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Changing your last name?


Re: Changing your last name?

  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2013
    I've been struggling with this as well. I decided when FI proposed that I was going to take his name. But I feel terrible giving up my dad's name. Plus I'm the last of the Smith's (obviously not my name) so the name is dying with me.

    ETA: Has anyone worried about the security associated with maiden names? I can't remember who it was but I have been asked my mother's maiden name in order to verify my identity. I kind of worry that my child may be vulnerable because my maiden name will (or might) be my middle name and therefore easily accessed. Or am I bonkers?


  • @Dreamergirl8812 I've noticed that websites are using this security question less often. After all, if every website on the planet uses the same security question, it wouldn't be that hard for someone to hack into all of your accounts if they learn that one fact about you. Some still use it. Some have it as one choice amongst several. A few don't have it at all.
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  • MajideMajide member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    I want to take fiance's last name, but I also want to keep mine.  I don't want to hyphenate, and I love my middle name, so I don't want to replace it.

    Would it be normal/common/acceptable to have my maiden name as a second last name?

    Like: First Middle Maiden New?

    I just don't know how it works having two middle names.  I know some people do - my brother in-law has four or five names.  I've just never had to fill out papers like that, so I'm not sure how it works.  I would love to do this though.  Just not sure how practical it is.

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  • I love my maiden name, it's very easy to pronounce.  Husband is Russian, and his name is not easy to pronounce AT ALL.  But since it's very important to him, I'm changing it.  Like a PP said, it means more to him for me to change it than it means to me to keep my name.  I also like the idea of having the same last name as our future children.  I'm keeping my middle name.  I actually still need to change it even though we got married 6 weeks ago.  I'm starting a new job, and the recruiter told me to wait to change my name until after I start because it could mess up the background check.
  • Majide said:

    I want to take fiance's last name, but I also want to keep mine.  I don't want to hyphenate, and I love my middle name, so I don't want to replace it.

    Would it be normal/common/acceptable to have my maiden name as a second last name?

    Like: First Middle Maiden New?

    I just don't know how it works having two middle names.  I know some people do - my brother in-law has four or five names.  I've just never had to fill out papers like that, so I'm not sure how it works.  I would love to do this though.  Just not sure how practical it is.

    My friend did this. She kept her name but also added her husbands last name to hers without hyphenating.
    I already have 3 middle names thanks to my parents so I'd rather just replace my maiden name with my married name
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  • FLDiverFLDiver member
    Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited July 2013

    It seems no-one has posted another possibility: FI taking MY name!   He's expressed the willingness to do so multiple times during our engagement. We nixed that because my father's name and his are the same  (Ed), and I wasn't comfortable with that.

    However, as an older couple (and, for a bride whose FI's ex-wife has almost the same first name as I do), we've decided on the status quo: His name stays, and I keep mine.  

  • I took H's last name and added my maiden name as a second middle name.  I wanted to take H's last name for various reasons, but I'm very attached to my maiden name, so I wanted to keep it in some form.
  • I've been dealing with this struggle and I've been married 2 months. I opted to wait to change my name as we were in the process of buying a house when we got married, had a few hiccups and are still hoping to buy our house by the end of August.

    I also have difficulties because I am in law enforcement and my maiden name sounds pretty awesome, but H's name rhymes with "silly" and my co-workers are already telling me they can't wait to call me "silly billy." I'd end up going from Officer Awesome name to Officer Silly Billy.
  • I'm keeping my name.  I like my last name, in large part due to my close relationship with my dad's side.  I am a teacher and am called by my last name all the time, so it has to be something that I am comfortable with.  FI's last name is weird... it's two words stuck together, like Wigglebottom.  I can't forsee being called it all day, every day.  I did try to convince him to change his to mine, but he wasn't on board with it. 

    The one issue I had was having a different last name from any kids we may have, but realistically, about half of the kids that I teach have different last names than their mothers- no big deal.  I've even seen siblings (often twins, oddly) that have different last names, one mom's and one dad's.
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  • I'm taking his last name and my last name will become my middle name.  My last name is a very common Irish last name.  Combined with my very common Irish first name, there are about a million people in the world with my name-there is even one with my same name and birthday.  I know this because we used to have the same insurance carrier and I got some of her bills.  Another time I went to the hospital for a follow up visit post-surgery and they set up the X-ray machine to look at my arm.  I hadn't broken my arm, they had pulled the file of another patient with my name.  Looking forward to this no longer happening.

