Wedding Etiquette Forum

Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

1101113151654

Re: Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

  • My FI HATES that I have read thi thread.  We are going to NY to have the legal ceremony, and we will be having another ceremony in September.  It is because it is not legal in Michigan for us to be married.  I am now having panic attacks that people are going to find it to be distasteful the way that we are doing things. If it were legal here, then we wouldn't be traveling at all, but it is not an option for us to be legally wed in our home state.
    So why not have the ceremony at which you will be legally married in NY and then have a party in your home state?  Why is that not the natural progression of events?
    mimiphinKeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLost
  • My FI HATES that I have read thi thread.  We are going to NY to have the legal ceremony, and we will be having another ceremony in September.  It is because it is not legal in Michigan for us to be married.  I am now having panic attacks that people are going to find it to be distasteful the way that we are doing things. If it were legal here, then we wouldn't be traveling at all, but it is not an option for us to be legally wed in our home state.
    So why not have the ceremony at which you will be legally married in NY and then have a party in your home state?  Why is that not the natural progression of events?
    I agree!

    PrettyGirlLost
  • We will be having the ceremony in NY and party in Michigan.  This thread has made me feel like we need to not get married in NY for fear that we will be judged. Though it is in no way for us to have a pretty princess day, we just cannot do it all in one time like we want to. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We will be having the ceremony in NY and party in Michigan.  This thread has made me feel like we need to not get married in NY for fear that we will be judged. Though it is in no way for us to have a pretty princess day, we just cannot do it all in one time like we want to. 
    okay, but the question is...at the Michigan party are you going to be doing 'vows' etc?
  • @alisonmarie658 and @artbyallie, thanks!  I guess that is what I was looking for.  I have tried to look through all the pages to see if there were exceptions for same sex couples.  But honestly, everytime I came back, I would start feeling badly again.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • LDay2014 said:
    We will be having the ceremony in NY and party in Michigan.  This thread has made me feel like we need to not get married in NY for fear that we will be judged. Though it is in no way for us to have a pretty princess day, we just cannot do it all in one time like we want to. 
    okay, but the question is...at the Michigan party are you going to be doing 'vows' etc?

    This was my question as well. The issue in general is not so much the separate party as much as the fake re-do ceremony. Are you planning to reenact the ceremony prior to the party in Michigan? While it may be somewhat more acceptable to do so given your particular, unfortunate circumstances, I would still probably refrain. Maybe show a video or photos of the actual legal ceremony at the party? Give a brief toast to your guests and to your new spouse? Wile I abhor the new fad of having multiple ceremonies and parties, I would be far less likely to judge someone who can't legally get married in her home state.

    photo fancy-as-fuck.jpg
    doeydo
  • I think this is ridiculous. If you want a wedding, have the money and time to do/plan it then go for it!
    AroundTheBlockperdonamidwhereicome
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @jessdrysdale If your username is your real name, you should probably change it. You don't want strangers on the internet having too much access to your personal info. @KnotPorscha can help.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • I think this is ridiculous. If you want a wedding, have the money and time to do/plan it then go for it!
    No one here is saying that you shouldn't get married. We are saying that you shouldn't get married, then pretend that you weren't married and do it all again and claim it's your "special day". We are saying that you shouldn't lie to your friends and family about something as important as getting married to someone who you are planning to spend the rest of your life with.
    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesdoeydo[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Everyone on this site is so close minded. I can't believe there is so much stupid on here.
    Troll

    @KnotPorscha
  • Everyone on this site is so close minded. I can't believe there is so much stupid on here.
    @tanlines&wine

    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • Everyone on this site is so close minded. I can't believe there is so much stupid on here.
    Yes, because the idea that one should actually wed at their "wedding" is so incredibly closed minded (which is the actual phrase BTW).
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    doeydomimiphin
  • Oh Tanlines&Wine was banned. Oh Sucks darn!

  • It seems like you're assuming a lot with this. Just for example, being a military fiancee I see a lot of this. I have not done it personally, but my best friend is about to be deployed.  She found out that she was being deployed about a month before she actually leaves.  She and her fiancee decided to go ahead and get married just in case something happens to her when she's gone. If something were to happen to her, she wants to know that he will be taken care of and that her children will too. They are continuing to plan the wedding they were planning before she got orders for deployment. It's a decision that a lot of military couples make. We still want to be able to have the wedding of our dreams, but how do you plan that when you find out that the love of your life has to leave in a month, to a dangerous location and all he wants is to know that you're safe and taken care of? I dont expect to change your mind, but people some times have to make decisions in difficult situations. 
    Sabinus15dwhereicome
  • It seems like you're assuming a lot with this. Just for example, being a military fiancee I see a lot of this. I have not done it personally, but my best friend is about to be deployed.  She found out that she was being deployed about a month before she actually leaves.  She and her fiancee decided to go ahead and get married just in case something happens to her when she's gone. If something were to happen to her, she wants to know that he will be taken care of and that her children will too. They are continuing to plan the wedding they were planning before she got orders for deployment. It's a decision that a lot of military couples make. We still want to be able to have the wedding of our dreams, but how do you plan that when you find out that the love of your life has to leave in a month, to a dangerous location and all he wants is to know that you're safe and taken care of? I dont expect to change your mind, but people some times have to make decisions in difficult situations. 
    Sabinus15
  • I love this article and I do completely understand where you are coming from. My only question is what about an LGBT wedding? It's only legal in so many states so lots of the community goes to get the legal marriage at the JOP or wherever and come back and do the PPD. IMHO this group should be the only exception to this idea. As someone who is in this situation, it was NOT at all what we wanted or what we chose. Unfortunately it's our state's goverment who made this decision. I would love to hear your honest feedback. I've been torn up on this issue for awhile and I rarely post because I don't want to be seen as a PPD bride but I'm afraid I am
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Sabinus15jenniferurs
  • @lovelybride614, I'm sure somewhere in the 14 pages of this thread the LGBT issue was brought up. I know it is the general consensus of the regulars of this board that that situation is pretty much the only legitimate reason in the US to have two ceremonies. So no, not a PPD in a case with two brides or grooms.
    image
    mimiphinKeptInStitchesdoeydo
  • AnaelseaAnaelsea member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    edited January 2014
    So, by your definition, if someone goes to the courthouse on a friday to file the paperwork, because the courthouse isnt open on the saturday their families can attend, then every single person who files their marriage on a friday and then is married on the next day IS HAVING A PPD? 

    No? OK, so if its a month or two or years apart from the legal paperwork, then its a PPD? No? OK so a PPD is only if you dont tell everyone youre already married? No? OK, so a PPD is when a woman want to be a "SPESHUL BUTTERFLY" and you take offense to this?

    So your offense is taken when you attend a wedding you didnt know they were already married and they lied? What if everyone knows youre already married and they still want to come? What if your fiance/husband is the one who wanted the big family wedding, not you(the bride)? What if its a pretty prince day? lol? 
    kkjanedwhereicomegingerbride26
  • My cousin had a small ceremony with just immediate family and one or two close friends present due to pressing circumstances. I would have been disappointed if she HAD NOT had a later celebration of their marriage, because then I wouldn't have had the opportunity to celebrate with them. As far as I know, everyone else there had the same opinion. Calling them "PPD's" and saying that they are selfish and offensive is narrow-minded in my opinion, and totally unnecessary. I agree with the PP who said "stop being the wedding police and just let people celebrate however the heck they want."
    AroundTheBlockdwhereicome
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards