FH using money from our wedding account
This is my first time posting here and I think it's an appropriate place to vent about this. Our wedding is in October and we have been scraping everything we can to put into our wedding account since last September. We are already cutting it really close budgetwise with the cash we'll have for pay for everything the day of. Even with knowing this, my FH has taken out $400 in the past 2 weeks for random nonsense that is completely non-wedding related. I am getting very mad at this. He definitely isn't good with money and this was what I was afraid of by getting a joint account. I know we need a joint account since we're getting married but I knew this would happen and need to try to work through it.
Anyone have suggestions for how either 1) I can learn to deal with his minor financial faults (minor being the key word) or 2) let him know that it really effects me to not feel financial secure with him because he does things like this?
Re: FH using money from our wedding account
you can think it's minor all you want, but when you are coming to ask internet strangers for advice, it's not minor.
[QUOTE]This is my first time posting here and I think it's an appropriate place to vent about this. Our wedding is in October and we have been scraping everything we can to put into our wedding account since last September. We are already cutting it really close budgetwise with the cash we'll have for pay for everything the day of. Even with knowing this, my FH has taken out $400 in the past 2 weeks for random nonsense that is completely non-wedding related. I am getting very mad at this. He definitely isn't good with money and this was what I was afraid of by getting a joint account. <strong> I know we need a joint account since we're getting married </strong>but I knew this would happen and need to try to work through it. Anyone have suggestions for how either 1) I can learn to deal with his minor financial faults (minor being the key word) or 2) let him know that it really effects me to not feel financial secure with him because he does things like this?
Posted by bronxgrl[/QUOTE]
You do not need a joint account just because you're getting married. H and I have separate checking and savings accounts as well as a joint savings account.
Any financial situation where he is taking out joint money that was allocated for something else is unacceptable and raises a HUGE red flag. You think this will stop after the wedding? You've got another thing coming.
I have questions:
1) did he lie about it?
2) did he ask you first?
3) if he did ask you first, how did you respond?
I just a friendly gal looking for options.
I don't think $400 is as minor to you guys as you make it out to be.
We actually do have completely separate accounts with our own money to spend however we want. This joint account was opened specifically for our wedding expenses. I make more money than him and have more spending freedom but I also put a lot more than him into the wedding account. It should be said that I don't pay any household expenses, he does, and that's another reason I don't want to get too picky with this issue.
He did ask me before withdrawing money with the promise to pay it back so I didn't mind but a payday has come and gone and it wasn't replaced. That's when I got annoyed. I will definitely be talking to him about it but didn't want to come off as if I'm scolding him.
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If you're concerned about "scolding" him, you are not ready to get married.
Five words: dead hooker in the trunk.
Posted by **O-Face**[/QUOTE]
oface, give yourself a high five, and then turn that hand around and pat yourself on the back. you have come so far.
The first time he asked for money was for a medical bill for his daughter and gas for work because he was short til payday which is absolutely ok. But then came the golf and drinks. That's not ok.
To the poster who said I should be ok with scolding my husband, I will never agree with that. I do not and will not accept either one of us treating each other any less than the adults we are. This is why I want to make sure I speak to him purposefully and peacefully and was asking advice to help me do that. We've been together for 9 years but this is first time we have a joint account. It's new territory so I just want us to tackle it with respect.
And scolding is definitely called for, because children need scolding and he made a childish decision.
Also, thanks hmo.
that's my advice.
Now I see why I don't post things.
Thank you to the people who actually had something constructive to say or ask.
There was no name calling, we asked questions, you gave answers and we moved forward.
[QUOTE]This is my first time posting here and I think it's an appropriate place to vent about this. Our wedding is in October and we have been scraping everything we can to put into our wedding account since last September. We are already cutting it really close budgetwise with the cash we'll have for pay for everything the day of. Even with knowing this, my FH has taken out $400 in the past 2 weeks for random nonsense that is completely non-wedding related. I am getting very mad at this. He definitely isn't good with money and this was what I was afraid of by getting a joint account. I know we need a joint account since we're getting married but I knew this would happen and need to try to work through it. Anyone have suggestions for how either 1) I can learn to deal with his minor financial faults (minor being the key word) or 2) let him know that it really effects me to not feel financial secure with him because he does things like this?
Posted by bronxgrl[/QUOTE]
Don't marry someone who may put you in financial ruin. You will eventually loathe being in the same room with him, become bitter, and angry, and what about future kids? He may say he wouldn't do anything to financially burden you or the kids but if he just HAS TO HAVE the PS4, and an emergency comes up, and there's no $$ in savings, that's exactly what he's doing.
I hope Mama doesn't mind packing a lunch.