    I'm not super attached to my middle name and I like my last name, so dropping my middle name made sense to me.  I'd also like our children to have the same last name as me.  
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  • I'm hyphenating my last name until he is able to adopt my daughter then I will drop it.  It's just easier when you are traveling out of country with a minor child to have the same last name.
  • I'm so happy to hear so many brides' stories about changing their name.

    I've been so attached to my name my whole life. Although I haven't yet begun my professional career, so now would be the time to change it, my last name means the world to me. FI wants me to take his name (and probably would have a slightly bruised ego if I didn't), but he knows I'll do whatever will make me the happiest. We've talked about hyphenating, but that's a lot of name (FI's name is already long as crap). We've talked about him taking my last name, but he's a little more old fashion than I am on this one. 

    I'm still debating, but I've decided to take his name in some respect. I'm thinking of making my maiden my second middle name with FI's last name as mine. 

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  • I am also very passionate about this topic, so I understand.  It's not a little thing, it's your name!  It's something that you're going to live with for the rest of your life, and it is how you have always identified yourself!  I am strongly connected to my last name, as I am very close to my father's side of the family and extended family, so I knew that there was no way that I would get rid of it.  Before I even met my FI, I always dreamed of having someone that would be willing to change his last name as well, hyphenating both of our last names.  I like that it signifies two families coming together to form one, instead of the old-fashioned husband owning the wife.  I don't think we have decided officially, but my FI has said that he will do it!  I couldn't be happier. 
    [Deleted User]CourtneyTRfleurdelista
  • I've  been going back and forth with this - I'm NEY but I think I want to have 2 last names depending on where I am in my career when I do get married. BF actually brought it up over the weekend and was insistent that I drop my maiden name because my dad is an asshole (actually, as a family we've discussed returning to my mom's maiden name lol).

    I told him I would certainly take his, and go by his socially, but because I'm still moving up, I may have things published, etc., I don't want to completely drop my last name. I also told him that his opinion is completely valid and I agree with his reasoning, but we'll talk about it when we're ready to cross that bridge.
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  • I can't really explain why, but I'm surprised so many women still choose to change their last names. However, it's their name and their choice.

    I kept my name. I had it for 31 years before getting married. Why change it now? I'd say my friends were about 50/50 whether they changed or kept their names.
  • I'm taking FIs last name and dropping mine. Nothing wrong with my name, his isn't particularly flash, but it's just what I wanted to do. I want us to be The Bings (name that show). He was really surprised when I told his I was changing my name. He assumed I would keep my own or hyphenate.

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  • I'm not changing my name. 

    I offered to change mine if FI would change his so we'd have the same name (e.g. hyphenate - Harwick-Wellston, each take the other's and have two - Harwick Welston, create a brand new one with elements from both - Harwell, etc.). I didn't want to lose my name completely. It's important to me and, obviously, a huge part of my identity and professional career. He wouldn't agree to any of these options so I just kept mine without any changes at all. 

  • @knotporscha @knotjackie - could you please warn the flagger on this thread that flagging everyone is a one-way ticket to being banned? And possibly remove the flags?

    Thank you!!

    [Deleted User]
  • NerdyLucyNerdyLucy member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2013

    Holy cow, you're right.  I went from 0 flags to 4 suddenly, one of them on this thread and the other three on one about promise rings.  Weird.


    @knotporscha @knotjackie

    Officially hitched as of 10/25/13

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  • This topic caused a lot of debate in our house. 

    I wanted to keep my last name, I've always loved it. He wanted me to take his name. Took it as an insult that I wouldn't take his name fully.

    I said we should compromise and I hyphenate my last name. I had no problem with going by his name in every way, but I would still hold on to my name legally. He wasn't happy.

