Can I request a gun-free wedding?

astimmel

We're not getting married for a couple years so this problem won't come up for awhile, but I'm still curious. Who's ready for a gun debate? I apologize in advance if this causes WWIII...

BF's side of the family is extremely pro-gun. Most of his family members won't leave the house without one. I, on the other hand, am extremely anti-gun. All of these family members (it runs in the family. EXCEPT for BF, who's really the black sheep) are rowdy drinkers, quick to anger, confrontational, and careless with their guns (e.g., leaving it out in the open on the coffee table with small children running around). Because of that, I don't feel safe around them knowing that they're all carrying. Second amendment aside, I especially wouldn't feel safe or trust them if kids and booze were present.

BF isn't nuts like the rest of his family, but he is pro-gun and he does carry. However, he knows how uncomfortable guns make me, and while he doesn't understand my POV, he'll support me if that's what I want and he'll deal with his family.

Am I allowed to request this? And does their history of carelessness and the fact that there would be kids and booze change anything? I suppose one way around this would be to pick a venue that doesn't allow weapons on the premise so that there would be a legitimate reason to tell them no. Again, this is years away, I'm just curious.

CarolinaHeart

This just blew my mind.

I'm new here but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say yes. It is absolutely okay.

Blame it on the venue, admit that you are anti firearm, just something.

I can't imagine going to a wedding where a gun was pulled. Or even seeing someone carrying. 

I just... what?

CharlieKay10

astimmel said:

We're not getting married for a couple years so this problem won't come up for awhile, but I'm still curious. Who's ready for a gun debate? I apologize in advance if this causes WWIII...

BF's side of the family is extremely pro-gun. Most of his family members won't leave the house without one. I, on the other hand, am extremely anti-gun. All of these family members (it runs in the family. EXCEPT for BF, who's really the black sheep) are rowdy drinkers, quick to anger, confrontational, and careless with their guns (e.g., leaving it out in the open on the coffee table with small children running around). Because of that, I don't feel safe around them knowing that they're all carrying. Second amendment aside, I especially wouldn't feel safe or trust them if kids and booze were present.

BF isn't nuts like the rest of his family, but he is pro-gun and he does carry. However, he knows how uncomfortable guns make me, and while he doesn't understand my POV, he'll support me if that's what I want and he'll deal with his family.

Am I allowed to request this? And does their history of carelessness and the fact that there would be kids and booze change anything? I suppose one way around this would be to pick a venue that doesn't allow weapons on the premise so that there would be a legitimate reason to tell them no. Again, this is years away, I'm just curious.

I don't know the rules of requesting a gun-free wedding as I feel that is kind of an odd concern to have. Nonetheless, choosing a gun-free wedding venue would be the sure fire way to ensure that no guns entered your wedding.

ETA: I gave it a few more minutes of thought and...WTF?...

monkeysip

Ok, I have to ask.  Have his family members actually ever pulled their guns out at a wedding before?  Have they actually hurt anyone in the past?  I just want to know whether you're being a little paranoid here or if there is actually a good chance they would get guns out at your wedding.

I'm going to lean on the side of.... no.  You can't request that, UNLESS it was a venue policy.  I wouldn't lie and say it was if it were not.

CarolinaHeart

CharlieKay10 said:

show previous quotes

astimmel said:

We're not getting married for a couple years so this problem won't come up for awhile, but I'm still curious. Who's ready for a gun debate? I apologize in advance if this causes WWIII...

BF's side of the family is extremely pro-gun. Most of his family members won't leave the house without one. I, on the other hand, am extremely anti-gun. All of these family members (it runs in the family. EXCEPT for BF, who's really the black sheep) are rowdy drinkers, quick to anger, confrontational, and careless with their guns (e.g., leaving it out in the open on the coffee table with small children running around). Because of that, I don't feel safe around them knowing that they're all carrying. Second amendment aside, I especially wouldn't feel safe or trust them if kids and booze were present.

BF isn't nuts like the rest of his family, but he is pro-gun and he does carry. However, he knows how uncomfortable guns make me, and while he doesn't understand my POV, he'll support me if that's what I want and he'll deal with his family.

Am I allowed to request this? And does their history of carelessness and the fact that there would be kids and booze change anything? I suppose one way around this would be to pick a venue that doesn't allow weapons on the premise so that there would be a legitimate reason to tell them no. Again, this is years away, I'm just curious.

