We are having a Maid of honor and a Best Woman at our wedding. My fiance's best friend since grade school is a woman. So she is the best, and only choice for him to be his best man.
Now we have teased her that she has to wear a tux, but honestly, she will be going with me and my MOH to pick out a dress.
Clearly you have lots of support from all of us, and I mysefl have a MOH (Man of Honour!)
It has been intersting through the whole process ( My wedding is in a month) Because he has never been in a wedding party before and had no clue what he needed to do there were some challenges with does he come to the bridal shower or not but he felt very strongly about being a part of everything so we went with it! Some of little old bitties at my shower asked if he was a waiter! But they were cool with it when we told them he was in the Bridal Party. Thankfully both my mom and by Fiances mom were cool with it, I am not sure what I would do if his mom especially was not, but truely it is up to you and it is up to you fiance to set his mother stright about this being your (collectrively) day not hers and she can keep her comments to herself.
The important thing is not about tradition but having what and whom matters to you. My fiance and I are both having one male and one female stand up for us. It just happened to work out that way. A good friend of mine is very adament that her brother stand up for her. She doesn't believe in the whole "have your brother stand up on the groom's side" because they are close and he should be standing up for her. More and more weddings are moving away from the tradtional and many ways. Though you may get heat from your family, remember, it is your wedding and you should be doing it the way you want. Who knows, maybe they will be more supportive than you think. If not, oh well, it is a day that will hold a special place for you for the rest of your life and you don't want to make substitutes just because your family may like it better.
I too am having a "Person of Honor" instead of a Maid/Matron of Honor. My oldest and dearest guy friend. I was in his wedding and on his line also. Actually, in his first marriage I was his Best Person. :-) My fiance is having a groomswoman also.
As a side question: What, if anything, did those of you who had male attendants, have them carry? I mean he's going to have a boutiner and I don't want him to carry a bouquet like the female attendants. I did have to idea of him having some long stem roses and giving one to each of the mothers and grandmothers when he reached the front of the aisle, but I don't know.
Go for it. We are having men and woman on each side of our wedding. My brothers and my best male friend will be on my side and his cousin (woman) will be on his side.. It is your wedding and I think people will like that you stuck to who is most important to you, rather than what the "tradition" is! My family loves what we are doing!
I have bridesmaids and bridesmen - 3 girls and 1 guy. My fiance has 2 girls and 2 guys on his side. I can't imagine restricting my wedding party to just my female friends, or asking him to only ask his guy friends to stand up at the ceremony with him. The girls are all wearing coordinating dresses and the guys will all be wearing coordinating slacks/shirts/ties regardless of what side they're standing on. I think it'll look great in the pictures. If it's what you want to do (it was definitely what I wanted!) then go for it! It'll be great. =D
I am having my adult sons stand up for me. My only dilemma is who holds the bouquet for me during the ceremony?
I have to say, the "groomsmen" are having a field day with this though. Bringing two families together is always challenging but this is putting some levity on the situation. All of the men in Tommy Bahama clothing will look exceptional! And they can wear it again unlike bridesmaids dresses!
I'm having my three brothers stand with me. People look at me funny when I tell them but its your day and those people are important to you. So just do it!
It's your wedding and you have the right to choose ANYONE you feel to stand next to you. Remind her that your attendants are not there to make her feel uncomfortable, but they're there to make you feel more comfortable. You shouldn't be faulted because your closest friends happen to be male.
I am having a bridesman at my side as well! I don't think its as taboo as it used to be since alot of brides are branching out. The only question I keep getting is whether or not he is gay and is going to wear a dress.. lol which he is not.
I can sympathize with you. One of my bridesmaids is MtF, but who has not begun treatment yet. Half my family couldn't care less - he's been one of my best friends for about 8 years now and they love him. The other half of my family, and my fiances family, are a little more conservative....
I can only repeat the same advice you've gotten. Bridesmen aren't all too uncommon, and your attendants should be those who are closest to you - not those who your family dictates should be there.
I was debating the same thing as you and am still up in the air. I like it and have seen the mixed parties at a wedding I went to but I would like to keep the focus on us rather than people talking about the bridal party.
Also my Fiancee mentioned that our wedding will be us merging our two families and friends together and so it would be silly to divide it by who's on your family or who's your friend, rather than him take in my two guy cousins and me take in his sister in law. The two guys I want as bridesmen (my cousins) shouldn't be divided to stand on my side rather than his since essentially we'll all be one big happy family now (whether it be friends or family)...I think you can go both ways. Either way just remember it's all one big happy group of family and friends and it doesn't have to be split from your side to his. I like seeing the two sides merged together rather than my side or your side.
