CONFESSIONS

KeptInStitches

I don't know if it's better or worse that I knew, but I do know he should have taken that to his grave.

queenofhearts1728

I agree!! 

suzie211

I confess that I may have eaten all the foods in the last two weeks.   Once that dress zipped up, all my good food choices went out the window.  I have eaten so much salt that my rings don't fit:(  This makes me so incredibly sad.   I really just want to rock my new bling.

I confess I want a baby, like now.  H and I will officially be on the TTC wagon this weekend, and I am much more scared of it than I actually thought I would. One minute I want it to happen ASAP, and the next I'm okay if it takes a bit.  I love sleeping in on Sunday mornings and waking up to H's face.  I love my alone time with H; it makes my heart happy.  With a baby that will most likely change along with so many other things. 

I confess that I love my job 44 weeks out of year.  The last two weeks of each quarter I HATE my job.  H wants me to eventually stay home, and I don't.  It took so much hard work to get here, but I am afraid that these awful 8 weeks a year will eventually get to me.

skepticals

queenofhearts1728 said:

PrincessTinyFeet said:

queenofhearts1728 said:

PrincessTinyFeet said:

But 5 years means a good thing! Im rooting for 5 years for the both of you!

And as for the degrees, its a sticky subject. In a year Ill be done with my Veterinary Technician program and be able to be certified. Its a very hard job that I feel is just as demanding as nursing, but the average salary is 30k a year. I want to expand on that and find something that will pay the bills better as you say, but everything I love seems so difficult to do. I mean, how often do zoos hire technicians, or a marine mammal center needs a tech for their animals? Maybe I just don't know how to reach those jobs, and I just have to find a way regardless.

can you look into interning at one of those places? it would be a great way to test out the waters to see if you like it and make contacts in the field you want to be in for potentially better jobs down the road

I think you're right. Im in Northern California right now, its about time to move back home to Santa Barbara soon anyways. I should probably get back to the ocean if Im thinking of going into marine bio!

Also, congrats on the upcoming anniversary! How did you two meet?

Santa Barbara is so beautiful!!! Lucky :P

We met online actually. We were E-friends for about 6-7 years, and didn't meet in person until 2008. We ended up dating almost immediately after that.

Hahaha, I didnt appreciate my home town until I left! Now I want my pretty beachy home back!  XD

And thats adorable! I love stories like that, it makes me remember that sometimes people are just meant to be! BF and I were long distance for a while so we played World of Warcraft to 'hang out'. The internet is actually an amazing place to meet people!

suzie211

PrincessTinyFeet said:

queenofhearts1728 said:

PrincessTinyFeet said:

I confess that pert of me wants to strive to gain the highest education possible, and possibly stay in school until my mid 30's, but I also have a very strong desire to settle down and have a child. I hate that I feel I can only do one.

I confess that I have NO idea where Im going with my further education as well. I cant decide between Vet school, Marine Biology, or Aquatic Animal Science. They all can take me in such different directions, Im scared Ill invest a ton of time in the wrong choice...

I was talking about college/degrees with some people at lunch today. In my opinion.... go with whatever will support you best in life, but would also make you happy.  We were talking about so many people we knew who just got any degree because a degree 'would better your chances at a job.' 

But 5 years means a good thing! Im rooting for 5 years for the both of you!

And as for the degrees, its a sticky subject. In a year Ill be done with my Veterinary Technician program and be able to be certified. Its a very hard job that I feel is just as demanding as nursing, but the average salary is 30k a year. I want to expand on that and find something that will pay the bills better as you say, but everything I love seems so difficult to do. I mean, how often do zoos hire technicians, or a marine mammal center needs a tech for their animals? Maybe I just don't know how to reach those jobs, and I just have to find a way regardless.

@PrincessTinyFeet I was actually surprised to find out that big facilities do quite often.   My aunt is a vet tech, and one of the girls she works with also is a tech at the Shedd Aquarium. Her co-worker brought us in one day for a behind the scenes tour, and they have techs for almost all of their animals.  Here in Chicago we have quite a few facilities that utilize them (Shedd Aquarium, Lincoln Park Zoo, and Brookfield Zoo, etc.).  I would imagine facilities like this have internship opportunities worth looking into.  Good luck!

skepticals

suzie211 said:

PrincessTinyFeet said:

queenofhearts1728 said:

PrincessTinyFeet said:

I confess that pert of me wants to strive to gain the highest education possible, and possibly stay in school until my mid 30's, but I also have a very strong desire to settle down and have a child. I hate that I feel I can only do one.

