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RSVP's not required?

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Re: RSVP's not required?

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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : This.  I gave you advice.  Pop a Valium and chill out for 2 months.  Then, around mid July (when your RSVP date should have been), give your FMIL a list of those you still haven't heard from.  Tell her if you don't have an answer from them in X days, you will assume they aren't coming.   Bottom line:  People are NOT rude for not responding to a half-assed RSVP 3+ months out from the event.  You can whine all you want, but you made this mess.  We've given you advice on how to clean it up, but the first step is to stop acting like everyone else has done something wrong.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Thank you for your advise..like I stated before I did include a seperate card stating the absolute last date to respond by.  So instead of mailing out an rsvp, I just asked them to call.  The only difference is to call not send the rsvp back.   What I was getting at was how the rest of us felt that it was rude that the rest of his family can't find time for him on his day too.  My entire family has already said who all will be there.
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    daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    Dude. I worked at Hershey Park for years. I ALWAYS knew what weekend the car show was. It happens at the same time every year. Everyone I know in that area knows when the car show is. If you were looking at wedding venues, and the only date that was available was August 24th...that should have been a clue as to why no one wanted to touch it with a ten foot pole. 

    But what is done is done. There are always a boatload of last minute cancellations as you get closer to the car show date, just encourage people to keep trying to the nearby hotels to see if something opens up. Also it's a drive but you can look at hotels on the Chester county side of Lancaster and the Grantville area.
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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : It still seems poor planning on your part that you didn't check about what else might be going on and if your OOT guests would actually have a place to stay.
    Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]
    We got engaged in February and wanted to have a sept or aug wedding and the only date availabe was Aug 24th.  I found out about the car show after the venue was booked.  I don't go to the car show nor do I really car about it.  It's just that hotels within a 50 mile radius are usually booked in advance of which I really didn't know that untill I called in February to book our hotel room
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]My FI and I are getting married in my hometown of Mechanicsburg,PA but we currently live right outside of Altoona, PA, approx 3 hours away.  The weekend we are getting married is the weekend of the Carlisle Car Show and if anyone knows anything about that they know how incredibly difficult it is to get a room at the last minute.  So with all that said, I have sent out some RSVP's approx 5 months in advance to those who live in the Altoona, PA area in the event that they want to come and need a room.  I included a little note explaning why we sent the out so soon.  We are also having a casual wedding so no mailing of responses is required, just a phone call or message me on Facebook will do.  I guess where my issue comes in is we invited a majority of my FI family including his brother, mother and aunts and uncles.  I have only heard from his mother and brother of whom the brother won't come for other immature reasons, but we heard from the mother that the rest of the family can't be bothered to plan that far in advance.  Am I asking to much for someone to just pick up the phone and say I'm sorry we won't be able to make it?  I really wasn't expecting to hear it from a third party who really didn't want to be involved in the first place. 
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    Which car show? There are 14 annually, from April through October. I know, because I used to be a reporter for the paper in Carlisle and I covered them. All of them. If you're getting married in Mechanicsburg, I'm surprised hotels that far north are booked. 

    I agree with PPs. What you should have done, rather than sending invites, was sent STDates with a note that said, "I know this is far in advance, but hotels book fast, so if you think you're going to come, please book a hotel early." If they don't, it's on them. There are plenty of hotels on both the East and West Shores; they will find something.

    Also, not that you asked, but "not officially RSVPing" is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You're asking for people to bring plus-ones, family members you didn't invite, small children, etc. This is a disaster waiting to happen.

    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Ahaha! Oh man, if you got Addie to cuss, you KNOW you've effed up! OP, for reals, this is your dam party, YOU do the calling, not your guests. You aren't Oprah.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Why can't people understand not everyone cab plan that far out?  Geez, you have only been engaged 2+ months.  They haven't even had time to digest you are even engaged and you are mad that they didn't stop their lives and plan on attending your wedding in 3+ months?  


    Back off.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : We got engaged in February and wanted to have a sept or aug wedding and the only date availabe was Aug 24th.  I found out about the car show after the venue was booked.  I don't go to the car show nor do I really car about it.  It's just that hotels within a 50 mile radius are usually booked in advance of which I really didn't know that untill I called in February to book our hotel room
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    I sort of get what you're saying; but it was still you're responsibilty to find out what else was going on in the area.

    Your OP indicates that you did know about it and you knew that the car show is big doings.

