Snarky Brides

Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot

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Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:49eb303b-325c-4a09-b97c-336bc5fed767">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
    [QUOTE]lol, cew I think you are pretty harsh but also hilarious and I always like your posts so I guess I am just as bad as all the regs ;) also I should say I lurk on E for entertainment (which includes bitchiness) so it's a double-edged sword and my soap box isn't very high.
    Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]

    Ha! Yeah, so you know that regs can be just as mean to other regs... if not more mean! I think it is funny people always think it is a reg vs newbs phenomenon but it is definitely not.
  • Thanks Reddy! I've been trying to temper my asshole-ishness with real actual advice over the past week. Baby steps, ya know?
  • edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:4213dbf0-4bbb-456f-8441-040376baa3ea">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : Nope, clearly it's me.  <strong>I'm a big (blue) meanie.</strong>
    Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

    I love you. Marry me? Oh wait.



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:09d797d0-990e-4e52-96ee-c628d06f1329">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : I love you. Marry me? Oh wait.
    Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

    If you don't tell my H I won't tell yours :)
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:539642b7-344b-4e66-82f9-5cb9df479b1c">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
    [QUOTE] meag, I do agree that there are gems of posts on here that make it hard not to be blunt. but there is a difference between bluntness and bitchiness I guess. I just wish all the newbies would read Mrs B's Ettiquette FAQ's or at least the knot's QandA before posting to save themselves.
    Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]


    If they did this, they probably wouldn't get so much snark.
  • I have been posting here for a while now.  I wouldn't consider myself a newb.  I never got flamed until recently, and I deserved it.  In fact, I knew it was coming.  So, I don't think anyone goes out of their way to be mean to new posters. 

    Yes, I am this blunt IRL.  I wasn't always, but I am now.  I try to answer questions as honestly as possible, which is why I got flamed recently, and knew I would, but I am secure enough that it's okay.  I'm not going to pick up my toys and go home and I am not going to start posting about how mean every one was to me, because they weren't.

    I don't think the knot is that cliquey.  Posters I get in "discussions" with on one topic have no problem with me in another topic.  I think it seems cliquey because so many of the regulars know the etiquette rules and have the same answers.  And because they have been on the board longer, they know each other better. 

     
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  • I think sometimes I have seen things on the boards that made me want to scream "WTF?!" and I know inspired some rude responses.

    Sometimes the trouble is that the what the OP is proposing is so incredibly rude, nutty, or downright weird I think people can barely help themselves. "Is it okay not to invite my Dad's wife?" or "Can I invite some people to the ceremony only, but not the reception?" (that in my opinion is even more scary than the other way around). 

    I mean, it is true that even when you see crazy stuff like that, and even if you are on Snarky it should not end up in a fight between you and the OP where you call her an ignorant bitch or something, BUT using half a brain before you post, helps too.
  • Meag---thanks, I hadn't made that mistake yet ;) BTW, I love the clique thing, I definitely take what a few people say a lot more to heart than others :)
    "It is never to late to become what you might have been..."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:a09547d6-29af-410b-8d41-41a0142a995d">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
    [QUOTE]Meag---thanks, I hadn't made that mistake yet ;) BTW, I love the clique thing, I definitely take what a few people say a lot more to heart than others :)
    Posted by angela72023[/QUOTE]

    Well, that's a new spin on the clique phenomenon. Very interesting!



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    Everytime someone mentions board cliques, I always think of the lunch table scenario from mean girls.

  • YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by beatlesgirl25?
  • edited April 2010
    Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.

    Or is it because you've got a big, LESBIAN crush on me?



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • 1) Telling someone they're being rude is not rude.

    2) Yes, that's the point.

    3) I'm not sure yet. There are some people who I find are hugely stuck in tradition and think something is rude just because it's against the tradition that they know.

    4) That's the big problem, in my eyes -- people thinking "my way is right and therefore I'm justified in tearing a strip off that girl". If you understand that your way of doing things is only one way, you can explain to someone else why you think something is right or wrong. Coming out guns-a-blazing just makes you look like a fool, even if your opinion is valid.
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    I want my pink bedazzled MOH shirt back, I WANT MY PINK SHIRT BACK!
  • Nice. ;)

    That is the ugliest f-ing shirt I've ever seen.