I confess that I have NO idea where Im going with my further education as well. I cant decide between Vet school, Marine Biology, or Aquatic Animal Science. They all can take me in such different directions, Im scared Ill invest a ton of time in the wrong choice...

I was talking about college/degrees with some people at lunch today. In my opinion.... go with whatever will support you best in life, but would also make you happy.  We were talking about so many people we knew who just got any degree because a degree 'would better your chances at a job.' 

But 5 years means a good thing! Im rooting for 5 years for the both of you!

And as for the degrees, its a sticky subject. In a year Ill be done with my Veterinary Technician program and be able to be certified. Its a very hard job that I feel is just as demanding as nursing, but the average salary is 30k a year. I want to expand on that and find something that will pay the bills better as you say, but everything I love seems so difficult to do. I mean, how often do zoos hire technicians, or a marine mammal center needs a tech for their animals? Maybe I just don't know how to reach those jobs, and I just have to find a way regardless.

@PrincessTinyFeet I was actually surprised to find out that big facilities do quite often.   My aunt is a vet tech, and one of the girls she works with also is a tech at the Shedd Aquarium. Her co-worker brought us in one day for a behind the scenes tour, and they have techs for almost all of their animals.  Here in Chicago we have quite a few facilities that utilize them (Shedd Aquarium, Lincoln Park Zoo, and Brookfield Zoo, etc.).  I would imagine facilities like this have internship opportunities worth looking into.  Good luck!

That makes me so much more hopeful! Thanks for the info!

queenofhearts1728

suzie211 said:

PrincessTinyFeet said:

But 5 years means a good thing! Im rooting for 5 years for the both of you!

And as for the degrees, its a sticky subject. In a year Ill be done with my Veterinary Technician program and be able to be certified. Its a very hard job that I feel is just as demanding as nursing, but the average salary is 30k a year. I want to expand on that and find something that will pay the bills better as you say, but everything I love seems so difficult to do. I mean, how often do zoos hire technicians, or a marine mammal center needs a tech for their animals? Maybe I just don't know how to reach those jobs, and I just have to find a way regardless.

@PrincessTinyFeet I was actually surprised to find out that big facilities do quite often.   My aunt is a vet tech, and one of the girls she works with also is a tech at the Shedd Aquarium. Her co-worker brought us in one day for a behind the scenes tour, and they have techs for almost all of their animals.  Here in Chicago we have quite a few facilities that utilize them (Shedd Aquarium, Lincoln Park Zoo, and Brookfield Zoo, etc.).  I would imagine facilities like this have internship opportunities worth looking into.  Good luck!

gaaaaaah. I love the Shedd Aquarium. and I miss Chicago, even though I was just there in May. 

I've been wanting to go to the aquarium in Denver but I'm convinced I'll just compare it to Shedd and have a miserable time.

queenofhearts1728

suzie211 said:

I confess that I may have eaten all the foods in the last two weeks.   Once that dress zipped up, all my good food choices went out the window.  I have eaten so much salt that my rings don't fit:(  This makes me so incredibly sad.   I really just want to rock my new bling.

I confess I want a baby, like now.  H and I will officially be on the TTC wagon this weekend, and I am much more scared of it than I actually thought I would. One minute I want it to happen ASAP, and the next I'm okay if it takes a bit.  I love sleeping in on Sunday mornings and waking up to H's face.  I love my alone time with H; it makes my heart happy.  With a baby that will most likely change along with so many other things. 

I confess that I love my job 44 weeks out of year.  The last two weeks of each quarter I HATE my job.  H wants me to eventually stay home, and I don't.  It took so much hard work to get here, but I am afraid that these awful 8 weeks a year will eventually get to me.

Maybe you and your H could just take it slow on TTC? do it when you want to and see what happens kind of deal? 

queenofhearts1728

I've got another confession in relation to @suzie211 's confession....

