I've heard of some girls on TK getting another ring or changing their rings when they weren't happy with the one they received during the proposal. I'm curious what people think about this. If your FI gave you a ring you didn't like, would you tell him? Do you think you're justified in getting another?
Re: Ring re-do
I wouldn't tell him. I would feel like a selfish bitch if I told him that it wasn't big enough or not what I wanted. However FI did take me with him to buy my ring. He had went by himself picked it out and then took me to see if I liked it. He knew what style I liked.
If you hate it deal, and then just wear your wedding band after you get married. Its a gift, and not about the ring.
On the other hand, I would hope he knew your taste a little (and he must not if you hate it).
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The way I see it is this: hopefully you've discussed marriage before you actually start planning a wedding, so the proposal isn't TOTALLY out of left field. So I don't think it's unromatic to help pick out a piece of jewelry I'll be wearing for the rest of my life. It did not take away from the surprise of FI's proposal, even though I knew vaguely when it would be and that he had bought the exact ring I wanted and was keeping it in his underwear drawer.
However, I've also heard of grooms getting a stone and having it set after the proposal or getting a soliaire and then picking out a wrap-type wedding ring after the fact, which is cool. But if my FI thought the ring should be a relection of his personality - sorry, no.
So after that novel - if you're extremely unhappy with your ring, I think there are more issues underlying it than just the ring. Because it tells me you and your Fi don't communicate or he doesn't respect your feelings and opinion.
40/112
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The answer is no, he put so much time and effort into getting the right ring and diamond. And it's beautiful.
If you hated your ring, I'd think that money would be better spent on some couch time to figure how why you're sure a raging biitch than a new ring....
We'll just not tell H about this little fact, m'kay?
[QUOTE]Yeah ok I know you're making fun of me. WE.
Posted by amitrenti[/QUOTE]
You're not the only person on TK that hasn't liked the original ring their FI got for them. Don't think so highly of yourself, please. And this is a legit question. WE.
Now, there's also a way of going about it. I wouldn't be like "Eww" I'd would politely explain that the ring isn't my style. And knowing Nick, he wouldn't care anyway. He's not one to get offended by something like that.
[QUOTE]Yeah ok I know you're making fun of me. WE.
Posted by amitrenti[/QUOTE]
Not really. You got me thinking. But I'm legitimately curious. This isn't the first time I had heard of a girl asking for a new ring.
My ex I dated for six years would not have bought me a ring I liked. I asked him to show me a few he thought I would like one time, and he didn't even know what metal I preferred (even though ALL the good jewelry I wear is yellow gold). If he gave me a ring I know I wouldn't like it, and I probably would have said "Thanks, but try again."
My fiance wanted to get me a ring I liked, so we went shopping together. But I actually would have trusted him to get me a ring I loved even if I didn't have a hand in choosing it.
So for me - it depends on the person.
I kinda think if it's meant to be, you'll love the ring - AND he'll get you a ring that you love. It kinda goes hand in hand.
And before I get flamed - remember the girl on Just Engaged who was given a goat ring? Would you veto that or just wear it anyways since he gave it to you from his heart?
Also, I picked cew's a megabitch.
That being said, it would have to be a seriously seriously hideous ring for me to not love it completely. I probably just wouldn't wear it in that case, but I'd keep it simply because he gave it to me when he asked me to marry him. I wouldn't ask for another in any case.
That being said, he asked me what kind of style I liked, what kind of cutting, how I'd prefer the setting etc. Turned out I picked the same things he'd already had in mind, so he didn't even need my help
ETA: I just realized I said "That being said" to start both of my paragraphs. Go me.
I think if someone is in a position where there could be hurt feelings then, if possible, wait until the first anniversary and talk about 'upgrading' it. I suggsted that in a different thread recently, but most of the girls in that thread said you shouldn't hide it from your FI for all the way through engagement and marriage and then tell him, better to get it out of the way now. Not sure how I feel about that, I have some friends who'd definitely misinterpret that as oh the ring is not big enough even if that's not the case, guys want to feel like what they got was the best they could possibly have done and getting rejected can upset that ego.
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40/112
with my imput he got me a ring i adore - maybe it's because of the meaning, but he did great
even if the ring was different then the one i got i probably would still love it and if i didn't i know he tried really hard and i would still wear it for his effort and as a symbol of his love (i know he would have put a lot of effort into this)...
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Luckily, he asked me to send him pics of rings I liked (he didn't want to shop for it together). I figured he'd take the pics to the store and get something similar, but he ended up getting my favorite one.
I think men want their SO's to like their e-rings so even if you don't shop together, at least talk about or show him pics of what you like. I don't think it's fair to expect him to be able to pick out an engagement ring without having an idea of what you like.
But if there are tiny details I'm not a fan of, like the band is a little thicker than I would like, then I probably wouldn't say anything because it seems nitpicky.
Either way I think a lot of these issues could be avoided if people would just talk about what they wanted upfront. I was pretty forward with DH on what I liked. Whenever I would see a friend's ring on FB or something on TV, I would tell him if it was ugly or not. We also went shopping and he was good at taking notes and got me something I really do love.
I do know one person who either had her FI return the ring or did get him to exchange it. It was not at all a style issue. She thought it was way too much for them to spend at the time since they were both young and they either had a baby on the way or their baby was a newborn and they could put that money toward more important things.
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I was looking at e-rings with BF yesterday and asked him what he thought of some (we've been talking rings for a while). He flat out told me he didn't care about them, that the ring itself was about me. He said, "I know what you like." Now, while I think that the guy SHOULD be somewhat interested in the ring, at least I know we've discussed them.
ETA: I've loved every piece of jewelry BF has ever bought for me, so I'm not worried.