Asking permission/blessing to get married

Ash61612 · March 2012

This question was asked on the "customs/traditions" board and I was curious to see what everyone's response was here. Did your FI ask your parents permission/blessing to marriage you? How did he ask?

MMRoberts11 · March 2012

My FI didn't ask. He knows I'm not really close with my family.

KrisKenny · March 2012

We were already talking about marriage but FI asked for my mother's blessing out of respect for her. He was not asking for permission, however. I see that as 2 totally different subjects.

ncd5015 · March 2012

My FI took my dad out to dinner and asked his permission. He also called my little brother to ask him. My dad said I was "non-returnable"

midgetthemighty · March 2012

Story time!

FI asked my parents while I was at work and apparently barely got it out before I got home. He was nervous and my mom, dad and brother were all in the room. Everyone knew what he was getting at but my dad made him say it. At one point my mom even said something about it and my dad's response was "I want to hear him ask it".

They asked his plans on when he was going to ask me and that's when he found out he'd be proposing to me on their wedding anniversary.

That night, we went out with both of our families for the first time. Everyone at the table knew Matt had asked for my hand just hours earlier except me.

Kfudge0714 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_asking-permissionblessing-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e313d3b0-5c06-4c77-81d5-a41a74b67926Post:a16c4b89-067c-4246-b00e-09ac7cc343b6">Re: Asking permission/blessing to get married</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI took my dad out to dinner and asked his permission. He also called my little brother to ask him. <strong> My dad said I was "non-returnable"
</strong>Posted by ncd5015[/QUOTE]

haha sounds like something my Dad would say!

My FI did not ask for permission or blessing. I was just 18 and he was 23, my Dad would have given neither I'm sure. But we aren't really a traditional family so I don't think he was bothered by it either.

acaponi87 · March 2012

Ah I love this story. It was very important to my dad that FI or anyone trying to marry one of his 3 daughters get his permission. I verbalized this to FI many times. He understood though thought it wad stupid because he'd still ask even if my dad said no lol. So we get engaged in Puerto Rico and after the initial OMG lovefest I was like 'oh I need to call my family!' and then said 'wait, they already know right?'..and FI says well no... I almost killed him. His reasoning for not asking was that he knew my dad would tell my mom, my mom wpuld tell my sisters and someone would ruin the surprise. Which is probably true. Bhe said he was going to ask for his blessing after. That wouldn't fly with my dad. So we didn't tell anyone for 2 days. I made him call my dad and ask for his permission the next night. We waited another night then and then called everyone so our. Pictures would line up with the story.

Sabriel14 · March 2012

I grew up in CT, but live in PA. My fiance actually drove up to my parents' house to ask permission/blessing (I'm not sure how he worded it). I didn't tell him he had to do it- it's something he wanted to do, but I really appreciated it.

Because he had to take a weekend to do it, he told me he was going to visit family. He likes to point out that he didn't really lie. I had an idea of what was going on, just because the majority of his family is in the area so there wasn't really anywhere to travel to. My mom wanted to keep the secret though, so when they all went out to dinner they had to avoid the local restaurant where my sister had worked. She didn't want someone to mention to my sister that they saw my parents with some guy and have her guess and tell me.

Ash61612 · March 2012

FI knew it was important to me and my parents that he ask their permission. My parents love FI and had no concerns with me spending the rest of my life with him. FI knew this but still asked them.

The three of them all went to dinner the friday before we left to go to Knoxville. My parents said yes of course. FI told them he wasn't 100% sure he was going to ask me but wanted to make sure he had asked them in case he asked. Good thing he asked because he asked me that weekend.

sleblanc72 · March 2012

He didn't ask so much as talk to them and let them know he was going to ask me. He had gone over while I was still at work one night to talk to them...my dad still mentions it sometimes more than two years later.

chelseakopperud · March 2012

FI asked my dad for his blessing. He knows my dad and I are super close and how much I would apprciate it if he did, although I never *told* him he had to. I am SO glad he did!

When FI proposed, I didnt cry (I rarely cry)... but when he told me he had gotten my fathers permission, it hit me how real this was and how serious and that is when the tears came(not that the proposal wasnt serious, but this took it to a whole new level!)!