     

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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]Why can't people understand not everyone cab plan that far out?  Geez, you have only been engaged 2+ months.  They haven't even had time to digest you are even engaged and you are mad that they didn't stop their lives and plan on attending your wedding in 3+ months?   Back off.
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    This didn't come as a surprise to people. We've been together for 4 years.  Most were asking when we are getting married.  Now that we are no one gets back to us
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : This didn't come as a surprise to people. We've been together for 4 years.  Most were asking when we are getting married.  Now that we are no one gets back to us
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    My SIL just got engaged to her Bf of 14 years.  I would still questioning her on why she needs to know answers RIGHT NOW for an event 3+ months out.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to RSVP's not required? : Which car show? There are 14 annually, from April through October. I know, because I used to be a reporter for the paper in Carlisle and I covered them. All of them. If you're getting married in Mechanicsburg, I'm surprised hotels that far north are booked.  I agree with PPs. What you should have done, rather than sending invites, was sent STDates with a note that said, "I know this is far in advance, but hotels book fast, so if you think you're going to come, please book a hotel early." If they don't, it's on them. There are plenty of hotels on both the East and West Shores; they will find something. Also, not that you asked, but "not officially RSVPing" is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You're asking for people to bring plus-ones, family members you didn't invite, small children, etc. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
    Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for your kinds words.  What you are suggesting is exaclty what I did.  While I did send out the invites, I also included a note indicating local b&b's in the area as well as the hotel that we are staying at as well as a few others but don't know if they  have any available rooms.  I have asked people to RSVP and I stated on the envelops as to who was invited.  I.E.  Mr. and Mrs. and family etc. I have already accounted for children, plus ones and spouses.  This is not my first wedding, and the first one went off with out a hitch.  I had the same issue with RSVP's and I had a few show up who never RSVP.  Had my first husband not passed away I wouldn't be dealing with this issue.
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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : I sort of get what you're saying; but it was still you're responsibilty to find out what else was going on in the area. Your OP indicates that you did know about it and you knew that the car show is big doings.
    Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]
    Yes the car show is a big thing..however there is multiple car shows through out the year and when I was told this is the only date available I jumped on it.  Since moving out of the area, I don't keep track of that stuff since I don't really care about it.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : Yes the car show is a big thing..however there is multiple car shows through out the year and when I was told this is the only date available I jumped on it.  Since moving out of the area, I don't keep track of that stuff since I don't really care about it.
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    Whether or not you care about an event doesn't mean you shouldn't plan for it. I don't give a crap about pro football... but I still checked the team's schedule before we decided on our date since we are getting married sort of near the stadium.
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : Thanks for your kinds words.  What you are suggesting is exaclty what I did.  While I did send out the invites, I also included a note indicating local b&b's in the area as well as the hotel that we are staying at as well as a few others but don't know if they  have any available rooms.  I have asked people to RSVP and I stated on the envelops as to who was invited.  I.E.  Mr. and Mrs. and family etc. I have already accounted for children, plus ones and spouses.  This is not my first wedding, and the first one went off with out a hitch.  I had the same issue with RSVP's and I had a few show up who never RSVP.  Had my first husband not passed away I wouldn't be dealing with this issue.
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]


    Am I the only one that is reading this like you are sort of blaming your poor planning on your first husband because he died?

    OP - you should have sent proper RSVPs. You also should have looked around for huge events that would cause problems with your out of town guests.  This is your doing. 

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : No, it's a tragedy card.  People play it in hopes of garnering sympathy.  She's hoping if she throws her late husband out there we'll all feel sorry for her and start being super nice... only it never works because really that has nothing to do with the question being asked or the poor planning on the part of the OP.
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    Right...  it sounded to me like "if that damn guy wouldn't have died!!!, I wouldn't have to have met someone else to love and marry, and I wouldn't be dealing with this damn RSVP nightmare!"

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : Ha!  I read it with a little less "if that damn guy hadn't died..." and a little more "If I tell them he died they'll all feel bad for me and stop being so MMMMEEEEEAAAANNNNN because look at everything I've been through." Back in the day one of the boards here used to illustrate them and hand them out to the offenders.  They looked like Magic cards.
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    Wow am I ever sorry I asked for advise.  Obvisouly no one has every made a mistake or did something a little backwards.  I wish you all the luck in your life as it seems to be perfect.  Good luck
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : Wow am I ever sorry I asked for advise.  Obvisouly no one has every made a mistake or did something a little backwards.  I wish you all the luck in your life as it seems to be perfect.  Good luck
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    It IS perfect.  There are unicorns running through my backyard and my poop comes out rainbow colored.

