Hi there,
I'm looking for anyone with knowledge in how to involve and yet not involve the Catholic Church in our wedding. My fiance's family is not religious, Tom and I are not religious, but my entire family is Catholic. We have no desire to involve God or the Catholic Church in our wedding but to appease my side of the family we are trying to figure out a way to ... I honestly don't know what. Does anyone know if there is some sort of blessing I can ask for from the Church or something so my side of the family is apeased? Thank you for any help/insite you can give, and please don't bible thump me, I have a family of 52 that already does that.
Re: Help?
[QUOTE]Hi there, I'm looking for anyone with knowledge in how to involve and yet not involve the Catholic Church in our wedding. My fiance's family is not religious, Tom and I are not religious, but my entire family is Catholic. We have no desire to involve God or the Catholic Church in our wedding but to appease my side of the family we are trying to figure out a way to ... I honestly don't know what. Does anyone know if there is some sort of blessing I can ask for from the Church or something so my side of the family is apeased? Thank you for any help/insite you can give, and please don't bible thump me, I have a family of 52 that already does that.
Posted by SaintCait[/QUOTE]
Not what you want to hear, but I don't think you can. Asking for a blessing from a church you don't believe in seems silly at best, as does getting married in a church or incorporating God at all.
You should really just stand up to your family. Sorry I can't be more helpful, someone else may come along with more ideas.
[QUOTE]Hi there, I'm looking for anyone with knowledge in how to involve and yet not involve the Catholic Church in our wedding. My fiance's family is not religious, Tom and I are not religious, but my entire family is Catholic. We have no desire to involve God or the Catholic Church in our wedding but to appease my side of the family we are trying to figure out a way to ... I honestly don't know what. Does anyone know if there is some sort of blessing I can ask for from the Church or something so my side of the family is apeased? Thank you for any help/insite you can give, and please don't bible thump me, I have a family of 52 that already does that.
Posted by SaintCait[/QUOTE]
Sorry, you can't. Unless YOU fully and without reservation want your marriage blessed in the Church.
Keep in mind that if your family is particularly devout, they may not attend your wedding at all if you are a baptized/confirmed Catholic and they know that. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic. They are not Bible thumping, and that's really rude and ignorant of you to say so.
[QUOTE]In Response to Help? : Sorry, you can't. Unless YOU fully and without reservation want your marriage blessed in the Church. Keep in mind that if your family is particularly devout, they may not attend your wedding at all if you are a baptized/confirmed Catholic and they know that. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic. They are not Bible thumping, and that's really rude and ignorant of you to say so.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]
Have to agree here. That was worded in a way that made me cringe. I think the best approach would be to not make a mockery of a faith people take very seriously as a way to "appease" them. SMH.
[QUOTE]As an atheist couple with very religious family members on my side, we solved this problem because my MIL, who is a minister, was willing (and allowed by her church's rules) to perform a civil ceremony outside her church. My relatives were assuaged because the officiant was a minister, but the ceremony itself was entirely civil. Apparently my grandmother didn't even realize that it wasn't a religious ceremony; she told my mom 'I'm so glad they got married in the church!" and my mom (who is not religious) was like "Um, you realize that they never even said the word "God" once?"
Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately, it wouldn't work in the OP's Catholic situation as Catholic ceremonies can only be performed in a Church.
FWIW, I think it's totally bizzare that couples try to "trick" their relatives into thinking the ceremony is religious or something else just to apease them. You're adults, you're getting married, embrace your own choices and decisions.
[QUOTE]In Response to Help? : Sorry, you can't. Unless YOU fully and without reservation want your marriage blessed in the Church. Keep in mind that if your family is particularly devout, they may not attend your wedding at all if you are a baptized/confirmed Catholic and they know that. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic. They are not Bible thumping, and that's really rude and ignorant of you to say so.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]
It's more accurate to say that once a Catholic, Catholism will always claim someone as Catholic and believe that Catholism's beliefs apply to that person, no matter how much they have rejected those beliefs. But, I understand your point that OP's family potentially sees her as a Catholic who has committed scores of mortal sins and is asking them to support her publicly as she continues to sin.
OP, don't try to include prayers or readings that you do not believe in for the purpose of appeasing someone else. It won't necessarily appease them because they believe you are a sinner in their religion (which they also think is your religion.) If you can reject a religion, you can deal with your family's judgment. This will continue throughout your marriage, so I don't think it's a good idea to start a pattern of trying to appease them.
[QUOTE]Weighing in as a Catholic, the Church recognises two options for Catholic marriage: 1. A full Catholic Mass, performed by a priest, in a church. 2. The blessing of a marriage performed in another church. I'm very sorry, but there is no Catholic Church option for 'we're not religious but we want to fake it so people will show up, thinks it's religious, and give us gifts.' If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to have the courage of your lack of convictions and say, 'Family, I am very sorry, but we are having a civil marriage. We hope you still will attend.'
Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE]
Just to clarify, these are not the options presented by Church. The routine options are 1) a Catholic ceremony with Mass (the communion part) or 2) a Catholic ceremony without Mass. A dispensation may, in some cases, be allowed for a marriage at another venue, such as another house of worship. These dispensations are granted on a case-by-case basis and usually for exceptionally good reasons, not to merely appease family members who want the wedding to be valid in the eyes of the Church. A person would be advised to talk to their priest about their particular situation rather than assuming that they can get the dispensation.
OP, I agree with others that trying to make a wedding something that it is not with a prayer or something will not appease anyone. If you truly do not consider yourself Catholic, the best thing to do is tell your family as much and deal with the consequences, whatever they may be, like a grown-up.
1) went to pre-Cana and received the sacrament of Holy Matrimony in a Catholic church by a priest
or 2) were granted a convalidation by the Catholic church following a civil marriage and conversion to Catholicism.
While many Catholics don't agree with all of the standpoints of the Catholic church, the Catholic church is extremely specific about what is and is not recognized as a marriage as it is a sacrament.
If it becomes an issue, point out that it would be wrong and deceptive in the eyes of the Catholic church for you to go through a Catholic wedding. If they can't accept that you and your FI are not religious and it would be inappropriate for you to receive a blessing by the Catholic church, that is their problem and you can step away from the issue.
Planning/Married Biology
Technically, we could join a Catholic church, attend pre-cana classes and then get married in a Catholic church with no problems.
Neither of us want to do that.
We are getting married onsite at our venue and will choose a minister (non-denominational) to perform the wedding ceremony. Both sets of our parents will be happy with that...and we are comfortable with it also.
We don't reject the Catholic faith (or any faith) but we don't attend mass/church on Sunday either so we feel it would be abusing the church to have truly catholic wedding...and also take a day/time away from another couple who potentially really values having a Catholic wedding in a Catholic church.
Would your family be happy if a minister performed your ceremony or does it have to be a full blown Catholic mass/wedding?