Zimsgirl · March 2012

We knew my parents approved so it wasn't important to me that he asked.

Nindakay · March 2012

Oh fun thread!!

My FI insisted that he did not need to ask permission, but I knew it would make my dad happy if he did.

So, we set up a Skype with my parents (we are in SC, they are in WI) and chatted with them. Josh told his intentions to marry me, and said he would like their blessing on our relationship and marriage. They gave it. Of course, they knew I would have married him without it. But still, my parent's love my FI, so it's all good!!

chelseamb11 · March 2012

My parents are divorced so FI asked both my parents separately. He was genuine in asking my mom, but my dad was more for "I'm asking you too so I don't harcore piss you off" purposes.

bchbride062012 · March 2012

My FI didn't ask permission but asked for his blessing and my Dad said "About time!" Hahaha, He talked to him when I was going to the grocery store but I saw them talking. Later I did discover this was why my Mom acted weird the rest of the time they were at my house and left about an hour later. My Dad pretty much had to threaten her life if she blabbed. But she did but was smart enough to tell no one I would see.

Nindakay · March 2012

sleblanc72 .....can you PLEASE explain your siggy pic to me? I LOVE IT! But I can't figure it out. Fairies? Which one are you?

midgetthemighty · March 2012

Maybe this is because I'm old fashioned, but I don't follow the logic of knowing the parents will say yes and therefore not asking. It's still a nice gesture. FI knew I was going to say yes but he still got down on one knee and asked me.

To each their own, I just don't get that.

kks4471 · March 2012

FI asked my parents while we were home for Thanksgiving 2010. I was in the shower when he asked them. My mom had to keep her mouth closed until he proposed 12/18/10 lol. I definitely appreciate him asking, it's just the right thing to do in our family.

sleblanc72 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_asking-permissionblessing-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e313d3b0-5c06-4c77-81d5-a41a74b67926Post:8705a5f1-9334-4022-b224-37a9c8278b0e">Re: Asking permission/blessing to get married</a>:
[QUOTE]sleblanc72 .....can you PLEASE explain your siggy pic to me? I LOVE IT! But I can't figure it out. Fairies? Which one are you?
Posted by Nindakay[/QUOTE]
Haha it's down in Cancun, I'm definitely not the fairy! There's a shopping plaza where there are always people dressed up in really cool costumes (there was a bronze cowboy, this fairy, a silver dude on a motorcycle, etc.), this one was a fairy and she sat on a little bar and moved around so it looked like she was floating and such.

peachykeen26 · March 2012

haha, what a joke. No, he didn't ask and neither did I.
I left home and haven't talked to my parents since.

chelseamb11 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_asking-permissionblessing-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e313d3b0-5c06-4c77-81d5-a41a74b67926Post:ce742425-00bb-4f9a-a503-ccad93a2d9bc">Re: Asking permission/blessing to get married</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe this is because I'm old fashioned, but I don't follow the logic of knowing the parents will say yes and therefore not asking. It's still a nice gesture. FI knew I was going to say yes but he still got down on one knee and asked me. To each their own, I just don't get that.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

I agree. Same things with BMs (which ended up getting me into a huge fight with one of my friends a few years ago). My best friend all through middle school and high school got engaged when we were in college. Growing up, we always said how we would be eachothers MOHs. Even when the day came, I never assumed I was her MOH but I did assume I was a BM even though she never officially asked me. She always talked to me like I was a BM. We ended up getting in a huge fight at one point and that was one of the biggest ammo points she used: That I "assumed" I was a bm. I think the formality of it is always nice and always respectful, even though you know the answer.

Although that makes me curious if anyone ever thought a family would say yes and they said no lol.