I'm having an issue with this as well. My nephew is my best friend and I already have my 2 sisters and my other best friend (female) standing up there with me, but I would really like my other bestman standing up there on my side. My fiance is only having his 2 best friends standing up there with him. So 2 delimas I have....#1 I will have 4 people on my side and he will only have 2...and #2 my fiance doesn't want to feel obligated to have my nephew at the bachlor party or taking him shopping for attire. (which I did't expect him too, I would have him come too my bachlorette party and I would take him shopping for attire) so if you have any suggestions for me that would be amazing!!!!
My family is a very "traditional" family. And I've got two guys standing at my side, along with two girls, and my fiance has two guys and a girl standing on his side.
I found the most resistence from my traditional family was..."Why not just switch them, so guys and girls are seperate."
I explained that, although we could, we wanted it that way.
And that was the end of the story.
BTW, this is your wedding, not your FMIL's and she can just live with what you choose because YOU'RE the bride.
My best friend is a guy, and my fiance's best friend is a girl. They are like our brother and sister, and on each side, we're close to the other. However. It's only right for my "brother" to stand on my side, and his "sister" to stand on his side. So I will have a Best Man, and he will have a Maid of Honor. We are mostly traditional, so Chad (my brother) will be wearing the normal groomsmen suit, and Ashley (his sister) will be wearing a dress in the color I picked.
Essentially, you shouldn't worry about what other people want for YOUR wedding. It is your day, and you should customize it as you see fit. Worrying about what other people want for your wedding will only hurt you and make you stressed and in the end? You'll end up blowing up. That's not what you want.
I think that it should be your choice of the important people in your life. I'm getting married next month and my son will be standing up for me and my fiance's daughter will be standing up for him. Maybe a little bit different situation but go for it.
I am having two of my best friends, which are men be in my bridal party. I also have three women. I think you should do what you want. I wanted the people I loved most to be in my bridal party and that happened to include two men.
Thats what I am doing, My finacee is having his bros stand on his side and i was going to have their GF stand for bridesmaids ( I don't hang out with alot of girls) But the one GF broke up with him, so i "kicked" both of them out and having my bros stand for me! That way i won't look back in my wedding pics and have to remember who was my bridesmaids or have to explain who they "were". I decided seen as how it's my wedding I would rather have family by my side because i will know that they will always be there! That and seen as how they are my bros they can "put up" with me better!
For my wedding I am having my best girl friends and my fiancé's best girl friends as bridesmaids and my fiancé is having my best guy friends/my brother and his best guy friends as groomsmen.
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One of my friends had a "groom's maid" and his wife had a "bride's man." It wasn't weird at all - but it was nice that the sides were still symmetrical, i.e. he had 3 guys and 1 girl and she had 3 girls and 1 guy.
I think you should GO FOR IT!!! I'm in the same position.. I'm the only girl with 2 brothers and cousin who is just like a brother to me.. My family would be all for it, so thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy!!!!
Don't worry what anyone else says! In the end, it's your day and I'm sure your friends and family would rather you be up there with whoever means the most to you. And if you'd rather it be a few of your closest guys over some girls you don't want..
I'm having a few guys on my side and he is having a few girls on his! Do whatever you want, in the end it's up to you. My mom said she still regrets letting her in-laws boss her around about her wedding, and that was twenty-five years ago! Do what you feel is right
I am getting married in November, 79 days away! I have a 15 year old son, and he has a 16 year old son. His son is standing up for him,and my son for me. The two most important people in our lives. I can't wait!
I have seen an all male attendant wedding, as well as mixed. I see no problem with it, however I would be concerned regarding the look you are going for. For the all groomsmen and bridesmen wedding I went to, there was a serious lack of color and style because there were men in black and men in brown tux, and the bride in a white and brown dress, but nothing to really spice things up. it was too monotonous. It made me realize how much bridesmaids can add to the look of a wedding.
With that said, I would suggest a mix would be better and would add to your color theme and dress up that line up a little bit.
You should pick who you feel matters most. I just want you to think also about how it can take away from the aesthetics. There's not as much to look at when a bunch of men walk down the aisle in a tux, whereas women in dresses is visually appealing and different, bringing more drama.
Also--good job with not telling anyone theyr'e in the party yet. That's a HUGE mistake a lot of brides run into--telling people when it's too soon! You have your head on straight!
And as for the FMIL--I would value your future Hubby's opinion with greater care than anyone's.
