Dealbreakers

mmmendi · July 2012

I'm kind of thinking smelly isn't as much of a dealbreaker as a never get a deal to the table kind of thing... I know some things are very important to me, similar faith values, how we want to raise my / our children together, and in the past I wouldn't date anyone that was younger that didn't already have children because I adamently do NOT want to bear any more of my own. I showed a preference for older men with older children (mid teens and up), and would not even discuss dating a smoker. I have a dry almost non-existent sense of humor, but my FI is only a couple years older than I, he is outgoing and SMOKES. I am very close to family of origin, he won't have anything to do with his. My sister is my only serious female friend (working on that) and he has many friends that he considers his family. I guess some of what I thought were dealbreakers, really weren't when I met him.

He is taller. I am not attracted to shorter men, or slender men. Lucky for me, he isn't attracted to slender women!

ArynBaker · July 2012

I almost never go more than 3 days without shaving my legs, including the winter. Mostly because prickly hair bothers me when I'm trying to sleep.

MyUserName1 · July 2012

mmmendi, It is very difficult to read your font. Please to switch back to basic black without italics?

I shave my legs...every 3ish months? And even then, I only shave my shins and knees. I have literally no hair on the backs of my calves, only a bit of fuzz on my thighs and sparse fine hair on my shins and knees, so it just doesn't seem worth the effort, unless it's a very special occasion. Like my wedding. I shaved for that.

angelstar975 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:8f3beaf6-1f48-4610-9365-456c50b4c29d">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I almost never go more than 3 days without shaving my legs, including the winter. Mostly because prickly hair bothers me when I'm trying to sleep.
Posted by ArynBaker[/QUOTE]

This is me too. I can't stand prickly hair anywhere. There are times I've been kinda busy and went 5 days or so and by that time, it's usually so itchy, I can't stand it.

Anysunrise · July 2012

Late but whateves.

- Religious

- Unintelligent and uneducated.

-Most disgusting habits (smoking, chewing, etc)

-Unattractive. Fat, smelly, bad teeth, whathaveyou.

-No sense of humor.

-Homophobic, sexist, racist.

-Doesn't read. Only acceptable if one likes to read, but doesn't have the time.

Megbo2012 · July 2012

MUN1 I shaved for my wedding too, and I had a long dress. I also shave on special occasions, lol but I don't have a specific time when I shave. Just when I feel the need to.

MyUserName1 · July 2012

Any, H doesn't have time to read so he gets books on tape. I love that.

angelstar975 · July 2012

FI bought Breaking Dawn (the last Twilight book) on tape. I can't even tell you how much amusement I got out of that, especially since he generally doesn't read.

Anysunrise · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:08deb955-b73a-4368-a51e-6b33ce933af3">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]Any, H doesn't have time to read so he gets books on tape. I love that.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>Nice. I just can't imagine it'd be the same if I couldn't talk to H about books. It does help that he likes all the same ones I do though.</div>

aragx6 · July 2012

I've been shaving below the knee more often because I'm trying to go to the gym and I hate wearing pants. I'm not much for routines in general. Probably because my mother was such a tomboy that this stuff simply wasn't instilled in me as a young 'un.

mmmendi · July 2012

I shave every evening, it is just part of my downtime and evening routine for myself. I need to be able to converse, so conversation is important to me. I am not sure it has to be intelligent, but certainly close enough to my level to occasionally challenge me, and not leave me always feeling like I didn't contribute.

Not taking up for me would be a dealbreaker. I am pretty certain about that.

ArynBaker · July 2012

Oh, another one for me is double standards. I will say I really like traditional gender roles to a point but my X would complain about the kitchen being dirty when I got home from class/work/internship and talk about how I was lazy because I didn't clean it up. Um hello mutherflucker! You've been home all day, you do it. /rant

ski2play · July 2012

Aryn my Xhusband used to do that. Made me angry, very angry.

MyUserName1 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:f4c4cffe-b828-4ed8-9566-db76e972ae2a">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dealbreakers : Nice. I just can't imagine it'd be the same if I couldn't talk to H about books. It does help that he likes all the same ones I do though.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

<div>I love giving each other things to read and then talking about them. I couldn't be in a relationship that we couldn't or didn't do that. He will even read stuff that he somehow missed as a child if I get outraged enough that he never read it. I just made him read a Wrinkle in Time. </div>

Megbo2012 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:097f160d-3a96-4d67-8878-c4daa14c279e">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, another one for me is double standards. I will say I really like traditional gender roles to a point but my X would complain about the kitchen being dirty when I got home from class/work/internship and talk about how I was lazy because I didn't clean it up. <strong>Um hello mutherflucker! You've been home all day, you do it. /rant</strong>
Posted by ArynBaker[/QUOTE]

<div>This made me seriously lol.</div>

divinemsbee · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:cfab1f30-4358-4157-a24f-037328438f08">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]mmmendi, It is very difficult to read your font. Please to switch back to basic black without italics?<strong> I shave my legs...every 3ish months?</strong> And even then, I only shave my shins and knees. I have literally no hair on the backs of my calves, only a bit of fuzz on my thighs and sparse fine hair on my shins and knees, so it just doesn't seem worth the effort, unless it's a very special occasion. Like my wedding. I shaved for that.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>That sounds about like me. I also don't shave under my arms very often. I'm just lazy and I rarely wear things that are sleeveless or short, so it's no big deal. I keep pretty close tabs on my eyebrows and hair color, though.</div><div>
</div><div>I couldn't be with someone who wasn't political. I'd prefer they swing my way, but involvement in politics on both national and local levels is so important to me. I love real and fictional politics so much (The West Wing is my jam and Political Animals isn't as bad as I thought it might be, and I wish I had HBO to watch Veep). I'm a go to rallies and protests girl, on occasion. I love driving around with FI listening to NPR (it's the only channel we tune to in the car) and talking about what's going on in the world. We share similar world-views on the political spectrum, I tend to be more liberal on certain things, and more into talking about things like "privilege" but we both love talking about it.</div><div>
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specialk84 · July 2012

I do not remember when I last shaved my legs. Maybe two weeks ago?

