kicked out pregnant bridesmaid

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:4d2bb748-dbef-4925-9c80-28fee00e0392">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the first time I've come on here and not wanted to curl up and cry. I think I'll stay! I like you ladies! It's refreshing to see women on here that don't feel entired to alienate and basically run their loved ones lives because of one day! Thanks ladies!
Posted by InATizzy1601[/QUOTE]
No, no, thank YOU. Really.

JloveB · December 2010

if you still would like to be her friend afterwards I guess you can still talk to her but she doesn't deserve a friend..., how very horrible how she treated you. I suggest you tell her you don't want to be in the bridal party since she has already kicked you out and when you come to the wedding come as a regular guest, don't help with hair don't do guest book duty or any other stupid task for her wedding, don't help with anything, it isn't you job as not being a part of the BP to do BP duties.

I find it strange she kicks you out because of your health and being pregnant but she wants you to serve at her wedding like a waiter??? not a true friend and she only cares about how her wedding party looks...

I don't think you should allow her to be the maid of honor in your wedding, keep her in the bridal party as a brides maid but not MOH...and Iyou should tell her it is because youfeel like she doesn't value your friendship and you need a MOH who won't back out at the last minute...if you let her be your MOH she'll probably back out at the last second just like she is kicking you out of her wedding right now.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:4d2bb748-dbef-4925-9c80-28fee00e0392">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the first time I've come on here and not wanted to curl up and cry. I think I'll stay! I like you ladies! It's refreshing to see women on here that don't feel entired to alienate and basically run their loved ones lives because of one day! Thanks ladies!
Posted by InATizzy1601[/QUOTE]

You're a good egg, Tizzy. I'm reading back to some of your posts and suddenly remember you from previous threads. Good priorities =)

SouthernPrairieGirl · December 2010

a former friend of mine did this to me, minus pregnancy. She basiclly attacked me for not being supportive enough. She is no longer my MOH.

She's not your friend if she doesn't want you in her wedding for being pregnant.

jennihaase · December 2010

That is absolutely awful!! Trust me I know because a similar thing happened to me. A friend asked me to be her MOH (and only attendant) in her DESTINATION wedding. After I purchased the $2000 tickets (which I emailed her about immediately so she knew) My hubby and I found out we were pregnant and I would be 5 1/2 mos. at the wedding. A week later she sent me a message telling me she felt like we weren't as close as we used to be and she felt like I was only coming to her wedding to get a vacation. I tried explaining to her that I would not risk flying that late in my pregnancy to a 3rd world country no less, just for a vacay!! Nor would I waste $2000 on a 3 day trip when I have a baby on the way! But she still didn't want me there.
Needless to say I lost out 1/2 the money because I was only able to recieve a refund for the plane tickets...she never offered to pay for my losses and we are no longer friends. I should mention that her actual best friend never even got invited let alone asked to stand up cuz she was already preggo.

SOME WORDS OF WISDOM TO ALL BRIDES: Yes! it is your day...but it's only one day out of the rest of your life so don't alienate people by being bridezilla. Do you really want to be married and have nobody to turn to when your hubby inevitably ticks you off?? And is this really the impression you want to give your new husband...that you will destroy your friends and family just to get what you want?

tidetravel · December 2010

Can we make this a sticky? It's nice to see that complete strangers (ie. not WP regs) see that this is a HORRIBLE thing to do to a friend.