I've never had the urge to be a mom, but sometimes I think I have the urge because the idea of staying home and playing with babies all day sounds fun and all of my friends' babies are cute and for some reason they're all just miraculous little angels who never cry, ever. And then I remember that taking care of babies is work and I remember how I was as a child and I know I would breed the spawn of satan, and I give up that idea.

bethsmiles

KeptInStitches said:

I confess that, like so many here, I'm getting impatient waiting for a proposal, and I think it's because of 2 things: 1.) we are also approaching 5 years together, and 2.) last year around this time we had a fight over why everything was taking so long (from my point of view), and he confessed that he was thinking about proposing in spring 2012, but chickened out. Hard to work past that, and I think for the most part I have, but ...

My BF was planning on proposing last year on our anniversary and then shit happened and he didn't. It super sucks but then we would've ended up having a way longer engagement then we want so I suppose it all worked out.

queenofhearts1728

Also: sometimes I have irrational fears that my BF is perfectly happy just dating me and has no ambitions to ever solidify anything.  When we first starting dating, I was 21 and very adamant about NOT getting married because I wasn't ready. Any time anyone ever asked if we would get married, I said NO. Now I worry that he thinks he hit the jackpot with someone who has no ambitions to pressure him for a ring. 

On the flip side: I've stated a million bajillion times how I don't understand how my mother can just date the same person for 20 years and how I have no ambitions to date someone for the rest of my life. So, I remind myself that at least he knows that.

bethsmiles

queenofhearts1728 said:

Also: sometimes I have irrational fears that my BF is perfectly happy just dating me and has no ambitions to ever solidify anything.  When we first starting dating, I was 21 and very adamant about NOT getting married because I wasn't ready. Any time anyone ever asked if we would get married, I said NO. Now I worry that he thinks he hit the jackpot with someone who has no ambitions to pressure him for a ring. 

On the flip side: I've stated a million bajillion times how I don't understand how my mother can just date the same person for 20 years and how I have no ambitions to date someone for the rest of my life. So, I remind myself that at least he knows that.

Have you not had a conversation about getting married?

suzie211

queenofhearts1728 said:

suzie211 said:

I confess that I may have eaten all the foods in the last two weeks.   Once that dress zipped up, all my good food choices went out the window.  I have eaten so much salt that my rings don't fit:(  This makes me so incredibly sad.   I really just want to rock my new bling.

I confess I want a baby, like now.  H and I will officially be on the TTC wagon this weekend, and I am much more scared of it than I actually thought I would. One minute I want it to happen ASAP, and the next I'm okay if it takes a bit.  I love sleeping in on Sunday mornings and waking up to H's face.  I love my alone time with H; it makes my heart happy.  With a baby that will most likely change along with so many other things. 

I confess that I love my job 44 weeks out of year.  The last two weeks of each quarter I HATE my job.  H wants me to eventually stay home, and I don't.  It took so much hard work to get here, but I am afraid that these awful 8 weeks a year will eventually get to me.

Maybe you and your H could just take it slow on TTC? do it when you want to and see what happens kind of deal? 

We're both on the same page about it.  The plan is to enjoy the process as long as we can.  Neither of us want it to be work.   It scares us both because as much as you can plan for it, there is no way to control when it will happen. H is a huge planner, and will plan the entire big picture for everything we do. 

I'm an adult, but living in a big city for so long has allowed for lots of playtime.  We've agreed that we aren't going to completely give that up, but know it will change.  I'm hoping that it will mean boozy nights in with our friends and there kids instead of all-nighters at the bar.  If its meant to be, it will happen.  If not I would be very happy to spend the rest of my life as just H and I.

skepticals

@queenofhearts1728: Maybe he doesnt know you're ready now? Perhaps mention to him that you previously were adamant about not being married, but youre ready now. Im sure hes thought about it, and if all he knows is that you didnt want to get married thus far, maybe he doesnt want to rush you!

queenofhearts1728

bethsmiles said: queenofhearts1728 said: Also: sometimes I have irrational fears that my BF is perfectly happy just dating me and has no ambitions to ever solidify anything.  When we first starting dating, I was 21 and very adamant about NOT getting married because I wasn't ready. Any time anyone ever asked if we would get married, I said NO. Now I worry that he thinks he hit the jackpot with someone who has no ambitions to pressure him for a ring. 
On the flip side: I've stated a million bajillion times how I don't understand how my mother can just date the same person for 20 years and how I have no ambitions to date someone for the rest of my life. So, I remind myself that at least he knows that. Have you not had a conversation about getting married?
We have, but it was a million years ago now, and when I wasn't sure I ever really wanted to. I know I should but I'm a big chicken and I don't want to be the girl who pushes to get married. We're not in a position financially that would could right now, anyway, so I try to focus on that. 