I usually shave just the knee and below. However, I completely forgot to shave my legs for my wedding.

specialk84 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:744a9239-7b51-49c4-b945-c6fced6fadef">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dealbreakers : That sounds about like me. I also don't shave under my arms very often. I'm just lazy and I rarely wear things that are sleeveless or short, so it's no big deal. I keep pretty close tabs on my eyebrows and hair color, though. <strong>I couldn't be with someone who wasn't political. I'd prefer they swing my way, but involvement in politics on both national and local levels is so important to me. I love real and fictional politics so much (The West Wing is my jam and Political Animals isn't as bad as I thought it might be, and I wish I had HBO to watch Veep). I'm a go to rallies and protests girl, on occasion. I love driving around with FI listening to NPR (it's the only channel we tune to in the car) and talking about what's going on in the world. We share similar world-views on the political spectrum, I tend to be more liberal on certain things, and more into talking about things like "privilege" but we both love talking about it.</strong>
Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]

<div>We talk about NPR over dinner. "What did you learn today?" "Well, Diane Rehm said ____."</div><div>
</div><div>H is slowly drifting leftward, and I've been drifting closer to center. There are some issues, however, where I am super SUPER liberal and completely unwilling to bend.</div>

Kate61487 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:20c6bd21-85d7-40dc-87c3-bacf37705444">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm wondering how much math and science majors (among others) have to read to obtain their degree. They have to take several standard classes for sure but I don't think college grad necessarily means well read. Just like not being a college grad doesn't make you not well read.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty late to this, but trying to catch up. I don't think I had to read one <strong>single</strong> book to get my degree. I could be wrong, and I'm trying to think back if there were any, but I'm pretty sure there weren't....

Don't get me wrong, I love to read, it's one of my hobbies. I just don't think I had even a single required reading assignment in college...

[Deleted User] · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dealbreakers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db81d746-f571-4bb7-b863-49903207fc8fPost:fea6c846-5094-46d1-b648-0e93ef738365">Re: Dealbreakers</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dealbreakers : It's just kind of funny. I wouldn't expect it from them. But I also wouldnt expect this
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
Oh my. There's a robot weiner on that.

SB1512 · July 2012

Smokers. actualy funny story the first time I ever met FI was at a house party and he was smoking a cigarrette. A mutual friend introduced us thinking we'd be a good match. I turned to Daryl after saying Hi to future FI and said "daryl, you know I don't date guys who smoke." I was a little buzzed and didn't realize future FI was still standing right there to which he replied "I didn't ask you out b*tch" and walked away laughing. Umm 3 weeks later we ran into each other at a bar, started talking, went on a date the next evening and now we're engaged! And for the record, he doesn't smoke, he had just been drinking a lot and for whatever reason felt the need for a smoke. But he hasn't touched a cigarrette since we've been together so it was a fluke thing.

emeejeeayen · July 2012

My whole life I had a very long list of must haves, and I have to say that my fiance fits very few of them, but he's everything I need. Ultimately I think we challenge each other to be better people in ways that no one else ever could.

My remaining must haves are:

-must love dogs

-must love kids

-must love to read

-must love to marathon TV and movies

-must love to snuggle

-must be brainy/challenge me

-MUST LOVE EACH OTHER

mizutamababy · July 2012

I couldn't do:

-someone with BO (different from hygiene b/c sometimes this is genetic)
-someone without any personal hygiene
-someone who is horrible at sex and unwilling to get better, or a selfish partner in bed
-someone who is religous enough to look down on me not being religious
-someone who is obese (don't mind some chub, but when it starts affecting your energy and ability to do things outdoors, etc...)
-someone who is a hardcore gamer
-someone who is poor with handling money
-someone who does drugs/smokes/drinks excessively and needs alcohol to have fun

cofkel · July 2012

These are interesting. Some I get but some boggle my mind! Things that are my dealbreakers-
1. Gamers, I just can't do it/I don't get it at all!!
2. Someone who is not well read/doesn't keep up with whats going on in the world, I love a lively debate.
3. Someone who did nto respect how close I am with my family

This I don't get-
1. My fiance has no degree. He did go "away to college" but never finished. Now he owns his own buisness, and makes upwards of 300,000 a year on his own. Smart, well read, amazing buisness person. I work at a University selling the merits of education, with my degrees and make FAR less than him. As long as you are smart and driven I don't care if you have a degree.
2.Tattoos matter to me only if they are in abndance. My fiance has one, I have none, his doesn't bother me in the least.
3. Girl best friend- My fiance's best friend is a girl, she is also married. I LOVE her, and love that they are friends. Sometimes its great to have the female perspective when your man is being a dummy. She gives him great advice and I have never ever been worried that something would go on. HOWEVER if I thought she was after him, that would be a deal breaker.

ETA: By this I really just meant all dealbreaks have exceptions!

Dealbreakers

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