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:8befc121-9a53-4fb9-8083-9f6339353bc8">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]That is absolutely awful!! Trust me I know because a similar thing happened to me. A friend asked me to be her MOH (and only attendant) in her DESTINATION wedding. After I purchased the $2000 tickets (which I emailed her about immediately so she knew) My hubby and I found out we were pregnant and I would be 5 1/2 mos. at the wedding. A week later she sent me a message telling me she felt like we weren't as close as we used to be and she felt like I was only coming to her wedding to get a vacation. I tried explaining to her that I would not risk flying that late in my pregnancy to a 3rd world country no less, just for a vacay!! Nor would I waste $2000 on a 3 day trip when I have a baby on the way! But she still didn't want me there. Needless to say I lost out 1/2 the money because I was only able to recieve a refund for the plane tickets...she never offered to pay for my losses and we are no longer friends. I should mention that her actual best friend never even got invited let alone asked to stand up cuz she was already preggo. SOME WORDS OF WISDOM TO ALL BRIDES: Yes! it is your day...but it's only one day out of the rest of your life so don't alienate people by being bridezilla. Do you really want to be married and have nobody to turn to when your hubby inevitably ticks you off?? And is this really the impression you want to give your new husband...that you will destroy your friends and family just to get what you want?
Posted by jennihaase[/QUOTE]
That's terrible! Some "friend." Please stick around this board and share your perspective. Just about every week some bride posts that her BM is pregnant and should she kick her out and they don't think about the repercussions, or think that people will "just understand" because she's the bride.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:082eba7f-225d-4d28-8e50-727766acc64e">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahahah BSC... I wish I'd have known that about, oh....10 minutes ago. Now, I'm perfectly capable of getting excited over sparkly things in my centerpieces/ ice sculptures, etc but if said sculptures have to come by way of flipping sh*t at a wedding coordinator to fly a redeye to antarctica so she can break me off an iceberg chip... then someone shoot me in the face. Thank God ya'll seem to be the same way.
Posted by SuperBusyBride[/QUOTE]

But that ice is SPECIAL!!! And I'm the Bride with a capital B, dammit!

SuperBusyBride · December 2010

Ah, I forgot. I'm so sorry. It's for THE most important day of my LIFE. And I deserve it, because everyone knows that white dresses and fondant give you super powers and a platinum vagina.

amandamussone · December 2010

Im so sorry! I Saw the head line "kicked out pregnant bridesmaid" and I had to read!!! My sister will be 9months preg. at my wedding, she could possibly have the baby at my wedding! lol but I would NEVER stop her from standing up there with me! Looking at your situation as an outsider I do think that your friend was in the wrong, but I also dont think you should miss her wedding. I wouldn't agree to help her get dressed and do "bridesmaid duties". But that is your friend and you should be there. As far as her being your maid of honor, I wouldn't talk about it until after her wedding, see how things go. Good Luck!

Amanda Mussone

gerhartzWed72995 · December 2010

I would like to say that brides these days are so ridiculous! The sacrament of marriage is not about looks! It is also not about throwing your friends out of your wedding when they are pregnant. I am planning a wedding and two of my bridesmaids (including my MOH are pregnant). They make such flattering bridesmaids dresses now days for the mom to be that look great. What more does your best friend, Mommy to be, need than a day to get pampered and look great. I sure didn't feel very sexy at 7 months pregnant. As far as fainting goes....OH well if it happens it happens. At least it will give you all something to laugh and talk about years to come. My pregnant bridesmaids were fully capable of all the bridesmaid duties as well as throwing me a surprise shower that I found out about and surprised them back! We all have the same circle of friends so with a few more invites and a special cake I surprised them with a baby shower the same day! We all open gifts together and had a great time with friends and family! I do not require that much attention to make it all about me..... A wedding is about having those close to you witness this day with you. See you at your happiest because our girlfriends are usually the ones to see us at our worst. But it is simply a thank you for standing by you all these years to get you to this day! I hold serious grudges so I would not have her as my MOH. Your intentions may be honorable but hers obviously are not! Good luck to you and your new baby!

Manwaithiel · December 2010

Amanda, please get a new account with a different username that doesn't have your full name in it. In conjuction with your location, I just googled and found out way too many things about you that you don't want random strangers finding. You never know what crazies might be out there.