I don't know the rules of requesting a gun-free wedding as I feel that is kind of an odd concern to have. Nonetheless, choosing a gun-free wedding venue would be the sure fire way to ensure that no guns entered your wedding.

My thoughts are (even though I said to blame it on the venue) I'm not sure choosing a gun-free venue would be "sure fire" with this family.

Am I far off OP? Do you think that guests would show up with guns despite your direct request?

Edited so my wording made sense....

AlexisA01

Find a venue that won't allow it and like you said you will have children present. That is a safety and liability issue. It's something to be very concerned with.

thejucheidea

I... just... what...

monkeysip

Also, like PPs said, if these people really are glued to their guns, a request might not make a difference.

Have security present.  And if you're really THAT concerned, have a dry wedding.

coolwhipz1

Unless the venue has a no-gun policy then I think it's absolutely rude of you to request that. Now I understand that there will be alcohol around, but to get a concealed carry permit you go though a background check and a class.

I don't see why you feel uncomfortable, considering they are for protection and all. We have four guns in the house and I have never felt more safe.

But back to the question. I don't think it would be right for you to ask people to leave guns at home.

And to that other poster who said you don't know what you would do if you saw someone carrying.........i'd bet that lots of people you see on a regular basis "carries" and you don't know it. they aren't supposed to be shown, that's why it's a concealed carry permit

winelover123

Wow. Ummm....where are you from, OP? Most places I've been where a lot of people own guns, there are signs on the doors saying no guns. I'd get a venue that has one of these signs and policies. I imagine most venues don't allow guns....

manateehugger

I just....I don't even know. 

You're honestly concerned that someone will pull a gun on someone else in the middle of your reception?

CharlieKay10

CarolinaHeart said:

In my honest opinion (even though I said to blame it on the venue) I'm not sure choosing a gun-free venue would be "sure fire" with this family.

Am I far off OP? Do you think that guests would show up with guns despite your direct request?

Yeah, I agree. Sure fire is probably the wrong term. I guess it would be the most polite way to enforce the "no guns" rule. Of course, it wouldn't be necessarily all that effective. I am sorry, OP - I've got nothing. 

astimmel

I don't think they've ever actually pulled guns on anyone (that I know of), but their tendency to toss (like, actually toss) their guns on tables and leave them unattended makes me really nervous, especially with kids around. The irresponsibility factor worries me more than the quick-to-anger part.

BarbLovesDave

If anyone, anywhere, needed a Destination Wedding, preferably to a place with tough gun control laws, this would be the couple.

Pick an island so they are forced to fly and go through TSA.

CharlieKay10

astimmel said:

I don't think they've ever actually pulled guns on anyone (that I know of), but their tendency to toss (like, actually toss) their guns on tables and leave them unattended makes me really nervous, especially with kids around. The irresponsibility factor worries me more than the quick-to-anger part.

You need to have a really good security team if they are going to be pulling shit like that. Nuh-uh. No way should that happen around kids. 

ETA: Assuming these gun owners are responsible, I am hoping they have taught their children to respect guns and to never touch one. With that being said, I do not think you should have to ask all of your relatives to brief their kids on gun safety and respect. Like I said - if, when you actually start planning your wedding, you feel the need arising for security - do not hesitate to hire a very strict security team.

manateehugger

winelover123 said:

Wow. Ummm....where are you from, OP? Most places I've been where a lot of people own guns, there are signs on the doors saying no guns. I'd get a venue that has one of these signs and policies. I imagine most venues don't allow guns....

Unless you're talking about a school, hospital, or something similar, these signs typically aren't legally binding. 

All the venue can do is ask the carrier to leave the premises. 

NOLAbridealmost

What?!

Just pick a venue that doesn't allow guns and hire a security guard. If he sees any guns floating around where a kid could grab them he can ask the guest to put it in the car or leave. 

By the way, this has NOTHING to do with the Second Amendment. That amendment prevents the government from taking away people's guns.  At a private event you can prohibit guns, dogs, walruses, and people wearing neon colors if you want. It's YOUR party (I don't mean that in a "it's your day" bridezilla way).  I just mean that there's NOTHING illegal or unconstitutional about banning guns from your event.  Which, frankly, I think you should. 

monkeysip

Hire a security guard (preferably a paid police officer).  It seems like if your security guard saw a gun lying out, he'd do something about it.

