't have them, then. It's not like you have to be a parent to leave a mark on the world. H & I wanted kids, so it was not an issue for us. But I can see where other peoples' expectations could be a real drag for those who don't want children. That would suck. </div><div>
    </div>
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    rsannarsanna member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    J, I don't know!  They firmly believed (hopefully past tense, hopefully he has gotten it through to them that marriage is not stopping him from continuing his plans) that if he got married his life would be ruined and he wouldn't ever see any of his friends, and he was just doing it to have kids and he wouldn't continue his schooling.  I wish I was kidding.
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