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:e5c50a6e-a08c-4369-8eaf-f0753fc9bf29">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Im so sorry! I Saw the head line "kicked out pregnant bridesmaid" and I had to read!!! My sister will be 9months preg. at my wedding, she could possibly have the baby at my wedding! lol but I would NEVER stop her from standing up there with me! Looking at your situation as an outsider I do think that your friend was in the wrong, but I also dont think you should miss her wedding. I wouldn't agree to help her get dressed and do "bridesmaid duties". But that is your friend and you should be there. As far as her being your maid of honor, I wouldn't talk about it until after her wedding, see how things go. Good Luck!
Posted by amandamussone[/QUOTE]
Great advice, I'm just going to suggest you click the "edit" button below your post and take out your full name. You don't need to have an account to read these boards, and you just want to be safe and secure with your privacy. 99.9% of people who come across this will not have ill intent, but why tempt fate?

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:91446b0b-34e4-4bce-b9a0-7359352cd9f5">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I would like to say that brides these days are so ridiculous! The sacrament of marriage is not about looks! It is also not about throwing your friends out of your wedding when they are pregnant. I am planning a wedding and two of my bridesmaids (including my MOH are pregnant). They make such flattering bridesmaids dresses now days for the mom to be that look great. What more does your best friend, Mommy to be, need than a day to get pampered and look great. I sure didn't feel very sexy at 7 months pregnant. As far as fainting goes....OH well if it happens it happens. At least it will give you all something to laugh and talk about years to come. My pregnant bridesmaids were fully capable of all the bridesmaid duties as well as throwing me a surprise shower that I found out about and surprised them back! We all have the same circle of friends so with a few more invites and a special cake I surprised them with a baby shower the same day! We all open gifts together and had a great time with friends and family! I do not require that much attention to make it all about me..... A wedding is about having those close to you witness this day with you. See you at your happiest because our girlfriends are usually the ones to see us at our worst. But it is simply a thank you for standing by you all these years to get you to this day! I hold serious grudges so I would not have her as my MOH. Your intentions may be honorable but hers obviously are not! Good luck to you and your new baby!
Posted by gerhartzWed72995[/QUOTE]

This is probably the cutest thing I've ever heard of. =D

dianen60609 · December 2010

You are not wrong to feel offended in any way. even if you had gotten pregnant after she asked, she would be wrong to say what she did. I believe you ask someone to be a bridesmaid because they are someone who you love and care about. I would personally skip her wedding and find a true friend to be your MOH. Best Luck to you and the sweet bundle you are carrying.

emilymiller428 · December 2010

I am so glad to see that there were only a couple of crazies that thought kicking out a pregnant BM was acceptable behvior. I was a bridesmaid for a bridezilla, and you know what? I'm not having bridesmaids at my wedding. My sister is standing up as my "best woman," and my fiance's brother is standing up as "best man." My girlfriends are planning a bachelorette party and are thankful that they can come, party, and not spend hundreds of dollard on matchy matchy dresses and hair.

Oh, and if my sis was pregnant (she's married BTW, and I was her MOH) I would pay for whatever replacement dress she wanted. Weddings should be about family, and love, and enjoying the day.

aerinpegadrak · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:800a2457-eeb1-4e53-abb4-cbdfa0102313">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Ah, I forgot. I'm so sorry. It's for THE most important day of my LIFE. And I deserve it, because everyone knows that white dresses and fondant give you super powers and a platinum vagina.
Posted by SuperBusyBride[/QUOTE]
I LOL'ed, literally. It's been a while since I've done that.

I'm also relieved that all the newbs on this thread have been sane. Usually when a bunch of new people come in from the email, it's all "Hunny, it's YOUR day, do whateva u want!" This is wonderfully refreshing.

socialcasualty · December 2010

Hey there,

I didn't read everyone's responses because your post was enough for me to comment. This is the first comment I've ever made since joining, and I wanted to tell you a somewhat similar story that I have been through.

I got a phone call a few weeks ago from one of my bridesmaids. I was in her wedding YEARS ago, and I was almost 400 lbs at that point. She didn't care, she and I were really good friends, and she knew that I was extremely self conscious about my weight (it's been a battle my entire life.) She made sure to pull me aside and tell me that she knows I was self conscious, she wanted me to get a dress I'd feel comfortable in, but that she cared about me more than the world and would be honored to have me in her wedding.