    It's too bad the other girls aren't around... I know they quite enjoy the Mean Girls quoting fun!





    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    They have so much to come back to!
  • Haha, yes. Like a bunch of threads derailed by Mean Girls and video games. I'm sure they'll love it.



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • Sorry I didn't know if I should come by: Half the people in this room are mad at me. The other half only like me because they think I pushed some one in front of a bus.

  • Aw Meg, I knew you'd come through. <3



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • I really suck at mean girl quotes :( It always makes me feel like eating my lunch in the bathroom.

    I do love to say "Boo, you whore" though
  • my breasts can always tell when it's going to rain. well...they can tell when it's raining.
  • 1) Does telling some one they are doing something rude on here = being a bitch to some one? No, people are just too sensitive and don't like to be told that what they're doing is rude.

    2) Is this or is this not part of the point of consulting other brides on wedding ideas? Yes! I've been able to ask a lot of things that I never thought about before I started planning and I've received honest answers that are going to help me prepare for a wedding that isn't rude or tacky. If people don't like being told something, why post it on a public forum??

    3) Is there anything you were told was rude you decided not to do? Or, are you still doing it? I was planning on doing a partial cash bar (liquor would have been cash), putting something about the fact that it was an adult-only wedding, maybe something about the attire. I didn't even have to ask about the invitation things because it turned out that that is very rude, so I wont do it. I asked about the partial cash bar, learned it is not okay, so that is something we've cut out. 

    4) Name one thing, if any, you consider so rude it makes you want to tear your eyeballs out: JOP weddings because their case is different, lying to family about it and getting married a year or two later. This is never okay. Stop asking about it. Stop doing it. You're incredibly selfish if you think it is okay to do this.
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  • Who died and made Emily Post god?  Yes, there are tips, but I agree with someone before - I have yet to see an etiquette rule carved in a stone tablet.  Most of the mistakes that will negatively impact guests (such as tiered receptions) are made by brides who are concerned with what they want personally rather than what their guests would like.  They find inconvenient ways to cut the budget that negatively impacts the guests so that they don't have to give up their super expensive gown or huge cake.

    The best advice I've heard on here is this - think of the guests first!  All those etiquette rules that truly would be taken negatively by the guests (ceremony-only invites, tiered reception, etc.) would work themselves out if people would consider how they would feel if they went to a wedding as a guest and had the same situation.  So yes, these things should be pointed out, and no, that's not bitchy if you do it in a nice, non-attacking way (such as "You know, that would be considered bad manners to do that by many... try doing this instead..." rather than jumping down their throat).

    However, things like cash bars, the garter toss, etc. are definitely regional and family specific.  A cash bar is never good on its own - something (wine/beer) should be offered. Yes, some people might find it weird or even cheap, but if it is normal in that region and people expect it, then it's not a big deal. And each one of us may be an expert on our families and towns and what's normally expected (and even have memorized dear Emily Post) but it doesn't necessarily apply to everyone.  Trust me, I've lived in Asia, Europe, and Latin America - weddings are done VERY differently across cultures.

    And yes, I had something to be snarky about (and I was definitely snarky in my last post) because I have a certain affinity for military brides and their unique challenges because I will be marrying a Marine, and I saw a post a little while back that many regulars flamed because the OP was asking where she should have her reception - because she was in the military, she and her husband had already gotten legally married so that they would not be separated or denied basic benefits that civilians take for granted (phone calls, visits, etc.), but were Catholic and wanted to have a formal ceremony in a church.  She asked for advice on where to have the ceremony and reception for her 'wedding'. She did NOT ask anyone's opinion on whether or not to call the second ceremony a "wedding" but everyone started insulting her and telling her that she made her choice and could not have a re-do - just because she didn't do it exactly the way you did it, doesn't mean she can't call it whatever she wants!  Seriously, will it make any difference to you?  And she didn't ask anyone's opinion.  THAT is what makes me angry - not one poster answered her question, but dozens jumped down her throat.  What she calls her ceremony has no effect on you - the sacrifices she has made for all of our safety and security are far more than you really will understand unless you or your significant other are active duty.  She deserves to have a wedding day, but she was perfectly justified to get married legally beforehand. And let me tell you - there is not a soul in her family or immediate friends that will judge her for calling it a "wedding day" because they can understand the situation.