We are having 5 Honor Attendants, 2 men and 3 women. Well, 2 of the women are our children But we call them Honor Attendants because they are honoring us by standing with us. And my wedding is further away than yours! Yay us for planning ahead! Best of luck to you and congratulations!
You are the bride and can do whatever you want! That's what I keep being told... and I am SO glad I'm not the only one having a male attendant on my side. I have a "Man of Honor" and couldn't be happier. He's one of my best friends and I wouldn't have it any other way. As far as the FMIL goes, it's YOUR wedding, not hers. Make it special for you.
I say go for it. One of my best friends is a guy, and we have him as a groomsman. I wanted him to be part of the wedding, and he refused to wear a dress....so....we have him as a groomsman. Anything goes in this day and age. Good luck!
Re: Having Groomsmen Instead of Bridesmaids?
It has been intersting through the whole process ( My wedding is in a month) Because he has never been in a wedding party before and had no clue what he needed to do there were some challenges with does he come to the bridal shower or not but he felt very strongly about being a part of everything so we went with it!
Some of little old bitties at my shower asked if he was a waiter! But they were cool with it when we told them he was in the Bridal Party. Thankfully both my mom and by Fiances mom were cool with it, I am not sure what I would do if his mom especially was not, but truely it is up to you and it is up to you fiance to set his mother stright about this being your (collectrively) day not hers and she can keep her comments to herself.
The important thing is not about tradition but having what and whom matters to you. My fiance and I are both having one male and one female stand up for us. It just happened to work out that way. A good friend of mine is very adament that her brother stand up for her. She doesn't believe in the whole "have your brother stand up on the groom's side" because they are close and he should be standing up for her. More and more weddings are moving away from the tradtional and many ways. Though you may get heat from your family, remember, it is your wedding and you should be doing it the way you want. Who knows, maybe they will be more supportive than you think. If not, oh well, it is a day that will hold a special place for you for the rest of your life and you don't want to make substitutes just because your family may like it better.
As a side question: What, if anything, did those of you who had male attendants, have them carry? I mean he's going to have a boutiner and I don't want him to carry a bouquet like the female attendants. I did have to idea of him having some long stem roses and giving one to each of the mothers and grandmothers when he reached the front of the aisle, but I don't know.
I can only repeat the same advice you've gotten. Bridesmen aren't all too uncommon, and your attendants should be those who are closest to you - not those who your family dictates should be there.
Also my Fiancee mentioned that our wedding will be us merging our two families and friends together and so it would be silly to divide it by who's on your family or who's your friend, rather than him take in my two guy cousins and me take in his sister in law. The two guys I want as bridesmen (my cousins) shouldn't be divided to stand on my side rather than his since essentially we'll all be one big happy family now (whether it be friends or family)...I think you can go both ways. Either way just remember it's all one big happy group of family and friends and it doesn't have to be split from your side to his. I like seeing the two sides merged together rather than my side or your side.
I found the most resistence from my traditional family was..."Why not just switch them, so guys and girls are seperate."
I explained that, although we could, we wanted it that way.
And that was the end of the story.
BTW, this is your wedding, not your FMIL's and she can just live with what you choose because YOU'RE the bride.
But it's up to you, whatever makes you happiest!
I think you should GO FOR IT!!! I'm in the same position.. I'm the only girl with 2 brothers and cousin who is just like a brother to me.. My family would be all for it, so thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy!!!!
Don't worry what anyone else says! In the end, it's your day and I'm sure your friends and family would rather you be up there with whoever means the most to you. And if you'd rather it be a few of your closest guys over some girls you don't want..
Good luck!
With that said, I would suggest a mix would be better and would add to your color theme and dress up that line up a little bit.
You should pick who you feel matters most. I just want you to think also about how it can take away from the aesthetics. There's not as much to look at when a bunch of men walk down the aisle in a tux, whereas women in dresses is visually appealing and different, bringing more drama.
Also--good job with not telling anyone theyr'e in the party yet. That's a HUGE mistake a lot of brides run into--telling people when it's too soon! You have your head on straight!
And as for the FMIL--I would value your future Hubby's opinion with greater care than anyone's.
Congratulations!
You are the bride and can do whatever you want! That's what I keep being told... and I am SO glad I'm not the only one having a male attendant on my side. I have a "Man of Honor" and couldn't be happier. He's one of my best friends and I wouldn't have it any other way.
As far as the FMIL goes, it's YOUR wedding, not hers. Make it special for you.
Congrats and good luck with your planning!