Back to the phone call. She called me a few weeks ago to tell me that she and her husband were thinking of trying to concieve but she wanted to "run it by me" before they started trying because she may be a few months pregnant at my wedding and didn't want to "ruin my photos" if she was pregnant. I told her she was ridiculous, she was one of my best friends, she could be 8 months pregnant with quadruplets, I'd help her pay to get the dress adjusted, and if she showed up in her PJs the day of, I wouldn't care. That is what true friendship is about.

If this "friend" of yours wants you to go through all the motions basically being her "bitch" and not her MOH, while you are PREGNANT and having complications, shows you how much she actually cares about you. For her to come back and say she was hurt, should also give you some insight. She's too embarassed to have you standing next to her as a friend, but isn't embarassed enough to put you to work.

IMHO, cut your losses and get a new friend. This girl seems vain, rude, and just an all around horrible person. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Just remember who was there for you regardless from day one. I've lost a bunch of friends over less, and at the end of the day, it shows you who cares about you, and not only about themselves.

Good luck with your baby, start hitting up the bump, and focus on yourself since that is what this so called friend is doing to you. You sound like someone I'd be great friends with. Focus on your baby and your new life. A wedding is one day, but your baby is forever.

Tara

sarahandmikerelph · December 2010

wow thats mean i would never do anything like that to a MOH or a bridesmaid. thats messed up true friends dont do that to each other

akjohnson · December 2010

This is awful! I can't believe that. I am getting married in May and my best friend called me to say that she could order her regular bridesmaids dress because she was pregnant! She will be 36 weeks when I get married. I was so estatic that I couldn't breath and delighted for her and her hubby. I told her that we would wait to get her dress at the last min so it would fit her properly and that we would change her dress if we needed to so that she could be comfortable. She asked if I was sure if I wanted her up there and I told her I can't imagine doing it without her and she better be up there even if I have to roll her in a wheelchair down the aisle. The point is that friends are friends no matter what. She should be so excited that you would want to share her day with her no matter what you wear, looked like, etc.

trix1223 · December 2010

Holy heavens! I go into a conference and come out to this?

People telling WP that they have to put off TTC until after their wedding? People saying that a pregnant woman is incapable of attending parties? People saying that an expectant mom would ruin their wedding pictures? People saying that their dear friends actually having children is inconsiderate of them and their SPAY-SHUL day?

Good Lord. I hate it when the Knot puts these posts on email and BSC newbs come out.

For those of you, Tizzy, SuperBusyBride, and others that didn't fall into the "IT'S MY DAY DAMMIT AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO REMEMBER THAT!!!!!11!!1!!!", stick around.

The rest of you, (see paragraph 2) need a serious Come to Jesus meeting about your terribly skewed priorities.

GOOFYJO · December 2010

This is absolutely horrible...I am getting married in May and my best friend told me that she was pregnant and I planned my bridesmaid dresses around her. Since then we have found out that her actual due date is the day of my wedding, which is cutting it way too close. I would never have asked her to step out even given this fact. She made that choice which I completely understand. I am excited that we will be celebrating new life together. This is an extra special time for us. I want her to be as involved as she wants to be. We have shared so many precious moments together.

spence413 · December 2010

             Oh my gosh that's awful!! Shame on her!!

             I'm sure you're beautiful pregnant, in my opinion almost all women are. 2 out of 5 of my cousin's bridesmaids were pregnant and they looked great!

             Your friendship and love for each other should be what's most important. I mean really, she's going to be so shallow that she doesn't want you in her wedding just so that all of the girls in her pictures are "skinny"?!?! Oh and by the way wear the same color and do all of the work, just don't expect any credit.

             She's treating you like an emplyee, not a friend. I would ask her to at least pay me for my services! I'm really sorry that you've been treated this way. This woman does not sound like a true friend to me. Friends don't hurt each other like this. Time to find a new M.O.H.

Meggy24781 · December 2010

I wonder if it's not too late to just call Bridezilla's on her. Seriously she KNEW you were pregnant before she asked you to be in the wedding, did she think you'd pop out the kid before her big day?