    So yeah, that's my issue with snarky brides.  I'm super protective of military brides because I understand the unique issues they face, and the pretty princess brides who have no idea the challenges involved have no right to judge her.  It's the first time I saw anyone attacked so viciously for something that was not the direct object of the post, and it made me viciously angry and defensive.
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  • Sorry, I didn't realize someone else had already mentioned the fact that things are regional. :)
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:eeaca2e7-167f-409d-b426-26ce0c968af7">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've found on this board that there are a few people who think the etiquette for weddings is universal, and it's simply not.  Customs for weddings vary so greatly from one geographic area to another, that something considered "tacky" in one area would be accepted (and expected) in another. 
    Posted by laurae84[/QUOTE]


    That's why etiquette exists. Etiquette rules are universal. It's best minded to follow them so that none of your guests will be put upon to see something other than they expect.

    You can do whatever you want, but chances are, someone is going to be taken aback.  Once again, you don't have to follow the rules of etiquette, but improprietous behavior can never be vindicated; geographical excuses need not apply. Just do it but be prepared for a couple of raised eyebrows. Both here and at your wedding.

    How can a few of us think they are universal when we're all from different places? Hmm?
  • Laura, we have said this over and over and over. Just because something is common or is a tradition in a certain circle does NOT make it good etiquette.

    I will give the fact that people are used to things and really truly may not care you are asking them to provide with own liquor. It turns my stomach, but I can not know for sure what your crowd is thinking. I can also see the point of people EXPECTING a dollar dance and getting excited over it. I am not calling you a liar.

    That being said, it is still poor etiquette (and common sense) to throw a party and stick your hand out expecting people to give you things. There is an order to things etiquette wise a la Emily Post and Miss Manners and if you want to throw them out the window then no one can stop you. Just know when you come on a wedding board these are the correct sources people are going to site and no amount of your personal bubble is going to change that.
  • edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:2ce5d664-959e-4213-b3e7-33d805a83965">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
    [QUOTE]Who died and made Emily Post god?  Yes, there are tips, but I agree with someone before - I have yet to see an etiquette rule carved in a stone tablet.  Most of the mistakes that will negatively impact guests (such as tiered receptions) are made by brides who are concerned with what they want personally rather than what their guests would like.  They find inconvenient ways to cut the budget that negatively impacts the guests so that they don't have to give up their super expensive gown or huge cake. The best advice I've heard on here is this - think of the guests first!  All those etiquette rules that truly would be taken negatively by the guests (ceremony-only invites, tiered reception, etc.) would work themselves out if people would consider how they would feel if they went to a wedding as a guest and had the same situation.  So yes, these things should be pointed out, and no, that's not bitchy if you do it in a nice, non-attacking way (such as "You know, that would be considered bad manners to do that by many... try doing this instead..." rather than jumping down their throat). However, things like cash bars, the garter toss, etc. are definitely regional and family specific.  A cash bar is never good on its own - something (wine/beer) should be offered. Yes, some people might find it weird or even cheap, but if it is normal in that region and people expect it, then it's not a big deal. And each one of us may be an expert on our families and towns and what's normally expected (and even have memorized dear Emily Post) but it doesn't necessarily apply to everyone.  Trust me, I've lived in Asia, Europe, and Latin America - weddings are done VERY differently across cultures. And yes, I had something to be snarky about (and I was definitely snarky in my last post) because I have a certain affinity for military brides and their unique challenges because I will be marrying a Marine, and I saw a post a little while back that many regulars flamed because the OP was asking where she should have her reception - because she was in the military, she and her husband had already gotten legally married so that they would not be separated or denied basic benefits that civilians take for granted (phone calls, visits, etc.), but were Catholic and wanted to have a formal ceremony in a church.  She asked for advice on where to have the ceremony and reception for her 'wedding'. She did NOT ask anyone's opinion on whether or not to call the second ceremony a "wedding" but everyone started insulting her and telling her that she made her choice and could not have a re-do - just because she didn't do it exactly the way you did it, doesn't mean she can't call it whatever she wants!  Seriously, will it make any difference to you?  And she didn't ask anyone's opinion.  THAT is what makes me angry - not one poster answered her question, but dozens jumped down her throat.  What she calls her ceremony has no effect on you - the sacrifices she has made for all of our safety and security are far more than you really will understand unless you or your significant other are active duty.  She deserves to have a wedding day, but she was perfectly justified to get married legally beforehand. And let me tell you - there is not a soul in her family or immediate friends that will judge her for calling it a "wedding day" because they can understand the situation. So yeah, that's my issue with snarky brides.  <strong>I'm super protective of military brides because I understand the unique issues they face, and the pretty princess brides who have no idea the challenges involved have no right to judge her.</strong>  It's the first time I saw anyone attacked so viciously for something that was not the direct object of the post, and it made me viciously angry and defensive.
    Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

