DEAR

hey_its_jenn

I have heard some ridiculous requests from some Bride(zillas) but that is absurd. It's your FI's wedding just as much as it is yours and I'm sure he would like his father to be there, regards if he is wearing dress shoes or barefoot for all that matters.

kwynn

Oh, ym, this thread is great with the crazy drama from Sara's coworker. I'm a drama-free girl, so I'd cut ties with her and encourage my FI/DH to do the same. 70 years of her crap will drive you crazy! :)KR, my DH does that too...eats EVERYTHING. Post-Its might help??? I will be waiting all day for a bowl of ice cream or a cookie and it is gone! :(Weather - you are supposed to be pleasant in October. Why are you still 90 degrees?Self - stop spending all DH's money. Start job hunting :-P This, exactly, Jenny. 100%. We're in record breaking temperatures right now, 93 still. Can't take it much longer, but this weekend is supposed to be better, thank goodness!Tatt, all my GM and my dad and FIL rented the shoes. I didn't insist or anything, the tux shop just suggested it. That and most of my GM don't own dress shoes as they were college students or have a business casual office.It is all about communication. Ask FIL why he doesn't want to wear the shoes. Listen to what he has to say. If it is a money issue, offer to pay. If it is a comfort issue, let him wear his own. Or talk to MIL about it to get her to talk to FIL. My MIL told my FIL to rent the shoes because she didn't like the way his dress shoes looked. If push comes to shove, let him wear his own. His feet will be in barely any photos and he will be the one looking out of place, not you.This is not something to do battle over. You can suggest "My own father will be renting shoes; I just wanted to make sure you would feel comfortable if you are wearing your own even though others are wearing rentals, which are a bit more formal." But that's all you can do.I understand wedding stress though; we've all been there.

elishanb

Drama Llama is killin me right now! I think the shoes are about the last thing someone is going to notice on the men. They will probably hardly notice their own shoes that day. You have so many other things to think about that day, don't sweat the small stuff, especially someone else's feet

missizz

Wow, just wow.  You don't even notice the guys shoes, unless everyone is wearing black and he's wearing white!  That really is insane.  He's not even in the wedding party, he's the groom's dad!  He isn't even really obligated to wear the same tux.  Yeah, you're a little out of line with that one.

KRMac

Oh man, girl.  That is a total bridezilla, beebee, it's-my-special day-and-everyone-will-do-what-i-say comment.  The day isn't all about you.  It is about YOU MARRYING YOUR FI...and all of your family and friends witnessing that event.  Your FFIL's shoes do not matter.  This is something that will cause an issue with your FILs if you make a fuss about it but will absolutely not matter a month or six months or a year from now if you just let it go. 

KRMac

Here's a picture of my FIL wearing different shoes.  They look absolutely ridiculous compared to my BIL's rented tux shoes, right?[IMG]http://i36.tinypic.com/29a3op.jpg[/IMG]

marburs

first of all- LOVE the drama llama! ok second- I'm sure I will get to this point, so I don't want to pass judgement. But in all honesty- the shoes aren't going to matter when all is said and done. I would be a little upset if maybe someone wanted to wear combat boots (Sonya- ; )). but this is going to be something you will look back at and wonder why you made such a big deal out of it. I'm thinking there must be something else going onand you are taking it out on the poor shoes. Take a deep breath and leave the shoes alone. Its not a big deal in the end

New_to_PGH

[IMG]http://tinyurl.com/ylbb6uo[/IMG]  Even better than mis-matched GM shoes, I told my BMs to wear whatever silver shoes they wanted, and one missed the memo and *GASP* wore white shoes. I think it totally ruins my photo, don't you?

hey_its_jenn

KR - how could you possibly let your FIL out in those SHOES?!?!

missizz

LOL, when you have KR calling you a beebee, you know that your behavior is truly bad.

elishanb

I was in a wedding in June and that bride(zilla) made two GM shave their side burns off. Nearly cost her husband the friendship of those two guys. I told my BM's to all wear whatever shoes they wanted and one has decided to wear shoes she calls her "zombie stompers" No clue what the look like, but I'm pretty sure that she will be comfortable and in the end she is wearing a floor length dress so who cares.

missizz

tattgirl, do you hate 3-pronged forks too?

tattgirl58

I really like the pic of the drama llama lol.  I am going to post that on my FB :)The bottom line with the shoes is that I requested every man wear the same shoes.  I asked all of the girls to wear the same shoes as well. My FFIL doesn't have nice clothes in his closet...he wears jeans on Xmas...therefore I can safely say that a nice pair of shoes are not living in his closet.  He works in tennis shoes and never dresses up.  I gave him 2 options1. get the shoes from the tux shop2. wear a suit and normal shoesSorry if everyone thinks i'm being diffucult but I think i'm entitled to 1 day of compromise from my own "future family"A $20 pair of shoes isn't that big a deal...