If she's so worried about you stealing her show with your belly, then she should've asked if you'd mind getting the dress in a different style such as an empire waist and keep the colour the same. She shouldn't've been such a bitch about it then expected you to be the unpaid help. Plus you're paying for her photos?! WTF?

I'd take her stress into consideration and let you both calm down. But if she's going to kvetch about you being pregnant then expect you to schlepp for her during the wedding then I'd say she's out of line and you should reconsider the photographer and the MOH position.

chael_ra · December 2010

This is ridiculous! I cannot believe your "friend" would do that! My MOH is planning on being 5-6mo preggo at my wedding and I'm so happy for her! We had fun picking out a different dress for her so she would feel comfortable being there. I even asked her and made sure she still wanted to be there because she is THAT important to ME. THAT IS WHAT A BRIDE SHOULD DO FOR HER MAIDS!!

Ditch the witch.... you deserve better!! And totally take back the photographer. She doesn't deserve that either!!

mhstrawnshelley · December 2010

I am like many others that have posted and I have to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I am getting married in May myself and just found out that one of my bridesmaids is pregnant and due to weeks after my wedding date. I am of course thrilled for her and I have already changed the dress for all of my girls to accomodate her. She has told me that there is a chance she could have the baby at anytime during that month due to having an at-risk pregnancy. However, she is truly one of my best friends and I did not even think twice about her being in the wedding. I am even clearing out the first row on my side so she can sit down if she needs to. I am with several others that your friend is out of line. I truly hope that your friendship can bounce back from this and that she is able to see how terrible she was with regards to her wedding. I admire you and how you are handling this. I wish you the best of luck with your baby and future hubby! Hang in there!

mkrupar · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:99e4a463-b291-4983-b07a-c4d6d731bd45">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : honestly? yes, i think a good friend WOULD put family planning on hold, as long as the wedding isn't insanely far in advance. I have seen many people post on here that they asked their BMs not to get pregnant, I haven't done anything remotely close to this and yet I am getting trouble for my post? I never asked her not to get pregnant. I would never say that to anyone. However, I DO think it's an unsaid thing, out of courtesy for the friend who has asked you to participate in "the most important day of their life." I guess I see being a BM as one of the most honorable things you could offer a friend. If it isn't important enough to you to be 100% present, than that's your perogitive. For me, that's what I felt my responsibility as a BM was. I know what the original poster said, I guess I should apologize to her for getting off track, we ARE still talking about pregnant BM's though, aren't we?
Posted by caitybug02[/QUOTE]

I can't wait until you're TTC and get asked to be in a wedding. Will you graciously decline becaues you might be pregnant and not be able to get trashed at all of the pre-wedding parties you hold in such high regard. Or will you continue to put off having babies in order to have the "Honor" of being a BM?

And no, it's an unsaid thing that you don't treat your friends like crap and ask them to put their lives on hold for their pretty princess day. You're just digging yourself into a bigger hold and need to stop.

chichieze · December 2010

I don't see the point of trying to clarify what her intentions are when she told you what they were. She think you'll mess up the appearance of her bridal party and take away attention from her. She stated that clearly in her email! She doesn't think she's wrong even after you expressed how hurt you were. Therefore, I see no reason to contemplate whether or not she should still be your maid of honor. You shouldn't waste money and time to go to a wedding where you're good enough to be her assistant but not fit to be her maid of honor. You should not be paying for her photography, and she should not be your maid of honor since she is not being a good friend. Simple.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:24d3be99-0433-4ae3-9a3a-cdfb6322728c">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : Oh she GBCK'd already. Called us a "buncha piranhas".
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

That makes me laugh.

ehlariel · December 2010

DiY, you don't need that kind of friend. I agree with all the previous posters that said you need to re-route those photos to prenatal or baby photos and personally think you shouldn't bother being in it. No good friend should ever ask you to put yourself at risk (with a child no less!) for their wedding. And to the brides who've said "Well, think of it from her perspective, it's her day" remember this: Certainly it's your special day but if you have to put your friends at risk and ruin friendships over ONE day of your life to have it absolutely perfect, maybe you should consider eloping. That way, it will be totally in your control.

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