    From my perspective, this is where you are running into "viciously angry and defensive" territory: You're putting military brides on a pedestal and patronizing and generalizing all other brides. Who are you to speak to the unique challenges of the other brides on here? My father was in the Army for 22 years, so I am quite familiar with the lifestyle and sacrifices involved in military culture. But it doesn't mean that one person's love story is greater or more important than another's, and thus gives them the right to do whatever they want.

    There are women here who have been through ridiculous challenges as well on their trip to the altar, involving health, immigration, family discord, and it is wrong for you to assume that you and your FI are better than them simply because they are not in the military and therefore are "pretty princess brides." This also goes for your implication that they should be treated with kid gloves on this forum because of what they have been through. This is a <em>wedding website</em>. If you come here, weddings, not special circumstances, are the first order of business. So coming here asking for people's time and help and thinking that none of the regular rules will apply to you is just arrogant. So I am sorry you felt you had a bad experience here, and perhaps you should hang out on the military brides board here from now on. It's under "Special Topic Wedding Boards" on the left.



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • It just personally turns my stomach when people cast a broad net and say things like "dollar dances/garter tosses/etc." are "tacky." It could very well be tacky in some areas, but I can definitely say it isn't in my community. People in my part of the world would be more likely to say, "hmm, wonder why there wasn't a dollar dance" than "oh, my! How *tacky*!"
     
    Plus, I don't expect my parents (or us as a couple) to foot the bill so that guests can get plastered drunk (and yes, it would happen here with some guests).  If they want to, they can do it with their own money.  My mom would just assume there not be any alcohol, so it's kind of a compromise.

    I'm sure there are people who think it's "tacky" that the groom/his guys will be wearing boots and jeans, and that I'll be wearing boots with my dress, as well.  Regionalisms. Culture. They're all different.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_polldiscussion-rudenesseffrontery-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d8c74e1-57ec-4645-a619-e9a05a6f6a25Post:44e92f68-48b6-4764-a4ef-d4e8f705c768">Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll/Discussion - Rudeness/Effrontery and The Knot : That's why etiquette exists. Etiquette rules are universal. It's best minded to follow them so that none of your guests will be put upon to see something other than they expect. You can do whatever you want, but chances are, someone is going to be taken aback.  <strong>Once again, you don't have to follow the rules of etiquette, but improprietous behavior can never be vindicated; geographical excuses need not apply. Just do it but be prepared for a couple of raised eyebrows. Both here and at your wedding. How can a few of us think they are universal when we're all from different places? Hmm?
    </strong>Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

    Indeed, also take this into consideration: a lot of large weddings involve guests from different places. So a regional custom that makes some of your guests fine with a dollar dance may make the other guests think you are not just "rude" but downright trashy... "Regional" is a sharp, double edged sword because something that might be considered mearly "rude" according to Emily Post may actually be appalling to guests not from your regional culture. That is not to say your wedding day is all about what other people think because it is not, but just something to think about.
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