KimWard

I'm not normally mean or snarky, but since the drama llama is out, I will confess: After reading all of that, I hope your FFIL doesn't comply. I'd like to see you try to kick him out of the wedding. I honestly thinking you're making a huge mistake, and it's going to come back to bite you later if you keep this up.

marburs

I've often thought about this- how did you get all the girls to wear the same shoes? and why? a lady at the bridal store was trying to convince me that if they wear different sohes with tea length dresses, all the guests will be looking at their shoes and not me. I think she was just trying to get me to buy 5 pairs of shoes from her. I just can't justify making all the girls buy a dress AND shoes- did you buy their shoes for them? How much were they?

tattgirl58

New_to_PGH  You were such a beautiful bride!  I love the pinks!ps.  I see your point about the shoes...but in my anal mind those white shoes would have KILLED me inside....eventhough I wouldn't have even noticed in the pics like you said.

missizz

Being nice about it doesn't make you look any less psychotic.  Trust me.

New_to_PGH

Ehh, my BMs didn't even wear the same dress! They all just wore the same shade of pink (same designer, different styles). Far be it from me to tell my friends, who I know to be capable adults, how to dress.

KRMac

He is a grown man and has made it this far without you telling him what kind of shoes to wear at various social occasions.  My dad is VERY casual, wears tennis shoes or work boots to work every day (and even to church, GASP!) but still owns a pair of dress shoes suitable for weddings and funerals.  Is your FMIL in the picture?  Ask her opinion on the shoes that FFIL wants to wear and unless they are sneakers or cowboy boots, just move on.  You said it best yourself:  A $20 pair of shoes isn't that big a deal...So don't make it one!

elishanb

Looking at the shoes instead of looking at you? That's insane! Was the bridal store lady drinking on the job? That same bride(zilla) in June that I had to deal with said that she refused to have us not wearing the same shoes, so she told us we need to wear the same ones. She picked out the shoes online and sent us all the link and then in the email explain that these were the ones we had to buy. Kthxbai. She was really sweet about it, in fact she was sweet about a lot of things about her day

New_to_PGH

Seriously though, you need to pick your battles. I just shrugged when my BM trotted out to pics in white shoes. However, I threw a (halfway private) fit when my MIL marched down the aisle of the church in the SAME effing BM dress designer and color!

cobrien1976

Tattgirl..breath...it's just shoes. My FI is wearing a brown (almost black) suit and the groomsmen are wearing black tuxes...do I care...NOPE!! (My colors are chocolate brown, gold and ivory). He felt that if I get a big fancy dress and look different than the bm's then why shouldn't he be allowed to wear a different suit than the groomsmen. Valid point!! We went to Charles Spiegel and bought himself a very nice, fancy suit that he could wear for many many years. Oh and he's wearing his own shoes. ...*gasp*. If it is such a big deal for you, why don't you find out his shoe size and buy him a pair!

hey_its_jenn

KR - I love you. And I love this side of you - show it off more often!

hey_its_jenn

Oh and I just wanted to note that we have another 2 page thread and it isn't about Sara's dresses!

KRMac

LOL, Jenn!  Few things get me fired up.  :P

tattgirl58

missizz ~ I would never "kick him out" of the wedding.  Just simply ask for him not to pose for pictures.  And my FI is on board with my request.  He feels the same way about the shoes.  He wants his father to match if he's wearing the tux, but shares my idea about having him wear a suit if he wants to dress down.  I have no problem with that.I actually did offer to pay the rental for the shoes but he declined.  If it was a money issue I would have paid with no questions asked.He simply doesn't wish to comply because he's diffucult.  They have been nothing but drama from the start of our wedding planning until now.  So honestly i'm at my witts end. I am a happy/nice girl.  I have lots of friends and do everything for everyone.  And as I stated before, none of the other men had ANY issue wearing the matching shoes.  Thank you all for your comments and suggestions, my FI talked to his dad this afternoon about the shoes and he's going to order them today...so crisis averted. 

Er&JerLem

Ugh.. of course I had a meeting and missed most of this - but I love when the drama llama is brought out. :)And, really - no one notices the shoes.  My BMs all had different colored shoes, different styles, heels and no heels ::GASP::So minor in the grand scheme of things.  No one will notice or care.

New_to_PGH

Seriously, as I first said, you couldn't pay me to wear rental shoes. Your FIL probably feels the same way. Who wants stiff, uncomfortable shoes that have had strangers sweaty feet in them when you can wear your own ones that are broken in and comfortable? It has nothing to do with how much the rental fee is.

Er&JerLem

First of all - you'd really ask him not to be in pictures at his son's wedding?  I can just hear that obnoxious voice from the tv show singing 'Briiiidezillaa' And my FI is on board with my request. He feels the same way about the shoes. He wants his father to match if he's wearing the tux, but shares my idea about having him wear a suit if he wants to dress down. I have no problem with that.And this doesn't even make sense.  So you're okay with him only wearing a suit (and still his own shoes), instead of him matching everyone else in a tux (wearing his own shoes).

elishanb

I would never "kick him out" of the wedding. Just simply ask for him not to pose for pictures. Clearly that's handling the situation a lot better and making it so much less odd for everyone around.