    No one is faulting you for making a mistake. We are faulting you for making a mistake, and then trying to blame that mistake on your guests.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : It IS perfect.  There are unicorns running through my backyard and my poop comes out rainbow colored. No one is faulting you for making a mistake. We are faulting you for making a mistake, and then trying to blame that mistake on your guests.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    This.  You haven't yet admitted to making a mistake.  You're just saying that it's your guests' fault since they won't call you and RSVP.
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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : It IS perfect.  There are unicorns running through my backyard and my poop comes out rainbow colored. No one is faulting you for making a mistake. We are faulting you for making a mistake, and then trying to blame that mistake on your guests.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]
    I'm trying to blame it on my guests.  I'm trying to figure out why they can tell someone who has made it clear that doesn't want to be involved in the wedding planning rather then just call me personally.  That's all I was asking. 
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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : I'm trying to blame it on my guests.  I'm trying to figure out why they can tell someone who has made it clear that doesn't want to be involved in the wedding planning rather then just call me personally.  That's all I was asking. 
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]
    ment to say I'm NOT trying to blame my guest. 
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : I'm trying to blame it on my guests.  I'm trying to figure out why they can tell someone who has made it clear that doesn't want to be involved in the wedding planning rather then just call me personally.  That's all I was asking. 
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    Because they didn't get a proper rsvp card?

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : Because they didn't get a proper rsvp card?
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]
    But it isn't needed.  There is only 50 people at this wedding.  I included a card asking to call with their rsvp.  There is no meal choice so there is no reason to have it mailed back.
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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : But it isn't needed.  There is only 50 people at this wedding.  I included a card asking to call with their rsvp.  There is no meal choice so there is no reason to have it mailed back.
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]
    RSVP date is May 10 because of caterer needs to make sure we have enough for them to even cater our event
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : But it isn't needed.  There is only 50 people at this wedding.  I included a card asking to call with their rsvp.  There is no meal choice so there is no reason to have it mailed back.
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    So, your problem is that they told someone you know, instead of picking up the phone and calling you directly, correct?  

    if you had included a proper rsvp card, or even a postcard, this wouldn't have been an issue.  AND, you still haven't admitted when your RSVP date is.  If your wedding is months away, what difference does it make to you right now?

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

    Report Reply
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : RSVP date is May 10 because of caterer needs to make sure we have enough for them to even cater our event
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    See, this is completely your fault.  You shouldn't have picked a caterer that needed a head count this many months in advance.  You are doing this all wrong.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : So, your problem is that they told someone you know, instead of picking up the phone and calling you directly, correct?   if you had included a proper rsvp card, or even a postcard, this wouldn't have been an issue.  AND, you still haven't admitted when your RSVP date is.  If your wedding is months away, what difference does it make to you right now?
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]


    I was actually yelled at by my MIL for her family contacting her and not calling me.  I apoligized to her and told her they need to contact me.  My RSVP is May 10 only due to the caterer making sure we have enough people for them to even have an interest.  We gave them a estimated count and they said since it is such a low number they need a head count 3 months a head of time so they can book it.  They told us they didn't want it to be a waste of time
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    How absurd. Why would you even use that caterer, then?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : I was actually yelled at by my MIL for her family contacting her and not calling me.  I apoligized to her and told her they need to contact me.  My RSVP is May 10 only due to the caterer making sure we have enough people for them to even have an interest.  We gave them a estimated count and they said since it is such a low number they need a head count 3 months a head of time so they can book it.  They told us they didn't want it to be a waste of time
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    Ok so I messed up.  I'm going to have a horrible wedding and no one will show up. Thank you for your advise.  Apparently I can't plan for crap.  Everything I have done thus far is totaly backwards and I've nothing the way it's suppose to be.  Thank you
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    misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2013
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : I was actually yelled at by my MIL for her family contacting her and not calling me.  I apoligized to her and told her they need to contact me.  My RSVP is May 10 only due to the caterer making sure we have enough people for them to even have an interest.  We gave them a estimated count and they said since it is such a low number they need a head count 3 months a head of time so they can book it.  They told us they didn't want it to be a waste of time
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    You really should've chosen a different caterer.  Or maybe a restaurant if you're having a small wedding.  People don't know what they're doing that far in advance.  Can you call that caterer and say nevermind and look for another?
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : I was actually yelled at by my MIL for her family contacting her and not calling me.  I apoligized to her and told her they need to contact me.  My RSVP is May 10 only due to the caterer making sure we have enough people for them to even have an interest.  We gave them a estimated count and they said since it is such a low number they need a head count 3 months a head of time so they can book it.  They told us they didn't want it to be a waste of time
    Posted by dlshaffer26[/QUOTE]

    well, you are doing this part wrong too.  Why on earth are you apologizing to your MIL for what someone else said to her?    You aren't responsible for what other people do or say.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    dlshaffer26dlshaffer26
    First Comment
    In Response to Re: RSVP's not required?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP's not required? : well, you are doing this part wrong too.  Why on earth are you apologizing to your MIL for what someone else said to her?    You aren't responsible for what other people do or say.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    It's just easier then dealing with her.  If you knew what I was dealing with you'd uderstand.  There are times when you just apligize and move on, and with her this is the case. 
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