We discuss marriage a lot because of friends who are married or are getting married, but we never specifically talk about OUR wedding, if that makes sense. We discuss things like "if it were me, I wouldn't want to just run down to the courthouse, I'd make it somewhat memorable if I didn't have the funds for a fancy wedding..."; "I'd rather spend more money on a fancy honeymoon than X, Y, or Z" etc. 

bethsmiles

Having a conversation about where your relationship is going would not make you the girl who pushes to get married.

It's worth the conversation if it's important to you. Even if you aren't financially ready now that doesn't mean it should be discussed at all.

queenofhearts1728

suzie211 said:

queenofhearts1728 said:

Maybe you and your H could just take it slow on TTC? do it when you want to and see what happens kind of deal? 

We're both on the same page about it.  The plan is to enjoy the process as long as we can.  Neither of us want it to be work.   It scares us both because as much as you can plan for it, there is no way to control when it will happen. H is a huge planner, and will plan the entire big picture for everything we do. 

I'm an adult, but living in a big city for so long has allowed for lots of playtime.  We've agreed that we aren't going to completely give that up, but know it will change.  I'm hoping that it will mean boozy nights in with our friends and there kids instead of all-nighters at the bar.  If its meant to be, it will happen.  If not I would be very happy to spend the rest of my life as just H and I.

I've always thought that was the perfect plan... still make time for yourselves, even if it means having dinner/drinks with friends and their kids. I'm glad you're trying not to stress over it! I can't imagine what it must feel like to constantly be curious about whether you are or aren't yet. But good luck!! I hope it comes easily enough that you don't have to worry and slow enough that you can enjoy the process! (if you know what i mean haha)

queenofhearts1728

bethsmiles said:

Having a conversation about where your relationship is going would not make you the girl who pushes to get married.

It's worth the conversation if it's important to you. Even if you aren't financially ready now that doesn't mean it should be discussed at all.

that's very true. Thank you! We've been having lots of discussions about future stuff anyway as BF is starting his own business. I could probably work it in there fairly easily  

CLoGreenEyes

@keptinstitches, awww, that sucks. "Chickened out" is so vague and I agree, he should have kept his mouth shut on that one.

But at least you and @bethsmiles know that they have been gearing up to do it, albeit for a while now. I am pretty sure my BF hasn't thought about it very much at all. He has made a few snarky comments before that suggest he think it's all a huge joke (proposals and engagements, not marriage in and of itself). It makes me sad that it seems like a huge chore to him.

All right, I've almost bit my way through my tongue. I'm up here actually getting work done, and she's downstairs complaining very loudly that, "Amapola never spends time with me! It's always BF, never me. When are WE going to do anything?" I literally spent all day Sunday and last night hanging out with her, and today she's telling me I'll do fine without studying, school isn't as hard as I'm making it out to be, and I'm neglecting her. I am going to lose it! Hold me back!

queenofhearts1728

Amapola14 said:

@keptinstitches, awww, that sucks. "Chickened out" is so vague and I agree, he should have kept his mouth shut on that one. But at least you and @bethsmiles know that they have been gearing up to do it, albeit for a while now. I am pretty sure my BF hasn't thought about it very much at all. He has made a few snarky comments before that suggest he think it's all a huge joke (proposals and engagements, not marriage in and of itself). It makes me sad that it seems like a huge chore to him. All right, I've almost bit my way through my tongue. I'm up here actually getting work done, and she's downstairs complaining very loudly that, "Amapola never spends time with me! It's always BF, never me. When are WE going to do anything?" I literally spent all day Sunday and last night hanging out with her, and today she's telling me I'll do fine without studying, school isn't as hard as I'm making it out to be, and I'm neglecting her. I am going to lose it! Hold me back!

