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Pre-wedding Parties
stag and doe
Help I am starting to plan our stag ad doe and have no idea what to do. I have only ever been to one and just remember them having a raffle, door prize and toonie toss for a 60 of alcohol. Anyone have any suggestions on things to do.
Thanks in advance
Thanks in advance
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Re: stag and doe
I'm from the GTA and in Ontario it is pretty standard. I've never been to or heard of a wedding where one isn't done. It’s typically seen as a pre-wedding party much like a shower or bachelor(ette) party that the bridal party may choose to do on behalf of the couple.
From what I have seen it is mostly used as reason to have a party. I even had someone at my workplace joke (before I even met my fiance) that I needed to get married so that a stag and doe could be thrown since they enjoy them so much.
That being said, I'm not going to comment on whether its right or wrong or even try to claim that it is standard across Canada. However, based what I've read on here and my experiences it really is a regional thing just as there may be some things that are regional norms to others that would be side-eyed here.
As another Canadian on this site I thought I would give my opinion. I can honestly say I have never heard of a "stag and doe". With the weddings I've attended here in Manitoba the pre-wedding parties include: the bridal shower, bachellor/bachelorette (sorry about spelling) and wedding social. Engagement parties aren't the norm but there are wedding couples who have them.
"Stag & doe" sort of sound like the weddin socials I've been too. A night of raffles, prizes, friends (both good and bad), good food and cheap alcohol.
p.s. Chances are if someone around my area held a pre-wedding party and called it a "Stag and Doe" someone would come around showing off their latest "trophy" from their latest hunting trip
Regionally they are common enough. I live now in Toronto Ontario and NO ONE does them here(never once been invited to one in the city) but when I lived 3 hours out of the city everyone did them.
The theme of the night is to give loads of cash over to the bride and groom. IE admission is charged to get in (anywhere from $5-$20) and you play cash games and drink at a cash bar.
the theme is raising money
if thats not grabby I dont know what is.
[QUOTE]I have a question about it b/c I have mixed thoughts on it. One of my bridesmaids is Canadian, so I first heard of this custom through her after her brother had his. She lives in the US and has her citizenship, got married here, so she didn't do this. My question is: Does everyone in Canada do it? I have never heard of it anywhere else, so my apologies for only asking about Canada. I mean, is it completely standard and expected from almost everyone? On the one hand, I think it's absurd and tacky and rude. But on the other hand, if it truly is something that the masses there do, does that still make it an etiquette breach or just a cultural difference? And since I don't really know much about it, I can't say I'm in either camp yet.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Another Canadian weighing in!</div><div>Everyone in Canada definitely does not do this. It's a regional thing like the dollar dance is in the States. It's not a 'standard' pre-wedding party (like the shower and bachelor/bachelorette) or expected in any way.</div><div>
</div><div>That being said I've attended stag and does before and the ones I've had the most fun at are the ones where the B&G haven't thrown it themselves. The most recent one I attended was unfortunately a bit too blatant with the "we need money" message.
</div>
[QUOTE]FI has gone to 3 or 4 this year, and we weren't even invited to the weddings for 2 of the guys getting marred Are you kidding me????? He actually went, and helped pay, for weddings to which the couple didn't have the decency to invite him??????
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
<div>Yeah, that's pretty screwed up. </div><div>
</div><div>OK, I'm in the against the Stag & Doe camp now. Thank you, Canadians, for weighing in!</div>
The wedding party is often asked to provide food for the party, sell admission (cover) tickets to anyone and everyone, not just wedding guests. In fact, sometimes tickets are sold to people who don't even know the b&g. If you do know the b&g, you are expected to buy admission tickets, whether or not you are able to attend.
The proceeds from the party are intended to help the b & g pay for their wedding. So the $85 that the couple spent at the stag and doe was used to pay for their meal at the wedding. These parties are the epitome of greed.
Edit - spelling
We always tell people that invitations to weddings, showers, etc are not a summons and the same goes for a stag invite. If my FI (and all other guys who get invites to them) did want to go, he (they) wouldn't......but in all honestly, FI gets so excited when he gets invited to them, and yes, he knows full well that the fture couple will profit off of his attendance. I'm not about to order him not to attend one because it's tacky, it's his choice to go, and a choice he seems quite happy with.
I will also add that of all the stags he has been to, he has never shelled out more money than the cost of an admission ticket, and has never been pressured to buy additional raffle tickets or shell out more cash. Not that it excuses the tackiness, but to be honest, the $25 he spends for unlimited food and drink at a stag is a heck of a lot better deal than if he were to just go out with the guys for a non-wedding related guys night out.
Here's the thing-if the guys chip in $25, or whatever, to buy food and drinks for the evening, there is no breach of etiquette. If they sell tickets to a party where there will be additional fundraising, that changes the objective of the party.
Retread - thanks for the laugh. Keep fighting the good fight.
[QUOTE]know very few people that didn't have a social before getting married. And it isn't possible to have a social event without charging your guests to attend it?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
<div>Of course it's possible. People do it everyday. This just isn't one of those times for us.</div>
Everyone has their opinion... Some think they are great, some hate them, and some are on the fence. In the end it is the couples decision and based on where you live, your age, your friends etc. When I got engaged everyone at work kept asking if we were having one because around the GTA in Ontario it is seen as a social gathering.
In my circle of friends we all pitch in for food when we have a gathering at someone's house and bring our own alcohol instead of leaving it up to the hosts. If you were to have a bar night, everyone would pay for their own cover, drinks, food, transportation, hotel, etc. A guest going to a stag and doe is still in the end covering the same costs, just the profit is now going to the Bride and Groom instead of the establishments.
A stag and doe to me, is a fun night that allows you to have a good time with all your friends and family (not just those who are invited to your wedding). Most people cannot afford to invite everyone they would like and therefore this is part of getting married. I enjoy attending them, I always buy ticket to support those I know who are having one even if I cannot make it.
It is common for the wedding party to do all the planning, and run the show the night of. They are expected to put their own money out for the supplies. Some brides and grooms give what they spent back, others don't. I have heard of parents paying for all the alcohol if you are lucky enough to find a hall that will let you do the bar yourself. Some wont even allow outside food. Most are between $10-$20 a ticket, all inclusive styles are more.
Our stag and doe is 2 weeks away. I feel as if money is tight for everyone and I can tell you, so far it has been very expensive to gather everything you need and a lot of work!! But in the end we are the ones profiting from it and therefore almost everything has been done by us - not the wedding party. They are expected to help cook/prepare food, help set up and of course run everything during that night so my fiance and I can enjoy it without the worry. We are looking forward to it, and so is everyone who plans to come.