And yeah, pick a no-gun venue.

misshart00

If they're being unsafe, have security. Where are you from? If they have conceal carry, they can't take out the gun at a venue (unless there are open carry laws). If its conceal only and they take it out, they can be arrested for threat with a deadly weapon.

SuperMinty

I seriously doubt they'd just be plopping their guns down on tables at your reception.

... Right?

manateehugger

misshart00 said:

If they're being unsafe, have security. Where are you from? If they have conceal carry, they can't take out the gun at a venue (unless there are open carry laws). If its conceal only and they take it out, they can be arrested for threat with a deadly weapon.

This. And yeah, I'm having trouble with the "let's toss our guns on the table!" thing too...

astimmel

I respect the second amendment, and despite the fact that I don't like guns, I understand that it's a person's right. I don't think they'd actually get violent and pull a gun on someone at a wedding, but I do think they would leave their holster on a table somewhere at some point.

I doubt they'd listen anyway if I did ask. I was just curious if in terms of etiquette (and legality), I would be allowed to ask at all.

misshart00

Again, where are you located? You can be arrested for just leaving your holster with weapon on the table. Even brandishing a gun will get you arrested. It's a threat with a deadly weapon in a lot of states.

CarolinaHeart

Unless the venue has a no-gun policy then I think it's absolutely rude of you to request that. Now I understand that there will be alcohol around, but to get a concealed carry permit you go though a background check and a class.

I don't see why you feel uncomfortable, considering they are for protection and all. We have four guns in the house and I have never felt more safe.

But back to the question. I don't think it would be right for you to ask people to leave guns at home.

And to that other poster who said you don't know what you would do if you saw someone carrying.........i'd bet that lots of people you see on a regular basis "carries" and you don't know it. they aren't supposed to be shown, that's why it's a concealed carry permit

I actually said at a wedding.  I don't know what I would do if I saw someone pull a gun at a wedding. 

You are absolutely right though.  I see people carrying everyday. I know that more people than I can guess carry. This does not shock me and I am not offended by it. 

But even here in the south, in a VERY pro-gun town, I have never seen a gun pulled at a wedding and honestly wouldn't know how to react.

manateehugger

Yeah, we need to know what state you're from. Conceal carry is just that - concealed.

astimmel

I'm in Washington, and I think we are an open carry state.

NOLAbridealmost

Again, to reiterate, this has NOTHING to do with the Second Amendment. That amendment prevents the government from taking away people's guns.  Any private company, person, or event can ban guns for any reason at all.

Is it rude to? NO.  It's the exact same thing as having a "non-smoking" reception.  It's legal to smoke.  But you don't have a right to do it on private property. And when it jeopardizes the safety of other guests it's perfectly okay to prohibit it.

aurianna

I have to think... if your FI's family is full of people who you'd legitimately worry about shooting people or essentially putting guns in the hands of children after a little bit of alcohol... why would you ever invite these people to your wedding at all. Why would you have anything to do with these people or ever let them around your future children. You have bigger problems.

Now... If this is really just super over-cautious worry, just let it go. Maybe hire a security officer.

ETA:
My thought process is if people are really that crazy, they'd bring guns either way.
The people who are responsible with their guns might get offended you don't trust them.
The people who wouldn't bring their guns might be insulted that you'd even have to ask.
The people who don't have guns would be confused why this was even a question.

While I guess I don't know if I'd say I think it's rude if you asked your wedding to be a gun-free zone... I just think... I don't know.

BarbLovesDave

astimmel said:

I'm in Washington, and I think we are an open carry state.

Have you considered a wedding in nearby Canada?

NOLAbridealmost

This is seriously so simple. Think of it the same way as a non-smoking reception.  Is it legal? Yes. Is it dangerous to bystanders? Yes.  Is it rude to ask people to refrain from it? No.

astimmel

Gah, not sure why it won't let me write outside the box. Thanks for the feedback everyone, it's much appreciated. I'm glad I have a lot of time before I really have to think about this. I just saw the post from a few days ago about asking to exclude religion and this popped into my head and I got really curious.