My BF has done this too. He made a comment a few months ago about how engagement rings are pointless. He said he understood wedding rings as they were a representation of your marriage, but that he didn't feel like engagement rings were all that necessary/important/i don't remember what else he said. 

bethsmiles

Amapola14 said:

@keptinstitches, awww, that sucks. "Chickened out" is so vague and I agree, he should have kept his mouth shut on that one. But at least you and @bethsmiles know that they have been gearing up to do it, albeit for a while now. I am pretty sure my BF hasn't thought about it very much at all. He has made a few snarky comments before that suggest he think it's all a huge joke (proposals and engagements, not marriage in and of itself). It makes me sad that it seems like a huge chore to him. All right, I've almost bit my way through my tongue. I'm up here actually getting work done, and she's downstairs complaining very loudly that, "Amapola never spends time with me! It's always BF, never me. When are WE going to do anything?" I literally spent all day Sunday and last night hanging out with her, and today she's telling me I'll do fine without studying, school isn't as hard as I'm making it out to be, and I'm neglecting her. I am going to lose it! Hold me back!

That sucks! Have you told him that you don't like it when he jokes around like that? He might be 100% not serious and thinks that you think it's funny too.

Also, your mom sounds really needy! Does she have any friends she meets with on a regular basis? Maybe she should join a book club or start going to classes at a gym or something.

CLoGreenEyes

@queenofhearts1728, BF feels the same way! He haaaates the idea that he has to supposedly drop thousands of dollars on a ring to prove he loves me - which I absolutely agree with. I still want a liiiittle symbol, but nothing ridiculous, and I've told him that. As for actually proposing, I'll even say that after 5 years it seems a bit unnecessary, but hey. This is the last time I ever get to make him all nervous about asking me and stuff, I want to enjoy it! Haha.

In all seriousness, I know he loves me to pieces and wants to be with me forever. I wish he would get more excited about these traditions and customs that I'm excited about, but we want the same thing in the end. Hopefully next year around now we'll be on our way.

motoLyn

@princesstinyfeet, my advice to you in regards to marine biology, if you chose to go this route and not end up academia, INTERN and VOLUNTEER as much as you can!  School and experience counts for a lot.  My B.S. is in Marine Biology and I have a M.S. in environmental studies.  Before I went to graduate school I worked at aquariums and from what I saw of hiring and qualifications from big and small places is that they ask of a good deal of experience.  So take advantage of intern programs and volunteer in their aquarist or husbandry programs.  My big dream was to work at the Monterrey Bay Aquarium.  Unfortunately I didn't quite make it that far North.  I love working in the ocean, I also suggest working for the government if you can swing it NOAA and EPA as well CA Fish and Game have great positions, but once again it comes down to education and more important experience. 

queenofhearts1728

Amapola14 said:

@queenofhearts1728, BF feels the same way! He haaaates the idea that he has to supposedly drop thousands of dollars on a ring to prove he loves me - which I absolutely agree with. I still want a liiiittle symbol, but nothing ridiculous, and I've told him that. As for actually proposing, I'll even say that after 5 years it seems a bit unnecessary, but hey. This is the last time I ever get to make him all nervous about asking me and stuff, I want to enjoy it! Haha. In all seriousness, I know he loves me to pieces and wants to be with me forever. I wish he would get more excited about these traditions and customs that I'm excited about, but we want the same thing in the end. Hopefully next year around now we'll be on our way.

yeah, i absolutely hate the idea that you need to spend X amount of dollars or always have a diamond or something like that. I had an old coworker a few years ago who didn't like the engagement ring her husband picked out for her so she went and bought herself a $10k one she liked better. that thing would drown her if she went swimming. lol but to each their own, i guess.

All we can hope for is that they pick something we love and has value (sentimentally, obv). I also think that, even if they hate having to do it, if they really wanted to get married and wanted to make us happy, they would do it anyway.

CLoGreenEyes

@bethsmiles, the thing is, he's being rather serious. He dislikes the whole process, even though he does want to get married. It feels ridiculous, because really in our situation, there is no reason why we couldn't just agree, "OK, when Amapola graduates and gets a job, we'll go to the courthouse and get married." No rings, no proposals, just the beginning of a marriage.

I do want a very small and simple wedding, and I could honestly live without an "official" proposal, but for some reason I can't let go of the idea of an engagement ring, our at least an ornate wedding ring. There's no logical reason for having those items, I just like the idea. But I am pretty low-maintenance as a girlfriend as far as gifts, jewelry, etc., and this is basically the one piece I would ever want from him.