    I told him recently, mid argument regarding name changing, that I had already thought about it, and decided on changing my name to his (as much as I'm still not a fan of his), because I knew how much it meant to him. You should have seen the smile, ear to ear. He actually apologized for ruining the surprise, and regrets starting the argument in the first place. 
  • Here I have quite a dilemma. My fiance has his name tattooed onto him, so he wont be changimg his, and I, being in the military, have gone by my last name for years. I identify myself with my last name as much as I do with my first. I want our kids to have the same last name as us both, but hyphenating would make a ridiculpusly long name. I am honestly at a loss in this situation.
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Can you hyphenate your kids' names? Like your name is Jones and his is Smith, so your kids are Jones-Smith? How long would the name end up being (in characters)? 

    It doesn't really solve your problem, especially since you both identify so strongly with your own names. It seems the only solution that lets all 3+ (you, your FI, and your kid(s)) of you have the same name is for one of you to agree to take the other's name, or to use the letters in your names to come up with a new name.
  • It would be fifteen characters. Most forms with boxes for each letter only go up to twelve, right? Im thinking about SATs and things like that.
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Fifteen, as I remember it (my last name has 9 characters, I remember having 6 free).
  • Ha! That would be perfect! Thank you so much, I have been stressing about this for weeks, and it was that simple!
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Cool! Glad I could help.
  • I cannot wait to change my last name to FIs. I like my name. Its not common and pretty difficult to pronounce and I like that. However I am excited about becoming a wife in a very traditional sense and I feel like part of that is taking his name.
    I am not saying that you cannot be a wife if you dont take your SO name. That would be a silly and closed minded thing to say. I just feel that for me, it finishes off the transition from single woman to mrs.
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  • My last name is already a long double-barrelled name, so I can maybe speak to people's questions about the practical side. My mother's surname was Johnson and my father's Smith. When they were married (31 years ago!) she took his name without hyphenating, using both as her last name: Mrs Johnson Smith. He stayed Mr Smith. We their children are both Johnson Smith. 

    The choice not to use a hyphen has been a pain. People find it confusing that I have a two-part last name without a hyphen. When I was younger I insisted on it being spelled that way (sans hyphen) but I've given in and now use a hyphen (Johnson-Smith) for ease. I would not choose a two-part last name without a hyphen myself; it seems to cause extra and unnecessary confusion.

    However, having a thirteen-letter surname has rarely been a problem...just takes longer signing things. Similarly, it's never been an issue for me that people commonly know my mother's maiden name; I have always had the option of using another question, or failing that I would use a grandmother's maiden name.

    It does leave me with a dilemma regarding my own name. I feel strongly about having the same name as my partner and future children (in part because my parents' were different). We can't just add names (Johnson-Smith-Brown sounds bad enough; let me assure you our real names would be even more unwieldy!). I am one of only three Johnson Smiths (me, my mother, my sister), and I feel like I shouldn't be "losing" that identity, particularly given that my mother kept hers in a time when that was really unusual. I have three married cousins whose wives have all taken their husbands' names, and it feels strange and wrong to me. Yet I'd like to incorporate his name - I've been Johnson-Smith for twenty-five years, but I've also kind of being dreaming of becoming Brown for seven years (we've been together about seven and a half). I love my family and don't want to lose them; I love his and am exciting about being part of them.

    I considered a compromise - Jos-Brown or something - but he doesn't want to change his name. (He's also adamant that my name is my choice, so I'm fine with that.) So the question is whether I become Jos-Brown while he stays Brown, or whether I take Brown...?

  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    I have been using my XH's unusual, no one can pronounce or spell it, eastern European last name for the last six years because I wanted to the same last name as DS.  After all this time having to say it and spell it for people over and over again,  I cannot wait to get rid of it and go to FI's nice normal last name.

    ETA:  Oh yeah, and my maiden name is also FI's middle name so he may as well be taking my name.  We'll functionally both be both names hyphenated, with out the hyphen.
  • I'm taking my FI's name. But, he has a cool Middle Eastern name, and no one else will have my crazy cross cultural name. Whereas now, I have a relatively common name and I get a lot of e-mail that's not actually for me.


    Then again, I guess if I ever hoped for internet anonymity, then I guess I'm out of luck.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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