Nindakay · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_asking-permissionblessing-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e313d3b0-5c06-4c77-81d5-a41a74b67926Post:60d95892-acab-4ba1-b2cc-4f6b2f38d15b">Re: Asking permission/blessing to get married</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking permission/blessing to get married : Haha it's down in Cancun, I'm definitely not the fairy! There's a shopping plaza where there are always people dressed up in really cool costumes (there was a bronze cowboy, this fairy, a silver dude on a motorcycle, etc.), this one was a fairy and she sat on a little bar and moved around so it looked like she was floating and such.
Posted by sleblanc72[/QUOTE]

That is so cool!! I was wondering why she looked like she was floating....it baffled me!

kelsey+brandon · March 2012

It's not letting me vote....but FI asked both of my parents (separately). It was really important that he ask my mom because I'm "hers," but I also wanted him to ask my dad because even though we don't have the best relationship in the world, the tradition was still important to me.

midgetthemighty · March 2012

Chels, that reminds me that I had two best friends in college. We were inseparable and called ourselves The Three Musketeers. I told them that as long as they didn't fall of the face of the earth, they'd be BMs when I got married. One of them fell off the face of earth unless she needed something from either one of us so only the other one is a BM.

Unfortunately, they have the same first name. So when I found my dress, I texted all of the BMs that didn't get to go with me that I had found it. I included the wrong one in the text. I felt like a jerk. I played it off that I still wanted her involved and asked her to pass out programs. I still feel bad about it. I was already planning on asking her to do that, but definitely not like that.

G2SoccerTaz · March 2012

FI did not ask my parents. We have been together for so long that my parents said "It is about time" I have no idea if he asked them or not. It is not something my parents would tell me or FI tell me. I don't think he would have asked without their permission.

chelseakopperud · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_asking-permissionblessing-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e313d3b0-5c06-4c77-81d5-a41a74b67926Post:ce742425-00bb-4f9a-a503-ccad93a2d9bc">Re: Asking permission/blessing to get married</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe this is because I'm old fashioned, but I don't follow the logic of knowing the parents will say yes and therefore not asking. It's still a nice gesture. FI knew I was going to say yes but he still got down on one knee and asked me. To each their own, I just don't get that.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

I couldnt agree more!

kelsey+brandon · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_asking-permissionblessing-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e313d3b0-5c06-4c77-81d5-a41a74b67926Post:fe6fd7b8-3bd4-488a-8058-854a28f75611">Re: Asking permission/blessing to get married</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents are divorced so FI asked both my parents separately. He was genuine in asking my mom, but my dad was more for "I'm asking you too so I don't harcore piss you off" purposes.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

<div>SAME!!!</div>

Ash61612 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_asking-permissionblessing-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:e313d3b0-5c06-4c77-81d5-a41a74b67926Post:ce742425-00bb-4f9a-a503-ccad93a2d9bc">Re: Asking permission/blessing to get married</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe this is because I'm old fashioned, but I don't follow the logic of knowing the parents will say yes and therefore not asking. It's still a nice gesture. FI knew I was going to say yes but he still got down on one knee and asked me. To each their own, I just don't get that.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

agree, I guess I am old fashioned with you

daria24 · March 2012

My FI did not ask my parent permission and I would have been kinda mad if he did. I don't really like the tradition, I'm an adult, I've lived on my own for years, and I certainly don't need my parents blessing or permission. I also think it's sexist, if we did it I would want to ask HIS parents blessing as well.

Fi said that I should be the first person to know that he wants to marry me, not my parents!

DrPB2b13 · March 2012

I love all the stories!

FI did NOT ask my parents. I grew up hearing the story about when my uncle asked my grandparents for their permission and blessings to marry my aunt: they stared at him blankly for a minute and then my grandmother said, "Sure, but we're not the ones who have to say yes."

So, knowing that FI would literally be laughed out of my parent's home if he'd done that, I actually specifically asked him not to. No regrets on it either, their reaction to our engagement was, "Oh, okay. That's nice." and wouldn't have been any different if they'd known beforehand.

littleluckypenny · March 2012

FI told my dad he was planning to propose. So he didn't "ask", per se. That said, FI knew it was important to me that my dad knew before I did because my dad and I are super close. Apparently, FI asked my dad though FB (private message, of course), because my dad has (according to FI) a super thick accent and FI has a very hard time understanding him in person AND even worse on the phone. He felt his only option was through email or something similar.

He showed me the message he sent to my dad, and my dad's response. I truly melted when my dad said FI makes me happy and that makes him happy, and couldn't have picked a better guy for me.

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