He is a grumble-butt about it, but I know he'll do it if it's important to me. I just feel silly since it's not something I NEED, you know?

CLoGreenEyes

*or, not our. This phone likes to change my words and then not let me edit.

bethsmiles

Amapola14 said:

 the thing is, he's being rather serious. He dislikes the whole process, even though he does want to get married. It feels ridiculous, because really in our situation, there is no reason why we couldn't just agree, "OK, when Amapola graduates and gets a job, we'll go to the courthouse and get married." No rings, no proposals, just the beginning of a marriage. I do want a very small and simple wedding, and I could honestly live without an "official" proposal, but for reason I can't let go of the idea of an engagement ring, our at least an ornate wedding ring. There's no logical reason for having those items, I just like the idea. But I am pretty low-maintenance as a girlfriend as far as gifts, jewelry, etc., and this is basically the one piece I would ever want from him. He is a grumble-butt about it, but I know he'll do it if it's important to me. I just feel silly since it's not something I NEED, you know?

But that is true of EVERYONE's situation. No one NEEDS a wedding but it's a way to celebrate your love and start of your marriage with friends/family. I'll admit I'd be pretty pissed if BF was grumbly about it and it wasn't important to him.

CLoGreenEyes

bethsmiles said:

But that is true of EVERYONE's situation. No one NEEDS a wedding but it's a way to celebrate your love and start of your marriage with friends/family. I'll admit I'd be pretty pissed if BF was grumbly about it and it wasn't important to him.

And the above is why you make so much sense to me! Haha, you're right, no one needs it but it's still important to a lot of people.

He has evolved quite a bit since the beginning of our relationship with regard to this stuff. I still sense some, "Omigod, this is a lot of cheesy crap," but since I don't ask for much at all and this is one thing that is important to me, I guess he'll find a way. I swear he's not a jerk, lol; he just thinks with his wallet at times, especially since this will probably happen around the time when we'll be buying a house and all.

As for the mom situation, girl, you are preaching to the choir. She will not do any of those things, it's just not in the cards. She likes to stay home and be introverted, but she wants someone to be introverted with. It is literally making me crazy. I really can't even tell if she is just joking or if she's being serious today, but since she's been saying this stuff all day I'm leaning toward serious. Gahhhhhhhh.

I'm so glad this thread was started, it feels so good to get all this crap out of my system.

queenofhearts1728

Amapola14 said:

bethsmiles said:

But that is true of EVERYONE's situation. No one NEEDS a wedding but it's a way to celebrate your love and start of your marriage with friends/family. I'll admit I'd be pretty pissed if BF was grumbly about it and it wasn't important to him.

And the above is why you make so much sense to me! Haha, you're right, no one needs it but it's still important to a lot of people.

He has evolved quite a bit since the beginning of our relationship with regard to this stuff. I still sense some, "Omigod, this is a lot of cheesy crap," but since I don't ask for much at all and this is one thing that is important to me, I guess he'll find a way. I swear he's not a jerk, lol; he just thinks with his wallet at times, especially since this will probably happen around the time when we'll be buying a house and all.

As for the mom situation, girl, you are preaching to the choir. She will not do any of those things, it's just not in the cards. She likes to stay home and be introverted, but she wants someone to be introverted with. It is literally making me crazy. I really can't even tell if she is just joking or if she's being serious today, but since she's been saying this stuff all day I'm leaning toward serious. Gahhhhhhhh.

I'm so glad this thread was started, it feels so good to get all this crap out of my system.

Sometimes I just like to let all of my crazy out. lol why not make it a group activity?

minskat30

I confess that I feel like a cow.  My H is so hot and I'm bloated (thanks, Aunt Flow...combined with too much salt), eating cheese and drinking wine already...I actually think that is three more confessions.  At least my hair looks nice today. 

I confess that I can't wait until someone else on the board who is TTC gets pregnant...I confess that there are days I want to (even though we are waiting for babies) and days where sometimes I dread giving up wine, sleeping in, etc.

I confess that I look at Weddingbee sometimes to read about all the drama, bad advice, etc.  It is like watching a car wreck and I can't stop.  I could never post there...I'd be booted in a heartbeat.